I love porcelain dolls
How smooth the porcelain is
The creepy eyes
I love how fragile they are
How fragile they feel
How breakable they seem
Thats why i get along with them so well
Were so fragile, Our eyes give it away too
Always looking so sad or even creepy

One to many cracks we break
We just shatter
Not much we can do once we do
I guess you can try to glue us back
But
the glue
will only last so long
its a never ending cycle

We love
We hate
We crack
We break
You glue
      And  just Wait

Confusion
Sadness
Hurt
Yearning
Lost
Destabilized

                          What is this feeling?

When you give them that ring
Your promising them
A love
That would never end
A love
Thats just for them

Your giving them A Ring
Your giving them A love
Your giving them a lifelong friend and more
Most of all
Your giving them a piece of you
That you plan to let them keep

Your showing them
You want them around
For the rest of your life
By your side

I dont mean this
to scare you away
I mean this
To show you what it means
At least in my eyes
to give them that ring

That ring will bind you and your love
As one
A whole
Yen and Yang
Day and Night
Darkness and light

Thats just how amazing it is
To give someone
                                      The Ring

I never once felt so trapped
              till i came back to my cage
With a door that never open
               Where the dark never fades
And the fear never ends

They say they understand
that i can leave when i please
that im free


     What kind of lie is that

Do you even see me?

The constant frown that will never
turn upside down
not without my Angel
That cant touch me

How could you understand this
The fear
It suffocates me
***** the air out of my lungs
how much longer till i die here

Im tired of being afraid
Afraid you will ban me from my Angel
From my school
From my life
What i worked so hard to mold into what i want

Im getting so close
And you want to destroy it
Its not finished
Its not pretty now
But soon it will beautiful
smooth
and straight

Soon
         I wont feel the need to stray from path
                               The need to find the love i seek
                                                   To enjoy this short life
                                                                ­              To Feel


Dont worry
Soon
I will be fixed
You wont have to worry about
Me misbehaving
Breaking your rules

Soon my legs will rust to a stop
So i cant run anymore
From your constant desire
to protect me
When you are the one putting me in danger
from what i have to do
to learn

But dont worry
soon enough
I will stop
No more banging again the bars
screaming
im almost done
Dont worry

Theres so many walls
to overcome
in order for it to stay strong
Differences are always the biggest

You dont want to change
Who you know you are
or want them to
Because it would be a lie
And it would hurt

There are so many walls
Opinions
Goals
Religion

You shouldnt let differences
change you
change them
nor keep them between you both

so they say

and i agree
but there are certain walls

i will never know how to meet in the middle with

drilling a hole through it
will take more than time
it would take change

certain changes im not willing to make
not even for you

It would all
be
A Lie

Because i cant change that much
not without losing who i think i am

What good did you feel in these eyes of a demon?
What Light did you see in this heart of pure black?
...
Why..
Why did you let me hurt you??
Why did you let me push??
..Why did you keep me?
Im toxic
Im a knife
The one that stabbed you
The one that hurt you...
The shadow on your courage..
...
Im Sorry you couldnt see what i was doing..
But im not sorry i left.. Those weeks in darkness were nothing compared to the pain you were going to feel from my sin..

The light so bright
As bright as the night
A blanket of stars
Lays across this sky of black
Fluffy cloud, the shape of ice cream swirls
The sound of the lively wind
Crossing through the trees
Like a weave of life
Cold it is
With a chill.
The light so bright
As bright as the night
I close my eyes
And drift away
To dream land
Where everything comes true
Where I'm never alone
He's always with me
Riding unicorns
Flying with dragons
Endless imagination
Endless love
Endless light.

What is this
I feel an unknown force
its enclosing my heart
making it hard to breathe

i have to gasp for air
Why?
Why does my chest hurt
I feel as though im trapped in a bubble
this pressure on my chest
its so..so..
What is it?

Im scared

           and Its my own fault

I feel so betrayed
I mean
My own head
Myself
Terrifying the life out of me
  To the point of wanting to run to my parents
                                                                ­      and just cry
Just die
So i can stop the what ifs
Stop convincing myself
Stop asking why
So i can live
in death

7:00
Wake up
Im awake
in a b--- No
My bed
Warm

7:30
Get up
Stand
Cold
dizzy
Jamie...
Where is-- Who?

8:00
Breakfast
Eggs
Bacon
Toast
Milk
Mmm

9:00
Stoll
Trees
Sun
Flowers
I miss being a flower
So beautiful
So free
Flowing with the wind
I wont forget that

10:30
Seeker
Told her what i know
Yet apparently she knows my human
Better than the one inside
We should just **** her, save some time
wait
what?

12:00
Comforter
"These feelings I have never felt hatred
I dont like it
but I cant let it go
being here even I just Hate It"
Souls are pure
Flowers were perfect
Calm and peaceful
This alien body is just a ticking bomb
A killer

2:00
Thoughts
I just want to sleep
But
I miss him
Who
Theres a wall
whats wrong with this body?
Was it damaged?
no Healer Ford wouldn't have let me in it
but why I cant i see this over this wall
I want to see

You know those moments
that you do something that seems
Justifiable and fine
that is
in the moment
but then
you realize
That was
Really
Really
          Really
                                    Stupid

Roses are Red
Violets are blue
You love me
but im scared to love you
....
My thorns will hurt you if get to close
Please be careful they hurt the most

Dont fall for my blood read pedals
Because im telling you their the devils

I know i seem sweet
But i will make you fall to your feet
....
I hurt them
I will hurt you
Maybe not on purpose
...But i guess its just what i do
...
Im sorry
I really dont want to hurt you
And i would never try
But it always seems to happen to others
I really dont know why...

Tears fall
Words spill
Truth comes forth
And the pain
Kills

Laying in bed thinking
Does it Hurt to die?
Or
Is it lights out..
                             Nothing
                                               Silence
OR
Is it straight to the clouds, The beautiful freedom of Angels?
Or hell, the fiery underground torture....?
...
What would it be like if i died right now?
Would they care?
Would the teachers or students notice?
Would they cry and come to my funeral....
Am i really that important?
...

                    I dont know..

It feels like no one understands
but they tell us someone will

It feels like im falling apart
They say im dramatic

It feel like im all alone
even with people all around me
They say im a attention seeker

I like school
They say im a nerd

I not a skinny beauty
so im fat

I change to the skinny beauty
So im anorexic

I like rock music
Im a Emo

I like wearing black
Im Goth

Im made one mistake
And im a idiot

I like showing off my body a little
so im a ****

Labels consume us...
No one can be who they are with the
Labels
Telling them who they are

My light is back
The shadow that once loomed is gone
I can look at sky and actually be thankful for something
I can look to the sky and thank god
Knowing i think he really cares
Knowing i think he listens
I think he does
I think i was wrong
..Im still hoping i am wrong
Granted im thankful
Lil doubt tho is still where is rest before...
How do i rid of it?
How can i believe?
How do i know that was coincidence?
What should i believe?

Society is the eating fire
It starts with a Spark of words
The spark starts going through
And thats whats starts the Eating fire
Burning inside you
and society will keep eating at you and the rest
Creating a unstoppable forest fire


Unless

                  Theres someone there who can put the fire out and save whats almost ruined...
Can you be that person?

Constant state of fear
Whats going to happen
What is it
How bad will it be
Will i loose him
Did they do something
Did i do something
What to do what to do
I need to stop crying
But i cant
Too Scared
What could happen
What will happen
Wait
Whats happening
I dont know what to do
What to do
What to do
What to do
I need help
What to do
What to do
What do i do

Deep in the depths of life
Silent
Clear
Dark
But lost

Weeping willow with your tears running down,
Why do you always weep and frown?
Is it because he left you one day?
Is it because he couldn't stay?
On your branches he would swing,
Do you love the happiness that he would bring?
He found shelter in your shade,
We thought his laughter would never fade
Weeping willow stop your tears,
There is something to calm your fears
You think death has you do forever part
I know he will always be in you heart!

-
Emma Jane Rae

Lifes like hills
They rise and fall
You will be at your highest
Then life will bring you back down to hell

My friend
Someone i trust
Someone i love
Someone i could never live without
The reason im here
The one who has never given up on me
The one who will always care
The one that helps me find my way in the dark
The one that encouraged me to do the things i love

               The one that taught/ teaches me the ways of life
The rights and the wrongs
The Goods and the Bads
The needs and wants

So many qualities i cant even say them all
Creative
Caring
Lovable
Weird
Silly
Amazing
Wonderful

                                              
                                  My Mother

I once had friends that would guide me through the night and we saved each other from the scary parts of life.
But
Then
Life just happened
Came on a bit strong
to where we were left
searching for new friends
New guides
That we could help and they could save us from the scary side

So i found some new friends
And it was great
I had someone to help when life got rough
and i could help them too!
Although, i began to realize
when certain of my new friends were around
it became
harder to breathe
the air
seemed thinner
And they aura...
Different
They always needed something
I tried to help when i could
but
I cant save everyone by myself..
Sadly i had to learn that the hard way...
I still want to try

Each day a new part of what i had left
consumed

I tried to escape
but i was holding myself back
with guilt of not being able to help them
Maybe if i say the right words or give enough of my time and love
everything will be better, Right?

I gave in to it
Everyday more and more gone
i was running out of me
Running out of ways to keep me remotely okay

It couldnt give up
I need to save them
its my job

I cant help thinking though
Are they even trying to get out of the darkness?
Do they actually want to get out?
Or am i just wasting what little i have left

My lips brush upon your cheeks
tasting the salt of your tears
i wish i could take the burdens you bare
banish them from your shoulders
the pain of watching you hurt
the guilt that burns my very soul
to a crisp
knowing i caused this
the sad tears falling from your broken eyes
the weight keeping you from standing
its all because of me
Whyd i dare speak those three words
"I love you"
they felt so true
but...
im sorry

In search
for something

A Map
A light
An Angel
A demon

Something

In these trees theres gotta be something
You cant hide a tree in a forest
I guarantee I will find it
Someway
Somehow
One day

I will find it
in my search
for something

What is love?
A emotion? is it a want or a need?
is it something everyone meets somewhere in life?

What is love?
A problem? or  dream come true?
I guess its all in how you look at it

I see it as a opportunity
You could accept it or deny it
                     Everyone sees it differently

They keep telling me
To open my eyes
To the world
To Reality
The cliff I will be dropped from
Society
The monster lurking in the darkness below
ready to swallow me whole

But
I will never live that life
I wont be pushed off that cliff
I cant say I will be prepared though either

This life though
Its mine
The world is simply what I want it to be
My reality will be A lot of what this world isnt

My reality love isnt free
but it doesnt cost pain, Only time
My reality theres no such thing as a bad person
Only someone who makes bad choices
My reality the cats talk
My reality stars tell you stories and the wind kisses your nose

Me
My reality
My thoughts
My wonders
They may seem childish
But whos to say its wrong?

I never knew..
I never knew your eyes were blue
All i knew was i wanted you

I Never knew..
You slit your wrist
Im so sorry i didnt

I never knew..
How hurt you were
I only saw that smile you wore

I Never knew..
You needed me by your side
That is till i heard you say goodbye

Now im here
By your side
Rocking you
Holding you close
Keeping you here on earth
With me
Im sorry i never knew..
But now i do
I will never mistake the smiles you wear
The soul in your eyes
The light you need
Im here, darling
I shan't Leave till the sky is bare of stars
I love you so.

Bad choices will always
come back
karma
she loves to make sure
you pay the price
for what you wanted
so i hope it was worth it

I lust you
I love you
I need you
I want you*

Im so confused

What is this?
Lust or love?
Fake or True?
Is everything we say lies
Without noticing

Do we love
                        Or  Do we Lust?

Is a stranger
Still a stranger
Even when
they have made a impact on you life
Even when
They saved you from the dark
Even when
You know them
What they want to do with their life
What makes them happy
What makes feel free

Makes one wonder
What makes a person a stranger?
Is it that you havent seen their shell?
Is it that you cant be sure you can trust them?

If this is the definition of a stranger
Then I could consider half of my family
As strangers
Half my "friends"
Are Strangers

The google definition of a stranger
"a person whom one does not know
or with whom one is not familiar."

If this is the case...
A Stranger is really...

A potential Friend
         or
            A potential Enemy
                     or
                        Maybe
                           A Potential Love

Im tired of watching
life fly by
like i havent lived
to my full extent
if im going to die
it better be for something
crazy amazing
and worth it
Such as
sky diving
finding a online friend that i NEED to see
just once
Saving a puppy from being run over
taking the bullet for someone i love
I think these would be worth it
Not to the loved ones
that hide their worry
but still

His gaze at me
Is as if looking at a Baby bird
So fragile
Is his touch
The look in his eyes
Pure passion they show
They say
"I love you"
Without doubt
I cant help but believe such words
They are so true in his eyes

If i stare hard into the sun
Will i see you?
If i hold out my hand full of blind faith
Will i feel you?
If Lay in the field of wheat where the wind blows
Will i hear you?

If i stand on the highest building
Will you see me?
If i hold out my hand full of blind faith
Will you feel me?
If i cry my prayers
Will you finally hear me?

I dont know why
i barely knew you
But living without you
Hurts like hell

Each day
a new scratch
Soon theres going to be a big hole
beyond patching

But i will be okay
I always am
Its just going to take time
A long long time
But hopefully i
...
No
I will
I will bare this load
No matter the pain
No matter the tears
I will
i have to...
                                         I will try..

Feeling uncomfortable in my own skin
I wish i could just rip it off
And breathe again
Its so tight
Im suffocating
I wish I could just
Change

You follow light with willing desire
With no fear
No worries
Why
~~~
A silly mouse
A confused cat
You follow without question
You trust in something
with blind eyes
Why
~~~
Desperate are you
Lost
Confused
In need

I cry and worry in your stead
Wait
For a sign of safety
But none

Im lost
Completely lost with no sense
This maze feels never ending
Im forever lost
I just dont understand
What am i doing wrong?
I went left
I went right
I went Forward..
Wheres there left to go??
Wait
            .....
                        Where am i going?
Im so confused.
Theres to many paths
Which one do i take?

Right or left.
                                                                                               Forward or back.  Right       or        Wrong.
                                                                                          Hell  or Heaven.
Yes    or    no..
                                                             ..Where
                      Where do i go..?