the cigarette smoke laden in the air threw the pattern seeking portion of my brain and i saw you as free as i had always thought of you without the hardships of this harsh reality it made me sad to think of you with how you were at the end but you're happy now, with hope
What am I so afraid of? That I may change my fate? Or maybe it’s already happened, And maybe I’m too late.
Can I be forgiven? Will I ever understand Why all of this has happened? Am I really here by chance?
Chasing phantom shadows in and out of dreams Counting constellations and holding on to childish things Afraid to take a chance, for fear that I may fall Afraid that there’s no going back That I’ll never know myself at all
The truth too overwhelming The fear I hide behind Fear that I hold onto Fear behind these eyes
To chance is only to forget The pain that binds me now defines me Give in for good you’ve placed your bet “Survive!” the voice inside me
A piece I wrote back in March 2007 as I was going through a divorce with so many questions and faced with the opportunity to reducing myself and my path.
without a vision people are rarely reminiscent, of what they have been seeking and fall into a deep torpor maybe its this slumber that makes them realize, all they wanted was right there in front of their eyes.
there was a girl, brave and bold carried in her heart, a potful of gold searching everywhere, knowing nowhere where she would get her answer.
with such strong desires held in her soul, a fire ignited in her heart as she wandered into the dark, the rustling of a brook, somewhere in the woods where she would often sit by and ponder 'Is happiness all I seek? or is it just one of life's very old tricks and maybe it reeks?'
with such a heavy heart she walks alone into the woods, contemplating whether life is something that she never really understood.
Am I nothing to the words that reach minds only to what pleases the eye? am I just hearts love to a ****** in the jungle midst of a world full of lustful hate? what makes me less desirable with a soul that lays in pieces than one that lays in a whole. Do all the stars aligned fault at my seeking? am I a failed soul waiting for a breath of another? feels like the world has left me for more lovable things seems like the challenge of my heart has left me alone in despite of loving every individual strongly for I scream to the universe to make there stars align not for my benefit only indefinitely of there own. In all efforts I can accept the disappointing reality, givers aren't here to receive. love regardless.