How do I make you truly love me
As deeply as you said?
Words you spoke out loud to me
Never matched ones inside your head

How do I make you miss me too?
Laughter, breath, and devotion
Are you capable of feeling
Greif or any emotion?

How do I make you care?
Enough to be a decent guy?
I am not asking for perfection
Just want you to ******* try

How do I make you share the truth?
You're not even honest with yourself
You built world of fantasy
To deny deteriorating health

How do I make you forfeit the drugs?
Tried to be an example, lead the way
The love in your heart wasn't strong enough
And I am starting to see you'll always drift astray

How do I make you love yourself for who you are?
Accept beauty of each scar
No one will stay if you don't
Hard to love someone who doesnt know who they are

How do I stop pain we feel?
Aching resounding in every bone
I cry when thinking about what we lost
Only if I am alone

How do I make you change your ways
Stop living life the way you do
Hardest question of these to answer
How do I quit loving you?

Cannot shake these feelings
Love in my heart is stronger than me
Your memory harasses day and night
Shackled to past, will I ever be free?
It is never too late to start over
Not too late for change, don't you see?
It is never too late to be the person
You always wished to be

Jealousy; a twisted game
That I am not eager to try
If I really have to confess
I am jealous of the sky

I would give anything to be like that
No concious concerns, careless, carefree
Away from Earths breaking existence
That's the life for me

People below would feel my tears
And dance among my pain
Laughing as I cried, shaking, hurt
Thanking me for bestowing rain

Now that I have begun to heal
I do not want to remember
The heartache you made me feel
Those cold days in December

Tonight I am destined to fail
Mind will take me back
The concrete wall surrounding
My fragile heart will crack

Memories will trickle out,
One moment after the other
I will try to make them go away
They're too strong to smother

I have hidden them for far too long
In your quiet presence they awaken
Reminding me that I cannot have
Back pieces you have taken

All this time I have avoided
Mention of your name
Because I will not allow myself
To fall again into your game

Every once in awhile
I forget that you are a liar
It slips my distracted mind how dangerous
It is to play with burning fire

Hear a maybe in my head
Feel a little flicker of what we had
I reminisce about how it once was
Before our relationship went bad

I should know better
I see through your disguise
A master of illusion
You have one billion alibis

So tell me that you have changed
You're sorry you didn't stay
But do not expect me to believe
You're as different as you say

I could not handle all the hurt
Although you bring laughter
Because I finally realize with you
There is no such thing as "happily-ever-after"

Our love formed in unsaid words, sideways glances,
Constellations born into insecure eyes,
My toes touch yours, stomach performs flips,
A tingle runs up and down my anticipating thighs.

Fearing what feelings mean,
Time causing them to grow strong,
Chaos is where we both were raised,
Seems like every plan goes wrong.

Attraction is more powerful than doubt,
Hungrily, our sights devour beauty unique,
Howling in silence, hunting lust,
Guessing what unspoken hopes we're scared to speak.

-You are an afternoon blizzard of inspiration,
Breaking down walls without a single touch,
I no longer try to repair or rebuild them,
Bricks fall to pieces when held in your clutch.

In every way changed my life for the better,
If willing I'll share with you thoughts in my head,
Thank you for taking your heart out of your chest,
And trusting me to carry it instead.

Know you'd be better without me here
Make it harder for you to adhere
To goals, one thing is clear
The "us" we are sober is what we fear
Hold you dear, love who you are
Treat you bad, keep you far
Further than the most distant star
Scared to hurt you and leave a scar
Hurt you and I don't know why
It doesn't matter how hard I try
Only make things worse for you and I
When will you call it quits and say goodbye?

HOOK:
Try to make it right but I always do you wrong
Say I will change but taking far too long
You're sick of hearing me sing the same song
Can we turn this back around, or are you already gone?

Most of the time wish I was someone else
Try my best to be happy, it never seems to help
You always tell me to be myself
I'm not good enough, that is easy to tell
I will never understand what you see in me
You think I am amazing, I disagree
I am drowning, dragging you into my sea
My life a mess dark and ugly
Two words I shout sometimes "Go away!"
Off-guard, you can't find the right words to say
The same day, ask you please stay
Must be hard to love a girl who never is okay
When this ends will you miss me like you said?
Travel across oceans to be by my side again?
I touch you in all the right spots in my bed
But could never let you see inside my head

HOOK

Your soul is inspiring, balanced, real
I left old pain behind, wanted to heal
Your trembling hands decided to steal
Aching thoughts and unease I no longer feel
Just like a magician you put my pieces back into place
Anticipation filling the gaps and leftover space
I am starting to think I'll win this race
Is this only a dream? Will I wake with no trace?
If we are really here right now let me know
Leave me with a reminder to hold when you go
Lately my mind likes to bounce to and fro
One second feeling high, the next feeling low

HOOK

That's when it finally hit me
That was the exact moment I knew
We were really over and I
Didn't mean anything to you

You returned my old sleeping bag
Along with my bicycle and t-shirt
I know that's what I asked of you
But I had no idea how much it would hurt

To see my stuff outside my house
Waiting for me to carry it in
There is nothing left of me in your room
Guess it's done and now you win

You did not have to hear my voice
Or see my face, you just handed my
Belongings to a friend we have in common
He was nice enough to bring them by

You wanted it to be quick and easy
Painless, at the end of the day
I bet you thought it through and concluded
It would be better this way

These wounds they are not healing
Remain like cracks in a concrete wall
All I am yearning for is closure
I look and nothing's closed at all

Will never forget the first time
Was injected with an illegal drug
It was my suggestion
Laughed it off with a shrug

Addiction already running wild
Causing life torture and Hell
We reached the point where
We'd do anything to stay well.

I tentatively offered up
Opportunity, you jumped at the chance
Both saw the answer we craved
Hidden within the other's glance

Was scared, heart beating fast
Doubt building, I stared at the spoon
As the ****** melts, mind wonders
How did life change so much since yesterday afternoon?

Eyes that woke goblins within
Something darker in me
And night welcomed us weightless
Into a new barren wasteland, unevenly

Lucifers playing tricks in the dying light
Blinded in that foolish hour
I saw the syringe held softly in your palm
Goosebumps rose, was awed by its power

Of course fear on my face was clear
You made a half-hearted attempt for me
To ease concern, your cruel comfort
Did little to set uncertainty free

Something smoking deep inside
Whispered "this is leading nowhere good"
You touch flesh, searching for a vein
Stomach sinking, I am doing what I swore I never would

I swallow hard, you tie off my arm
Shoelace wrapped with indifference, no guilt in your eye
You glimpse the tears welling up fast
Say sharply "I'm not going to do it if you're going to cry."

But it is already in the needle
It is a little late to turn back now
I take a deep breath, suppress the teardrops
Shake shame off the sins I chose to allow

Turn my head to avoid the sick sight
Try to focus on the smell of coffee in the air
Let out a quiet whimper when the stinging pain hits
Wishing to teleport anywhere besides there

It was over after a few short moments
I felt better so I told myself it was okay
I promised it would be the last and only time
I have not parted with the needle since that day

You make fear fall down like rain
Push all the floods I am facing out
No longer am crawling around
A hallway heavily anchored with doubt

I have found a use for these clumsy feet
They now sense the right direction to go
Ground moves me closer to you
I can hear pounding of the waves below

A river of everything I have lost
Water quivers as I walk away
A shiver runs up my spine
Sinking pain felt yesterday

Flowing like ocean's highs and lows
Mood rises and shrinks with each swell
Tide pulls me closer to Heaven
Arms pull me away from Hell

Please do not be alarmed if I
End up needing more than I should
It's just that life has whittled me down
Rarely do things feel this good

A simple brush across skin
I forget about my past
I cannot think of a single reason
You wouldn't want this to last

Look how much things have changed
I am ready for something real
Take my hand, pull me away
Show me what it means to feel

After a long battle with tempting addiction
I came to senses about
The destroyed mess I made of my life
Fumbled through dark until I got out

To see my face happy now is a blessing
Is there any gift greater than to live?
When grass tickles bare stumbling feet
Today content with what Earth has to give

Cannot imagine a future with ****** in it
Rather be dead than go through thaf one more time
It is a road leading to no gain
Only desolation; a steep hill to climb.

Those days will always be etched in mind
Reminder not to be engulfed, to stay strong
Because of ever-present marks on both arms
Have no difficulty living right instead of wrong.

These butterflies are
Turning into antelope
Stampeding inside

Dreams end, impossible as it seems,
When eyes open a world far more real,
When sleep sprouts wings, flies away,
We realize we were trapped in a coma ideal.

Life is easy when you live a haze,
Mind wrapped, heavy fog,
Heart consumed, false potential,
Breath swirling, hopeful smog.

Just want to exist in reality,
Want to cut ties with manupulative illusions,
I want to smash this fantasy to dust,
Want to break your disturbed delusions.

I want to wake from this madness,
Forget the whimiscal world I have seen,
I  wish for light to trickle, not just out from your pores  but sun,
I am slowly uncovering truth behind this elusive scene.

Mind wrapped, muscles relaxed,
Is it bad it took me so long to see?
Our relationship simply a sad nightmare,
I tried to hold on, but had to set that seductive dream free.

Understand I keep my love hidden
Because I need to protect my heart from harm
Once again I lock myself away
This time defenses aren't so easy to disarm

I do not know how to live anymore
Spend all day waiting for your call
I am not alive til I hear your voice
Sometimes I am not sure if I'm here at all

When I pass an open mirror
I pause to stare awhile
I need to make sure there really is
A person behind that trapped smile

Hours loom long and lonely
Ticking clock has the upper hand
My dog wonders why I cry hard at night
Whimpers, but doesn't understand

There is a hole that can only be replenished
By your gentle touch and soothing embrace
Although our midnight talks are nice
It's not the same as seeing your face.

I hold onto pictures, notes, and memories
Texts that I've saved on my phone
I have plenty of pieces of you all around
None of it makes me feel less alone

I remember those warm summer nights
Can you honestly forgive me? Can I make it right?
Feel incomplete stillness caressing the air
Lips still smile but you know I don't care.

Breath clouding thick, oxygenated days
Frost clings to sunlit August rays
I'm all alone in the swift cold breeze
Sleeping unconsciously before the dawning freeze.

Next to your pillow, where I lie
To be? Not to be? To live or to try?
My choice is unspoken sound
Sharing sighs, while my heart starts to pound.

Blankets lay in crumpled heaps
And there is tension while your rejected heart sleeps
Distant pained eyes pierce my hollow soul
I wait with crossed feet, for you to lose control.

I know of your love but won't respond
Can you imagine what lies beyond?
Feel my kiss, if only one last time
My passion ends abruptly, just like this rhyme.

Go with the flow, quit resisting change,
Hour by hour time is running out,
Stay up all night, you can sleep when you're dead,
Make lasting memories, forget regrets,  you're better without.

I feel lost, sinking deep,
You are moving further away,
And there is nothing I can do
To make you happy enough to stay.

I am no longer what you want,
I see it when you look at me,
There is something more you're craving,
I will never be.

I try not to let it hurt too bad,
My feelings are only so tough,
I give my heart every day
But my love will never be enough.