Lying awake three hours past midnight
As my thoughts scramble in the cool wind
Nostalgic memories of love come to light
Bringing warmth to my weary heart and mind

Thoughts of you come flooding like a river
Overflowing with all the love that we shared
Young I was when you caught my attention
Young you were when I gave you my life

I still remember the warmth of your hand
And how happy it feels when it touches mine
The way you looked at me with those small eyes
Immersing me in the deep abyss of your thoughts

The very first kiss that we shared still lingers
I can still feel my heart throbbing like it did
And when you said how much you loved me
I couldn’t help it but smile as if I’m crazy

I loved you with all I have and all I gave
You loved me as passionate as you could be
I guess it was just time for us to grow apart
When all that romance made us stubborn in life

The feelings we shared stayed within me
Even when you went away they’re chained on me
And even if you now stay in the arms of another
My love for you exists, even if I freely gave you away

This weary heart is getting older each day
Not knowing if it will be able to love as it did
As much as I want to love like I’m young again
This heart only opens up to the one it loved first

If only it could go back to the way it was
A young heart that could give love so passionately
A heart that is never cold and always forgiving
Then I guess this lonely existence could be upturned

This old heart wants to love like the first time
When its innocence was whole and intentions pure
If only I could turn back the clock, go back in time
I would regain all that happiness, of that I’m sure

I sit alone in front of the campfire,
My eyes glancing at the dancing flame
Imagining life without my only desire
And for my loss I'm the one to blame

In my slumber, I traveled back in time
Locked in a nightmare, I longed to escape
My mind haunted by the sound of the chime
And a cold chill grasps on to my nape

A Dream or Reality? I asked in despair,
Hoping that this is all in my head, all this fear
I just want this gone, I didn't even care
Just remove this curse in me that only I can hear

Moments of torture and hatred suddenly disappeared
In the back of my head I thought, a moment of peace
Yet the night grew darker, and my hope was shattered
A ghostly maiden from my past, weakened me with ease

Salvation was out of sight,
I choose to stay and fight,
Yet the shadows held me tight,
But no longer will I give in to fright

With all my strength I struggled to get free
And ran away from my haunting past
Insanely, I ran as my life flashed before me
And I was wondering, redemption at last?

I jumped towards the sky, pleading for it to take me
I felt invincible, untouchable, full of power and strength
And with one final battle cry, I plunged into the sea
At last, freedom came to me with one last breath

My life is an ocean, full of sadness and pain
Yet within its depths I found eternal peace
Within the underworld my soul sleeps and satisfaction I gained
As fast as the waves of the ocean, all my agony released

Surrounded by walls
Clinging for dear life
Emotions in conflict
Claustrophobia ensues

I'm losing myself
In this battle for endurance
I'm trying to hold on
Vying for your elusive heart

Your eyes contradict
What your lips blurt out
Your here inches away
Yet the distance an ocean's length

You abhor the thought
Of getting me hurt
And yet your actions
Hurt me constantly

You are an enigma
Yet to be solved
And yet you hold my heart
At the palm of your hands

You surround yourself
In my warm embrace
Yet your life is a shadow
I have yet to see

So here I am
Trying to cross that ocean
In between us
Trying to break your walls

I pray for constant guidance
In taking on this long journey
A journey few men could endure
To tame a wild and evasive love

I pray for constant strength
To brace myself for the coming storm
To hold steadfast and keep chasing
The girl who haunts my dreams

I pray for Love to blossom
Between the hunter and the hunted
I pray for blaring passion
To burn the walls you've built

Someday I will cross this ocean
No matter how long and how far
I will keep my aching head cool
And my wanting heart holding on

Please remember me
Once you tell yourself
That you want to fall
In love again

This is a deadly game
This is a poisonous gamble
This is unwarranted passion
This is crazy obsession

And yet you choose me
Amidst all that chaos within me
That hurts you when it shows
Amidst all my flaws you love me

You are a bright flame
Warm and passionate
Fierce and boisterous
A raging beacon of beauty in the darkness

I am that darkness
Cold and unmoving
Dead and restrained
A chaotic enigma hidden in your shadows

I am around you
But I cannot touch you
And yet you shine for me
You choose to love me

No matter how much we try
No matter what we do
Light can never banish the darkness
And darkness can never touch the light

But here you are
Loving the darkness in me
Because you exist to need me
Because light must shine amidst the dark
And darkness must help the light shine

An odd combination
The two of us
And yet you're in love with me
And I with you
They may say its wrong
But who the hell cares
Because I feel its right
Even if we are never alike

Him:
This is the last chance I can manage
The last chance I could pour it all out
The bottled up feelings I held for so long
The strong feelings I always had for you

I've been in love with you all this time
From the first time I laid my eyes on you
But because of the silly fears I had back then
I lost and wasted chances to make you mine

Years passed by like mere days
But these feelings were never diminished
They even grew stronger by the day
And they kept me up and awake each night

I hid behind my cowardly fears
Thinking that if I stayed the same
Maybe one day, you'll see through me
But instead of that awaited day, he came

Tomorrow you'll walk down the aisle
In the most beautiful version you could be
Walking towards the future of your life
With me only watching by the sidelines

Tomorrow you'll finally be his wife
While I hold my peace forever
But tonight I'll be coming clean
So only for tonight, please listen to me

All this time, I loved you
Even at this very moment
I love you still so much
It kills me inside that you won't be mine

Your happiness is what I always had in mind
Even if that happiness doesn't come from me
I wish you all the best in your future married life
I hope he fulfills what I always wanted to do

I'll be fine on my own
I'll get over you someday
Though it may be hard
And may take me a long time


Her:
You never were the one for me
You didn't even mean that much to me
Back then you we're just a boy
And I still see you as a boy right now

A boy who took things for granted
Thinking that everything will turn out okay
Even when its obvious that he'll lose dearly
Because of hiding behind his baseless fears

But even then you were a boy
The boy who always stayed by my side
Of course I was bound to fall in love along the way
To the one whom my world revolves around

Stupid, dumb, foolish boy
You were always a pain in my heart
But you were there, right at the center
So insensitive of you not to notice

I had always been in love with you
Always waiting for the day you take heart
and courageously tell me what I always saw
That you also loved and cherished me too

But that day never came
Instead, he walked in my life
right when I was loosing all hope for you
becoming my fall back and my comfort zone

Still, I always had my eye on you
The first man I ever fell in love with
I guess first love really doesn't die
because even when I was with him, you stayed on my mind

When he asked my hand in marriage
I thought it was finally an escape from you
An unrequited love I always cherished
and finally be free from every memory of you

But now you come here facing me
Professing the love I always yearned for
Making me think of running away with you
and to finally be with the one I loved most

But instead, I'll give you just tonight
I'll make you regret every wasted time
I'll be yours for the last time
I'll give in to your love only for tonight


Both:
Let's take each other's hand
Be locked in each other's embrace
Slow dancing in a borrowed time
Staring longingly for the last time

Let our movements synchronize
with the music of our heartbeats
and the pacing of our breaths
as we dance our first and last dance


Him:
Let me touch your face for the first and last time
Let me kiss you passionately before the sunrise
Let me be yours in the darkness of the night
Let me make love to you under the moon and starlight


Her:
I'll let you take me for the first and last rush
I'll let you kiss me from midnight 'til sunrise
I'll make you mine only in the darkness of tonight
I'll make love with you bathed in moon and starlight


Both:
Slow the flow of time tonight
Please let us stay in this moment
Suspend us in a perpetual night
Let us stay here in each other's arms

We know forever is out of our reach
And that this love ends when sunlight comes
So please, let us stay this way for a while
Dear God, let us dance forever in this suspended time

Let the last of our kisses stay frozen forever
Don't let this reality be a bittersweet memory
Please let us cherish each and every second
Please let us savor each tender moment

What is this wretched feeling?
That eats all my happiness away
What is this weary feeling?
That secretly tears me away
What is this heavy feeling?
My chest being crushed by the weight
What is this dreadful feeling?
No matter what I do it doesn't dissipate

No matter how much I cry out
Nobody wants to listen
No matter how loud I scream
Nobody can hear my pleas
I feel like no one cares about me
Would you please help me?

Sometimes I just want to disappear
And take an adventure to a life without sadness
Would dying lead me to
A pain-free afterlife?
If Death greets me and brings calm
To my grieving, bleeding heart
I guess I won't hesitate
I just need to get out of here

Imagine that?
You still live in the flesh but
Your soul is way beyond rotten
And yet you can't do anything
But whisper it in silence
My heart pumps blood
But it never really is beating
My days go by without me struggling
Thinking about what to do with my life

I am depressed
It's no joke
I feel bad about me everytime
I see them getting somewhere
in this life but I'm still stuck
In the middle of
Nowhere

Can I really turn this around on my own?
I don't know what I should do?
I still want to live but everyday
I'm dying inside

I'm just depressed
I may also be insane
I don't know if I'm manic
Or just really anxious
So will anyone just sit down
And listen to me?

Listen to me?
Help me please?
Empathize with my suffering?
Hear me out?
Will you just stop?
And will you just
Listen to me?

Just...

Once..

??





I need help..
..
..



Will you help me?

You were a surprise
Something that never crossed my mind
An unexpected encounter
That would change me forever

I always thought that
If I work hard and with passion
I could get anything I want
Never have I been so wrong
As then and there
Right in front of you
While I choked on my feelings
and opened my heart
Fate dashed this innocence
In just a quick instant

I've always wanted you
Just to be beside you
Breathing the same air
Sharing the same moment
Laughing on the same jokes
Holding hands
Locking in embraces
Eating at the same place
and sharing the same food
Reading together the same books
Sleeping on your lap
While my mind flutters around you
Dreaming about a tomorrow
where we do the same things all over again
and being happy with each other
Being content with this life
That I wanted to share with you
How innocent of a dream
and yet Fate is a cruel thing

I always thought that I could reach you
I could be with you through think and thin
That you could want me the way I want you
Is it wrong for me to be in love with you?
Why does loving you passionately
end up being a punishment on me?
Why is it that when I only yearn to be with you
I end up living and loving alone?
I always thought that you were already mine
And yet in the end, you've always been out of my reach?
Why is it that when you were with me, you were always content
and yet when with him, you dare to dream even further?
Why can't my love for you prosper
while his love for you bears all the fruits of my labor?
I don't understand why a wish so innocent
can be trampled and forgotten in an instant twist?

I guess I was only chasing stars
Trying to catch a love
That was never mine in the first place
The lonely nights come passing by
Every day burning quickly
Like embers on a windy night
Trying to forget the memories
you shared with me
Trying to forget the dreams
you made me yearn to achieve
Even though forgetting you stings
I'll do it
I can't stay stagnant on you
I'll have to move on
even if it still hurts
I'll push on
Until you are completely
Out of my system
and out of my reach

Papers scattered all over the table
Like the thoughts jumbled in my mind
Pens out of ink, pencils' lead littered
Like this tired heart in broken chaos

Here I am, broken and tested
Twisted by fate to fall in love again
Here I am, fighting yet bested
Twisted by fate to fail all over again

You are the object of my affections
The one who gives me sleepless nights
You are the sunlight in this dark life
The one who sheds life in my sadness

No amount of words can paint you
A picture of my deepening emotions
No amount of broken pens can suffice
A poem that is meant to embody you

Please give me a chance to fight
No matter how long it might be
Please give me the will to endure
No matter how hard it might get

Why is everybody laughing?
Grinning ghoulish grins
Looking at me with piercing eyes
Like their cutting me in half

The voices are speaking again
Can you hear them?
Even when I cover my ears
They can still make them bleed

I have a problem with my mirror
Every time I look at myself
Even when I have the same clothes
Why is the face not mine?

How come whenever I try screaming
Screaming on the top of my lungs
Coughing out every cry for help
I'm still drowning in the eerie quietness?

I'm supposed to be depressed
Tears and blood pouring out my eyes
Why am I hearing my own laughter
And in the mirror, Why am I smiling wide?

I thought my insomnia was kicking in
I tried closing my eyes, rolling on the bed
only to find out that on the other side
I was already sleeping deeply.

Help me get out of here
This prison called my mind
It's playing games with me
Or am I playing games with it?

Nightmares are becoming dreams
Laughter raises the hairs on my nape
How will I make this right?
When I'm not in my right mind?

This Love consumes me
Eating away my sanity
Dictated by passion
Detached from reality

Controlled by desire
Afraid to let go
Diseased by Lust
Unable to say no

A puppet without strings
Wishing only to become real
To satisfy the wanting heart
To love and be able to feel

Come to me
Oh dearest sweet
Come consume me
Become my heart beat

Control the strings of my heart
Unleash these wild feelings
Guide my every move
Into your very being

Like raging forces of nature
Wreaking havoc across the bedroom
Both trying to dominate and be defiant
In this bare ******* under the moon

As you bite my lips
And your fingernails sink in
Goosebumps all over me
On every inch of my skin

Let the passion come crashing
Like ocean waves pummelling the shore
Like a waterfall pouring on a river
Let me seek and want for more

As puppets controlled by desire
Engulfed in passionate lust
Let the innocence fade away
Let every kiss be a must

Rain drops at nighttime
Bring calm to my weary soul
Come cleanse me tonight

The heavens cry lots
Raindrops falling heavily
Washing off my tears

‘Heto na naman tayo’t nagbabangayan
Parating nagtatapat na magkabilang panig
Sinusubukang amuhin ang galit na nadarama
Pinipilit ayusin ang matagal nang nasira
Nandiyan ka na naman sa iyong sulok
Hindi mapigilang umiyak at magmukmok
Ako nama’y nandito sa kabilang dako
Pinupulot ang mga bubog na iyong binato

Ang mga sugat na matagal nang naghilom
Muli na namang binuksan ng mga sakit ng kahapon
Bakit pa ba natin binabalikan ang nakaraan?
Ang gusto ko lang naman ay ang ‘tayo’ ng kasalukuyan
Ngunit sa bawat titig na iyong binibitawan
Para bang ramdam mo pa rin ang sakit na ako ang pinagmulan?
Ano pa ba ang dapat kong gawin?
Para tuluyan mo na akong patawarin?

Isang patawad na paulit-ulit na lang sinasambit
Isang patawad na matagal na dapat pumawi ng galit
Ngunit sadyang ganon yata talaga ang tindi ng sakit
Kung kaya’t ang pagsusumamo ay dadahan-dahanin at ‘di na ipipilit
Mula sa nakalalasong relasyon ika’y aking pinalalaya
Sige na’t humayo ka, bumangon at humanap ng ikasasaya
Mahirap para sa akin na ika’y bitiwan na parang wala
Ngunit ito’y ginawa dahil kahit ganon ay mahal pa rin kita

Isang rason lang ang aking sasabihin
Isang rason na sana’y di mo limutin
Sa pagdating ng tamang oras sana ako’y maalala mo rin
At ang pag-ibig na pinanghahawakan ang maging tulay para ika’y bumalik sa akin

I've been running in circles
Been dripping in sweat and rain
Making my way towards nowhere
Moving until I reach where you are

I'm losing my ******* mind
I'm giving in to my emerging fears
My mind in a repeating anxiety
Whatever happens, I can't lose you

My thighs feel tired from sprinting
My tears mixing with water and sweat
Why does it seem that wherever I run
I never get to see or meet you?

Racing towards where you are
Thinking of all the reasons I could say
All the things that could make you stay
Pushing my mind and heart to the limit

No matter how much I try to think
All my thoughts reach one conclusion
Its something simple and undeniable
Our love exists, and it still lives on

My resolve unbroken, even if my body is
I need to see you tonight, spilling my feelings out
I'm hopelessly and madly in love with you
So where, just where, could you be tonight?

I can't live without you by me
I can't be without your embrace
I can't forget those sweet, tender kisses
In other words, I need you too much

And I am ready to throw it all away
To endure the sad, sleepless nights
To endure the pointless, lazy days
Just to spend a minute with you again

But where are you now?
I'm almost desperate for hope
My breathing heavier by the second
Dear God, please let me endure further

Just when I'm about to give up
There you were, standing in front of me
Soaked in sweat, rain, and tears
Almost on the verge of defeat

My eyes lit up, my heart in relief
My tears about to burst, as were yours
Both with reasons to say to each other
As we run to lock for an embrace

I took the deepest breath in my life
As I tried not to choke on the tears
Saying "I love you" crazily on repeat
As the only reason to make you stay

You are my reason for living
And for tonight, and all the nights to come
I'll make you stay with me, and hold you tight
I'll love you for the longest time my life allows

Whatever I do
I can't help but fall in love
With your broken heart

This is it
The end of the line
This is us
At our last goodbye

Its been fun
Its been wild
This roller coaster ride
Of being in each other's lives

I felt the pain
I felt the pleasure
I've seen all the colors
And even all the gloom

We had flown to the highest heaven
Yet had fallen to the deepest hell
We used to hold each other tight
But have now drifted far apart

I'm not good at goodbyes
I guess you aren't too
'Cause even when we're far apart
You still miss me, and I, you

But now here I am bleeding out
Pulling my legs away from you
Pushing your hands away from me
Realizing a truth that brings pain to me

Love is not always the answer
That our thirsty hearts must seek
'Cause even if we are desperate for it
Its not always what we need

A final kiss to seal the deal
A last embrace just for one final feel
So long, dear love, the one my life seeks
But the love that wasn't supposed to be what it needs

Why is it so easy nowadays?
To make people love you
Dropping something heavy like
"I love you"
And leave you alone
With a broken heart?

Why is it so blatant nowadays?
That it is easy to flirt
But hard to commit
And letting someone fall
Without ever catching them
And feeling no remorse?

Shame
Love became worthless
Bastardized by people
Who can never back up
What lies come out
Of their greedy lips

I once found a rose
That drew me to it's beauty
I knew I had to take it for my own
I yearned to possess it earnestly

Without hesitation I jumped in
I grabbed it with all I have
Wanting it truly with all my heart
Praying sincerely to own it wholly

I held on to it vigourously
So that no one can steal it from me
Tightening my grasp onto it
As if I could never want anything more

I didn't mind holding on to it
I wouldn't exchange it for anything in the world
And yet others kept telling me to let go
As they saw my hands bleeding badly

I saw it before it even bled this badly
I knew that things would turn for the worst
And yet my desire took over my reason
And wounded myself from the thorns it has

As I contemplated my own pain
I saw the pain I was causing this rose
She suffocated under my grasp
She was dying under my care

I knew what I have to do
And yet I held on to it tight
Thinking that it was mine
And yet my hands said otherwise

Now I'm stuck in a dilemma
Should I still hold on and both get hurt
Or do I let go and let it grow on its own?
Do I say goodbye and just give up on it?

No matter how much I love it
If I continue this, I'll continue bleeding
And she'll continue suffocating
How do I let her go?

Trivial things
That make heartbeats sting
That break emotional barriers
And open pathways
To the one who holds
You by her hand
And makes living this life
Fun and exciting

Small things
That create meaningful impacts
That reveal what is hidden
That symbolize affections
Neutralizing negativity
And showing real sincerity
In front of the girl
That turns your world around

Beautiful things
That represent the sweet
Yet thorny twists
Of what real love is
And that through the thicks
And through the thins of life
Total Love and Devotion
Defies all odds and obstacles

Golden sunlight kissing my skin
Gentle breeze whispering in my ears
The sunset covered by a crown of clouds
The skies slowly dimming towards twilight

The fine sand on my toes feels warm
Getting cozier as each minute passes by
The waves come and go in a gentle rush
The salty mist refreshing to the withered soul

Coconut trees sway back and forth
Slow-dancing with the gentle breeze
Lying alone in this small and cozy tent
Waiting for the stars to sparkle bright

As the night approaches bonfires littered the beach
Like small tongues of light in a dark, serene canvass
People singing songs not very far away
Blending smoothly with the strumming of guitars

I guess this is what people call paradise
Yet why does it feel so incomplete?
The gaping hole in my heart feels empty
My arms feel like they're missing a big piece

If this is paradise, then what is it missing?
Why does everything look so perfect, yet feel so empty?
And then the memories left to wither
Came like a tsunami on the horizon

It was your warmth that it lacked
Your presence it was missing
Your scent blending with the salty air
Your eyes glowing with the moonlight

It was your love that was my paradise
The love that you took with you
When you left me stranded and struggling
In an island of my sadness and misery

But for tonight, and all the coming nights
I choose to bury the past in these sands
To break the chains that still cling to me
Along with the painful memories that haunt me

So as I sleep under the blanket of starlight
I remain hopeful of the breaking dawn
As I forget you like the passing waves of the seas
And the winds bring me to the arms of a paradise just for me

The scars of what was
Left etched in the corners of
The heart you wounded

My mind is playing with me
In a game I know I will lose
Talking myself out of this
Wrestling with my thoughts

I'm lost in my paranoia
Imprisoned in the walls I built
The whispers are deafening
The screams are silent

I'm running out of time
I'm slipping to insanity
How does one get free
From all this absurdity

Its a game of fools
Its a pointless showdown
That leaves us with no choice
But to participate in anguish

You turned me into something else
Fooling me with false happiness
That even now I lie to myself everyday
With hopeless thoughts of being saved

I'm losing myself
To my psychotic tendencies
And I guess I'm in that state
That I don't want to be saved anymore

I'm tired of letting people in
I'm tired of asking for a savior
I'm tired of seeking redemption
In fact, I only seek assimilation

No more screaming for help
No more reaching for heaven
I'm storming the road to hell
I'm embracing my demons

No more roses for angels
No more goddesses to worship
No more queens to kneel down to
With open arms I welcome this atheism

I am my own demon
And I will keep myself satiated
I will feed my insanities
And I will be the devil you painted me to be

I've been treading this life
One step at a time
Drifting with its flow
Taking me to where it goes
Slowly counting days go by
Wandering here and there
Seeing the world in all its beauty
Seeking a home for my soul

I've seen a lot of these
I've heard a lot of those
I've been gone to places
I only used to dream about
And yet as all of the world
Is within my very reach
Why does this young heart
Feel so empty and weary?

Here I am at a crossroads
Stuck at where Life took me
Where should I really be?
Am I even meant to stay?
Or should I just run away?
But If I run and flee again
I'm meant to stay alone
And then I suddenly realized

I want love
I need it so
As bad as oxygen
As precious as gold
Someone to hold tight
'Til my days grow old
Someone that ignites my fiery passion
And gently calms my mellow soul

A companion in this lonely road
And someone to drift with
Looking for the perfect home
Waiting still at this crossroad
Where could she be right now?
What does she do with her life?
Could she be stuck at another road
Or could she also be waiting for me?

I miss her
I long for her
I love her
Even though she's not here yet
I haven't seen her face
Nor touched her hands
Our paths haven't crossed yet
And yet she affects me greatly

Hurry it up, sweet destiny
Bring me to her
Let me flow to the path
That leads to her side
Let me gaze upon her serene face
That eludes me even in my dreams
Hurry it up, sweet destiny
Though I wait patiently, I'm losing myself

I know she longs for me as well
I know she's gonna love me like hell
And when our roads finally meet
She'll hug me tight and kiss me sweet
So please remove the veil that hides
Open the path to her loving arms
Because no matter how hard it is
No matter how long it will take
Whatever hardships I face along the way
She's definitely the home that's worth the wait

Sometimes I wonder
Why I still stay with you
Even when we go through
The thickest and thinnest
I find myself still beside you

Sometimes I think
What would happen if
We both reach our breaking points
Where everything is total chaos
Would I still go back to you?

Sometimes I worry
Where would we be each day
Would we be fighting?
Or would we be laughing?
Would I still stay with you?

Sometimes I question
How much I really love you
Can I still handle your whims?
Can I still try to understand?
Will I still lay in bed with you?

Sometimes I ask
Who am I gonna be today?
Will I be tolerating you?
Will I confront you?
Will I still be kissing you?

And then I stop..
I realize that this is love
That I am in love with you
That even through the hardest of times
And through the thickest arguments
Through the worst insecurities
And the worst shortcomings
I will still choose you
Because at the end of the day
I decided to be with you
I decided to kiss you
To embrace you
All your beauty
All your faults
All of you
I chose to love

And if it doesn't make sense
Why should it?
The only thing that makes sense to me
Is that love makes no sense
And that even if we don't make sense
I love you
And you love me
And I chose to be
With you

I am damaged
Broken to the core
Discarded and left behind
Alone in this life
I can't see an escape
My heart feels heavy
My mind is twisted
Yet no one understands

I may be depressed
or probably anxious
One thing's for sure though
I'm a messy storm
Trapped in a bottomless hell
Where no one can hear
No matter how much I scream
No body seems to notice

I'm in a prison of anxiety
A delusional reality
A paradoxical identity
Where no one can help me
I am a sinner
Never a saint
I know what's coming for me
But still I ask for help

I'm twisted and broken
Left to dust and the elements
No matter how much I cling on
To those who should care
Nobody hears my deranged cries
And my dying soul inside
Being consumed by anger
Guilt and loneliness

Why can't they see me?
Why can't they hear me suffer?
I'm falling in an endless pit
No end in sight
Just **** me now
I can't do what you want right
I can't be what you want me to be
So don't expect from me anymore

These feelings are no joke
I am hollow inside
Devoid from emotion
With no will to live
Contemplating my life
To move on or leave it here
Do I take the plunge?
Or just let them batter me more?

Ah, there it is
The fear of uncertainty
If I end it all here
I still fear what may happen next
So maybe there's still hope
I'm not yet dead inside
I still want to breathe
To suffer and feel alive

This poem is proof
That I'm ****** up in the head
A disaster in the making
See my point if I said
That everything here doesn't make sense?

Heavy eyes slowly closing
Breathing gradually easing
Mind gently relaxing
Body surely falling
Reality falling asleep
As dreams come into focus
Old movie reels sweetly playing
Nostalgic as an autumn midnight

The darkness silently creeping
My friends are on their way
Laughing in my mind
Grinning all the way
Can you hear their fiendish voices?
Can you see their glowing eyes?
Do you hear their ghostly whispers?
Do you see them here tonight?

Meet my oldest friends
The shadows on my wall
With their hands cold as ice
And their eyes red as blood
With smiles of ghastly grins
And voices of shrieking glass
As darkness begins its embrace
Here they come at last

The shadows on my wall
My demons coming for me
My playmates in the dark
My addictive insanity
They’ll come and drag me
Bring me to their twisted paradise
And play with my shattered psyche
For a very long time

The darkness constricts my breathing
My nape cold and frozen
Chills running down my spine
Fear finally gripping in
Nightmares talking to me
Screaming and shouting at me
I can't get a grip of reality
Here comes the impending insanity

Save me from them
The shadows on my wall
They come for me tonight
And eat my sanity alive
Save me please
Cut these sinful bindings
As they drag me to
The hell and grave I opened

Bloodshot eyes can't sleep tonight
Heartbeats working in overtime
Your smiling face etched in my jumbled mind
The only clarity in my foggy thoughts

Feelings I can't describe cling on to me
How come I became so full of courage?
To ask you out and tell you these hidden desires
I still can't believe how I managed to tell you

I still can't forget that shine in your eyes
When you held me in your arms tight
The words you whispered still ringing in my ears
Right before the kiss that made you mine

Awkward smiles, juvenile hearts
You shined brightly like stars tonight
Your warmth still brings goosebumps all over
Your securing embrace still feels like a fantasy

Am I dreaming like a madman?
Will this disappear when morning comes?
Why does tomorrow come so slowly?
Why is time so fast when I'm with you?

I've never felt this was before
Like a volcano bursting with emotions
As I grow closer towards your gravity
As I fall into the crevices of your heart

This may be what they call love
These unhinged feelings towards you
They consume every fiber of my being
As I think of ways of how to chase you

I scream out loud this love for you
Unleashing this desire to always be yours
You make me crazier with every look you give
Falling faster than light's speed when you touch me

My forever is yours to hold
I'll chase you to the stars and back
I'll love you deeper than the ocean floor
Just stay with me, for tonight and all coming nights

Don't stare at me with teasing eyes
Don't stir my feelings with playful smiles
Don't stiffen my muscles with soft touches
Don't leave me blank with inviting kisses
Don't melt my heart with warm breaths
Don't give me a rush with that passionate wanting
Don't give me a reason to desire you even more

We don't want a relationship filled with abuse
A relationship where wanton rage reigns
We don't want a love that turns into poison
A love that becomes ****** and repulsive

As much as I crave your every taste
Fall for your game, let no time go to waste
Breathe the same gasps of air with you
Freeze time whenever I share it with you
Rushing into your arms for the rest of our days
As much as I want to be with you this instant
Let's take the pace slow and steady
Instead of a quick and brittle love affair

Let's build a quake-proof connection
An affair with strong and sturdy foundations
Where our desires can freely be expressed
And our love meant to protect and caress
Just us indulging in our passionate wanting

I don't want any compromise for building "us"
I want a slow but steady path towards you
I will wait even for a long time, even if its a must
I don't care about how long, I simply desire you
You, the one belle that caught me by surprise
The one belle that drives my dreams every night

Frustrations plague me
Bringing me down on my knees
Your smile brings me ease

As I write tonight
Underneath this cloudy night
With little hints of moonlight
And a sky deprived of starlight
I contemplate on why
I made the wrong choices
My mind remains a mess
And my heart feels heavy

A man deprived of youth
Discovering my place in the world
Seeking a permanent home
Only to wander from place to place
The boy within my heart
With his mischievous charms
And his spontaneous whims
Making a mess of my life

Choices, you make or break them
I wonder why, in this world of numerous possibilities
I make only choices that hurt others
And ultimately, give me a stinging, guilty pain.

My mind is in the gutter
My heart in disarray
The person who keeps me happy
I think I've pushed her away
I admit this was a whirlwind feeling
But it became so strong
It blew me off my feet
And overcame my judgement

I'm sorry
For making the wrong choice
For not backing down
When you challenged my resolve
For failing you where
You needed me to succeed
For giving in to my desires
Instead of cherishing yours

I'm sorry
For making you think twice
When all I had to do was resist
For disregarding your trust
When you needed to trust me most
I know no reason would qualify
To be an excuse for my iniquities
But please, listen when I say, you're all I have

All I can do is apologize
All I can do is to make it up
To earn what was lost
And to labor day and night
To deserve a chance
And fight for your heart
To be yours in life
As I seek you to be mine

All I can do is say sorry
Even if it takes me
Day and night
As long as I can be by your side
A slave to your many charms
That no matter what you do
I cannot help it but
Fall in love with you..

More..

Please forgive me.

Help me I'm falling
Closing in to your heart
Bewitched by your charms
Chasing you in my dreams

I'm in a freefall
Diving to your core
Caught by your gravity
Bracing for impact

No brakes this time
Falling a hundred miles per hour
Faster than the speed of sound
Momentum too strong

I want more by the second
More of your girlish charms
More of your gleaming smiles
and your piercing eyes

I'm in a free fall
Diving into more of you
Closing in on your core
Trying to make you mine

I know its wrong
I know I stand no chance
But every time I close my eyes
Your face replays on my mind

And I can't help but dream
Dreaming of holding you in my arms
So even though they say its wrong
It feels more than right for me

They tell me to go somewhere else
But my compass leads me to you
No matter who they choose for me
I still want to be yours and choose you

Like a child on the run
Going to where he desires
I can't help but want to fall
Fall for someone who makes me smile

Help me I'm falling
Falling for the dreams of my heart
Let me make the dreams of yours
A reality we both play a part

Tell me what you want
Whisper them in my ears, dear
I'll listen to you

Cherry blossoms fall
Drifting towards my cold heart
Melting my sorrows

My life in shades of gray
Of black and of white
This heart just pumping blood
No adrenaline nor thrill in life
No color in this stagnant art
No purpose in this senseless wandering
Switching destinations on a whim
Seeking warmth from those without it

Eyes grow souless
With each passing day
Mind feels wistful
With each passing thought
The youthful passion
Fading into nothingness
The fiery emotions
Slowly burning out

The enthusiasm of a young man
Crushed in the grip of reality
The loveless heart
Growing tired and weary
Everything feels cold
A long and harsh winter
In a young and untested life
A struggle just to feel alive

I am tired
I am weary
A stagnant pond
Seeking a ripple in my life
A chance to feel
And to turn my life around
From the gloomy colors of grey
Black and white
To a masterpiece of thrill
Of passion
Of love
And warmth
As colorful
As a kaleidoscope
With all these emotions
Flooding out
Trinkling down
Flowing and moving
Like a flooded stream
Connecting to people
Linking to hearts
No longer stuck here
No longer alone
Together with others
Just feeling alive
Just embracing Life

Living life with no regrets
Loving fiercely and passionately
Making the most of our mortal lives
In living fully on borrowed time

It comes once in a lifetime
A love that consumes us
Burning our very cores
Melding both body and soul

Often times we feel the pain
More so than feeling the pleasure
But I guess that's how love works
Eternal devotion to the one you choose

If given the chance to relive my life
To make all my wrongs right and correct
I'd rather relive it the way it is
And lead me to you the same way it did

If given the chance to choose again
Out of the billions of people in the world
I'd rather choose you and be broken by you again
Than to have never met and loved you at all

I'd rather love you
Than to love anyone else
Since you complete my life
And I, yours

The world may be against us
Star-crossed lovers in a vast uncertainty
But hear me when I say
That I choose you against the world
Because all this time
You became the world to me
You are the world I choose
Even if Destiny is against it
Even if Fate doesn't approve of it
Even if Eternity frowns upon it
My heart screams for your name
No matter how much my mind tells me
"NO"
I'll love you 'til the end of time
With a resounding
"YES"

Take my hand
Let's take the plunge
Let go of the fears
Get rid of the anxieties
Just take the risk
Just once in your life
I'm with you to the end
Just hold my hand

What started out
As a swipe at chance
As a gamble of hearts
As a game of fears
And a reckless risk
May turn out to be
The greatest adventure
In our young, hopeless lives

Eyes on me
Oh dearest sweet
My eyes on you
For all this time
My heart for you
No matter what
My love is yours
Until the end of our lives

I was made for you
And you for me
Even if I burn in your passion
And you stung by my thorns
I am yours
And you are mine
To love and keep
'Til our days are numbered

As we grow old and gray
And wrinkles streak on our faces
I may forget you in my mind
But always you will stay in my heart
And 'til our adventure comes to a close
Even if hell freezes over
My love for you stays
Immortalized in my heart

I am yours forever
And you are mine
I was made for you
And you for me
I'll stay with you 'til the end
Until the day I hold my last breath

Did you ever have that one great love,
That no matter how long since it ended,
No matter how much the sceneries changed,
No matter how many slept on your bed,
And spent with you the most happiest times,
No matter how much kisses they gave you,
And no matter how much you spent your life with them

They can't ever replace nor fill up that vacuum in your heart
That you gained when that one great love left?

That no matter how much you try to move on,
You spent a large chunk of your life
Just trying to get over her?

That no matter how much the others say 'I love you',
It still feels entirely different when she said them to you?

That no matter how much you try to look for someone else,
You can't just help it and end up missing her badly?

That no matter how much you try to be happy in life,
The grief and memories in your heart outweighs it all?

That whenever you try to meet someone new,
You can't help but seek her person in those other people?

That in every failed relationship you have
You always think about what would have been with her?

I have..

And I'm still trying to get over her,
Years after she left.

The happiness she now has equates to the misery I felt all those years of missing her..

I'll move on..

Eventually..

Probably..?

I just don't know when..

I simply want to love without regrets
I simply want an honest relationship
And yet even with everything I give
I still get treated like a greedy kid

I love in the darkness, kept from all the pain
Yet I remain oblivious to who she really is
She stole my heart and took it with her
Yet here I am, left blinded and without her

I am tired..
I am broken..
I am hurt..
I am set aside..

Yet why do I still cling on
To broken dreams?
Why do I still hope for
The best reality?

She's lost
I want to stay here
I want to be the beacon
Yet she strays from me

I simply want to be with her
And yet her eyes look elsewhere
She shuns me away
I've been feeling tired

Goodnight dearest Hera
I pray for your bright tomorrow
Let me slumber for a while
And when tomorrow comes, please give back the heart you stole.

When you lost your way and you don't know what to do
Stop
When you feel okay yet they don't think that you do
Stop
When you feel out of place and no one backs you up
Stop
When Life throws you off your feet and you can't stand back up
Stop

When they call you a friend yet they treat you none of it
Stop
When your fears start to unveil and no one wants to listen
Stop
When depression kicks in and you know you're gonna lose to it
Stop
When you want to pull the trigger and blow off your head
Stop

When you reach for Heaven yet they pull you back to Hell
Stop
When love is beyond reach yet you pointlessly struggle for it
Stop
When you search for salvation yet salvation cannot be seen
Stop
When the heart says yes yet the mind says no
Stop

When the sadness held within becomes unbearable
Stop
When everything you hold firm slips away from your grasp
Stop
When your childish dreams become your dreadful nightmares
Stop
When the heart succumbs to what it wants but can never have
Stop

When the heart seems dead and life seems an endless loop
Stop
When you reach for the end yet you can't go for it yet
Stop
Let this world become dead like the people within it
Don't let it Stop
This Rotten Life will eat us anyway, accept it
Don't let it Stop

You came in
A gentle breeze in summer
A warm touch of sunlight
A cool drop of morning dew

You went out
A vicious winter blizzard
A chaotic typhoon
A raging storm of emotions

You left
A devastation like no other
A life unrepairable
A hole unfillable

Being loved is a gentle breeze
Being unloved is a chaotic storm

Gaining love makes you king
Loosing love leaves you a beggar

Wanting love is a summer kiss
Getting love is a heart-wrenching battle
Keeping love, an unforgiving war

Having you was my idea of love
Losing you..

I don't even know where to start over

People come and go
That's how Life is
Everyday is a chance to meet
Or maybe not

Even so, people come
Some like the stars in the night
Twinkling and flickering
Under the blackness of the void
Shining a bit of light
That once you see
You may forget
They number a lot
Just passing through
Like cars in a highway
Suddenly gone so fast
And then you just forget

But some come
And suddenly decide to stay
Shining slowly like dawn
Then brightly like midday
Completely lighting up
The dark and dreadful nightlife
Someone that acts
As a beam of light
That takes your breath away
And you can't be without
Staying in your mind
And in your heart
Affecting your whole life
For the rest of time

But even suns can burn out
They may be hot to touch
Some may even hurt you
Or even destroy you completely
And reduce you to nothingness
Once they go supernova
So sometimes it may sound
Even better if
They stayed far away
And had never met you at all
Because after all
Suns are just stars
You're just in their zone
Either their zone of life
Or zone of destruction

Hope you made the right choice..

I've been asleep for quite a while
An endless millennia of indifference, it seemed
No escape nor any respite
Nothing makes this heart beat and breathe life

This world is an abysmal plane
An existence that brings pain and sorrow
Only a few finding the happiness they sought
The rest fighting viciously for what's left

"The sun will rise..", they said
".. and will bring the warmth we need"
Forgive me for the blasphemy
But I don't think it will come for me

I've been here for quite some time
Seeing the greed that all men possess
Hearing the sadness that all women repress
Failing in the good life that all obsess

And yet here I am
Still not loosing faith in a little corner of me
That the sunrise will come
And alter my dreaded fate

As I was loosing all hope
Succumbing to all the despair
Accepting the spiral fall to death
Sunlight touches my stone-cold heart

The sunrise came to my frozen wasteland
It made my heart beat like it lives again
This long hibernation comes to a hopeful end
My life turns upside down, my faith rewarded

You, whose love nurtures my dying emotions
You, whose warm kisses riddled me sweet sensations
You, whose same cold existence brought warmth to my dead
You, whose smiles and love replaced all sorrow and dread

It's not too late to be the warmth
To be the sunrise to those who still sleep
To those who lost all hope in this limited existence
To be the truth that replaces indifference and makes all men see

Be the beauty that brings this world at its knees
Restore the faith the soul-less have in humanity
Be the pockets of warmth in this cold reality
Be the life for one person in this endless dark sea

Umpisa pa lamang
Alam ko nang gusto kita
Nakita ka pa lamang
Atensyon ko'y nadukot mo na

(From the beginning
I knew I like you
The moment I saw you
You already captured my attention)

Paghawak ng iyong kamay
Pintig ng damdamin ay bumilis
Mga emosyong itinago nuon
Pilit nagpaparamdam muli ngayon

(When I held your hands
Heartbeats in overdrive
Buried emotions in the past
Making themselves felt in the present)

Sa pagpungay ng mga mata
Ako unti-unting nabibighani
At nung akapin sa'yong mga bisig
Tuluyan na kong nahulog

(The way your eyes look at me
Makes me intrigued by the second
And when you wrapped me in your arms
I completely fell, then and there)

Ngunit pag-sinta'y parang walang halaga
Sigla ng unang pagkikita'y unti-unting nawala
Di malaman at mawari ang mga dahilan
Na nang dahil sa nadarama ay pinipilit maintindihan

(But it seemed these feelings hold no value
The passion from our first meeting dwindling
I can't comprehend and identify the reasons why
But because of this love I feel, I still try)

Pilit tinitiis ang mga pighati
Kahit unti-unting nadudurog ang puso
Aanhin ang dignidad na patapon
Kung puso'y hindi marunong umibig

(Enduring the searing pain
Even if my heart is crushed
Setting aside my meaningless pride
If I don't know how to love right)

Siguro'y nagiging makasarili
Ngunit lahat ay binago at binigay
Lahat ay tinitiis damhin
Kahit na lungkot ay di mapawi

(Maybe I'm being selfish
But I changed and gave my everything
I endured all the ill feelings
Even if the loneliness doesn't go away)

Bakit hindi pa yun sapat?
Para ika'y sumugal sa akin?
Nangako ng pag-ibig na di magbabago
Kahit ang mundo natin ay tuluyang maglaho

(Why is it not enough?
For you to take a chance with me?
I promised you a constant, stable love
Even if our world crumbles to dust)

Naghihintay sa iyong pagbalik
Mula sa malayong dako kung san naroon
Ang puso **** labis nang nasasaktan
At takot nang umibig muli

(Waiting for your fateful return
From that far, hidden place where
Your broken and beaten heart is
That lost all hope in love)

Ialay ang pusong nagdurugo
Kapalit ng puso kong gusto kang mahalin
At nang lahat ng sakit ay aking akuin
At nang maibalik natin ang ngiting mailap

(Exchange with me your bleeding heart
With mine that anticipates to love yours
To share with me the burden of your pain
And bring back the elusive smile on your face)

Mahal kita umpisa pa lamang
Mamahalin kita kahit masakit
Lulunukin ang dangal at dignidad
Sa pagsusumamong ikaw ay maging akin

(I loved you from the very beginning
And I will love you still amidst the pain
I will swallow my pride and dignity
In this arduous quest to make you mine)

Sana matapos na ang ating paglalaro
Ang tagu-taguang walang patutunguhan
Panalangin kay Bathala sana'y marinig
Ang pusong nagsusumamo'y sana yakapin muli

(I pray for the little games to end soon
This hide-and-seek that seems meaningless
Dear God, hear my prayers and pleas
Of the heart that yearns be embraced again)

It seems that I have a disease
Something that I've never seen before
I don't know if its contagious
I just hope I could find a cure

It started a few days ago
I've felt weird out of the blue
I can't eat nor sleep properly
My chest feels heavy and my head light

My heart stings badly
My stomach upside down
My feet frozen in place
Every muscle in rebellion

My mouth feels dry
My lungs out of breath
I can't speak up
No matter how hard I tried

And its all because of you
I don't know what you did to me
Every time you're looking at me
These symptoms suddenly affect me

You're a disease to me
I've never felt this way before
I need to find a cure
And it seems that is also you

No matter how much I avoid it
I just can't shake you off me
You make me nervous as hell
And yet you're a little piece of heaven

I want you for myself
But I hate feeling like this
So would you please come to me
And be the cure to everything I feel?

The gods have fallen
From high up their mighty seats
From their regal and majestic thrones
Fallen down to human ground

The gods have fallen
Olympus crumbles down
As corruption takes over
Bending all the rules around

The gods have fallen
Their humanity ultimately showing
How easily they can give in
To the whispers of a madman

The gods have fallen
They have played puppets
To the machinations
Of an ambitious despot

The gods are dead
Lady Justice stabbed in the back
By her own magistrates
Scheming with unworthy tyrants

The gods are dead
And their supremacy extinguished
Now kissing the feet of one man
Whose hands are blotched by injustice and ******

The Court has fallen
Its gods are dead
The country bitterly weeps
Afraid of what happens next

Oh Pearl of the Orient Seas
Your gods who uphold your laws
Have succumbed to their humanity
Rise up and fight against the impartiality
Bring life to Lady Justice again
Restore the Cloth of Impartiality on her eyes
Return to her the Sword and Scales
That they have taken away from her
Or else the future of your youth
Will remain ever bleak and vague

For all my life I've been searching
I've tripped, stumbled and I had lost my way
For all these years I've been yearning
I was fooled and blinded looking for the one to stay
For all the broken hearts I thought I could endure
I stood up, picked up the pieces and restored what remained
For all the tears that fell before I grew and matured
I tasted and swallowed the pain more than what I could sustain

Someday I know I'll find someone
To share this burst of life we all possess
Some way I know I'll get to where
I could come give you my love and caress
Somehow I know I'll get my chance
To prove to the world that I deserve your love
Someday I know I will find you
The fallen one sent for me from heaven above

The search began when we were apart
The search bore fruit when I found your heart
The search ends when our love begins to start
This search for the belle who scribbled her name on my heart

I think I found you.

For eons I have traveled alone
Wandering the stars and planets
For millennia I created and destroyed
I sought only perfection above all

I saw kingdoms rise
I saw empires crumble
I saw heroes born
I saw villains fall

Power was mine and mine alone
I was the master of my will
Lord of the invisible fate
I alone enjoy this divine existence

But loneliness still haunted me
My existence is my own bane
I guess even gods are vulnerable
When only chaos surrounds them

One day I descended to the earth
to live among the mortal souls
To manipulate with their fates and hearts
Business as usual for me

But in the midst of it all
The strings of fate were working
Pulling my heart towards
This unlikely twisted scene

There she was standing
A mortal soul who's beauty
Transcends the mortal to the immaterial
Then and there, I fell to the ground

Her auburn hair swayed with the wind
Her eyes twinkled of pure onyx
Her scent so sweet to the nose
Like jasmines blooming in full

The innocence in her heart so pure
The curvatures similar to a goddess
I wonder what I had in mind
When I created her to life

Who would have thought
that even gods would fall in love
Fate just made a cruel joke
But even so, I was meant to be here

I have seen it all
I have felt everything that is
Yesterday was a thousand years
Tomorrow is just the next second

But here I was, falling for her
The only time when a god
Fell in love with Mortality
Falling in love with her Humanity

Years have passed like mere seconds
I watched her age, her face becoming frail
Her body weakening rapidly
Slowly crushing my fallen heart

I know Death comes for her soon
and I know her life with me is almost done
But a life without her love is impossible for me
A gaping hole that even eternity cannot fill

I love her from the stars and back
I love her in my dreams and my reality
I loved her when I first breathed her life
And I'll love her still as I face the end of time

Her life is a blimp in the universe
but to me she was everything
I would trade eons of my existence
Just to see her smile again momentarily

You don't even want to start
Asking me why I chose you
Even I don't know my own heart
It just seeks to be with only you

I may have come in a flash of light
I may be a new and perplexing maze
But no, I'm not backing down without a fight
Bloodied and bruised just to catch your gaze

So no, I won't give up no matter what
We may never even know what tomorrow brings
No, I won't put that gentle smile in a tight spot
I just want a chance to be with you, among all things

You don't know how much I'm willing to spend
Just to say no to rejection, to be with you in the end

When our eyes met
Time slowed down
Heart beating fast
Lips glued together
A rush of emotions
Sweeping me away
My mind totally blank
Everything felt surreal

Everything felt so right
The moment is just perfect
And the future flashed
Before my clairvoyant eyes
With you lying in my arms
Clutched in my embrace
Lips pressed on mine
Madly and deeply in love

All it takes
To make it all real
Is to muster all my courage
And gather all my strength
Just to utter a single
"Hi"

Here I go..

As snowflakes fell
You made your way towards me
You were glowing under
The silver rays of moonlight
Running towards me
As I stood still
Left breathless and steady
As you catch me in your embrace

I know I can't resist
I know you'll never let me
No matter how much
We remind ourselves that
This relationship is so wrong
I guess we just can't
Help being in love with
Each other's psychotic tendencies

If you only knew about
The war raging inside me
This conflict that slowly kills me
Whenever I confront this truth
That no matter how much
We try to adjust things
We were never even made
For each other in the first place

You clung to me tightly
Never wanting to let go
Tears falling down your face
Irresistible even in your saddest phase
I'm on the edge with you
Desiring you more than ever
Even when the world tells me
That we're totally bad for each other

You sink your nails on my arms
Hastily pulling my face to yours
Kissing me viciously sweet
Like the sweetest poison for me
And even when it hurts
Even when it makes me go insane
Even when I know its all lustful wanting
Everything you do to me feels so right

Tonight is a dangerous night
Lust hides beneath the passion
Love blurred by wanton desire
And yet I still want you to stay
The violent beasts that we truly are
Waiting to surface and be unleashed
As bodies dripping in cold sweat
Collide in a destructive union

You are my sweetest poison
You are my deadliest desire
No matter how much they say otherwise
You are the one I wrongfully chose