Half-lidded eyes gaze
into blue light from
screen as upper legs
clasp together involuntarily,
chest still heaving randomly
with gasps or sighs as comfort
and relaxation wash through
tense, electrically charged muscles

static cling from sleeves' struggle
with woolen blanket, inner
thighs' heat spreading to
surface from friction and
folly and fumbling and my lip is sore from my teeth
because when my whole body climbs into divinity
I feel no pain

my stomach aches suddenly
for filling, but the rest of my
body quiets the noisiest of us
since we're so cozy in our
splendid vibrance, muted
as the world seems after
gongs and cymbals clash like
titans in my heartbox and veins
tremble and thrum and throb
in the pleasant-est of places
here

I am suddenly again climbing
that mountain, white and gold
heat like sunshine and water
became one element and they
pour through my skin into my porous bones
as I drink

Mouth, don't leak these secret passions!
I shudder to myself and I think of this energy
as life embodied in one small window, have I glimpsed heaven?

Run to the top of the mountain , you will do this for me?
It's time to scream at the sun .
Glory is able to work
my face in small rivers .
I will worship this perfect sky .
Breathing, I am alive .
Why do you keep still ?
Here you are with me , that's what I do .
Bring you to the other side of the mountain ,
where the sun will always shine .
This can be good. This may be mature .
To look at the moon and stars only .
But this side of the mountain will make you grow tall .
This side of the mountain has beautiful flowers.
Run to the top of the mountain , you will do this for me?
It is close to the end of the day .
It is time for shouting at the stars.
Tell them to calm their loud twinkling.
We want to sleep in the sunshine , we are drunk on love.
Take me , breathe with me , look at my eyes when sunlight pours into them.
The sun will burn me in the fire , so that we use our bodies as if they were flint .
Adoration of heaven .
Glory is able to race down the mountain .
Glory waves freshly plucked flower, yelling to me:
We are alive .

I don't believe it's terrible
that I'm always this detached

I want to feel alive
I can't control my apathy

Sweet sorrow engulf me, please
it would mean I feel

I feel as though I've lost my emotions
But gained perspective.

I found new ways to be healthy
I found myself
I have finally attained a grasp on reality
and in the meantime
I haven't changed
I just lost the passionate flair for everything dear
Where is my mind? My mind is rooted firmly to the ground
8-1
Prepping food
2-10
Sleep
11-8
Gaming, starving, bleeding
I revisit my past pains and try them on like scarves in the mirror
Does this still look any good on me now that I've changed?
The cuts have changed
Or maybe I have
The deeper the better
That's why they call me a hipster



I prefer "bohemian"





I can't feel attraction
There goes my heart, falling asleep when I needed it most

It's when your stomach
hurts
and you dont remember why you were sad and
nothing is really super important
except yourself
and you just laugh because you can and the sky is so pretty
and you can feel sunshine's essence exuding from the holes in your skin
and your bones are filled with electricity
but it's rubber
and you can do anything
ANYTHING
anything because you're you and nobody else can be you
and the world is there to look at, so full of pretty things

and it doesn't matter if there's somebody or nobody or everybody by your side
because it's just that perfect moment when the love in you body is a droplet
it hits the ground and wrenches itself into shapes
patterns that coalesce
you are enraptured, the sight is burning
into your retinas the perfectional bliss that is
being
the will'o'the'wisp that is your soul entangles with the white light and branches
the creature that is imagination and folly
folly with soft ears and kawaii smirks

*****
patches of grass
the birds are landing in your branches now
congregational hazards
social anxiety
disillusioned, giving in
but you don't mind the flocking free-loaders
YOU'RE A STAR
stellar beings never slow down
for a moment
unless they are enjoying the view
witness the retching as
spectrum slideshow
the colors spill out, tumbling
across the sidewalk
out of her veins
she is god
we are free
be happy
lift your arms
be happy

doves fly out from under my tarry skin
tearing out globules of thick black ooze
***** birds, symbols of purity hope and harmony
when did I let them in?

I write this poem and

light breaks over my natty head
stimulation of every cell that turns yearns
bleeds
revival of the circle
my stem in awakening
becomes malleable and un-ordinary
no longer shall i sit
stagnant

My being reaches solar flares for your psyche
we flimsy beings only want a soft touch
the heat of proximity whence our bones collide
it is only a passing glancing of the skin
yet my cheeks
redden.
Touch is but one more way we become one

First of all



                               it's a god ****** roach
                               I sit in there and do things
                               my bottom area is not your playground, man


Secondly

                              the roaches here are about two inches long
                              so this one can **** right off
                              and leave me alone forever

I keep sending messages to girls that I wouldn't want to read if it were me
Or maybe I'm talking down about myself for no reason and the ladies love it when I tell them how pretty they are
It's not I expect to get laid with kindness
I just gush about **** I like
Sue me, I'm a nerd for those curves

Can you hear leftover nightlife leaving veins?
Can you feel stumbling heartbeat tripping on nicotine?

This is the horrible trance of your world's youth in distress
You doomed us with war paint, war games, war school
We respond with war song, war faces, war spirit
When will we outgrow Ender's game?
"Every seed dies before it grows"
Do you take any responsibility for the outcome of selfish politics?
Have you left us here to die?
We are your future
We are caring for the elderly
We advance your technology
We fill your classrooms
We eat your chemicals
We buy your products
We will cry to your great-grandchildren
We will cry at your graves
This is the sound of a billion hearts ingrown, spines breaking
You help us waste our youth, our vigor, our intelligence
Will you help us die?

Words
wantlikejustfeelwayhandknowpaintimeworldlovenightthinkalrig­htstopgoingwon'titchheartfasterlongeatgoodbreathingsmokedarklivin­gsoulwomensayokayrunohspacecoldsleepcloseblacktattoomushroomsself­truthpreferheavylostlongertodayfeedlatedrugs mean days hunger fine weight hair drawn teacher shaking promise bed feeling leave times spinning keeps songs *** abyss cares terrible tried bring bad voice laughter hurt gave guess apathy you've blood skin life left aware little away they're strength things hate doesn't whiskey pulsing ended breath returned men eyes inch turn hold kiss lips pull look joe control warming blame footsteps stuffed shroud shows horizons moral engulf someday understand stops blushing hush decide weapon describing pattern lover solace confident carefree addicted expect lucid absent appeal laying cleaning banished screaming honest diligent scrape disillusioned loneliness splitting stitch grief closer hug science animals smoking collars bud guilt rhythm steals company offered accepting **** bottles lend weather birthday exists ignored cooking admire tough darling mere steal knife affection lap wayside silently passes vision uncertainty guilty vivid bonfires recall hated instinct disaster madness hungry lyrics escape pains ******* necklace halt routines adopt invaded evolved spaghetti antisocial stash proximity manifestation vying comics eyeliner stashed flannels inked successfully batman spiderman faceless vibrato attentions skylines tattoos joker legion sanguine teetering unrequited complications artwork auras logos brother's shakira all-encompassing can- michelle's 15 18th m83 mcr dissmisser's blesser's terribleaspect voidof nobody's soul's day's fellers skewing fran dumbed underdogs gaming skype unshowered she's aren't what's they'll let's sinartra coagulate swallowing ammunition heartbeat ideas affirmation beard tempo brink slows gloat deer lace studded require throbs believes spectrum detached crescendos cheer favor foundations tugging forgiving ablaze gentlemen extended falseness convinced beasts normality saturday

but the hole in my lungs is draining
my air into the the sky, plugging
it with all this nicotine is utterly
useless. i do it often enough
to know. bleeding eyes
stare at your face, or
what i can see of it
on the screen, I
guess. will you
come for me?

take that it any way you prefer.
( i meant it in every way possible)

replay the music
i can't fall, not without a soundtrack
hands sting from skinless remarks
shuffling sideways to avoid
blatant attraction
words spilled from the side of
a half-closed mouth
that never fully closes

I would bleed for you if you asked me to
i would rather you kept me from losing everything.
we could be sheep in the fields forever
sunlight and waving golden faces, old rain
on the trees slipping down to remind the dry hands

lay with me in the grass, but don't get wet
we can do that later

two statements,
whose correlations become useless as I sit in my fox den of rainbow fabric and cat shirts and fuzzy blankets and exotic plants

my lava lamp blobs around like my stomach and I crave your mouth more than peanut butter

If concrete you may be, I'd decorate your stone visage with prismatic sidewalk chalk art and many cracks, fauna between

muted may you be, i hum you in my head like a favourite tune I can't deny echoing through my empty skull
I'll keep you, I think. Always in the corner of my brain (same corner i hold the memory of lights on the river, the taste of turkish delight, and my first moment of blinding love.)