A hollow vase forged and crafted to function as a keeper God only knows what was to be placed in the vessel Made from dust and was molded by love A perfect container to be filled with knowledge
At first a perfect family was imbued inside the vessel Followed by lessons only a prodigy could handle Slowly it was infused by different lessons from diverse people The vessel was happy it was being filled finally fulfilling its purpose
Up until it was filled with waste and trash The perfect family was emptied and was replaced by a broken one Lessons from diverse people was slowly thrown away The vessel that was once filled happiness was replaced by sadness
Continuously shattered throughout the years now full of cuts on his wrists and a barely functioning heart It could only imagine what he had once a perfect idea of what he could've been if he only was a tad bit stronger
what was once promised to be kept on the top shelf for safekeeping as he was the most valuable was now hidden for it had become a broken and shattered vessel hidden from everyone
It yearns for a purpose everyday, watching other vessels be filled up with knowledge he dreamed for while he laid there being filled with trauma the now cuts on the vessel were displayed as it was full of them the owner could barely keep it intact but the vessel knew otherwise
It was close to breaking it was filled with knowledge and lessons from its past memories that were supposed to be happy were replaced by haunting experiences It could barely hang on it was filled to the brim by waste but it felt empty a new line was made on the shattered vessel everyday as if it was a cut to display its pain
being filled was its purpose but was the haunting memories enough for him the horrible wisdom it has learn throughout the years it all built up until he couldn't take it and he shattered
everyone was heartbroken about the vessel full of what-ifs and promises they made to the vessel regret filled the cabinet where it was once stored everyone mourned at the finale but no one helped during the ******
i knew deep down that the person in the picture wasn't really you but in my fantasy you were everything i had ever wanted
but oh how i miss being held in your arms in distressful times such as these, i find myself wanting to run to you
to feel your embrace to feel your presence to have the warmth of your cheeks pressed against my mine when you ran your hand through my hair, reassuring me that everything would be okay in the end but it wasn't.
i quickly remind myself who you really were in the end the disappointment still consumes me
do you still think about me? does your heart still ask about me the way mine asks about you? i wonder if any of our moments together ever cross your mind. or if you even cared to lose me. maybe you moved on, maybe you're with someone else by now. who knows.
the immaturity is what mainly drove me away but oh my love when you held me in your arms while caressing my face, us embracing our sheer vulnerability, i didn't care about who you were
isn't it odd that i feel more comfortable in a bed with you rather than out on a date, talking like normal people? in those short, intimate moments with you though you seemed sweeter than honey - oh how i was proven otherwise.
preparing months for an exam for a number that supposedly determines your worth ******* up to teachers, people you don't even like just for them to hopefully write a few commendable words about you
all for the hopes of being deemed "acceptable" to some supposed authority for a place that will decide what you'll be doing for the rest of your life making these drastic decisions at the age of 18 when not too long ago you were just picking out your prom dress
listing down any type of hobby or recreation you have to make yourself seem a little more unique since the competitiveness between you and your peers is sharper than a knife who will make the final cut in the end and be deemed worthy?
that's all we do. that's all we've been doing for years as a society.
if only you knew all the nights i spent hating myself for thinking of him while i was with you if only you knew i barely ate for days because i couldn't understand why i felt empty every time we kissed if only you knew the endless apology letters i had written because i couldn't forgive myself for hurting you until this day, i still can't
how could you think i never cared how could you think i never tried how could you think i purposely had ill intentions how could you think of me this way, when all i ever did was **** myself for you but a million "i'm sorry's" will never repair the damage i've caused
i'm sorry jason. i tried so hard to feel for you the way that you did but for some reason it just wouldn't happen. it hurts that i became him, and that i did to you what he did to me. i never meant to hurt you and if i could take it back i would.
my feet touched the bottom of the ocean, i felt the cool sand tickle my toes swim as fast as you can flailing my arms and legs and quickly as possible, in hopes to make it in time swim as fast as you can the air inside my lungs is crushing me swim as fast as you can there's still a few more feet to go, although the water escapes into every hole of my body swim as fast as you can falling back down, there's no energy left to get back up swim as fast as you can suspended amidst the deep blue, unable to move my limbs just try to swim thinking about them and their damage, causing lacerating pains in my heart i give up
what's the point if the whole world is against you
her lost gem, she couldn't seem to find it for months it was a rare one, expensive too she treasured it most until suddenly it was not in the pockets of her jeans anymore the next day
she lost her mind trying to look for it searching all over her house even in public places she frequently visited but it was no where to be found
it was only until months later she saw it again but with someone else the gem was no longer hers and her self loathe grew even more
"how could i be so irresponsible" is what she thought "if i could go back to the night before i lost it and made sure it was there this would never have happened" everyday from there on, she wished she could go back in time
she wishes the one who took it would lose it, so somehow it could come back to her maybe she would find the gem laying around by her house again she constantly got her hopes up every time she would see a gem but it was not the same one, it was simply a clone
whenever she'd take a closer look at the gem's look-a-likes, she realized it was only an illusion they didn't have the same shimmer as the real one they didn't feel the same the edges were rough and they weren't even real, they would break apart
she misses her gem, and she knew nothing else would compare to it
nothing feels the same as the one thing that made you truly happy
i leave behind residue in beds i am grimy and saturated from dirt my muddy footsteps follow you into the bathroom and i smudge the mirror with my fingers, crusted and cracked from the heat
i follow the shadow of the sun and trail their streaks of death it drips down my thighs and stains your carpets i am vermin i am disease i am death and decay my stench sullies the walls and my greasy hair sours your stomach you pinch your nose as i pass by and i cannot find it in me to blame you. i would too.