Another falls
Another legend
Another life
barely lived
lost

Drugs?
Health?
Shooter?
Suicide?

Im tired
Waking up
seeing another life
that couldn't be lived
looking to find a day of light
But all there is
Clouds of grief

At least
legend
your finally free

I decided to draw today
to let her out
my demons been getting restless
The words I long to say
they just
Wont come out
So now
Im turning to a visual
Spill of words

That puts everything aside
Disconnecting everything in my brain
Letting my hands take control
The pencil
To freely dance across the page
To let out whatever needs to be free
That I cant see

Letting the thoughts
The pictures
The words
That I have never seen heard or felt
to come out
Be free

Blue is spirit and bright
The color and light
Of a wisp
Seeking through the night

Green is life and Joy
The color
Of summer time trees
The smile when you play with a toy

Yellow is the light of the night
Caring and pure
Helps anyone without a fight
They will be be your light

Black is dark but strong
More fragile then portrayed
but do not think them wrong
They still know love
But with the help of another
To light their way

Red is the sweetness of cherries
They will stay by your side
Their heart as pretty as daises
They love more pure then any other color
Just the sight of theirs or another pain
can make their eyes rain

Orange has the spirit of fire
Much like black and yellow
They will light you through the darkness
Until their fire burns out
Then they need a friend
To help them be free
And be the light they used to be

White i think the most confusing
Their hard to see
But When you see them
Their as special as anyone can be
Their quiet but always outspoken

Purple the color of a cats eyes
So watchful and careful
Ever so wise
Dont under estimate this beautiful soul
For it can go out of control
Emotions so strong but held by a string
They might need a friend
To help them find their wings

I love art
It expresses a world beyond this one
Art can show me a life
A possibility
A desire
Anything
I can feel
I can hurt
I can express

My pencil dances on the page
A magic flowing from my pencil to the page
Finally free
People can finally understand
They can finally see
From my eyes
                                     Art

I watch them
captured by
their bodies the narrator
A beautiful story is now being told
A love
so deep
but so painful
a silent scream
                                   Art

That instrument
Speaks
This may have been Beethovens
But not anymore
This
Is now theirs
This
is beyond words
                                  Art

Theres always more behind the words
Stories
Secrets
Wishes
Confessions
Everything
A poem can tell the world what cant be said
                                  Art

My kind of a sweet sibling bonding moment
Is when you love them so much
You jump on them while their trying to sleep
Give them a huge hug
Then strangle them with your whole body not letting them get away till they say that you
Yes you
Are their favorite sister =D
And
That they love you
and know you love them
no matter how mean you might be
Or annoying they are to you
You love them
Now and forever
That they are your very first brother and forever will be
Your First Brother

You say you understand, How could you understand?
Your not in my head
Your not me
Were alike
But your Not Me

These demons would swallow you within seconds
This darkness would overcome you
You
Could Never understand this
This Guilt
Thats taken over
The Lie im living
God cares? Where is he?
This Fear
Of being alone, left in the dark
The self Hatred
Thats just beginning
Constant Stress
Of failing life
This Depressing state
How could you understand?
My thoughts
How could you understand
Me

A blanket of light
warms me
As i glide through the waters
with my selkie friends at my side
darting through the water
and teasing me for letting my thoughts get the best of me
I remember

He saw me
His eyes the color of the forest
His hair the color of fire
We fell for each other
And the string on our finger pulled us like magnets into each others arms

We spent so long together
And i loved him
More than life
I loved our daughter
More than my sea

But the pull
It tugged at my heart
At my mind
my skin
My soul
I couldnt resist its call
i tried
and tried for years

but i couldnt fight a match that had
never been possible for me to win in the first place
I couldnt fight my home
My very being
The beholder of my soul

I know they will forgive me one day
Our tight knot can not undone

Not even when
                                  Fate cuts my string

Here
No one judges me
I can live without fear
Without worry
without pain
Im free
                free..
                              Free...
A­t least thats what they told me
They told me im free
They said we're equal

Do i just eat up what they are telling me?
Like the mush they put on my plate  

                                                        ­        Or
                   Try to think for myself and possibly get me and all my friends
                              And Family
                                             Killed

You lied one to many times
Dont you feel the Guilt?
Every lie is like one more cut
Every lie is like one more pound to your shoulders that you cant just shrug off
The trust you once saw has burned
Its now ashes floating in to nothing but darkness.
Dont you see that look
That look in their eyes?
The disappointment
the saddness
the breaking

Teenage love
Is when
your just so in love
with
the idea
of being in love

And quote on quote
¨that feeling you think is love
is just a mixture
of Lust
And attraction when your a teenager¨

The shadows watch
They follow and they see
watch the shadows for you will see
their more then just you
Their your monster...
dont run from your monster
dont run for it will win...
Then what?

Oh darling child
so young
so innocent
How i do envy that
Oh darling child
Promise me you will never grow up
Please stay young Sweet little girl
                                                            ­  15 years later
Oh darling Child
That innocence has faded
The youth is now Maturity
The Adorable little girl i once knew
Faded into a Beautiful Woman
Oh darling child
I love you

Whats that?
                       5 minutes
BANG

              Black is all i see

Smoke is all i smell
           
                   Screams and sirens is all i hear

Whats happened?
                    
                       Finally i open my eyes

Theres so much happening i cant make up of it all..

                          What is this in the air? all over..What happened to New york?

I feels as though i have forgot how to breathe

      Theres this piercing pain in my Si....Whats this warm feeling? like a liquid

    ...oh Blood
    Whos though? Mine? what happened?
                                ¨Sir dont worry more help is coming!¨
      Me?
                                Who is..?
        
                   ........
                                           Silence.

The wind passes under my wings
The beautiful shades of Oranges, yellows, And purple
As the sun sets and says goodnight

And i close my eyes for a free fall...

        When they open the stars and moon say hello
My eyes adjust to the dark quickly
To see a forest
          full of something..
                               Different
The trees had fluorescent speckles of light
And Vines of beautiful flowers hanging from tree to tree
Everything was glowing a eye pleasing blue in the darkness
Everything
Even my scales were glowing but of a glorious Turquoise and purple

The Animals that should be sleeping sing one last lullaby
To ease them into dream land
The trees sing along
and I Danced with the fae

Finally the Lullaby has been sung
Everyone is now fast asleep except me
I Watch over the night sky through the little spaces in the trees
Listening to the calming whistles of the wind
And crickets chirp
            My eyes
begin
          to close
                             Again
And a new free fall begins
Into the world
                                                                ­ Of Dreams

Im tired of being a piece in these games.
Im tired of being a lonely pawn against a Queen and a bishop
...
I dont want people to starve at the hands of the capital, NO more Hunger games
...
Please
..
Sorry. Is all me because im constantly making people upset in this silly game..Im sorry

Monopoly is coming, Im almost completely broke to where
People are giving me their pity ones.

Life..
I wish i could find my mate just by rolling the dice
I wish i could get that good of a job
I wish had that much money or even my own house

Life is the game i want to beat
  
                        But  

                          ­             Im so tired of playing Gods game.

He finally remembered the song
that song that called Persephone to his Cold sunless world
That spoke the words he couldn't say
The song of love

Hades remember?
That love you felt for Persephone
The feeling that the world was in your arms
All weight lifted from your shoulders
All there is and all there ever was
                      
                                      ­                   Her

It funny
The weird positions that your bad choices
put you in

Im dead
but
at the same time
Im slightly more alive

Almost found
yet still completely lost

no one can save me from the depths of darkness
that eat me alive
And it will
until im reunited with the life
I wanted
and I made

Cheshire cat
Make up your mad mind
I know that i am mad
but you are beyond comparison of madness
You love one way within those mad eyes wild with craze
and i only follow in your mad, mad ways

Even the whitest of lies
Turn blood red
                      after they
                                     have been said

"Aw baby girl, Wheres that smile, that brightened every bad day, And made it worth pushing through another?"

"Well dad, You see, Life happened to me, That light i could once see is so faded i barely want to push through the dark anymore."

Why
They come and go
What
could possibly go wrong
If they just
stayed

You said you were my Guardian Angel
That you would come back
10 years time
Im so naive

I dont need you
I know i dont
But i sure as hell want you

Your such a fool
I TOLD you im a demon
I TOLD you im toxic and will hurt you
I Told YOU that im a rose with blood on my petals and my poisonous thorns
I TOLD you i dont want you
Yet here you are
Still by my side
Watching your life tick by
With a girl who cant love
Cant smile with you
Or even look you in the eyes
Who will **** you at the touch
Your such a fool

You say you love me
But i dont love you...
I know how awful this is
How selfish it is
How cruel i am
I dont love you..
I love him
Im sorrry..
I am
But i want him
Your just my friend
Not him...Im sorry

Please no more what ifs
They are leaking into my mind
As a Massacre of my faith

Creating Nothing but doubts
A knife stabbing into whats left of Me
Murdering My Soul
My spirit
My hopes
My dreams
My Desires

They are going to be nothing to me soon
Nothing
Unless i can rid of these
Ghastly What ifs

"Yeah, well I make the same mistake two or three times, just to be sure it's a mistake and not bad luck. ;-)"

Daydreams are the only thing
that keep me happy
When i cant be with him.
One of the only lights in my dark alley
The safest area
Where i can imagine dancing with the stars
Where i can feel okay
Only other thing
that can keep me happy
When my love is not near
When he cant hold me safe
                   Daydreams are my only other light

I know im not perfect
I know say the wrong things sometimes
I know im not always good at listening
but could you tell me whats wrong?
I can try to be perfect
I can continue trying to say the right things
I can be a good listener
Just please
Whats wrong?
The pain in your eyes cuts at me
Like the blade On the counter
please talk to me
Im here for you
Whats wrong?
I Care about you
I cant see you in this state and not worry
Please
Talk to me
I will listen
We can go through this together
You can take off that Mask you wear
I wont laugh at your weakness
I would never hurt you
Please
Just please tell me
                                Whats Wrong?

This fire inside me Burns
Like Sticks in a fire
The color of ember
The smell of black smoke
Filling my lungs
Fueling my anger further
All i can think is
I
Hate
you
when i know its not true..
This fire inside is growing
Almost too big to control
Enough to consume
More then just me or you
But enough to consume
Every light thats near and every shadow close
I wont let it take control though
I wont
I wont
I cant
But how do i stop it
When the flames Rise at every
Word or sight of you
Every time i hear your name
The flames grow wild
The heat unbearable to hold in
The smoke making it impossible breathe
How can i control this

You
are
so
gullible!!
If someone off the street offered you a piece of candy
Would you honestly take it????
He said with rain running down his cheeks from anxious eyes

Open your eyes
Not everything in this world or rarely anything is all cupcakes and rainbows, Sweetheart

I dont want you to get hurt
because of someone taking advantage of someone so pure
Desperation and vulnerability peeking clearly behind that mask he would wear
as he plead to her

Please
Open your eyes to the way people are
there is good
But only 50% percent of this world chooses to use it

I cant lose you...
It would be all my fault..
What would i even do?
Im going to be honest
i think i would have to end what i have
what is this life worth to me without you in it?
She looks up at him
tears
falling
Sad
eyes
A Gullible
                              A Vulnerable  
                                                 ­                   Little Girl

They embrace each other
still crying their silent tears

A broken heart
But a toy to someone who was bored
You need to put those pieces back together
Sweet little doll
Sad little soldier
those piece will get lost if not fixed

I will help
I will sew those broken pieces together
Using the faiths string
And I will use gallons of glue
To fix the cracks that cover your sad eyes

Those scars will heal
Just as glue drys and stitches are forgotten
But I cant promise someone wont do it again
Girls play with boys hearts as though they were puppets
Boys play with the girls as though they were dolls
  
                             These hearts arent toys
                       And they arent a easy fix

Why does the sun always come on wrong days?
Why did he have to eat the last cookie?
Why couldn't life be cupcakes and Rainbows?
Why do people **** others?
Why does darkness always end up here?
Why doesn't god help those in need?
Why are we sent to hell?
Why do we feel pain?
Why

Why do we have to die?

Why

Im ready
Ready to give up
Ready to stay broken
Ready to stay on the ground
Ready to not get up
To let God push me back into my place
Ready to stop

Just kidding

I ready to fight
Im ready fall for what i believe
Ready to live
Ready Cry
Ready to Smile
Ready to scream
I wont give up
I have fought to long
Im not ready to give up
                                          Not to myself

Im tired of playing this game
I think im ready for it to end
I know im ready for the pain to end
I dont want to break anymore
No more tears
No more Pain
No more love
No more false hopes
Just Nothing
                            Silence
                          ­                   Peace
                                                                ­             Just Game over

Im to point to where
i have to make choices
Decision
BIG ones
That could change my little teenage life

What high school do i want to go?
Should i break up with him?
What do i even want to do with my life?
Are they someone i want to keep around me?
Am i to the point of needing help?
Where should i work?
Should i start saving now for a car?

Then theres those questions that have no reason for existing
Will i make it?
Am i good enough to be here?
Do i deserve this?
Can i even do that?
Will i ever be able to do that?
Is that possible for someone like me?

These questions eat
like worm eating a apple
Eating to my core
my center
When i started and where im going to end
The main part of who i am
And it eats and eats till theres almost nothing left
Of what little i had

I thought you would stay till the end
and keep what i hold dear to yourself
Not share it with the world
You kind comes so quickly
and i trust you so fast
i cared for you
but
i guess
your
just
another

      F L Y   B Y   N I G H T

"What do you want do with your life?"
I dont know, Live?
Maybe be a little of a success
Find love?
"Are you a good person?"
Ummm Whats your definition of good person?
And finally
"Who are you?"
....
I dont know
Im a sister
Im a friend
Im a Daughter
Im a different person
around each and every person
How am i supposed to know who i am
When around you im a bit of a attitude teen
Around her im a outgoing, Crazy person thats Happy, with a slight shadow hiding and coming every now and then
Around him Im caring and lovable and an angel with a tint of red
And the shadow still hides Not noticeable except a occasional glimpse
Through the windows of the soul
Around the everyone else Im a shy mess, Clumsy, smart, and weird
Around my parents im happy and occasionally upset and lil depressed, and Rebellious and weird, and silly...
To my brother..Just a sister whos never around but always says she loves him and always means it.

I cant say i know who i am..
Can all this really be me?
Or  is it a new act for every person?
                                                     I dont know anymore

Im so tired
Drag
tired
Stressed
Mentally unstable
Confused
lost
Trapped
Scared
Depressed
Happyyyyy
Empty
Sane ish

Bleh

I walk this path
Yet I feel lost without her
My Demon
She was there for me when no one was
She was there when I wanted to fall
She was there for every lie
Shes always there when I cry
Shes always there when the darkness wants to take- no
Save me
From the light that burns my skin
Because even in a million years I could never deserve it

Remember when we were curious why people hurt?
She says
Want to understand?
Yes
Well doll, Seeing is believing. You will understand if you see you hurt too
Will I?
Yes
Hmm
Scared?
Yes
Do I dare ask why?
Curiosity killed the cat
Ah but satisfaction brought him back
So you say but what if im not satisfied with what I find
Whos to say you wont be?

This ocean of emotion is overwhelming
The waves are small
But slowly getting bigger
Big enough to consume me
If i dont contain it
                              Someway
                        ­                       Somehow
I will be a shipwreck..
Gone
Dead
Nothing

Left
Right
Black and white
through eyes
Light deformed
Creature taken flight
Eyes colorless
lost
broken
nothing
nothing
Nothing but Nothing

Empty