Growing up
means realizing
that sometimes
you hurt others
unintentionally
in an attempt
to save yourself
from that first

Happy one year anniversary
to my scars,
to my once wounded heart,
to my healing soul,
to all the little-broken memories
that I still stumble upon till this day.

my mind has declared
war against me as it  
wanders to places
and times
that make me unable
to sleep before daylight
enters the premise,
and as long as the
thoughts triggered
won’t make a peace
investment in me,
i am forever
incarcerated.

my body
misses you
more than it can handle
the pain of the withdrawal.

Isn't it weird how one bad comment can overcome several good comments?
Isn't it weird that it's easier to feel bad about yourself than feeling good about yourself?
Isn't it weird how evil can be acomplished faster than the good?
Isnt it weird that we live in such an intricate world, where the negativity always outcomes the positivity, because no good is left, when the bad often lets you down.

Alike charges repel, opposite charges attract. This was our philosophy  in dealing with the atoms in our world. But what about our world? How come all the positivity and the negativity in the world in all of their different forms,  , as they cancel each other, get the world cancelled along?

three little kids
spend every friday
after school together,
make fashion runways
out of eachother’s
building halls,
went from going
on field trips together
to each discovering life
in separate ways,
one grew more popular,
one grew more reliant
and one more in peace
with her surroundings,
how can it be that
they learn to accept
that bodies grow and
distances increase
but not that hearts change?

you trap me
in-between your arms,

telling me all about a secret
you have buried
underneath your tongue
for months now,

but kindness
is the only part
of me that manages
to escape from your grip.

I am my //thoughts at 3 am // broken and shattered // within the silence // my mouth is shut // there is nothing to indulge // not even the air particles // It hurts so much // to feel // to sense // to even be human // to be me // actually.

I just want to // go home // but // I don't know // if it even ever // existed // I just want to get away from people // I hate // the temporariness // it 's wrapped around my neck // like a string // more like a rope // for // every tear that falls // from my eyes // my neck // my chest //my heart // my feelings  // burned relentlessly.

I want // to drive // I want // to breathe // I want to go // on a road trip // to the furthest destination // to a beach // with the darkest sky // the lightest shade //  turquoise sea // the brightest stars // to fulfill the night // I want to lay // on the beach // pretend // the sand in my life // didn't bury me // I didn't suffocate // I wanted to lay // there for so long // that I would // forget I exist // similar to // the way // I ignore my feelings // for so long// just so that I forget // how to feel.

Sometimes // I wonder why // wouldn't the stars // just fall in my arms // the future // the unknown //
I'm afraid // of drowning // once those feelings // become // too heavy.

everything is labeled // life is // like a side effect // slowly // killing me// I want to // seize many moments // replay them // I want to forget // and forget // just forget //  I am human // that // I once existed // leave no trace behind // disappear into the atmosphere //

I want // impossibilities // to turn // into realities // those thoughts // the scene of them // it could make // everyone // flee // I love to make them wonder // how long those lived // wandering // in my head // how I became // a prisoner in my own mind  // with my own will // I cant // flee // from the human // I am destined to be // I can // never have enough // wanting so much.

we all linger
for that something
or that someone
to start up a fire
within,
in attempt
to feel alive
on the inside.

I gave something to you
that belonged to me,
but most importantly
I gave something to you
that I should have wanted for me.

am I the love of your life
or am I one that qualifies
for your love in this life?

I was prepared for the classic
shoulder devil and angel
pulling me in different directions,
but nobody prepared me for
a guardian angel act from a devious devil,
pulling me into something I didn't sign up for.

"Write me a poem, Write me a poem" he said.
And this boy and those words never left my head.
Where do I start , where do I end.
Do I begin with my feelings or do i begin with his.
Do I write about his pure soul or do I write about his words.
As every hello he greets, down came the night,
And **** I wish it never comes to an end.
No matter the trouble, this boy is in depth,
A poem that's always in my head.

when the possibilities become infinite,
so are the lessons that come along,
every experience suddenly has more to it,
boundaries have a different meaning,
you get to dip your finger into the unknown,
taste it, heck even jump in it,
and once you settle back home,
your mind wanders to all the places
whose background you perfectly merged into,
you can shut the thoughts out,
but you can't build a wall,
the blinds are always open,
nothing is definite.

It takes a year,
for the pain to leave my veins,
for the memories of you to fade,
for the cuts in my soul to heal,
for the rhythm of my heart to change when I’m around you,
to forget your touch on my mind,
to forgive the universe for meeting you,
to live life like you and me had never happened.

we put all of our troubles away
the same way snow lies on the side of the  roads,
we neglect our needs and wants
the same way a tree lets down it’s leave after autumn,
we convince ourselves that it’s too late
the same way when we slip on black ice.

You were no sunshine
in a golden hour,
but you did blind me
from every golden thing

hold onto
my pain
even if you
cause it,

comfort me
just as you
hurt me,

that's the bare
minimum I will fall for

you make me feel beautiful
in three ways;

one - by calling me beautiful,
two - by looking at me with such
loving eyes,
and most importantly,
three - by being with you

you love me
like I loved him,
and he loved me
... never.

be safe my love,
treat the roads
as if you were to
caress my skin,
inhale the air
as if you were
to breathe for me,
remember to stay
warm as if we
were hugging on
a December day,
appreciate every
moment as if
you were to
lose me today.

Little did I know
that you are
the rainbow
at the end
of every
single
storm.

when you
conceal
and not tell
the whole truth,

you leave me
in a position
where I can
forget,
but can't forgive.

there he is,
25 years young,

there he is,
a dreamer,
an achiever,
big man,

there he is,
making life work
extra hard
to challenge him,

there he is,
entering my heart
as if it's a kingdom,
like the king he is,

there he is,
teaching me new ways
to be inspired,
to grow,
to love,
to be,

there he is,
with his warm presence,
his pure smile,
his kind eyes,

all I want,
need,
and see,

my home.

blessings
have such a
weird disguise,
it’s almost like
if i were to describe
the heart residing
in that cold body of yours.

It's funny when 4 walls start to feel like 6

I bought myself a pair of wings
and convinced myself that I was now able to fly,
so I jumped off the tallest limit I've had set
in the first couple of seconds,
I felt free, in control and weightless
but then the weight of reality fell on me
and I was left on the ground
with a broken mind.

What is the moral
behind cancer that
is not even identifiable,
a crime yet to be startled
by another failure,
when you pray for the
pain to go away,
but then the blood is shed
out of your skin in silence,
I think something inside of me
exploded,
No I didn't feel it,
but the traces don't lie,
I'm dying.

you taught me
how much love
truly resides in me,
how capable I am,
of loving, being loved,

but you also
reminded me,
of why I had
built walls around
my heart so high,
that even I couldn't
get a peak.

I don't know what is easier,
staying in a burning house,
or watching it burn.

the days stay
the moments don’t

Accept change
with open arms,
I promise you
that the road is
not that bumpy
and that you
will be just alright

Don't be afraid of changing,
sometimes the best breaks are taken in the middle of the road,
they can spontaneous and unplanned, but quite needed.

the feeling of
uncertainty
creeping up
my spine
makes my
head twirl
in an attempt
to keep all
my thoughts
in place.

I have come to realize that the hardest thing
to do is not picking out an option from two that
are very similar in nature, but rather putting myself first.

My feelings are as delicate as smoke,
they too shatter like ash does.

My thoughts take me away,
and then they disappear,
back in the atmosphere of my mind.

I loved you

through the bitter

and you loved me

through the sweet

What is so bad about reality, conversations and confrontations?
Why can't you ever seem to mix these together?
How am I supposed to know what is so good about us,
if I can't even find the truth, the words and your heart?

there has
never been
this much doubt
running through my mind,
i’m so used to
your hands against mine,
yet i’m so scared
to let you touch me
in ways i’ve never experienced,
but i’m also terrified
by the mere thought
of letting you go.

i don’t know
how to
embrace
these feelings
that have
knocked
down my
walls,
invading
my privacy
and the
most important
territory;
my heart

whenever this feeling
of uneasiness visits my skin,
i convince the goosebumps
that im just overthinking,
that im not in danger,
that they only show
because warmth is
a foreigner wandering
the premise of my heart,
but when I consult
my heart,
it tells me that this
warmth brings
back memories
of when it
was stone cold,
a feeling that is
now unbearable
to even imagine.

uninvited,
the tears stroll down my cheeks,

unintended,
the words come out all wrong,

underrated,
as your perspective of me isn’t my reality,

under construction,
is the fight against my tears,

understand,
that there is strength in vulnerability,

unravel,
your tears from their cells
and let go of the custody of pain.

never felt shame
travel up my spine
up until we shared
a secret and no longer
shared love for each other.

i love you so ******* much. so ******* much.

what the **** was i doing loving someone else more? what the **** was i thinking?

I am sorry I let someone touch
the outline of your lips,

I am sorry I let someone trace the
goosebumps on your arms,

I am sorry I let someone whisper
poetry to your ears,

I am sorry I let someone
break your wings.

So many times,
I’ve tried telling you
that I love you and that I care for you,

I need you to know that I see your intentions,
that you are indeed trying,

He does not see you for who you are,
she can not see you for who you are,
they would not see you for who you are,
if you do not acknowledge who you are,

dear self,
care for your soul, it’s been homeless too many times,
sing to your heart, it’s been homesick for some beats,
make peace with your mind, it’s the only home for your thoughts,
thoughts like this,
that have not been cared for at all
and not once filled with some love.

Stop chasing me,
I see you watching me when I'm waiting at the bus stop,
I feel your presence when I'm preparing my 1 sugar 2 cream coffee,
I know you're with me when I'm counting sheep as I'm falling asleep,
you're there in my nightmares,
your reality is the maze I am trying to escape from.

i'm here,
saying all the things you don't have the guts to say,
here i am,
facing the elephant in the room,
setting it free,
it's about time for a goodbye to be made,
even if you are trying to avoid one.

You speak,
but I don't recognize the words,
at this moment,
I don't even recognize my existence,

My mind is somewhere between the
waves of the ocean,
playing between the grains of sand,
swirling like the princess it is,

a princess that will
trap you with her offer of kindness,
******* over and over again.

If you were a river,
I should never be your friend,
because you're not a river,
you're just an ocean that likes to pretend.