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Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2018
I love the needle
They call it a "fixation"
I call it friendship
I hate that i am/was addicted to such a self harming object more than the drugs themself. I dont miss ****** at all but i do still think about the thrill of seeing blood fill the syringe. I also had a horrible time hitting a vein so that is probably also part of it.
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2018
VERSE 1:
Pick the glass up off the table
I take another drink
There is an empty bottle of whiskey
Sitting in the sink

I do not know why the alcohol
Will not keep you off my mind
It seems it has always worked
Every other nightly time

Memories are too strong
And I cannot be alone
I stumble until I find
The nearest lonely telephone

CHORUS:
Call you up drunk
Get the message machine
Say I love you and I just wanna know
Do you somehow still love me?

VERSE 2:
I am from a dusty small town
And so tired of the ways
Locals cover up their hurt
With the command each obeys

We shine like stars in the world's sky
Swim in a substance-filled sea
Fill our stupid souls with *****
Til full and still are empty

CHORUS

What else will numb the pain
When the pain and sorrows won't pass?
We are all just chasing our problems
To the bottom of a glass
An old song I wrote, to the chords Am C F Em for the verses and C F C F C for the chorus.
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2018
After a long battle with tempting addiction
I came to senses about
The destroyed mess I made of my life
Fumbled through dark until I got out

To see my face happy now is a blessing
Is there any gift greater than to live?
When grass tickles bare stumbling feet
Today content with what Earth has to give

Cannot imagine a future with ****** in it
Rather be dead than go through thaf one more time
It is a road leading to no gain
Only desolation; a steep hill to climb.

Those days will always be etched in mind
Reminder not to be engulfed, to stay strong
Because of ever-present marks on both arms
Have no difficulty living right instead of wrong.
I do have difficilty though. I think we all do.
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2020
I act like I can
You know about all my faults
Do not care I can't
I wish I saw myself the way you see me
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2019
You cannot be all the things I want you to be

How could I expect you to?

I cannot be them myself
Don't expect to see a change if you don't make one
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2019
I am trying not to blame you
For what you cannot change
You are more than a paper doll
With pieces to pick, pull apart, and exchange

Your words are smooth satin
Can't help but suspect your nonchalance
Know I can be standoffish
It's simply an automatic response

Patterns I am used to
Behavior I am around
Have me guarded for great reason
Heartache all I have ever found

It is not your fault you hurt me
Instead it's mine for expecting you to keep
Promises when you have shown before
You will only break them and make me weep

No noticable change in behavior
Don't know why I'm surprised
Don't know why I thought anything would be different
Need to accept a future of secrets and lies

I meet new obstacles daily
Alibis I have to chop down
I think I've finally given up
Only a matter of time til I drown

Weeks passed since any bliss touched our lives
With each day that goes by we deepen the space
Driving ourselves insane with obsession
Madly in love with you, but you only love the chase

A game of tug-o'-war neither can win
Love has us struggling to get along and agree
It is time to realize I'll never change you
Just like you cannot change me
Have you ever had an ex boyfriend you wanted to "ex"-change? Hahaha.
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2018
I cannot stand who I've become
Cannot stand my own reflection
This person I view in the mirror
With no grasp of time or direction

Expectation destroying tender brain
Watching it chase thoughts around
Want to corrall the wayward beasts
To some corner to never be found

Time keeps doing *****
Throwing me place to place
I attempt to assert dominance
It responds by quickening pace

Fearing not the days passing
But my use of how many given
Not for lack of trying you see
I work hard but most days aren't worth living

My arms too weak to carry this load
My dreams too disobedient
Walls are whispering to eachother
Starting to question my sanity and sense

I cannot see my image clearly
Behold no beauty in my eyes
Pacing through flaws as I please
Every night escape with highs

Struggling to remember who I was before
Lost important parts of my soul
Wish I had done things differently
I'd sacrifice all I own to again be whole
I look at myself in the mirror and can't help but think I'm the worst version of myself I could possibly be
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2018
I wish you could understand how I feel
Realize that emotions aren't something I conceal
Although we've been together awhile
Can't quite pinpoint what makes you smile

I do not enjoy being misunderstood
What in my life has ever been good?
Tell myself I wasn't hurt before
But I have suffered a broken heart and more

I've changed, I'll never be the same
At least I know how to play life's game
I just want to learn and discover your past
So we actually make this last
Written 9-28-12
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2024
You take heart right from my bleeding chest
Suffering cardiac arrest
All fears it seems are second-guessed
Scared this attempt will work out like the rest
Hurt a few too many occasions before
Tip-toeing on ever shaking floor
It's obvious you don't want me anymore
Need reason to keep on breathing for
Crashing lightning
Rolling thunder
Caught in current and it's pulling me under
I cannot help but stop and wonder
Why my dreams are torn asunder
No space left inside head
Taken up by lies you said
Wish I felt happy instead
Infected me with a sense of dread
It's not your fault
Torn in two
I have myself to blame for believing you
Your eyes oceans I fell into
I'm drowning in those pools of blue
Looking at yesterday
Tried so hard to walk away
Can't break chains around my feet
Without your touch incomplete
I feel like a cupcake without frosting when you are not around me
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2020
Dark words distorted
Cold careless chaos crawling
Same sound. Morphed meaning.
They don't sound different but I know you mean something else this time
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2022
Wilted carnation
Just a reminder
It could've been better
Could've been kinder
A poem I wrote many valentine's days ago
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2018
I always end up
Self-destructing, leaving those
Close wounded or dead.
I wish I had more control.
Amanda Kay Burke Mar 2019
If I scored you on a numeric scale
You're even higher than a ten
He is barely a four-five at best
You still let him hurt you again and again

You have been trapped in this place too long
Your every thought shaped around him
I think you've had enough of this
Future feels awfully grim

What can I do to make you see
How beautiful you are?
You deserve more than a guy
Who stores your feelings in a jar

I hate seeing you treated this way
What happened to the person who was strong?
Need to see what's not good for you
His arms are not where you belong

You have wasted so much time hurting
Over somebody who does not care
He deserted you after saying
He would always be there

This relationship is not right
Twisted by his bad intent
From the moment he stepped into your life
You knew he would leave a dent

I guess that's the funny thing
Though sometimes you know it won't last
You throw away all your fears
Fall in love, and you fall fast

But he is never going to change
I am sure your other friends agree
You plus him will always equal
A great big catastrophe
Written in 2012 for one of my best friends Brooke because her boyfriend was not treating her right
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2020
Celebrate small wins
That which are overlooked
Things causing grins
Stuff in places you may not have looked
Celevate even the tinieSt victory
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2023
Your journey has come to an end
Mourning for a soul no longer here
Love slowly will help wounds mend
In heart presence will never disappear
Trying to write a poem for the program for my mom's celebration of life
Amanda Kay Burke May 2017
In just one year,
My life has changed,
I havent started over,
But ive been rearranged.

I thought that I loved,
But it was a lie,
and then it was over,
and I said goodbye.

Ive met new friends,
and lost old ones too,
They come and they go,
Like people always do.

Ive changed my outlook,
On God and on fate,
Ive lost some issues,
And ive gained some weight.

I tried alcohol,
Hard liquor and beer,
It cost me someone,
I held very dear.

Ive lived through some things,
That could have knocked me dead,
If it werent for someone,
Who had a level head.

Ive taken risks,
Despite my heart,
Ive felt my world,
Get torn apart.

I laughed so hard,
I rolled around,
In my pjs,
On the ground.

Ive missed some people,
Theyve missed me,
Ive seen some things,
I wish I could unsee.

My life has changed,
In just one year,
Ive been pushed away,
And drawn in near.

I didn't realize,
But now I see,
That all this change,
Is good for me.
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
I did not know that anything
Could hurt this much
How were you able to leave me here?
Hollow, aching for your touch.

Each breath I take feels wrong
Now I know you do not care
Since you left, I can't think
Life isn't going anywhere.

The sky is crashing on me
I'm behind you with nowhere to go
What I thought was my shelter turned out to be
Nothing more than a state of limbo.

I do not deserve this, it isn't fair
How could you recklessly toss me aside?
Didn't I make you smile enough?
Couldn't see how hard I tried.

Wish you knew how much you meant to me
How much I long for your kiss
If you saw how much you hurt me
Would you change your mind about all of this?
If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure.
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
Chaos around
Catastrophe within
You are dreaming the cage we are living in
I do not tell a soul
In solitude stand
Fearing they won't understand
Is this a nightmare or real life?
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2018
I am chasing down
A train that left the station
A long time ago
It was like chasing down the last train when you already know its too late
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2020
You were my knight
Shining armor
Chess board was our home
Queen's fondness you garnered
A kiss sweeter than honeycomb
Life is not a game but it's full of players  (and pawns)
Amanda Kay Burke Jul 2022
I hope you live life to fullest
The image you've always dreamed
Want your plans to work out for the best
If they differ from how you schemed
I pray you realize power you hold
Could fell mountains with one hand
When it counts the most
Do not hesitate to take a stand
I hope you find tranquility
Joy that you deserve
Sure your resilience will get you by
Each time world throws you a curve
If finding yourself in a state of frustration
Take moment to breathe and clear your head
Patience an essential component
Navigating the road ahead
You have integrity and a heart of gold
Two things will take you far
Don't ever doubt that you have the strength
To bounce back from even the deepest scar
If trying your hardest I know you'll triumph
Achieving the peace you desire
Remember when you're feeling your lowest
Forever you'll be someone I admire
Like how you surely speak your mind
If it's not what I want to hear
The way you never fail to strive for excellence
At home as well as in your career
It's time I tell you I am grateful
For constantly being there
From the bottom of my heart
Thanks for showing you care
I am happy for you and Cheyenne
Should be proud as hell
Having a woman who is not only beautiful
Intelligent as well
You both are lucky to have each other
Lean on through thick and thin
To each have an equal partner
Sees beneath surface of skin
I am certain you treat her right
Never let her go
It's rare to find your soul mate
If and when you do you know
So congratulations you lovebirds
Finally tying the knot
In the future if nothing else
At least you cherish each other a lot
So raise our glasses together
I declare another toast
Honor and celebrate Cheyenne and Michael
Couple we all love the most!
A toast I did for my brother at his wedding
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
Hope you choke on words
Lies you spit so easily
Crammed down your own throat
Just a touch of violence for you to spice things up haha
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2019
Dreams of fir trees
Candy canes
Dancing Christmas lights
Gingerbread houses
Mistletoe
And presents wrapped tight
Santa Claus with his sleigh and reindeer
Each merry day that passes brings Christmas more near
A little holiday poem for yall
Amanda Kay Burke Oct 2019
Hungry
Always hungry
Munching on yummy food
Eating delicious snacks all day
Starving
Day 8: Write cinquain on any topic
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2021
How do you do this to me?
All these years
Ditched me in my weakest hour
To face greatest fears

Let me make simple
Easy to understand
Swear this is the last time
I will allow you to have the upper hand

Me and damaged self-esteem
Fare just fine on my own
Better off without you
Even if staying forever alone

Never did I expect treason
Betrayal comes as a surprise
Stupidity is to blame for that
Consistently fed me lies

Fall apart in absence
Your touch is just as bad
Although it heals me
Behavior drives me mad

Think you come back around
Waste your time on me
Finally caught on to your ****** up games
It took so long to see

You say you are truly different now
Like a hundred times before
For some reason reality's clicked
I don't believe you anymore

Something you never admit
Could change if you wanted to
Sadly you enjoy the circus you live
Growing up is the one thing you'll never do
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
There is a reason you are acting this way
Between hope and reality line clear as day
Expectation is the one to truly blame for this
Veiled frustration tells me something is amiss
And wish I could plaster my poker face on
A straight face kept like nothing is wrong
The glaring moon matches my expression
Excuses your only confession
Lips laying lies without missing a beat
Teasing with stories that come up incomplete
Pale skin thinly flushed with the slightest pink
Against transparency of what you think
It is hard not to blow up like a bomb
In the chair I sit upon
And brooding underneath this obvious pout
Head is clogged with fear and doubt
I would have to go out on a limb and say
I've used up too many chances to expect more thrown my way
Heavy hearts breaking and pulling apart
Destined to separate from the start
It took me too long to see this
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2024
Life's about the suffering
Peace a destination
What is more important
Is what happens duration

Impossible to self-pardon sins
Plagued with doubt and fear
What if darkness creeping within
Sronger than the light inhabiting here?

Worrying is not worth the toll
I have to pay my dues
No one can walk path for me
Don't wear the same size shoes

Each break and bruise instruction
Finish line forever unknown
Happy endings fantasy
Majority synthetic like silicon

It has to shift before we surrender
To assimilation of society
In-between consciouslessness
And controlled compliancy

After Point A wandered astray
Point B hopeless cause
Meandering sheep in a deluded daze
Progression practically on pause

Creativity and cerebration rare
Killed in each as a child
Brainwashed being obedient
Different labeled 'wild'

Those in power yearn to program every step
Shaping image to fit their mold
Corrupt agenda is nothing new
Most don't realize they are trapped in their hold

I want to lead uprising
But I simply am too afraid
Remember when surroundings were calmer
Present for past I desperately long to trade

We had plenty of time to correct behavior
There is an existing disconnect
From planet earth and each other
Too immersed in screens for paths to intersect

A thousand unanswered questions
In silence reality is revealed
Up to us to find purpose in this dimension
Stumbling blindly through this battlefield

We are closer to cliff than we realize
Inching towards edge each day passing by
Shadows halting vision with uncertainty
Wings clipped so we are unable to fly
About the way society is in relation to our government and just how we have been regressing and it's exactly what those in power want. Wake the **** up people, especially Americans!
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2020
They saw world through closed eyes

In explanation
Had grown up too fast

Eyes traumatized
Sights not meant for such young
Supple bodies

But never opening to realize I am not her

The rain that drenched her as a young lady barely grazed me

Maybe I have closed eyes to thank for that
About my parents and how my mom is so overprotective but maybe it's her protectiveness that has made my life so safe
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2021
If I was unbroken
Heart still intact
Maybe this could work
But it's bruised
Bent
And cracked

It's surely closed off
With a lock on the door
That's the only way to protect
What's hidden in it's core

Will reveal a tiny part in time
But my world I dare not show
Not a single step allowed
Into what's harbored down below

After all I have suffered
I won't make the same mistake
If I don't display my soul
There's nothing for anyone to take
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2019
For you I try to be less depressed
The most important part of my life is you

I keep feelings close
Closer than my own

Yet
Not close enough
I keep your love like a promise
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2018
You make fear fall down like rain
Push all the floods I am facing out
No longer am crawling around
A hallway heavily anchored with doubt

I have found a use for these clumsy feet
They now sense the right direction to go
Ground moves me closer to you
I can hear pounding of the waves below

A river of everything I have lost
Water quivers as I walk away
A shiver runs up my spine
Sinking pain felt yesterday

Flowing like ocean's highs and lows
Mood rises and shrinks with each swell
Tide pulls me closer to Heaven
Arms pull me away from Hell
Amanda Kay Burke Apr 2018
Demons come out to play every night
Dancing around my brain til first light
Delighting in my darkest dreams, laughing because I am alone
Insomnia is the closest thing to Hell I have ever known
I used to hate sleepless nights, but they are much easier now that i dont have to spend them alone
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2024
Closing off all I can't decide
Gotta lock myself inside
I hate my indecisiveness
Amanda Kay Burke Jun 2018
That's when it finally hit me
That was the exact moment I knew
We were really over and I
Didn't mean anything to you

You returned my old sleeping bag
Along with my bicycle and t-shirt
I know that's what I asked of you
But I had no idea how much it would hurt

To see my stuff outside my house
Waiting for me to carry it in
There is nothing left of me in your room
Guess it's done and now you win

You did not have to hear my voice
Or see my face, you just handed my
Belongings to a friend we have in common
He was nice enough to bring them by

You wanted it to be quick and easy
Painless, at the end of the day
I bet you thought it through and concluded
It would be better this way

These wounds they are not healing
Remain like cracks in a concrete wall
All I am yearning for is closure
I look and nothing's closed at all
Written 6/9/13
Amanda Kay Burke Nov 2018
We wrap ourselves in the unreasonable hope
This feeling will return
We aren't irreparable yet
We can douse the flames before it all burns

We've already began transforming into ash
The glow starting to fade out
Foundation crumbled long ago
A little late to save that part now

I cannot extinguish the fire that devours
Heart beating fast and hard
I want to ***** heat before it sears too deep
Rendering our love fragile and charred

Blood and tempers mix, form an inferno
Red reflections in air
Simmering thoughts escape my mind
Too boiling for me to bear

Every room is smoky and unsure
Failing to smother each angry ember
I'm suffocating in warm regret
Choking mistakes I involuntarily remember

My soul blackened from the burn
Screaming blisters appear in my heart
The darkest coals are all that remains
Of past love we shared, once bright, now dark
Once upon a time there was light in my life, now there's only love in the dark.
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
Intensity for you wavers not
Your lips pure *******
Love stronger than the drugs
Coursing through my shallow veins

I am searching for a way to repair
That will stop gnawing emptiness
I swear there's no fairness in this world
I am waiting, I only see less and less

Contentment is clearly decreasing
Do not know where it keeps on running to
Am tracking with the tools I have
Navigation here is hard to do

Thoughts and devoted feelings intersect
Wish my mind was a blank slate
Yearn to eject unsavory parts
Pull out of this unhealthy state

I will be addicted to you for life
Inhale the smoke that makes up who you are
Sweet smell of nostalgia and lost intimacy
I face the pain of another scar

Terrible remains will be all that is left
Part of me forever gone and departed
Human weakness flows through my blood
You are a drug I wish I had never started
The most powerful drug that exists to humans is another human being.
Amanda Kay Burke Jan 2019
Everyone says I'm a sweetheart
I am always making others smile
They don't know that I need to make someone else smile
Before I am allowed to wear my own
Happiness is contagious
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
I know you're colder
Than ice because around you
I feel numb inside
You're like snow, beautiful but frozen.
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2022
I've accepted cold reality
You truly are forever gone
Without your presence I feel empty
Hard to find the strength to go on
I miss you so ******* much mom...
Amanda Kay Burke Feb 2018
Icy doilies
Murmuring
Dropping illusions
Of pledges and confirmations

A bitter day
Visions of amore
The avenues we choose
Decide our fate

Bobbing, pirroetting, snow
Composing a concord
Of abashment and bedlam
Tipping to and fro

Advising mice and squirrels
Not to venture outside
Lest they be swallowed
By a blustering freeze

Sputter and cough
Wheeze and wallow
Litter the earth
With frosty white tears
I wrote this in seventh grade. I think I just liked showing off my impressive vocabulary.
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2019
You were my angel in blackest days
Smile the only light
Think my world would still be black
If you had not of taken away the night

Darkness seemed to fill
I knew
Life spaced out by sobs of punctuation
The monotonous dullness of time
Provided color and fluctuation

How could I dim the sky?
The one?
Had put the sun in mine
Hearts are setting in the distance
I'll forever remember your shine
My earthangel
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2018
I was colorblind
You took my grey world and filled
It with your colors
I am colorblind, coffee black and egg white...
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