have you ever wonder why I want you?
it doesn't matter
that's why
you don't bother me with your hands
you're naturally interesting
you grab me and tell me that you want to know me
you already know me
but I feel like I don't know you
and I don't own you
we know we are free to leave each other
whenever
whatever happens
you will remain special
but what's in for me?
now I know
now I'm realizing how
"post-love" works
even though after years of "moving on"
you're gone
it's hard to say that those
are literally years
of wondering why
why aren't we together at all
why do we exist without the other
why, why, why?
I still love you, why?
because it doesn't matter

I used to feel divine
I used to feel reckless
I remember that moment when
I felt
I said to myself
I could basically take over anything I wanted
now I'm just trying to organize
a messed up mind
almost hopeless
but fearless
thanks rivotril
**I hope I don't get too attached to you

i'll never stop thinking about you
and probably i'll never stop wanting you
for most of the times
i will forgive myself
for wanting to be so close to you
but why is it a bad thing?
why can't I be with you?
the fact that I love you and I want to be with you
doesn't mean that I hate life
they've told us
they've told us
i know we would be together
sooner if they've let me
but its a fact
i'll be dead

*and probably happier than now

polar lights
flashing before my eyes
sometimes I wonder what could it be
if we had to leave this town
we will never get to see those polar lights
again

but why would we leave
the place where we both grew up
where we lost ourselves in self-redemption
where we first started to love

oh, but when
did they gave us the right to choose
between staying or leaving?

I will miss everything

beautiful words
for a beautiful lover
how could I know how to stop this?
because I was in love
that's my excuse
my one and only
how could I not feel alone?
**you know we're much more than that

should I make a story?
should I make a confession?
or should I just write?

I wish sometimes you could trust me

I love
      the safeness
                        and the coldness
                                               of your smile

feel my frightened skin
my voluptuous insecurities
feel my silence breaking
wave by wave
slowly turning into **this

so close yet so far
so thin yet so fat
so dark yet so bright
so wrong yet so right
so hot yet so warm
*so yours yet so mine

everything seems the same
then repeat
I can't express my feelings right
then repeat
I can't even make them look like a poem
then repeat
that's the thing about repetition
then repeat
it seems like it sounds nice
then repeat
but it sounds so ****** and agh

I hate this
I hate you for this

what in the world gave you the right
to violate my privacy
my own space
and do it like is yours

what in the world gave you the right
to take away from me what's mine
and do it like is yours

what in the world gave you the right
to love me like this and leave
and do it like is yours

close your eyes
tell me what is it
don't let those crazy eyes
don't let them cry
keep looking at me
I won't step aside
don't give up on me

I wrote you a song
about all the little things you like
I wanted to take it slow
but the rush between the both of us
couldn't make it any slow

I just wish I could have known you better than this

try* to spend some time with others
try to act natural
try not to do anything stupid
try to be normal
try to not to do that
try to be yourself
try to smile
try not to feel bad
try to be less depressed
try to laugh at someone's jokes
try not to hide secrets
try to stop writing cheap poems in napkins
**try to get over it

"everything is a copy
                                     of a copy
                                                         of a copy
                                                            ­                  of a copy
                                                            ­                                      of a copy"

In my mind
You never left
In my mind
You're still here
In my mind
Everything's okay
In my mind
We're laying side by side
In my mind
We're not lying to ourselves
In my mind
*I'm not dead

I'm falling apart**






















I need to be back











I'm not being myself

I want to **** myself
I want to know how it feels to be truly empty
I want to end with this with my hand

when I was a little child
I used to dream of days of happiness
days of being all colorful
now my days are just blue

"suicide is not the answer"
"this will be endless"

honestly
I don't care

"How can I make my poem a trend?"
I've been wondering
So I made a list

step one
Stop thinking about yourself
Stop thinking about what you want
Stop thinking about the other half of the glass
Then you will realize that it doesn't matter how far you are
It always seems to be so near

step two
Think about the trends!
Not interested about love?
Then try all of the above!

step three
I really don't know what to think

Just remember
You choose to be recognized for being part of something
Part of something you don't even like
Part of something you're just in because it's a trend
Or to be recognized for doing what you like
Even if you're bad at that you could be recognized!

*but don't stop doing things

I just got this empty feeling
I wanted to stand out by myself
I wanted to be the living proof of something
I just turned out to be the living proof
The living proof of insecurities

I don't like to hear you singing my favorite songs

Sigh
I can feel the emptiness killing me inside

You're just thinking about it and already crying, don't you?

I'd like to think you're waiting for me
I'd like to think you're missing me
I'd like to think one day you're coming back
I'd like to think you're thinking about me
I'd like to think you've always been there
I'd like to think you actually loved me

That's why I don't like to think
It keeps me away from reality
It keeps me away from you
It takes me away from myself
I'm really losing it

One for me
One for you
One for everytime I felt like a fool
Oh, there you go, three
Two for him
When he said
"Make it sixteen"
Three for every meal
Four for every song
That destroyed my soul
One for the "was" and the "wasn't"
Then two more
Just for fun






There you have it
Enough to **** the pain
*Enough to **** myself

As the stars falls
As we began to fall
The piano starts to play
I want to play you
All the beautiful songs you should know
I want to tell you
All the beautiful things you should know

I like the being cold
And if it's hard to find
I can see it in your eyes

*oh

There's no such thing as
"good" and "bad"
     there
          are
               just
                   things

it's eating me
destroying me
complicating me
making me wonder
"is it?"

grabbing me by the wrists
grabbing me by the hair
grabbing me by the neck
grabbing me by every piece

every nerve
every cell
every single bone
every bloodstain

it's taking over me
and I like it
I enjoy it
and I don't want to end with it

like Syd and Nancy
like Paul and Linda
like Kurt and Courtney
like John and Yoko
like Elvis and Priscilla
I want us to be reckless
I want us to be free
I want us to not to be afraid of what's coming
I want us to be just us
but I know it's not going to happen

Why should they care?
why should they say?
denial
go on
I know what you're thinking
and it's okay
irrational
nonsense
everything
you're just being **bent

It's like you're reading my mind
It's like I'm standing there
Next to you
You make me feel like I'm almost dying
You're my favorite left-handed creep
You're wasting my time
You're filling my life with words
Words of things I could never know
You're just ******* with my head
You're just ******* with my mind
You're just ******* with me
That's what I like best about you
I enjoy being destroyed by you
You were almost my lover
You were almost my love

he likes to know how to change everything
he likes to say how it's the ending
he likes to run fast and not to care
I honestly don't like the change
he makes me feel like I'm on my way
but, what way?
the way to please him
the way to need him
the way to make him
being as happy
as he can