The everything that I am
has a special space reserved for the happiest moments
When I am in that space, being happy, being myself - and
When you are in your space, being happy, being free, being beautiful

My inner creative spark finds yours
We can create such beautiful things, you and I
When we are both within ourselves and eachother
We are one
We are happy
We are free
We are divine

Namaste

thoughts dripping -plink, plink-
coagulating into a suffiently-sized puddle
some
transparent and luminescent as diamonds
refracting light into white-hot shards
piercing and radiant
others
black ink dank and dark
as unappealing as a rusty pillow
caustic like hydrochloric acid

the tinctures wrestle and combine
motor oil in water, rainbow patterns at night
suddenly a painful thump,
as I've hit my forehead on my dusty keyboard again.
with this, a parting word -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTJ7AzBIJoI

White ink under black light
Chemicals to breathe better
Medication to feel normal
Prescription change
Talk about it a little more
Read an article and believe the words they shout on paper

upbeat, and energetic.
how much is too much?
the urge to chug
heart down't slow down now

take everything
from the inside
and throw it all
away
- linkin park

i want a cigarette
i can't decide how much i want to be
happy
i want this
i want this
i will breathe
because i want to
and because this depression is
just a moment of pain

in new zealand
water runs inside of
someone
stalking sheep
and feeling the closest thing to
sane

The past is a present I've already opened
The future is glass
Between the cracks I see non-lighted structures
Do you understand that I'm not real sometimes?
Today I feel whole but not together
Today I feel heavy, relatively
Today I feel like soft dirt spread across a lump of fire
add water, mix and set to spinning in a void
Whatever springs up will forget that you exist
Today I feel like a forgotten goddess
Today I am a beach, in rhythm with myself
I don't need anything else but my rhythm and my sky
I am my heartbeat
Between the cracks in my eyes you'll feel unimaginable things
It may take forever to remind you that you're real sometimes
Today you seem mechanical again, magazine and success in your eyes
Twitch to find your muscles
Is it so strange to speak to the body you wear your whole life?
Who is my skin?
Left pieces of me everywhere today
But tomorrow I'll eat them for energy and feel ripe again.
Don't listen to me, this is just artistic expression.

"The road to being happy starts inside and leads out into the bright, bright world
The open door, the cracked window, the rush of careless wind that moves everything
I do my best to listen to every sound
I let my mouth enjoy each bite of life
I let my eyes take in details or full pictures, panoramic or fine
I let my thoughts run rampant and I control where they run if I wish
I RUN THROUGH FLOWERS AND LOVE IT
I touch everything I walk by
I whisper words that I like whether anyone hears me besides the trees
and I love everyone that I feel the urge to love
Every moment is a lifetime and every life is an eyeblink of bliss
I share everything with those who wander the same paths as I
I want to be a whole human, more than a daydream
I want to walk with those who love the light
Make yourself whole and let's go taste the world together"
- A little Fox getting wiser and smiling more often

Oh the songs my heart hums of late are new to me...alas i wish this was so. but I used to hear others hum this tune when I was smaller and rebellious, with no taste of blood in my cheek or on my collar. now my hem is ***** and worn, and fractious memories of other lips pressed to mine... can i toss these and replace them with whatever texture your ****** forestry implies? nuzzles are tasteful, when my tongue is out dear. if only a precursor, let us wander (skirtless) and fitzpleasure abounding not even gently when we combine talents and hum to the moon the new songs we've learned from hating eachother.
(i only hate you for finding my heart and for making me give it to you) but i forgive you for not being here

Fall to your knees
Let me overtake you
The feeling grows
The bitterness flows
Let it overtake you

You don't bring me peace
I'll find it on my own
You're out of luck
Out of time
I grow weary of this
I'm out of patience
You're out of time
Let me overtake you

Astral body, a different plane
It doesn't matter, you'll remember my pain
Scream, ****** and broken, and nobody will care
A taste of your own medicine is what you deserve

I will overtake you
I will learn to break you
A god no longer
Not-so-heavenly father
Trapped in your shell
You will know my hell
A scar to remember me by
A line drawn between your eyes
With my knife

You will never forget this
We will break you
Let the masses
Overtake you
So help me
Amen

why do they salt the outside
we eat the organs
and leave the shredded exo-
skelatals
underfoot and on the desk

I can do anything.
With this brain I ponder fragile realities and valuable truths.
In my heart I hold tender memories of songs and touch and visuals that only I can experience.
With my hands I've spawned magic.
With my voice I am song and laughter.
My senses allow me to sample the world around me and record and passionately enjoy everything that passes through my sphere of existence.
I am miraculous.
I am scientifically astounding.
I am one who heals with words and pictures and sounds.
I am one who loves deeply and craves life like oxygen.
My life that I lay behind me like dried flowers decorates my footprints like mosaic memories.
The life I see ahead of me is like a prism - indirectly fractally rainbows and while uncertain, wonderful.
What is this I hold in my hands?
I am breathing in this moment and I am divinely amazingly happy just to exist.
With that alone I am satisfied.
I can do anything.
Namaste~

avatar, avatar
wispy locks of flaxen pixels
   tender doe eyes, fragmented
     gentle curves and
                                     GLITCH: 1.v -  acne
                                    >solve>run - apply.coverup.resolve
                                                ...pending

"poetry is just words"
-evanwilson

Cake is just bread with a sweet flourish that makes it delicate and uncommon
painted beautifully, decorated to aesthetic design
produced in the same oven, created from same ingredients
to still stand separate from everyday usage
and survive bland reissue

I prefer one on special occasions

birds chirp in monotone and music is annoying sounds when I've things going on brain arrest. staring at the nothing beyond my closed eyes makes pictures dance like dust in sunlight, but forgive my impudence when I say that I cause sadness in many hearts... yours seems to fare better but I'm scared of everything falling into angst and apprehensiveness. I don't have the ***** to be a man. I don't have the patience to be a woman. youth presses into my skin like fresh pine needles piercing dead leaves, but I reject such lovely things when I'm braining and trying to be an adult. I'd hate to lose touch at young age, but echoes say growupgrowupgrowup

No no, don't ***** the lid on the jar of M&M;'s
Just set it on top so when I go to grab the jar
it rainbows everywhere
Decorating the floor
I didn't want any
They were just the only form of chocolate in this place
this godforsaken apartment where you've come to die
I'm a temporary installment
Until my wings are dry
I just want a respite from the hustle and bustle
Isolating myself in your sewing room
I ignore the world, only leaving for necessity
I just crave sweets and heavy music
All I have is my music
You had M&Ms;
But don't worry
I didn't want them

of us.
a gentle twist
collision
repair
fury and fondling
entwine
you can wear me
i'm a sweet lil thing

i don't care what you bruise
i don't care what i lose
(i'll let you take anything)
fierce creature
tenderly, now
save the wrecking for later
..but don't wait too long

Losing myself in the ocean
Losing myself in the sea
Lost myself in my doubt once
That's when you were there for me
Lost myself in the tizzy of others
Lost myself to their greed
Found myself in the South, now
But losing myself to this grief
Bring me back to the lake side
Bring me back to the trees
Bring me all of the skyline
Bring me the Horizon,
Bring me to my knees
Bring me back my sweet Brittany
Or bring to where she sleeps
Lost myself in your waters
Lost myself in your clouds
Lost myself in your eyes, more than once
I'm losing myself in your absence but I'll never be lonely again.
I'll pray for you to my statue
I'll pray you're meeting your dreams
I'll pray you're dancing with shadows and lights
I'll hold your memory on lonely nights
I'll cry into my pillow
I'll cry up into my sky
I'll cry to the moon and stars and willows
I'll smile after every storm is gone
Whisper to me when you miss me
Whisper to me from beyond
Call me and tell me Nahhhhh Nahh
Call to me from the abandoned houses
Every shattered pane is your window
Call to me from the broken homes and lost buildings
Those places where where you felt whole
You drew yourself to the broken
You pulled in the pieces and loved
You drew the lonely ones towards you
You leave us with all of this love.
I'll celebrate every moment
I'll taste every breath
I'll cherish each human, and each little pet
I'll love with all I have left
Thank you for being my friend.
Rest In Pizza

I soaked myself in the torrential downpour
I walked fifteen minutes to get here to this cafe
I didn't buy cigarettes
I didn't think you'd show

You surprised me
All I could do
is wave
meekly


Hello...

I love OD'ing on sunlight when I wake up
grab some OJ and go lay in the soft grass, and tell the birds to carry on
their light conversations and noisy chitchat above my closed eyes
open head - delve into me
the grass probably itches if I pay attention, but who cares
I can't restrain my limbs any longer
no more hanging in limbo with excuse of pain and no gain
I can't remember why I'm naked but
I always feel naked around you
I've always been naked under these clothes

My brain is dashing ahead, though I stop and gaze inward and upward
The trees could be mocking me, but they're probably just as happy to be themselves as I am
so I follow suit and reach up to ask for mutual attraction from the sky
and we start a new day
time to function
back to the grind
my gears shift and the grey leaks back into my veins
time to function
(but once you've overdosed on daylight, you're never the same)

rather
a third interloper
that tears off polite visage
and hairspray bun
and gentleman's stance
to reveal red meat ******
carnage and fierce passion

*** is a friend that ruins the -
i thought i was going somewhere with this,
but all i want at the moment is
your hand behind my back
your caress of words

but i'll take
***

this body aches
from my mother's house
from the lack of nutrition
from the fresh burns
but i promised I'd stop
but I promised
but you aren't here to stop me.
I'll smoke as much **** as I need to.
and fantasize about the intelligent, soft-spoken
well-worded
perfect everything
he likes my poetry, and says it reminds
him
of Simon Armitage

******* lips and steal my breath
gasping, back arching
I'm not allowed to mark you with my teeth
or nails
but I'll find other ways
of leaving a print

I filled my mouth with honey
Don't you want a taste?

Every word an enrapturing photograph
I can feel her insides pour through my psyche
the cold water hitting my warm stomach lining,
chilling my ulcers and numbing my stress

I drink far too much soda nowadays
I should be taking it in
not the sweet stuff
the purest water
by the gallon
by the
S

who cares if the spaghetti sticks to the ***
who cares if a guest shows up late
it's not her 18th birthday
it's my baby brother's
and I'll wear my nose ring if I want to

Still running, never ceasing, she screams silently.
the breath escapes as a wisp.
Remembering the past command:
Take the demon carefully,
his sting is heavily laden with sweet
addiction.

*** soaks through the front of her gown
and the bloodied fabrics drain rusty shades
into the tepid moon water
she spilled before.

Break her chains
she will not thank you
she will despise her freedom and lay waste to paradise
with her filthy torn wings.

Let her know of her once-natural beauty
she will hiss in derision
that she is not still stunning as the rose.

BLEED, child.
You of all creatures were fantastic in visage
You have put to waste the precious fragility of your frame
Your yellowing teeth speak volumes
your mouth should stay sealed.

We have no use for ingrate angels
that roll in the muck
cheaply selling ******* and chemical highs.

but internal nearness
beauty of never knowing
(it's a sad fate)
hot twitches
the clock ticks too loudly and I can't sleep
the music runs rampant over my hot nerves
every sound
a jolt to the side
hungry ghosts nibble at my heart
my warmth
come closer dear
do you see me?
I'm beautiful?

I'm only (only)
one step away
from the plane
this dimension
we could shatter like glass
make me scream
(i know you'll moan)
-moan for me

anorexic raindrops
complain against my pane
erasure
little windy whispers
they remind me of a time when i wasn't so god ******
alone.

Little waves of haze, sleep, dazed, could crash for days, i'll stay crazy, mind still hazy, been busy lately, but for you innately‏

let's break free, break sweats, get it? get me? get it, go. we grow, in between the cracks, make pacts, relax, get easy, life's breezey, teasing, pleasing, appeasing, ah‏

(i think i'm rapping)‏

Wanderer, I don't want to be the one that captures you, even sweetly, don't wanna be that one that names you Wanderer, just wanna be a thing to take into arms, slow, slow.‏

I could sing, I could do twirls off my little balcony, or I could pull you underwater, Wanderer, we could bleed into each other's stratosphere, whisper in my ear‏

Can you call? I've been dragging *** today, cuz I want you bad, so bad. Can you call? This bed is far too comfortable to be alone.‏

Can you? Wanderer. Stretching out my arms in my sunny room, got room for two. Can you? Call sometime and make my smile run to me, please run to me please run to me please to me i'll run between‏

Let me sing a song I'm writing, let me blend these notes I'm finding, wanderer. Wander here.‏

Little dazey still been hazy, got three hours to make me a lady, so **** complicated to make my face stay pretty, but I can break rulez. Shady, baby, I'm slim shady, got the hat and heels to make me a lady, pretty baby, I can't be crazy, need the paper, i'll go ****** later‏

Can you call? I've never met someone who meant so much, in such small things that tickle tendrils into heart, pulling me apart. Can you call? I've been meaning to say I'm still deciding on my fate, these next few years may be painful but they'll lead to you. I'll run to you‏

It's so far away now, after a day like today.
This happened before, and I've not learned to remedy
Lying in wait for daybreak to come late so I break and I
fall into sheets for another moment in time
hours upon hours I'll spend in the far reaches
Will you find me there?

Can we sleep?
I want to end the day
I want to close my eyes
I want to fade away
I want you to come with me
Can we sleep?

You're talking of something, I'm sure it's intruiguing
My clothes are drying, I'm sure there's a better way
My room smells of vinegar and vanilla, believe me
I don't like this distance either, but it could change soon
I know you dread them, but I dread them for purpose
I'd love to touch your hair

Can we sleep?
I want to feel some silence
I want to close my eylids
and see what's behind them
even if darkness
Can we sleep?

I'll be the house maid if you get me drunk
We can play games
We can sleep

I swear
somebody is following my inner footprint
recording and analyzing
hemming and coughing and clearing their throat
assessing my
"situation"

Stalking stalking stalking me

and filling my fortune cookies with relevant words
to psyche me out



i swear

Splitting the atom
Dancing the pattern
Step through the abyss
Do it like this
Do it like this

Screaming the spectrum
She's burning horizons
With shimmering lips
We do it like this
Do it like this


Swallowing poisons that coagulate in my throat
Don't act like you didn't just come here to gloat
I'll bite the hand that keeps feeding me lies
I'll feed you to the flies
I'm the one you despise
I'll pull out your eyes
And I'll stitch up your lips
AND I'LL DO IT LIKE THIS
DO IT LIKE THIS

A chirpy little bird
A notion reaffirmed
From egg to box to room
You preen your emerald plume
I love you, Roombird

I wish I was in Connecticut
I want to hold something close
and feel

unstable

for once i feel stable in my life
but these bricks shoes are entirely too heavy
I don't mind the feeling
of floating
the breeze may batter and abuse me
but someday my seed will root
maybe Connecticut
is fertile

We laugh and sleep and zone into our screens
someday we will do this again
my perspective can change
I'll look over your shoulder
you can kiss mine
I'll stop reading you memes you can't see

Your height is a number
I want you to surpass my idea of you

Can we get married yet?
I want to show you all the things I create
Let's create something small and full of
life
our eyes
our hearts
our bodies
we can blend

my stomach shouts at me to move
I dont give a ****

Take me back and forth again
Lead through the sun and rain
Teach my heart to carry pain
Let love flood my scattering brain

Pierce the heavens with my drill
Live by accident, die by will
I accept my Self
I am all I see

I commit to my passionate drives to create
I refuse to ration my energies or give in to hate
Every day is a new episode in a movie about MY LIFE
And the most glorious characters fill me with joy

Stay with me as I shed this and that
If I share some with you, take it
I beg of you, be you

My needs are my wants, I will want what I need
I am dancing for myself as my feet and soul are free

Take me back and forth once more
A new perspective from the floor
No longer will my mind shut this door
MY HEART IS OPEN and my eyes will adore

I will be a curve in this spiral
I will be the river's flow
I will be every star in the heavens
I will be every fern below

back aching, i want more
sweat, suffering, sweet lips
the suction - when two fatless chests
press close
hair in your eyes
in my mouth, brush away
from my cheek
half-lidded peek
grasp me
i want you to hold my hand
into the mattress
breaking the ice
with every push
whisper, tickle my ear
eat my skinny bones
i feel alive
skin is numb
electric
welts across my back
nails carving our way into spine
pillow talk
the awkward walk
another cigarette

tell me i'm pretty
i think I am

Washing each other, mountain dew can ash tray
Lava lamp light
dark showers

Not kissing
reminiscing
music sharing, torrents
crush my lungs
play with your bones
You feel like home

My hair is growing longer
I've lost weight - but not the bad way
this time
My new necklace
Your beard is longer too, oh it curls
What's that? Did you get that at work?
It doesn't look serious
I have nightmares
My artwork
Band logos
Smoke with me
Skylines
Tattoo ideas
Michelle's saggy ****, drawn hastily and without detail
but you prefer it that way
Oh how cute
your dogs are trying to steal your pillow
I guess I can be lonely
I'll fight with nobody
except for my stuffed animals for the
empty space

Body

I love you for your laughter
your soft hair
the morning routines I tried to adopt, that you have down to a science
the way you gaze into the abyss
with tender expressions
the careful footsteps
the blushing falseness
the pretty lace and ribbons
the black eyeliner and studded collars


BUT

beards and hunting and fishing
flannels and strength and handsome fellers
truck stops and smoking
whiskey and bonfires
g i joe and spiderman

but most of all batman and joker
the complications of comics

gaming on friday nights with bottles of bud
I love men and boys and women and girls and ladies and gentlemen

Darling the closer I get to insanity the closer possibly I'm getting to the coastal shores of wherever chance causes us to migrate.
Dont ever weep uselessly, sunshine.
The sky is on your side.
I lick the raindrop drip
                                      drip
                                             dripping from the eyes of heaven
and tear my gaze down to earthy you,
all sweater-bundles of cats faces
and orange furriness
and black frames

I can handle this, truthful is far less salty than drowning in ocean-wave beauty of painful forgettable oaths uttered, meaningless.
Have your affection, I will cherish every virtual moment shared
Feelings combine within me and a calming of the water is good

Let me be the warm summer rain and chill breeze across the moor
i will be the cool ocean on hot days
the steamy shower after cold nights alone
I am the glass of sweet liquid parching every inner thirst
I am the surprise: fudge interior to the cupcake kiss

Hey you. Unique breathing thing full of life and colours and beautiful ideas and grand schemes and perfect eyes, and you of the warm tingling that is my sudden awareness of the blood flowing in my veins and warming my skin, and you that are so calming, energizing , invigorating and relaxing and wise.
Never let anyone tell you that you are made of anything less than magic.
You of the books and games, you if the heart that longs for great things with a pure burning passion.
Never let anything stand between you and your goals, even the impossible ones.
You of the lightness of step and conscious efforts to cleanse and heal this earth, you of the empathetic wild heart and innocence of heart and not of mind, you are the brave beast that will bring about change.
Never let your youthful energy die or be replaced by greed or lust for pain.
I have seen many wonderful things grow and die, but lately I’ve seen a lot of things grow sideways.
Everyone is compensating for a lack of love, a lack of health, a lack of feeling.
Where are we?
I will chase the deep questions and teeter on the brink of dark chasms without falling into them, no ropes for escape. I will spend my time making ropes by hand and testing them to know that they are strong. Once this has been achieved I will be stable enough to fall where I please, wherever the wind carries me. So long as I can tie my ropes to strong hands, and trust in the unwavering loyalty of those around me, I can fly into everywhere and explore every strange and wonderful thing. I will stabilize. I will learn to hold the light ahead of me to guide my path instead of only examining my current state, if I want to grow and stop getting lost in the same routine steps and stumbles. I will learn from my mistakes.
Never force yourself unprepared into the deep and the dark. There is time.
I’m tired.
I’m physically tired of thinking about things that don’t actually affect my life in any way.
I’m tired of having the guilt and stress pin me to the floor with tears as I let others tell me what is good, wholesome, inappropriate, or awkward. I cry when you make yourself offended by my personality, my tastes, my happiness, or my lack of care for things I don’t feel concern me at all. I want to help others by taking away their stress, but I ended up carrying it. From now on, your stress is your stress. I will teach you ways to combat stress and let go. But I will not make your problems my problems. If I love you, I will give you a piece of my most precious possession: time. This will show you I care. I will give you my love and my eyes on your face, my cooking and my prayers. But my life is my own and in order to love you I must love myself. I will take the time to love who I am beyond all things.
I will not let the chemical and material stress of this world strangle my exuberance for living.
I don’t remember what it was like to be so insensitive. Well I do, I just can’t comprehend the insides of a person I once pretended to be. I was so poisonous and scared. I seem less together today, but who cares? I’m tying my insides down to respectable places within me before the ride, so the roller-coaster that is me can let go and let be without stressing about losing something or falling off the tracks. I know that I am destined for greatness. I will not be changed by those that pretend to love me. I will love even when I believe I cannot.

Hey you, I believe in you. You’re strong and sensible and you are my extra brain. You are powerful medicine and sweet surrender to raw emotion. Nothing in my life will be the same since I’ve found utter happiness, and I promise to share the wealth of infinite heavens with you.
You are me, even if you are you. And I love you.

Particularly towards a distant echo
One I hope may reverberate these bones yet
May not be for ages
Life's heartsong is thick kudzu vines furry and soft and little creepy tendrils that can break down walls and smother everything in fuzzy warm green love
That's what the left paw is holding in palm
Courage-bound
For happy comes in three - two to love and one two challenge that fever with rampant fire
Words to start a cross-world touch
Face like furry red flame and I'm sure you aren't cold
Take me by surprise and I'll feed you to my sunrise
Love

While she may seem like an angel, crawl closer and smell permeating fear
Her visage morphs - shadows dance on alabaster flesh
Large eyes drawing you in, comforting and innocent
Bleeding lips portray underlying carnivorous greed

words tear me a new soul. i thought i discarded mine to the wind when sorrow alighted barely balancing on the barbed wire fence, wings dank and damp, mangy feather dropping into thick dusty underfoot
dusting me off, windex the glass around my innerworkings so you can watch them spin dizzy from your helium touch

These are the best days of our lives.
The days we give in to the colorful cracks in our skin, and let the beauty out to
scale the walls