It's hard to write happy things
When I'm feeling sad
It's hard to talk and "walk the walk"
When I'm feeling mad

Most of the songs I write
Are when I'm angry or depressed
And you don't have to read them
If it makes you feel upset

I'd hate to make my readers feel
The worthlessness and pain that I often do
It's hard to know if my works are "bad"
So just read a line or two

And give it a like if you really do,
Don't like it out of pity
Because it will tempt me to continue
With little or no mercy

So please do not hurt yourself
By reading something violent
And make it even worse
By keeping complete silence

There is no need to do that
So read at your peril
Because whether I am angry or sad
'Tis the work of a devil

Just run, don't fight
Sprint into the cold of night
Muscles pumping, no frostbite
Out the door and out of sight

Hands raised, on defence
Opponent has a death sentence
They swing wildly, stupid and reckless
Knuckles cracking, time to end this

What is life?

Is it the care and compassion
Of a select few?
Or the whiplashing torment
Of those who hate you?

So now you're finally here
My voice is hoarse, I have no tears
I shed them all when I screamed your name
So long and so loud but you never came!

I only saw you in my dreams
Apart from that you remained unseen
You promised you'd be there for me
But you weren't when my world split its seams!

I tried to crawl away
Away from the fighting and the pain
But all I have, it seems
Is this world others have made!

So don't tell me to calm down!
Why don't you just go away?
Leave me be, as you did
And ignore me as I fade away!

A collision of energy
Your passion and purity
My will and practicality
Fused and refuse to detach

Now, I just hope it lasts

“So, you want me to sort your troubles,
All your small, pointless worries?
“I could, and I suppose I should,
But right now I’ve my own quarries”

“What about the rest of the world?
Ever think about them?
How about the starving children
To which the world has condemned?”

“How about the soldiers?
The ones fighting your wars?
The wounded, and the dying,
Knocking on Deaths door?

“Shall we speak about the homeless
And the lives they could’ve had?
With not even a place to sleep
Now that, my friend, is sad.

So the rest of the world has bigger problems
That could be fixed if we dare,
So the “problems” that you have
Is of a subject I do not care."

So i stand in front of a boy i never gave up on
Til now, you're taking my strength when i need to stay strong
It's like watching a creation from a test tube; experiment
Only less of a man and more of a little princess!

I took punches to the face for you, prove my f!@#$%ng loyalty!
You just stood there, proof that in return you'd do f@#k all for me!
It's like when I needed you most you was standing, walking dead
Hopeless and far from helpful in your own battles, yet again!

For months I've tried dragging a dead weight out from his own grave
That with his own hands and borrowed strength he decided once he'd made
Yet how can you pull something that refuses to move
It's not that he's stuck for f@#k sake, he just doesn't want to!

Doesn't have a job, doesn't go to school
Instead lives in a van in his backyard and refuses to move
Or do anything as a matter of fact, just cry over his last love
You've all the time and i think I've heard enough!

Of hearing how she's your everything, wake up dude you're fifteen
I get you get feelings to but you're sounding like a ***** love machine!
All i hear nowadays is how you're so f@#$ing depressed
Suicidal like it's vital to take anger out on your own chest!

You could have been the best, beaten every test
You have a brain for Christ's sake, stop talking about Death
Like he's your best friend, that was me but now i gotta let go
Of someone i held out for, who cries for help but only cries for soap

Make a reality show out of it, a helpless little man
I had such hope where did it go i just don't f@#$ing UNDERSTAND!!

Another brand new day, a chance to start again
But if i did so then I'd have to discard all this pain
And as much as it pains me to hold it like so,
Without this experience I'd have nada to show

No stories to tell, no stories to share
No stories from drunken lips spilled without a care
You want to know the truth of it, the world is often cold
And those among us oftentimes succumb to icy holds

I've done so too, dragging my feet
Every day was an encore, every hour on repeat
So the days came, and so too they left
Nothing but a hollow sorrow leaking through my chest

Porcelain became my actions, stone become my face
A facade for my every move, a wolf with naught to chase
The darkness in the skies became the darkness in my eyes
As the darkness in the night became the darkness held inside

Shadows grew longer, so too did my inaction
An enzyme gone cold, with minimal reaction
This lethargy that enveloped every thought that crossed my mind
I crossed off all the pain and laughed, urged the struggles to hide

So struggle i did, so exhausted i grew
A plant of my previous self, all i did was grow roots
Stuck into the Earth with no intention to leave
I found myself worthless, this became my belief

And when i crossed out all my mistakes
These actions shown through carelessness made
An S.O.S called for, a flare launched in the sky
Shining ever brighter than the stars that lit the night

Uprooted and carried, burden i felt
Looking at my limbs satisfied with damage dealt
But hungrily lust for more, so more and more i drew
My laughter marked upon my arms in delirium renewed

Every step and every breath has pushed me off the edge
Until i fell and climbed back up, learned to walk again
My funambulism established, my lifetime the ropes
That once upon a time wound its way around to choke

With every moment left behind, my resolve grows evermore
Mentally i mark myself rather than count a bladed score
And when I've had enough, I'll not give up no more
I have a divine partner whom i love to my very core

And so I'll drag myself upright, so that i die with dignity
And make every day feel like a brand new beginning
Forgive my troubled actions, wish away my pain
Wash away these scars, and let us start again

I had a girlfriend once
I'd say we were alike
In more ways than one

We went crazy over each other
Gifts in public
Different gifts in private

I gave my heart
She gave hers too
I loved her but I cared for my wellness

For once in my life I considered myself
As a person who needed protection
There was an acid present that I've no place to voice

She gave her heart
I wrenched mine back
I left her and felt awful

That acid turned to venom
And it poisoned me so
It was either that or my ultimate destruction

There's cures for venom
Not so for ruins

I know i tend to fixate on problems that don't matter
Only wishing i could go back before disaster even happened
Some people need to learn, to learn from mistakes made
Hypocrisy says i do that one thing every **** day

In preaching a solution and trying to make it apply
I happily problem-repeat I know the truth not the reasons why
Pushing at an answer for all my unknown questions
I ask too much yet not enough to feel slightly pressured

Second guessing my responses and accepting all the consequences
Similarly, weighing  50/50 on my consciousness
A problem-less probability of dealing with **** peacefully
Is like changing the definition of equality to equity

Everywhere i go i walk slow, just to breathe in the air
Walking with a swagger listening to Marshal Mathers like i don't care
What you think of me, keep talking the talk
I'll stride on by because i walk the sidewalk while y'all just stop and gawk
Staring at my hungrily like a fish to a ravenous hawk
I'm a Phoenix mother f*er it's a competition, of the squawk!

Like it's only my fault, just hoping to live a life
I'm not squatting in the shadows like a motorcycle with no brake line
You're wheeling out of control, wheezing coz of all you smoke
You wanna whittle at it and puff puff but your throat catches and chokes!

Gripping at all your lost dreams like trying to grasp sand
Time up, ticked over, read the back of my packet to understand
Trying always to make the best of a real bad situation
Like pulling rainbows and silver clouds from a city lost to mayhem

I turn to the TV and turn it on, another twenty dead
Because a Middle Eastern man let religion get to his head
That sort of **** sticks to me like glue to overused shoes
A few years old and growing mould, worn and torn under daily abuse

Another case of law and order failing at justice
Because people will talk tall **** just to evade the clutches
Did you know its a 497 cash fine,
For running red lights
Yet some mother got 500 for baby bashing crimes?!

She took straight to the Internet, said she'd do it all again
This stays straight on my mind like wedded couples wearing golden rings
Quite simply put, the system has me shook
Prisoners behind bars and crooks running free like headless chooks!

Maybe you're starting to sense a little something in what I say
If not then just for you I'll become religious, bless you and pray
That maybe someday, you'll glare past the flashing red signs
And meet it with a gaze like a good student meets every deadline

Sophistication is the message hiding behind my words
If you refuse to look further than death and dirt you won't witness the hurt
It takes time for mad rhymes stuck to brainwaves like lifelines
To resign, and reappear from the pen to padded paper lined

And it's even harder putting the pieces in place
This is a jigsaw puzzle, such trouble is a thousand mistakes
But align them like a cosmic balance; and there you have it
Another visionary hole for a dead and dying rabbit

*It's clear to me,
You can't see
What is going on inside my mind

So here i stand,
Do what i can,
To show the scars of what claws inside

It's clear to me
You can't see
The cogs turning gears inside my mind

So here i stand,
Pen and paper in hand
To read you the words between the lines

Whence you look down
Upon your work with a slight frown
All I see
Is beauty
Flourishing in all its form

Through all your creative ways
Is perfection, once lost now found
Be it voice, hand and eye
This art wears a glittering crown

Concentration sketches itself
Like you sketch what you love
Upon your face,
Is all the grace
Blessed from high above

I admit a spot of jealousy
Runs a trickle of pain right through me
Whenever I see
This art done better than me

In voice, eye and hand
As beauty takes its final form
This preferred art that is your brand
Or with perfect voice you perform

A better art than mine,
Taken with a flourishing finish

Just another photo, with just another frame
Showing pictures of warped memories when time was just a name
Unbound by restrictions, not tied by the cord
That makes you stop and contemplate the risk or the reward

I was happier when I was young,
Oblivious and playing dumb
Forgiving and forgetting little things
That didn't really involve my mum

I never really knew my Dad
And sometimes it still makes me mad
How disconnection affects affection
And how when he left I used to be sad

I'd see my Father step on the plane
And the hollow in my chest just wouldn't fade
Even as young as then I knew he couldn't stay
He had a job to keep food on the plate

And my Mother? Yeah, I used to like her
When I was younger and didn't really know much better
What kind of Mother locks you in your room using a rope?
And shuts you in with nightmares hanging on walls, slightly sloped?

I wonder what it would be like if my parents were still together
If maybe they'd be happy or things would be any better
Never mind, I guess I'm just reflecting on life
And the pointlessness unlike the razor point of a knife

I carved my own skin into a memory of darkness
In times where I was not my best and was so sick of advancing
Through a life that lost it's point, hell, it's edge
I stop and think what it'd be like if depression and I had never met

I lose focus on the better things, they tell you to be positive
But how do you do this when you're conditioned to see the negative?
By a world that never liked you, that disconnected you from kin
And treated like the regular trash you ditch into the bin?

Things never seemed to go my way, so I gave up trying
And this explains why I'd be up late at night, crying
I'd try to sing a lullaby and fall asleep to it
But my voice was so hoarse I could never do it.

People say my life ain't bad, that's because I'm smilin'
Cracking jokes about dope and **** they don't know that I'm hidin'
Behind the face they wanna see, that some have come to hate
Especially a recent ex girlfriend and others as of late

I'd say it was coincidence, but I guess it's just a test
Is man or mother Nature truly, 100% the best?
Push on through this life, I'm doing it so you can too
Don't let people's gossip and ****** opinions get to you

They ain't worth the time, nor the cranial space
They just trash, so move past, it's your own mind to waste
So do it as you will, just be who you want
And don't be a warped picture that reminds you what you've lost

You think you're so good?
Exploiting someone like that?
Having yourself a little fun
Don't give a **** if it's bad?

Well *******, you are ****!
When you hear me come
You better run!
I can **** you easily without a gun!

Send you to the morgue, start saying goodbye
The last words you'll say before you die!
I hope I'm the one to slit your throat
And how's this for a little side-note:

I don't even ******* KNOW you!!!

You're trying to tug my strings
I never liked playing puppets
I hated every type of doll
What is that, whatever just burn it

Think you can master me?
Be my master mind?
Try mastering disaster
That molds itself as easily as plaster!

*Love me or hate me,
I really don't care
I never asked for either, whatever
Just make sure you don't mess up my hair

I wanna kick and scream
Tear down all the walls
Rip deep fingernail grooves
Up and down the halls

I wanna stick my fist through a wall
Punch and kick and slap
One thing I know from this for sure:
Secrets are a death trap

The saying goes, of sticks and stones
Only words could never hurt
Yet hungrily, infested me,
Rooted deep within my earth

Lies the pain of loss, not gain
But only discovered power
That found within a demonic grin
Would surely, destroy, devour

Consumed within the origin
Of bounds beheld by greed
At abyssal depths of consciousness
Sprouts insanity from seed

To view the bliss of ignorance
Another soul be claimed
In fire and burning brimstone
Begs the question of "what is sane?"

Perspective held and all is lost
For who knows right from wrong?
You never see, such sprouted seed,
Until you've found where it belongs

I wear the Reaper's desires, hide myself away
He cursed me with his shroud, I've become a Wraith
I scream ****** ******, his jaw forever grins
Everybody dies, and nobody ever wins

Short lived is our hope, and so we turn to faith
Making up our deities to fill the empty space
God can you hear me, howling winds respond
I grip a neck of glass, so the numbness is prolonged

I hate all I see, and I see myself in all
So I watch me **** everyone, in agony they sprawl
Nothing left but bloodied grin and scarlet dripping blade
The clouds cry my anguish, and pelt the muddy *****

Pretty roses splash and stain, madness left to claim the reins
All is shades of darker grey, maroon petals left to fade
Desperate fingers claw my flesh, this nightmare will never rest
For the shadows, they have spoken...and beast, asleep, has woken...

I watch as he kneels on the cliff,
Curved dagger in his hand
"Why must I end this way?
I-I... I don't... understand."

His tears flow freely
Seagulls calling in the sky
Salt spray smashing the rocks below
Their own intent to die

He pulls off his shirt, his face just as crinkled as it
Throws it to the surging waves
Says his prayers, regrets his choices,
As he remember the path he paves

Gripping his dagger, knuckles white
Into his belly, blade out of sight

My eyes snap wide open, as I awake
Oh, this excruciating pain

"Smart enough to know the truth,
And smart enough to avoid it.
Flawed are we humans."

If only I had strength of heart and mind,
So easily could I leave my chains behind...

A sickness is inside of me, a plague of crows
That caw on humid winds and I know they don't
Want what's best, so they take it all away
Leaving me a husk, this thing I am today

It burns in my chest, it scorches my thoughts
Eats my sanity up, and you bet I fought
Maybe I'm not buried but I'm happily dead
Just seeing another dawn, fills me with dread

One slight move, and I've grown cold
The warmth you feel is it's feverish hold
Things may be going well, but I'm not one
I stare into the mirror and hate what I've become

I look alright, but that's a disguise
I know the monster hidden inside
Give me the means and I will show you the end
You like what you see, but it's all pretend...

We all have our regrets, and some things we can't forget,
But we throw the dice and pay the price of whatever happens next
Kinda like my first date, it was okay, to start with
I only wanted company, not "til death do us part" and it

Started slow, no real flow, until about a month
We would hang around each other and our hearts began to pump
Things were finally going somewhere, my hopes were looking up
To the point where every second missed would become too much

So yes I learned to love, and it burned a fire strong
We both called it "experiment" so we knew it all along
What started off slow and steady, would gain momentum
And at merely nine months in, would finally crash and burn

For a first shot, it went as smooth as it could get
But it would not be a sob story if I didn't have regrets
I never clarified with you the truth I only stuttered
Something about a burden, how it hurt, and I was flustered

So here's the nail in the coffin of what we became
I was there for you, to support you through, from start until the end
But at a five month milestone, I noticed your depression
It took a toll on you, but I was no exception

I've always been a loner with my problems in the corner
So when you stacked yours on top of mine, I thought "this is getting awkward"
"I got a lot of mine, and I tell her that I'm fine,
But now she wants to try some drugs, I think that's across the line"

At only aged fifteen, you told me your desire
To smoke away the night and day and drink fuel for the fire
I was really kinda stressed, always up late at night
I didn't wanna leave you but it seemed it was my pride

Telling me I could fix you, saying that I'm okay
But no man is an island, I could not find a way to stay
Never been religious, but to this very day
You cross my mind from time to time and I pray that you are safe

You see sometimes when I remember you I hate what we were
Because all I can reflect on is the pain and the hurt
Most of that came from afterwards, I set my anger on you
Because I felt I had been played, used and abused by

The rumours going round the school of myself and a "friend"
With benefits and that's the truth, apparently we had ***
Not the case, it's not okay, only two people knew
The reason I was so ****** was because I was convinced it was you

But I gotta say, well played, you got your boyfriend to call me
Moving on in just a few weeks, got him to confirm your story
Why could you not just say it? It made you seem so guilty
And all it ever did, was raise the hatred in me

Funny enough, after all that, you were the best ex
The other two, between me and you? Were really ill-met
The second would accuse me of pictures I never had
I even checked my galleries to be sure, ain't that sad?

She was insecure to a T and really couldn't trust me
I was being honest, she pursued it and then it hit me
"If this is the way it goes, then this never had hope"
She told me of her interest but after two months, she choked

Saying I never "got her" now that's not quite right
I merely had a higher understanding, and a sight
You see she was blind, could not leave her worries behind
And brought them to a relationship that was only doomed to die

And the third? Aha, I got with that friend
For all of eight days, what a shame, it was already dead
I never had that feeling for her, and when she came around,
My sister barely saw her, but hated the way she sounds

Its not that she's just bad, she's poorly directed
Quick to anger, gullible, your flaws made you defective
I remember back in year eight, you trusted your enemy
Over me, he said I called you fat, I never did, DONT QUESTION ME

I was loyal always, and that is how it started
Pretty much as soon as it began it had slanted
You said I never considered your feelings, and I suppose that's true
After all, I never thought to myself, "I'm in love with you"

You obsessed over me for FIVE YEARS, you see what turned me off?
Always wanting to hug me, when I just wanted you to get lost?
You can't respect my privacy, if I tell you something I tell YOU
Not for everyone around to hear about my TRUTHS

Lets not forget the fact that you're really quite petty
Remember our last texts, just last year, that you sent me?
I was in class, on my brothers anniversary
Ten years to that day, I wanted to mourn in peace

But I had maths to attend, I sat up the front
Then you texted me, asking if it was my best friend I'd ******
Still following a joke I made three months prior
I told you to let it go but you would not be quiet

So I let you in, on the joke, you would not believe
So I was telling you about how you should just leave me be
You went on to throw shade, calling me an *******
***** please, you know what this day MEANS TO ME, SO WHO'S THE *******?

That's what made me laugh, you thought you left me
Despite me making first moves, and so regretfully
I announce to my first ex, my failures thereafter
But now I've finally found peace, after all this disaster...

So I hope you're okay, and doing good in life
Hope you got the help you needed, to put down that knife
I hope you're healing up just fine, with eyes on the prize
Chase success, do your best, and for now I say goodbye...

I'm on a lifetime mission
And I possess the volition
To relentlessly pursue my objective
To not fall into submission

I aim to be a Man of Honour
To be successful,  et voila,
To rise and conquer any challenge
To get up and push further

I have myself a simple dream
To be the best that I can be
This is my own lifetime mission
And with this wish I will succeed

I look down at my arms
All I see is scars
A mistake I made
When Nightmares wouldn't pass

That's my self-critic
He's called Nightmare
And he says that I'm worthless
Whispering to me **** that ain't fair

And sometimes I can't help it
I listen
And I watch the blood flow
In the dull light it glistens

And I see it, picture it
Before it even happens
Then I grab up my razor or knife
And all I feel is nothing

Blood flows,
Time slows
And in my rage
I let Nightmare be my boss

I go to work
So mad, furious and bezerk
Spiralling me, turning me
Into the Nightmare that is me

A part that I hate
He's so ******* ******* this
This soul that only wanted to
Make others smile by pulling the ****

I dont care what you say about
Men we're not ******
To stay silently violent,
Guns ready to fire

We aint gunslingers, walking all alone
We've minimal ammunition, we all wish we had more
A collectors store without boredom full of lead and war
A bitter path torn from the bitter hearts reward

The Devil walks on, in our soul the Lord's been gone
For at least two thousand years then a little sprinkle more
Didn't you hear? Crucifixion is addicting to the body
When by God's will he rose from where he lay rotting

See what i don't see is a solution for me
The evil in our hearts advance like Moses to the Red Sea
Its almost meant to be, that he's not for you or me,
Crazy it seems to be but crazy is what defines me

And refined finally, my thought process to polish
Perhaps you reject common facts by faith you'll abolish
The abomination that is by my nomination
The station, by which we pull the train that is a failing religion

If prayers did ****t for you, then that's cool, stay by God
And pray away the starvation, the slaving and the rot
But without action your thoughts and wishes are dead fishes to an aquarium
"Watch out kids, the smell is strong, just don't sniff it then"

God ****** by God's hand is his Children abandoned
You may live on with hope, but we're worse after moving on
In fact little has changed, our ways opinionated
But hey, that's my opinion and it'll get me killed if i say it!

So i guess i should claim this work as just a joke to rehearse
Coz if i don't then the Church will burn me at the stake like a demon I'm cursed
"Leave this blessed place, lest you stain the face of this Earth
With jokes and humour, you curse-hurdling mind-turtling ****"

Well that's okay, any place is better than Hell on Earth
Where pedophiles **** over little kids, yet I'm the joke and the curse
A lesson unlearned, as humans we burn
By the very nature of the forces that reproduced us like birth

A faulty experiment, that's what we are, just vermin
Little rats and mice, pests like head lice, ya guts churnin'
Feeling sick to the core, but you bought a survivors score
Tally up the years without chalk, just fingernails and whiteboards

Annoyed am I by the supposed gifts of God
If his gift is for us to **** ourselves then we surely bought
Into a failing cause, this opinion wont have sought
Anything but negativity where's the debate for which i fought?

So as you can tell, I'm the spitting image of Hell
Defined by my lack of presence at the toll of a bell
Sunday's are my lazy days, yet everyone else's to pray
I'd rather not trust into the tiger as prey

He'll eat you up, your money, your life and your family
Eyes closed and hands clasped with minds surrendering
I should be thankful this was hardly forced onto me
Otherwise I'd be just another religious zombie

My faith lies in evidence i can see feel and touch
So unless you have the man Himself i wouldn't dedicate to anything but lunch
Food is good for your body, another real thing to me
If i wanna cleanse my soul I'll do it with something that fully fulfills me

And its not bowing on my hands and knees
Just to please or displease an unseen deity
The variety of higher powers that can't be viewed
Is just the more clarity that the truth is skewed

I'm a man of psychology, technology and biologies
The chemistry that makes me be is a visual clarity
The evidence of God's work i cant see before me
So either I'm blind or wide-eyed and y'all are dreaming

But whats an opinion to you, when all y'all pursue
Is the chance to strike a match and dip into kerosene, no clue
What happened to our honesty, honestly its lost on me
A dishonest man is just a common story thief

They're everywhere, once more the rat
But y'all done goofed now because guess who's back?
That's right, the black cat, the night owl, not Shady
He maybe be a little crazy but he ain't me

So eat me or beat me, push away the locks' key
Turn it into wine and bread and then decide to feed three
Because that's the magic number and its bothering me
How death, d!cks and dishonesty are all around me

Hahahaha, the jokes on me
Naturally, there comes a fee

It's an impulse you can't control,
An action you wanna take back
But let's face facts
You can't delay it
The pain waits patiently,
Tapping away at your consciousness
Regardless of the consequence
And I'll be honest with this
It's almost impossible to stop

Almost

The key word I hang onto with every breath
This is not just a test of strength
But of reality,
Making short work of your sanity
You try to stop it
But it won't have any

I see the kids with mocking laughter
Not knowing that my body awaits disaster
Trying not to cause drama
To kick up a fuss
To set off the bus
Drive it down main street and yell
"Hey look mum no hands".

There's a reason rumour rhymes with tumour
Malignant and fast
If not careful you'll breathe your last
One misplaced cut and your veins start spewing
On the gums with nervousness inside your mouth you start chewing
And deep inside your anger is brewing

Boiling
Broiling
Coiling around your throat
Just to choke you out

That's what my impulse is like
That's what my impulse is about
And sometimes it's hard to resist
When my subconscious persists
That little voice in my head telling me
"You ain't ****!"
"Just another mother-******* chopping board
Slicing
And dicing
The Sunday specials you had stored"

I'm better than this
Experience defines who you are
And I'd rather not be a peeling bandaid,
A walking, talking, bleeding scar
That won't heal!

That stays, never gives up for the wrong reasons!
Searches and lives a life without meaning!

I'd rather just be myself
Not the trash can everyone dumps their **** into
Even when it's full

I want to be safe
Can you say the same?

There is a key
To an abyss of thoughts
So irrelevant, so minute
It surprises me what I remember
When the gate to these thoughts
Is opened

And is the reason why I'm still awake
Two hours after going to bed

Sometimes
I beatbox just to clear my mind

Sometimes
I clear my memory to leave it all behind

Sometimes
I sing because I'm feeling good

Sometimes
I do what everyone should

I always
Help out my friends when they are in need

I always
Stay with my friends, the faithful steed

I always
Make memories that will last forever

I always
Cherish the good times we have had together

I love
My girlfriend,
My friends and family
Until the end,
Until the death of me.

Hidden agenda- Secrets form a bond between two.
They allow each other to trust.
They let us see what is really important,
As well as let us see beyond the crust.

The softness and sweetness within.
The true and raw inner emotions.
The personality and the behaviour.
To taste their cure and their potions.

Conor Blatchford   Trust is warranted for those who deserve,
Keeping others secrets can cause me to burn
I hate when I'm trusted with something I can't keep
In fact it causes me to lose sleep

an acid, a poison, corroding my thoughts
crossroads that run four different corridors
at the end of each, a padlocked door
not much to see but here, have a tour

one leads to Guilt, it opens a lot
and from deep inside lies a scent of rot
imagine sunken eyes, decay-riddled flesh
crusted tears caught in the folds of saddened death

the second leads to Rage, hear the beast in the cage
a vicious monster kept, a lion untamed
the red claw marks along the walls and the blood that dried
I've lost myself so many times you could say that I died

to your six opens Doubt, a hollow void indeed
you can feel the pulsing dark, lustful or greed
its desire is destroy, to run down into the ground
and claim my soul its only goal, gone without a sound

the fourth is most vicious, a chasm called Depression
all your thoughts and feelings, kept under suppression
for to voice all the voices telling you that you should die
is the means to take away the chance that you may try...

and in the centre stands me, isolated by this pain
the likes of which to share would be of zero gain
a problem told is a problem halved but this one can't be cut
I know things that can, but the unsolved is worth much

and I keep what's mine....

Negativity hurts,
If anyone can tell you that it's me
Been through a lotta ****, especially recently
I can't get images of my ex outta my head
I tried to divide, conquer and hide
But I can't
So much pain
And I got nothing to gain from it
Except
Maybe learn your ******* lesson kid
Don't ever care for someone too much
So much you'd do anything
They lead you on and you think your strong
But you wrong
Try saying that ten times over
When she's gone
And she's gone
Left me alone
Friends with the enemy
Developing
Friendship
And injuring me

I think about it sometimes
It's why I cry at night
I stick around, head down,
Fighting the good fight
I metaphorically kiss my online friends
Goodnight
Whilst through the screen I'm saying
Goodbye

It hurts you know
Negativity gets to you
Puts you down faster than
A speeding car ever will
Or the feel of gravity
When you drop off the bridge
The noose around your neck
Tightening a little smidge bit
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger
Man that saying could never get any wronger
What doesn't **** you weakens you,
And if it does than your lucky
Don't have to stick around to be toyed with,
That little yellow rubber ducky

If you live than you'll die
They put you down when you try
And fail
So you look up at the stars at night
Why
Why is it no matter what you do
There's always someone to dis what you do
And never anyone there when they say they'll be
They leave and walk away as it happens, conveniently
They don't see me being punished
For sins I never committed

I get finished
I wake up everyday and go to school
Walk to my locker and get made a fool
They're everywhere
Just when you find peace
They make you realise it was never there
You deluded yourself to protect yourself
And you did so because no one was
No one was when you needed someone else

I tried all my life
All I ever wanted was good times
But now I have bad times
And it's half the reason I rhyme
This **** is history now,
Always be part of my lifeline
I just wanted someone
To help me make my life better
Yet it's reached the point that my
Trust is in a stranger
We know each other a little more since the start
Because I'm emotional and I cry when I pour my heart
Inside I die slowly, corrupted by words
The same words teachers said that could never possibly hurt
Some of us were built strong, others have to learn to dodge
Fly away, little birdy, fly away from the wrong

Well if I'm a bird I'm a **** penguin
I can't really fly but I swim through all your crap
And it gives me more reason to rap
Like I said, to rhyme
If speaking your heart is a crime
Put me in jail for the rest of my life

I don't wanna die
The constant danger that I defy
Lurking, elusive, sly
It tries to pass me by

So it can lay a trap ahead
One mistimed step and I'll be dead
My inner clock slowly winding down,
This pulsing presence, this unseen frown

Some sixth sense within,
Alerts me to the Devils grin
Won't ever let the darkness win,
Oh sixth sense, oh mi amas vin

I don't wanna die
'Till the end I'll always try
To walk this tightrope called life
And pray
It doesn't fray
As I scream for that wicked steel, that bloodied knife.

A mark in time
Up the arm of one
Who forgot a time
When happiness was an everyday factor,
When he didn't need to wear a façade
When people could tolerate his humour
For it was the only way
That he could keep smiling

But it is supposed
That without times of extreme sadness
One would never know
When they were happy

And now these scars...
Every time he looks down
He is disgusted
With himself
Disgusted
With the world

Is it any wonder he wants to burn it all?
Leave an equivalent mark of time
A mark of pain, of untold hurt,
Of malicious torment
Upon the world that inflicted it
Upon him?

I suppose it's no wonder
I wish to engulf this world in flames...

Hollow, empty
Devoid of emotion
Unsure as to who I am
No cure, no potion

Mimic the cries
Of our endless lies
Hoping to fit in,
To belong, feel security within

But it scares me,
As I'm sure you can see

I want to be myself
All I need is help
To bring out who I really am
And hope that, socially, this isn't my end

I feel so lost,
So totally unlike what
Everyone expects of me
And what I expect of myself, the whole lot

I look inside myself
And all I see is utter blackness
Not because I am a demon,
But my actions have caused darkness

I didn't believe in myself
I wanted to be someone else
Everything I ever did
Was based off of not being the "weird kid"

The one with the buck-teeth,
That "Aspy", abnormal boy
I wanted to be part of a group
Not a bullies favourite toy

But I also wanted to do what I like,
Talk of dinosaurs, aerodynamics and castles
Not to be just another
Fashion, gaming and acting apostle

Guess that didn't work out so well, now did it?
Because I don't know which parts of me
Are the real me, not the "fitting" in me
That is something I cannot see clearly

I just want to be myself
Not a creation moulded by society
But I don't exactly have a choice now, do I?
I must face the humility.

A small cave of darkness,
Step out into luscious forest,
Green and brown, mixing with moonlight
Birds chirping, waterfall crashing
Running water over rocks

Leaves rustling, wind gentle
On my forehead, pushing my hair
Back off my face,
Tasting faintly of honey,
Smooth and indulgent.

Walk over to the riverside,
Sit cross-legged on the bank
Run my fingertips through the water
So soft, rippling and welcoming
So clear
And oh so beautiful,
So breathtakingly pure,
So real and righteous.

A pity that I cannot show
My dreams, as if through telepathy
So that those I love can share
My place of freedom,
And be at peace as I was
Last night.

A monster with a mask
Represents what lies in us
How we come alive the moment
The sky goes dark

Partying and popping pills
Drinking and dancing for the thrills
Happiness worn by the saddened
So high on drugs, their depression pardoned

So excuse me if I'm cynical
And yes I'm hypocritical
But why do we claim perfection
When a monster is our reflection?

They said I couldn't make it, said I was worthless
Said I'd be nothing, and left me hurting
But as I rise up to the call
I know who I am, and I won't fall

I'm a glacier, in the middle of winter
I'm a saviour, or so it's been hinted
And though I am cursed and covered in dirt
I rise, unbreakable, with passion that burns

Bruises for my troubles
And troubles give me bruises
Classification is big at High School
And they've stuck me with the losers

Sniggering and sly talk
Like I learnt to read lips a while ago
So don't clap at the top of that mountain
And try to blind me with all that snow

They believe I'm a chained bull
They can **** me into anger
But this ****
                     Is
                        Going
                                   Down
And you think you know me, but I'm a stranger

Weren't you told as a kid
To not talk with whom you know not?
I'm allowed to fight back now
So
    Run
            Before
                       I
                         Watch
                                   Your
                                           Corpse
                                                       Rot

Honestly
My father said if words don't work
Just knock 'em one
But stop short of going bezerk

He doesn't wanna pay what they'll need if I stick them
In
   A
      Wheelchair...