am i incapable of falling in love? they say those who have been extremely damaged are the least likely to fall in love i mean it makes sense, all of us damaged ones have never been shown what love was our version of love is being treated like a dog, constantly begging for love
when i found you it was a different type of feeling part of me knew i'd end up with you though we've had our bumps but i've learned plenty on this journey about you and me we've definitely had to build on each other but we've come a long way
oh how i wish it were you all along i strongly believe it's the timing of it all if it was you since the beginning i'm 99% sure falling in love wouldn't be so hard but unfortunately i had to be damaged a million times before meeting you
they always say the hardest relationship is the one after the toxic one for so long i've been used to abuse and emotional manipulation, that now i find myself getting bored when i'm not on that crazy rollercoaster ride, begging for love
but i'm happy i've met you i just wish it was earlier if only.
in order to fall in love, do i need to feel butterflies or that burning sensation in my chest? to feel like i can never get tired of this person no matter what? to feel constantly like i'm on cloud 9 when im with you?
oh how i yearn to be madly in love with you i know love cannot be forced though, and the more i try the more it strays away are we not meant to be or is this a different type of love than im used to?
it used to be easy for me to fall but time went on and life changed, experienced changed me i once felt that spark with someone else so it's hard not to compare but one thing i know for certain is that you make me feel safer than anyone else on this planet can
i would do absolutely anything for you, just to see you happy there's so much i like about you so just because you don't give me that feeling, does that mean i will never fall in love with you?
they say there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone it would be sad to think that i can never fall in love with you but oh how i long for it so much, i just want us to be happy
but in the end, if it cannot be found i will have to let you go it will break me and change me forever, but i want you happy that's all i ever wanted just for you to be happy
so what is love ? is it about the spark? the feeling? or is it more of a choice?
A hollow vase forged and crafted to function as a keeper God only knows what was to be placed in the vessel Made from dust and was molded by love A perfect container to be filled with knowledge
At first a perfect family was imbued inside the vessel Followed by lessons only a prodigy could handle Slowly it was infused by different lessons from diverse people The vessel was happy it was being filled finally fulfilling its purpose
Up until it was filled with waste and trash The perfect family was emptied and was replaced by a broken one Lessons from diverse people was slowly thrown away The vessel that was once filled happiness was replaced by sadness
Continuously shattered throughout the years now full of cuts on his wrists and a barely functioning heart It could only imagine what he had once a perfect idea of what he could've been if he only was a tad bit stronger
what was once promised to be kept on the top shelf for safekeeping as he was the most valuable was now hidden for it had become a broken and shattered vessel hidden from everyone
It yearns for a purpose everyday, watching other vessels be filled up with knowledge he dreamed for while he laid there being filled with trauma the now cuts on the vessel were displayed as it was full of them the owner could barely keep it intact but the vessel knew otherwise
It was close to breaking it was filled with knowledge and lessons from its past memories that were supposed to be happy were replaced by haunting experiences It could barely hang on it was filled to the brim by waste but it felt empty a new line was made on the shattered vessel everyday as if it was a cut to display its pain
being filled was its purpose but was the haunting memories enough for him the horrible wisdom it has learn throughout the years it all built up until he couldn't take it and he shattered
everyone was heartbroken about the vessel full of what-ifs and promises they made to the vessel regret filled the cabinet where it was once stored everyone mourned at the finale but no one helped during the ******
i knew deep down that the person in the picture wasn't really you but in my fantasy you were everything i had ever wanted
but oh how i miss being held in your arms in distressful times such as these, i find myself wanting to run to you
to feel your embrace to feel your presence to have the warmth of your cheeks pressed against my mine when you ran your hand through my hair, reassuring me that everything would be okay in the end but it wasn't.
i quickly remind myself who you really were in the end the disappointment still consumes me
do you still think about me? does your heart still ask about me the way mine asks about you? i wonder if any of our moments together ever cross your mind. or if you even cared to lose me. maybe you moved on, maybe you're with someone else by now. who knows.
preparing months for an exam for a number that supposedly determines your worth ******* up to teachers, people you don't even like just for them to hopefully write a few commendable words about you
all for the hopes of being deemed "acceptable" to some supposed authority for a place that will decide what you'll be doing for the rest of your life making these drastic decisions at the age of 18 when not too long ago you were just picking out your prom dress
listing down any type of hobby or recreation you have to make yourself seem a little more unique since the competitiveness between you and your peers is sharper than a knife who will make the final cut in the end and be deemed worthy?
that's all we do. that's all we've been doing for years as a society.
if only you knew all the nights i spent hating myself for thinking of him while i was with you if only you knew i barely ate for days because i couldn't understand why i felt empty every time we kissed if only you knew the endless apology letters i had written because i couldn't forgive myself for hurting you until this day, i still can't
how could you think i never cared how could you think i never tried how could you think i purposely had ill intentions how could you think of me this way, when all i ever did was **** myself for you but a million "i'm sorry's" will never repair the damage i've caused
i'm sorry jason. i tried so hard to feel for you the way that you did but for some reason it just wouldn't happen. it hurts that i became him, and that i did to you what he did to me. i never meant to hurt you and if i could take it back i would.
my feet touched the bottom of the ocean, i felt the cool sand tickle my toes swim as fast as you can flailing my arms and legs and quickly as possible, in hopes to make it in time swim as fast as you can the air inside my lungs is crushing me swim as fast as you can there's still a few more feet to go, although the water escapes into every hole of my body swim as fast as you can falling back down, there's no energy left to get back up swim as fast as you can suspended amidst the deep blue, unable to move my limbs just try to swim thinking about them and their damage, causing lacerating pains in my heart i give up
what's the point if the whole world is against you