The toils of my hands,
The marks of my work,
I’m meant to find pleasure in these

Solomon’s words,
Gentle and stern,
Have genuinly provoked me

The grandeur and intensity I have felt recently has clouded my mind like a fog brushing the top of a mountain at dawn.
The romanticization of our shared aspirations and desperation has left me mesmerized and hypnotized like the effects of a magician performing a conjuration. Not meaning to sound as cliche or pretentious as I know this will, you are my idea of a vacation. What u mean by this is that, when I’m near you, I want to stay this way until the inevitable sands of time run out. But I can’t. I can’t because most of life is work and you are my relaxation. You are a cup of hot tea when the icicles reign supreme outside. One day, I will see you every day. Even then, I know I won’t want those days to end. But end they must. So we face the test of time, wearing infatuation and admiration as our weapons, fighting the clocks and schedules that trail so closely behind. We fight and we fight and we fight.

Darkness is a turning point
A turning point that says "no turning back"
It throws you in a well
and shoves a mask over your eyes
shakes the earth beneath your feet
till you start to believe its spiteful lies
it begins to attack
from that very moment
starting with a nibble
but then
taking over completely
one month later
you're in a jail cell of despair
wondering what the heck happened to get you there
but you remember the steps you took into darkness
what a foul enemy darkness can be
regain your life
rise from the ashes
light your own fire from within and brighten up your mournful room
darkness never wins in the end

His voice was muffled

He rang,
I answered

Each word he said came with a crackle and the loss of a letter

To me, it didn't matter that I couldn't hear every word he said

To me, he spoke so I would I understand

And I did,
even through the distortion

And every time he spoke,
he meant 'I love you'

So you left
and I grew out my hair
and you grew out the distance
and it stayed that way for a while
until I cut my hair
and the memories came back
and the distance didn't seem too far at all

(It's ok to be sad)                          
                           It's
                         alright
                 to cry sometimes
                because crying is a
               story written by our
                    eyes & told to
                       our faces

Walking through the hard, cold doors
Stepping on the hard, cold floors
with bare feet
and a silk gown
feeling as if in The Twilight Zone
or atleast way, far out of town
the nurse tells me to lie down
and she'll be right back around
with the
sterilizer
tranquilizer
poison
mind killer
thought thief
universal conformer
or simply
shot
with a monotone, passionless voice,
she tells me it'll all be over soon,
and I'll be just like the rest of them,
no free will after the injection
I try to scream and protest
but nothing comes out
I don't want this idiocity
oh why won't she hear me
why won't she listen
I'm not like the others
I can't be
I think
I read
I feel
It's against everything they believe in
Running down the halls
faster than their fake faces can
out the paper thin, mirror doors,
leading to a courtyard of
plastic trees &
plastic benches &
plastic people
doing plastic things like
looking in the many mirrors placed everywhere &
talking with no end
I refuse to be one of their barbie dolls
I'll go where my feet take me
and never stop
running
or thinking
or reading
or feeling
or going against them
because what a wonderful thing it is to have a vivid mind
they can't take that away
not now
not ever
my mind is my vice
leaving me vulnerable, yet powerful
But if it's wrong to have a mind,
please let me die along with my injustices

After the storm, when the clouds are spiteful and vengeance has been taken
Breaking character at play practice for a moment of pure ecstasy and humor
Catching colds, leaving an imprint of sickness and annoyance on one's face
Dodging the curious stares of ex lovers with a feeling of relief
Envious emotions towards the summer when you're left with chills and bare trees
Frozen faces in shock of the aftermath of that day back in September
Gracious arms stretched open wide by a Savior who has nothing to hide
Helplessness left on the man alone in the street with nothing to eat
Ignorance comes with the guy who thinks he knows it all (but really knows little at all)
Jokes are thrown left and right coming straight for the girl in the corner who's feeling depression
Kindness shared between two strangers hopeful that soon they'll be more than that
Lovers share a softened gaze and a touch of hands producing electricity
Moms crying for their kids first day of school, tears of joy
Nasty boys with shallow minds give over everything they have thinking they have real "love" for the night
Open-minded people uniting in the world to feel a sense of community
Pretentious celebrities showing a carefree attitude for the camera, but heartbreak behind
Quaint and quiet simple minded people read their simple books and live in a state of simple happiness
Red cheeks flushed brighter than a firework in July
Static on the radio playing really low, a tune really slow, with a sad tone
Tucked in crop tops, high waisted jeans, & converse lending a helping hand with nostalgia for the 80s
Under said phrases and over said words shouted on the rooftop with remorse and bitterness
Vertigo left her in a state of constant anxiousness
Watery eyes dried by pruned fingers in the salt water pool mixed with salt water tears
X marking the spot where she caught him with her
Yellow, stained pages and the peaceful smell of antique books
Zealousness for life shone in her eyes, almost like a musician when their fingers brush calmly and excitedly over their instrument

With beady,
lurking eyes
they pass judgement
looking for just one
"fatal flaw" to mock
Regurgitating false statements
giving them absolutely
no hope
for a future
ah, they say they have
but a single care
in the world
to provoke
to harass
those with substance
which they so evidently lack
what a world to live in
It's rather childish,
don't you think?

A brain is a marvelous thing
Thoughts and communication
Stuck in little files
Waiting to be opened and remembered

Blow out the candle
Let it go they say
Watch the smoke dance up in the air
And the flames leave
with a simple dance
As the wax hardens leaving a warm spot full of scented memories
But I don't want to let go
They can't make me

With every pressing question
my heart seems to leap out of the confined bounds of my body
So many things to ask,
So little courage to ask them,
I now see why curiosity killed the cat

The cold makes a fool of my body
Shivering, shaking
What a beautiful contradiction
The glorious sun
With the freezing weather

I've seen it all around
It's everywhere I go,
To track, to hide, and to desperately follow,
It's the costume of the century,
Varying in look and size,
Anyone may put it on,
and gain a faux happiness in their eyes,
To die with this malicious costume is a feat like no other,
for anyone who dies in it must be a sad, lonely soul,
for the costume is a play,
catching innocent souls,
snatching them up,
with a slow and painful swallow,
and the worst part of all,
is the part you can't see,
that under this costume,
they are truly unhappy,
putting up a smile for society,
well now I'm losing faith in humanity,
throw away your costumes,
It's okay to be sad,
I won't judge you for emotions that every single heart has had

"I have a dream"
he said
while wishes of freedom
filled up his head
He hoped for justice
where equality fell short
He even gave his life
as the last resort
A dreamer
A doer
A thinker
He rose above the crowd
Yet, he was just like them
His concept led to hope & a better nation
Yes, it's still a work in progress
But his dream isn't over yet

I'm falling down the spiral staircase of loneliness
you could say
I'm heading into a downwards spiral

You said that I was different
You'd never felt what you felt with me
You'd wait for me forever
And to think I almost believed you

The best year of my life
It all blurs together
Into a seamless, funny film
It's an old film, a heartwarming one
There's static on the screen
There's soft French jazz in the background
I'm golden
You're golden
It's all golden
This is the only way I can see the past year
It was a massive wave of change,
A wave that brought you in,
And has kept you here
This has been the best year

12:00 a.m.
Now it's over,
And you're still here.

The loud ring of the phone
brings him back to the
most important
day of his life;
his marriage

He doesn't know why
that memory was
triggered, but it's
all he can see

He longs to be back at that time
Falling, falling
The sweet tune of
"Here Comes the Bride"
plays in the back
of his mind

He sees the ground below him now
as he sees his wife walking
down the aisle
Closer & closer
Flirting with death

Near to the ground now
She's at the foot of the altar
She made it
So did he
"Till death do us part"

You're a shattered mirror
Broken & cracked in so many places
The reflection now seen is distorted
and not what it used to be
yes, it can be pieced back together,
but even then it's not whole again
There are still flaws & fractures
I'm here to help you fix them
or leave them
because you are you either way
I guess in some fashion, we're all shattered glass
Messed up & broken
but still beautiful

I am writing this using a pen that was oh-so-kindly gifted to me by a kind old lady. She also gave me a cookie, but that’s beside the point. I think she knows that the best way to bribe college students is through food. I’m standing at the table beside a girl who I THINK is in one of my classes, but I still am not quite certain. She is the kind of athletic and strong that screams “this is the confidence that you’ll never have”. We’re both being shown a piece of paper with a minimal amount of writing on it, but an infinite amount of pure heart. The paper says a sweet word about prayer and doing well on finals and all that, but my focus is on the excessive amount of exclamation marks at the end of each sentence. I guess Presbyterians really are the Oprah Winfreys of religion. I forgot to mention that the old lady is Presbyterian. She is advertising a fall bible study led by college students, which, if I were not plagued with the constant assumption that I’ll never know how to socialize or make friends, I would be absolutely enthralled by. The truth is that I’ve been trying to get “plugged in” for a while now, but how can I get plugged in when my wire is frayed and everything I touch seems to smoke and burn at some point? My plug is a circle and the outlet is a square, so I guess it’s like that saying, “A circle can’t fit into a round peg”, or something like that. Anyways, I didn’t mean for this to become an analogy between being disconnected and electrical outlets, but it turned out that way. The old lady at the booth was nice. I hope to someday be that lovely. Although I was around her for a total of thirty seconds, I saw what it’s like to live a life not shrouded in a black cloud of fear. So, thank you, lady.

You're a fool if you think true love isn't real

Love's a prickly thorn bush in a field of sunflowers
It's bittersweet,
And boy, can it leave scars,
But in time, wounds can heal, my dear friend
I thought we were both hopelessly in "love",
while you were preying on another,
now I realize I was just hopelessly hopeless for you
And I'm much smarter than to fall for a silly boy who can't be bothered to wait until I'm ready
Don't think you can fool me again,
My heart is beating to the beat of my mind now,
which you no longer occupy,
Instead of walking through the bush of thorns,
I simply try and walk around them straight into the heart of love,
Real and true love

The grooves in this picnic table
remind me of you
So rough and so spaced out
with small carved hearts all over
And splintered wood like your broken edges
Quite an average looking table
but something extraordinarily different

The difference is that
you are not a table
You are now nothing more than a silly boy in a part of my imagination that I keep playing over and over again

In a far off land,
with a prince who kissed my hand,
he gave me roses with black & white petals
and showed me how to steal priceless metals
he made me walk on a tightrope on the moon
and took me for a ride in his spaceship pontoon
and while I've no truth to what I've said,
I think I have more adventures while I'm in bed

I'm afraid
that one day the sun will come up
and the shadows will appear
Mocking me as distant wishes in the light
Casting their gloomy glow on my wanderlust
And making everything I thought to be true, seem like a lie
As the air that I breath could be miles from home
The shadows will taunt me and make me feel alone
The place that I longed for might no longer be there
And is possibly replaced with an inhumane city love affair
The shadows, they warned me, it was too good to be true
But the shadows trail behind me everywhere I go
With the goal of keeping me dissatisfied
But the only goal they've attained is loneliness

If we were soldiers
and our "love" the war
Why, there was nothing we were fighting for
Just empty air
and shouted threats everywhere
with awkward, distant stares

Tell me it's ok
Tell me that no matter what, life goes on and that soon I'll begin to see rainbows around every corner again
Tell me the broken glass shards of pain won't last
Tell me my heart will sprout wings again
Tell me that you won't ever let anything happen to me
Tell me to **** it up & smile
Tell me that everyone has rough patches
Tell me it's the strong who can get back up
Tell me it's ok

This one's for the lonely
This one's for the proud
This ones for the sad at heart
This one's for the loud
This ones for the tired
This one's for the poor
This one's for the quiet
This one's for the happy
The ones who can be free
This one's for everyone
Including you and me
You see, we're all the same, dear
We all seek something more
So next time you start judging
Think down deep inside
We aren't that much different
You don't have much to hide

Caught between
asking too many questions
while dreading the answers
or never asking questions
& letting the fear of ignorance take over

How do we summarize our lives? If we were given the choice of one word to describe the life of each person, what would yours be?

Time is just trivial
and clocks are just toys
what's really pivotal
is that we enjoy
the life we are given
is not meant to be rushed
time is a heathen
and clocks make us mushed
mashed up vegetables
with no sense of reality
can't you see
we aren't what we are meant to be

Time is as real as we make it
      out to be in our minds
        time seems to be a
           metaphor for a
              controller
               *******
             the life out
        what is time really
     you're late, you're early
  the sand is running out quickly
the clock is sneakily ticking midnight

I've been given more clarity
with the heavy rains of life
than I have with days of
never ending sunshine,
some days I prefer the rain,
but most,
I long for the naive sunshine

So when you call that boy up and tell him you don't have a burning, smoldering love for him, come to me
We can talk and drink soda while sitting on the kitchen floor in the refrigerator light
When you've had more than you can take and you can't handle the path you're going down, I'll lead the way
We can share the road of pain and dance in the sun's golden rays
When you get a job you aren't satisfied with just for good money, speak to me
We can both bear the financial burden as you open your cage and follow your heart
The thing you mustn't ever do, my dear, is just settle
Don't settle for false love,
or a lifestyle,
or a job,
or a feeling
Find where you belong
I'll be there to help you on the way

I wanted to say you guys wouldn't last
I know that was terrible of me
But I wanted it more than anything
I had this hope, that somehow, somewhere, it would happen
It hasn't been that long
but I don't want it to get any longer
and I know that it probably will
because you're "made for each other"
but what's the fun in being with someone predictable
you're a foreign country to me, and I want to explore

Why do I believe in an invisible God?
Well,
Why do I believe in air?
Why do I believe in love?
Although I can't see, I can feel, and that's more than enough for my simply complex mind

Remember that time when I thought that true love existed
& maybe I still do
but the only true love I know right now is with God
I don't know what to believe
Do we really fall in love?
Or is it more like a trap door?

Is this an outer-body experience
Or a pretentious subsistence
There’s a dog barking at my built-up wall
Forming a pattern of careful consistence

I’ve never broken a heart but
I’ve broken every plan I’ve chosen to mess with
I’m slowly downing this regret and distrust like it’s freshly poured absinth

The sickness comes right away, which I oddly knew to begin with
I say that I’ll change someday, but I think I’ll probably stay this way

After all, I’m happy
When the salt isn’t in my wounds
After I’ll, I’m happy
When I’m sitting here with you

Who am I?
Who are you?
Who are we without
words and thoughts?
Without them,
we are nothing but synonymous
creatures lacking intelligence
and possessing quite a bit of
that curiosity that killed the cat

Late night game shows droning on
Frozen pizza boxes on the counter
Eyes fixated on that glowing screen
Communication has come to a halt
Is this all we're living for?

Homework scattered on the bedroom floor
Laying in bed and sleeping till 1
Never seeing the light of day
Is this all we're living for?

Let's make a new beginning
You and I
Where the birds still sing
And we watch the sun rise
Let's step outside of our comfort zones
Before loneliness eats us up
Take away the materialistic dream of the world
And create our own masterpiece

It was petty, really
what we had
but it was more than worth it
and you were more than worth it
and now you're totally gone
I came to that realization
when I noticed the flirty stares
and the nonexistent hellos you used to give
were as gone as you
and I don't know what to do

Oh darling,
you'd never be able to understand a mind like mine

It was but a dreary day
When the crows began to pray
When the harks began to sing
When the doves began to shout
All had gone upside down
Even the worst of them were begging for help
While the so called holy ones started the riots

How can I take one day to celebrate my love for someone when one lifetime isn't even enough?

Staring through a frosted window
A girl that is paper thin
Heart on her sleeve, bound to a pen
Crimson blood poured onto paper,
Her words bound to give in

There was something almost tragic
about the way you pretended you didn't care what people thought of you,
some sort of relinquished magic,
and in your actions,
I could tell,
although wondrous flowers grew inside of you,
poisonous roots did as well,
These vices of fear,
or fake fearlessness,
helped to create
a grand, humorous mess
and watching this,
watching you,
was like watching the summer sky at noon,
what a spectacular view

I like you
maybe that's too vague
I have an immense infatuation with you
you make me feel so many emotions all at once
My heart & mind freezes up when you talk to me
You make me unable to speak (which normally ends up with some dumb reply)
When you ask how my day was, I wish I could tell you every second of it
when you joke around that nobody likes you, I want to scream, "but I do!"
Your personality is infectious and I just want to be around you 24/7
The most tragic part of all is
you're blind to it
and I don't have the courage to tell you

You can't sit there
and tell me
there's nothing more to life than
strife
        confusion
            & falsely happy days

You can't say that you don't feel
an ache
in your
soul
for something out of this world

You can't possibly believe that life is just this
m
   e
s
   s
e
   d
up
puzzle
where we find love and happiness and build success only to have all it be with nothing and for us to go into a dark, dust surrounded coffin in the ground
forever and ever

You can't tell me
you don't get the
goose-bump forming,
spine tingling,
earth shattering feeling
that there is something more than us all
greater than we could EVER fathom

for I have seen the Lamb of God,
and he's opened my eyes,
and I can't wait to receive my Heavenly prize

Love is
a word used to describe
the feeling when two brains instantly click like a key in a door
or when you don't care for them to see you in your pjs with your hair looking like a nest because you know they don't care
it's even when they open the car door for you or wish you a safe ride home
and when you touch, the zing of electricity, not just the normal tingle, I'm talking about an electric shock magnified louder than your heartbeat
also, when you're holding hands and they make circle traces with their thumb over your hand
love can't solely be defined in one definition
but when you feel it, you just know