capable but unmotivated,
love being different, hate being misunderstood,
impulsive long term planner.
strange mix of super private and open book.
rational yet unrealistic.
great at giving advice, bad at following it.
arrogant, but painfully aware of my flaws
sure of myself, yet unassuming
introverted extrovert,
rigorous yet care-free,
perpetual loner with tons of friends.
energetic but lazy,
sensitive, yet cold hearted
gregarious yet studious,
intelligent but spacey,
personal, yet detached.
unhealthy, yet understanding therapist,
competitive mediator.
The optimist who just wants to see the world burn.
Where do I fit in?

people bore me                               loneliness bores me
people drain me                             loneliness drains me
people tire me                                 loneliness tires me
people misunderstand me            loneliness means I misunderstand myself
people ignore me                           loneliness is the epitome of being ignored

I will follow you
I will chase you
I will hunt you
Never shall I give up
All I am is a heavy heart and an empty soul
All I need is you

I am both the wound,
And the blade. The torturer,
And he who is flayed.

He haunted her.
Phantom touches
Icy breath on the back of her neck
He tugged on her memory
Left scars on her skin
He was there in those moments between sleep and awake
He was there in the dark crevises of her mind
She could not let him go
He haunted her.

I like the colour purple,
     as it blooms across my skin,
The delicate spread of lavender,
     dappled with yellow and green.

I like the smell of iron,
     of copper pennies and blood
As it oozes form a scab
     or drips from a fresh cut.

I like the feel of my ribs,
     the bones beneath my skin,
The curve of my skull under my cheek,
     Or the joints of every knuckle.

It's okay
If you don't
Have the time.

Who made you the centre of my universe?
Because it sure wasn't me.
Do you think that I want my life to revolve around you?
like i'm just a planet orbiting the sun,
A pair of jeans in the washing machine
Or flotsam in a whirlpool.
I don't suppose you'd understand,
How dizzy I get,
after a day around you
Or even a few moments.
How I can't keep my balance
And the world sort of tips
till' everything is inside out
backwards and all mixed up.
Except you.
because for some reason
the only stable thing
in this topsy-turvy world
is you.

How can you know me,
    When you've only seen my skin
There is not way
    I could possibly portray
    More than a distorted fragment
        Of the twisted universe
            That resides inside my head.

I try  my dear,
    Oh how hard I try!
But it is futile you see,
    For how can I form words
        To convey who I am
When I myself
Do not even understand
Who I Have Become.

THE FEAR OF NORMALITY
THE FEAR OF APATHY
THE FEAR OF ORDINARY
THE FEAR OF BORING
THE FEAR OF REPLACEABLE
THE FEAR OF SAMENESS
THE FEAR OF CLICHE
THE FEAR OF BANALITY
THE FEAR OF COMMON
THE FEAR OF DULL
THE FEAR OF SHALLOWNESS
THE FEAR OF TRITENESS
THE FEAR OF VAPID
THE FEAR OF UNORIGINAL
THE FEAR OF INSIPID
THE FEAR OF PRETENTIOUS
THE FEAR IN UNINSPIRING
THE FEAR OF TRIVIAL
THE FEAR OF AVERAGE

Do you think it hurts,
When fresh buds burst from dark earth?
What beautiful pain.

Yesterday it snowed.
Big fluffy flakes whirling down in a flurrie of white.
But they lasted only seconds, as they touched the wet ground their state changed, they left behind their cold, hard edges and symmetry and became fluid and liquid. there was no going back to its delicate structure, just like all its brothers it was something new and they didn't choose it. They were forced to adapt.

Your shadow runs in the sunset,
Leaping over buildings in its stride,
The waning day fills me with regret,
Of lost chances I can't provide.

The lonely road stretches ahead,
Bereft bridge I cross everyday.
Starlight upon a tousled head,
The moon that lights the way.

I want to let the fire have you,
You're mine to hold when you weep,
Brave heart that needs a rescue.
Your deepest desires I keep.

At dusk our shadows blend together,
Flying high we seek the same things,
You're my compass and my cover,
And tonight you become my wings.

I consume time, as I march at a steady beat.
I may seem fearsome, but you I will not eat.
I once was a multitude, in times long past,
But now I am encased in gold and glass.

Our existence consists of a resistance to the persistent indifference,
The instinct without substance, consistent yet distant,
That will influence our adolescence, make us insistent and violent,
Until in an instant we will all become silent.

The sharp jagged edge,
An exhausted little beak
Bedraggled feathers.

Torn from mother's womb.
Lungs strain with gasps of cold air,
Unforgiving world.

Blood drips,
            oozes,
                      In lurid globes
Down the shadowed folds of heavy velvet.
            cloying stench,
                      shattered china.

Your spine is twisted under stretched yellow skin,
Disjointed vertebrae break through, glinting white.
Your lost words heavy on your tongue,
Ringing in my ears.
Every villain believes
   they are a hero dear.
         even me.

I forgot who I was pretending to be today..

I feel homesick for a place that doesn't exist.
I am homesick but I am at home.
Why am I homesick in my own home?
Where will I stop feeling homesick?
Everyone else feels safe at home.
When will I stop feeling homesick?
Do I even need a home?

Panic crept up to me,
Filling my mind with images of them pulling out my body,
Festered  and decaying.
Images of slow starvation. Of disease and disintegrated skin.
My breath faltered,
I gasped for air but it got caught in my throat,
Hot and humid,
The cloying stench of mold.

I could feel my heart in my head,
Rushing through my ears,
Every beat ripping my chest open,
Like the pressure would burst my veins.
Reason fled.
Rationality ran.

The walls closed in on my mind,
The water rushed up and choked my hope,
Impenetrable dark, weighing on my shoulders,
Pulling me down. Suffocating me.
Filling my mouth,
My nose,
My mind.

The moss beneath my hands crawled up my skin,
Images of drowning in insects flew through my brain.
Crawling in to my mouth,
The sockets of my eyes.
I screamed.

I screamed and I screamed,
My voice broke and still I screamed,
Silent peals of anguish,
The sound rough and course, grating against my throat.
Ripping apart the silence.

Frantically I tried to scramble up the rough stones.
Shredding my fingers,
My hands were covered in blood and grime.
Panic faded into Pain.
Pain to numbness.
I retreated into my mind.

abyss tried left pulling untitled beauty scales heavy chase lies shoulders flew starvation body rough broke veins water crawling beat angel sun slow fly looked morning hear walls wake live touch need blame wasn't looking gave stand whirled planet want way know pair inside hold thousands going gravity friends different universe sparks end help trance million lungs pumped oh hand struggle spine mirror bleeding surely crave suddenly draw rasp clouds face smile rushes pooling feet calls shatter glance circuited risk catch danced seeing eye pieces jumps irresistible false barefoot blow stretching helium hair-trigger deserve near wall trail wish told tip razor requiring staining pure holding un-calculated precarious short health think scare drowned tight light proportioning maybe arm filled hair fight spins centre loose vulnerable lightest balanced noticed step rope stains rot wanting deserved realized bitter connection set instead selfish cast shame blamed aside shut overwhelmed factories ***** stretch roads lattice toxic nations sores polluting cities smog mechanical landscape great guilt affection mistakes forgive ate actions intimacy tsunami given fine tired self-pity free decay came lied signs smiling doubt small fault passion words fell admit default finally true matter wounded cope pride strength burning submit okay best paint hate reading realize listening music eating lonely walking child dreamt heat bystanders wound deaf glassy sunken opened sat hidden knew sneers smoke reflection arched web lovers mother drinking beasts ***** lines rivers blameless spewing sectioning leaving asphalt blistered whilst scattered plagued villages birds peace tea countryside scars machines torn 'civilization' tarmac land etched earth towns war sprawling rip snowed forced symmetry choose changed big flakes flurrie touched shall soul follow hunt new yesterday lasted brothers seconds adapt fluid hard wet state whirling fluffy liquid ground jewles crown adorn suffocating stones ran cloying caught burst silent beneath crept shredding numbness crawled got moss moon wear does soars wingless anguish dark course retreated rushed covered festered decaying princesses lie faeries dance hide mountains 1157 feelings sameness year change forward quite happy roar everyone's lives tall wide river dreams swim cries spirits phoenixes dragons soar conversations minuets savor overwhelming single remember unable devastating mermaids beings humans weak force unmeasurable bold consume makes afar repeating shining existence space comprehend the entities human humanity vivid insignificance infinitesimal embodied edges pressure grow thought jealous inner size weight felt voice downfall thing vast seduced strong galaxy whispered plot artistry belong struggled visible prison make systematic shrunk suns carry captivity constellations lazy rigorous impulsive tons understanding term wants loner unrealistic introverted perpetual personal care-free contradiction long extrovert unhealthy rational bullshitter therapist competitive energetic detached planner burn honest optimist mediator fit hot grating mold grime weighing fingers humid disintegrated rushing faltered sockets scramble chest frantically impenetrable reason disease silence sound gasped closed fled drowning nose faded choked insects stench rationality peals drown couldn't wondrous inspired unsaid settled smaller held expanse hostage began bars lucid sleep open mess sea rest consumes not to afloat darkness little elusive try movements attracted like mind heart stars life eyes world broken just feel time blood screamed pain bring throat nature wrong breath images thoughts apart wanted glass filling anymore hope humanity skin ripping look mouth head fantasy panic hands away human brain ears air saw balance kept pass cold white fall delicate structure

Lone leaf in the wind
Gentle spiral come to rest
Worn down underfoot

Where mountins are tall and river are wide,
Where mermaids swim and faries hide,
Where princesses live and dragons roar,
Where spirits dance and phoenixes soar,
Where everyone's happy and no one cries,
Where there is no pain and dreams dont lie,
I don't live in that world of fantasy,
That world of fantasy lives in me.

I wish we would write more.
Physical letters, I mean,
To show who we care for,
Instead of expressing ourselves by machine.
Because there's something about
Ink on a page,
And painstakingly writing it out
But... that's so rare in this age.

Are we truly connected
If you only ever tell me through text?
I suppose it's expected
but it leaves me perplexed
How can it be true?
If it's just pixels on a screen
Words with no value,
On the face of a machine.

Don't you detest
Our online obsession,
Conversations compressed
And a loss of connection

I was wrong before,
when I said  I was in love.
I had not fully understood,
I thought it was just a warm feeling,
and a smile when they walk into the room.
But now,
Now I know.
Love is a relentless tide,
A storm in my body,
A tornado in my heart.
It rips apart my reality,
And does not care for the wreckage it leaves in its wake.
My mind a war zone.

Love is not butterflies, it is bombs,
It is not fleeting, it is not kind.
It is not compassionate, it is a mighty force that takes control of me, and will not leave.

Listen to the rain
Indifferent to the pleas of man
Cleansing all in time

I never expected to capture anything more
than a fragment of you
A phrase you might once have spoke in your sleep,
A twitch of your lips,
Or the curve of your spine when you stretched.

I soon realized that snippets of you were all about the place,
caught in the hedge by the back gate or reflected in the kettle.
The rings of coffee mugs on my old desk,
and loose change down the back of the sofa.
Even when I was away I still found you,
Sand in my shoes, folded corners in my books,

Even though you are gone,
I can see you in myself.
I speak with your words,  
I still see the world as you described it,
Full of wonder and curiosity,
But now tinged with bitterness.
Lyrics from your songs lurk in my mind,
And an aching emptiness where my heart once was.

I cannot forget you,
For I cannot escape you.

Children in,
Adults out.

Sometimes I dream. Sometimes I do not.
often i will not sleep until 2 am,
From time to time I go to sleep as soon as my head touches the pillow.
Once in a blue moon I will stay up all night.
My sleep does not follow a pattern, neither does my life.
It fluctuates from here to there, adrift in space and time.
I am infrequent. I am haphazard. I am erratic.
I do not mind, It makes me who I am.

You need not worry, Pretty one,
For I am here, My dearest son.

I will protect you, at all cost,
For if you die then all is lost.

Do not be afraid, you must not fear
For I will always, hold you dear.

The world will wait,
And so will fate,
For though you're the heir,
Right now, you are in my care.

I would wait for the day that he would say to me:
"Bring me the stars.
Bring them to me so that I may wear them around my throat.
That I may adorn my crown with the Sun and Moon."

He will walk the universe with but a stride,
swathed in galaxies and Nebulae.
My Lord
My King
Mine

Their is no need to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Do it to do it. Not to have done it.
"Why me?" "Why not you."

She is a wingless angel.
She does not fly, she soars.