WickedHope: Poems

991 · Dec 2014

Don't Tell

WickedHope Dec 2014

Shh, don't tell
Shh, don't tell
Is what he says
As he puts me
Through hell*

I was so unafraid
And utterly brilliant
My peace was taken by him
Now my brilliant light is dim

I wish I could shine brighter, but it's too terrifying.

#fear #why #memory #scar #shh #dont #terrified #sexualassault

989 · May 2015

Stepping Stones

WickedHope May 2015

Stepping Stones

remember that thing
that thing you hated
that thing i made you do
that thing we are going to do together
i am going to see you today
really see you
actually see you
for the first time
the first time ever
the first time in two years
two long years
you will see me
remember me, the girl
remember me, the girl
say you'll remember me
that girl you called
you called
you called me Maybe and i called you forever
you and i
remember that thing you hated
that thing we're going to do today

**For the record, he bailed.

#always #iloveyou #missyou #twoam

989 · Mar 2015

(She says she's like your 'twin,' but she's not.)

WickedHope Mar 2015

(She says she's like your 'twin,' but she's not.)

Hair
Downy Feathers
Nails
Slivers Of  Perfect Moons
Eyes
Icicles Falling

                                                                            Smiling
                                                  Smashed China Plates
                                                                          Walking
           Nonchalant Juxtaposed To My Erratic Heart
                                                                          Running
              Time Standing Still As You Sail Through It

I'm just looking. That's really it. I don't know anything more or less.
- - -
Oh my goodness I'm embarrassing.

#and #just #things #again #some #noticing

983 · Nov 2014

Begin Again (10w)

WickedHope Nov 2014

Begin Again (10w)

Second chances.
Thank you, darling,
For letting me back in.

#love #hope #friendship #10w #again #twoam #secondchance

982 · Oct 2017

Barely Hatched.

WickedHope Oct 2017

Barely Hatched.

There will be a morning
Like all the rest
When you turn over and open heavy lids
As you exit slumber you are startled
Because you are alone

You fell asleep alone
Yet you will be surprised
You call out, remembering the lives that once mingled with yours
They can be heard calling back
But they are not calling back to you

You lay in your nest
Wondering how all the birds flew away
When you've barely hatched

Just missing Kevy lately.

#alone #loneliness #friendship #growth #distance #friends #separation #love

972 · Mar 2022

If I Close My Eyes Then You Can't See Me Because I Can't See You, And Other Non Truths Children Believe

WickedHope Mar 2022

If I Close My Eyes Then You Can't See Me Because I Can't See You, And Other Non Truths Children Believe

She's fine she's fine she's fine
Don't ask her cause she'll lie
She isn't sure who she is anymore
Been playing pretend so long
Who knows what is real for sure
She never sleeps
Because when she sleeps she's alone
And she never cries
Because when she cries she admits to pain
And she always smiles
Because if it reaches her eyes then it looks real
She's fine she's fine she's fine
Just don't look too deep inside

What if we weren't important to anyone and could just lay facedown in a cold body of water?
What if we got them all to miss us so they'd know pain like we do?

I want to **** George.

#pain #fine #lies

970 · Dec 2014

Miserably Confused By... Well, You

WickedHope Dec 2014

Miserably Confused By... Well, You

I'm tired of the sad songs
And the watercolor paintings
I can't stop writing about you
I promised her I was done
Agreed you were no good for me
You're the opposite of everything
I tell myself I want and need
But you won't leave leave my heart
And for the first time in years
I want to draw all the time
I started dancing again
And I don't know what it is about you
But I can't seem to let you go
So I'm writing and singing songs
And art is everywhere again
And my pointe shoes are taking a beating
My beating heart won't stop
Calling out your name

Someone slap me.
And, yes, I'm aware this is bad,
but it's better than the others I have right now,
so it's going up.

#love #want #music #dancer #confusion #artist #3am

969 · Sep 2021

You Can't Go Home When Home Leaves You

WickedHope Sep 2021

You Can't Go Home When Home Leaves You

Your whispers follow me
Tickling my soul
The same way your face
Tickled mine when
You didn't shave

I don't remember
How your arms felt
Keeping me wrapped up
And held together against you
I'm falling apart
You aren't here
To help gather my pieces

Your laugh still plays
Like a broken record
A repeating track
Creaky and fading with each replay
When it stops
Then you'll really be gone

#love #loss #pain #memories #lover #past #home #alone

963 · Oct 2014

Oh Right

WickedHope Oct 2014

Oh Right

Remind me again,
why did you leave?

Was it my age?
My disease?
My poison?
My greed?

Remind me again,
why did you leave?

Was it my height?
My stupidity?
My dress size?
My poverty?

Remind me again,
why did you leave?

Was it my laugh?
My "inexperience"?
My lack of friends?
My lack of brilliance?

Remind me again,
why did you leave?

Oh right,
You left because
I'm just me,
And that's all I'll ever be.

#love #lies #left #abandoned #fuckyou

962 · Sep 2014

Pierced Your Heart

WickedHope Sep 2014

Pierced Your Heart

She seems nice
Probably nicer than me
You say she's smart
I get only decent grades
Nice, smart, gorgeous too
Good thing I lost ten pounds for you

Once you said you loved me
Now you love a fencer

Hope you are happy
One thing I could never make you
Please just don't forget me
Even though she's the one who pierced your heart

#love #heart #girl #hope #loss #insecure #anorexia #pierce #disappointed #fencer

961 · Oct 2014

Vase

WickedHope Oct 2014

Vase

Glass vase
Simple, intricate
Impressive, delicate
Held by hands
Picked up
It's weight felt
Dropped
Shattered
Crystal shards everywhere
Swept under a rug without a care

*Please don't drop me
For I'm only glass
So easily cracked and shattered
I already scratch at my own surface

I guess this is done...

#broken #fear #break #hurt #selfharm #cut #glass

961 · Nov 2014

Why, Why, Why

WickedHope Nov 2014

Why, Why, Why

why did you take my laugh
why did you take my sense of humor
where did you go
what did i do wrong
when did you change your mind
who did you go find
how could i have made you stay

why did you take my stars
why did you take everything bright
where did i lose you
what did you do with always
when did you last think of me
who did i hurt to deserve this
how could i have made you stay

why did i believe you were different
why did you pretend to save me
where did she come from
what did she say to get your attention
when did you chose class over connection
who did you turn into after Brazil
how could i have made you stay

why did you change instead of me
why did i drive you away
where did she come from
what did you even want from me
when did you make us a game
who did you think i was to be broken
how could i have made you stay

how could you have hurt me

You're ******* gone.
Over a year.
You're ******* gone, Andrew.
Come back. Please. I need you.

#love #broken #why #what #heartbroken #when #abandoned #who #where #twoam

959 · Aug 2015

"And I could tell you, his favorite color's green..."

WickedHope Aug 2015

"And I could tell you, his favorite color's green..."

I remember
when you promised
I could fall asleep
on
your shoulder
anytime
...

Does that still hold true?

Title are Taylor Swift lyrics.
Long story. Short poem.

"I do recall now the smell of the rain..."
-T .Swift (Again. Like I said, long story.)

#love #home #sleep #sweet #runaway #hold #nicknames

958 · Aug 2014

Sad Songs

WickedHope Aug 2014

Sad Songs

Monday they make me sleepy
Tuesday they make me laugh
Wednesday they give me strength
Thursday they make me dance
Friday they make me think
Saturday they make me cry
Sunday they make me ready to die

#suicide #sad #music #emotions #songs #week #sunday

958 · Aug 2014

My Rose

WickedHope Aug 2014

My Rose

She is everything I've ever wanted to be
Everything that makes me strong
She is graceful, beautiful and my brand of insane
She makes me hope
A friend

For Kay, an inspiration for the writer I hope to be, wickedly.

#love #friend #friendship #rose

954 · Oct 2014

Basic Humanity

WickedHope Oct 2014

Basic Humanity

I need
I need
I need

#want #need #people #humanity #selfish #poverty

949 · Feb 2015

George thinks it's funny when I scream

WickedHope Feb 2015

George thinks it's funny when I scream

I have a flower
Blooming
It started blue
But as it grows
It's petals are yellow
Brightly framing
The purple
And pink core

The gardener
He planted it there
On my thigh

And my mother wonders why I don't like to garden with her...

#abuse

948 · Dec 2014

Missing, Have You Seen This Girl? (would you even want to?)

WickedHope Dec 2014

Missing, Have You Seen This Girl? (would you even want to?)

Have you seen me?

They took my face
Off the the missing posters,
Because no one
Would want the reward,
If they saw my face.

The description
They removed too,
Because how can you
Define a girl
Who's nothing but bruised?

I have been missing -- gone,
For far, far too long.

Not worth it.
I don't think anyone will ever find me.
- - -
Andrew... Meet me in the dark?

#lost #gone #missing #worthless #bruised #betteroff #findme

947 · Jan 2015

Family Affair: 6:43pm

WickedHope Jan 2015

Family Affair: 6:43pm

I hear my father ****** my brother in the next room
Before he slits my mother's throat
Brother dearest already stabbed me prior to his death
Father simply ignores me and walks right out the door
He's gone to light the town with matches
While I cut myself into pieces
I leave littered on the floor

hate hate hate
nothing
why

#suicide #death #abuse #father #mother #me #family #**** #brother

945 · Dec 2014

One Step To Freedom...

WickedHope Dec 2014

One Step To Freedom...

I just need to take the last step
And I won't fall
I'll be suspended
As my soul
Stops being so confined
By this body
And I'm

F r e e . . .

My only accomplishment in life
has been poetry.
Thank you for reading it.

#suicide #freedom #rope

944 · Sep 2014

Distract Me

WickedHope Sep 2014

Distract Me

I want to go back
to the days when
I could show up
at your doorstep
and we'd mess
around a little
because I need a
distraction from
the chemicals
in my bag and
the blade
in my hand

Thoughts.

#addiction #need #pain #lust #past #poison #*** #selfharm #distract #inhalants

943 · Oct 2014

Silence (10w)

WickedHope Oct 2014

Silence (10w)

deafening
horrifying
angry
confusing
lonely
empty
sharp
easy
peaceful

concerning

I'm always so afraid to speak, but I miss your voice.

#peace #lonely #10w #silence #talk #speak #voice #concern

943 · Mar 2016

I'm Always Halloween

WickedHope Mar 2016

I'm Always Halloween

i'm afraid now
because what if you can't

                                        can't
                                        don't
                                        won't

you can always think you know someone so well
until you see the parts of them that are ghosts

                                                            ghosts
                                                            vampires
                                                            werewolves

          and let's not forget the DEMONS

                   because on the inside
                              i'm always  **Halloween

My INFJ brain won't turn off...

#love #fear #past #ghost #demons #vampire #secrets #inside #halloween

942 · Feb 2015

Drowsy Eyes Shut Tonight

WickedHope Feb 2015

Drowsy Eyes Shut Tonight

She falls asleep

The drops hitting the floor
Her tears
And her blood
Dripping along her skin

She falls asleep

The pill bottle crashing down
Her collapsing
After on the floor
Body colliding with the ground

She falls asleep

#suicide #alone #selfharm #overdose

939 · Nov 2014

Stay, I Pray

WickedHope Nov 2014

Stay, I Pray

I hate myself at least 20 times a day
For being unable to make you stay.
It's my fault, I pushed you away.

You spoke to me again today,
Filled me with regret that I let myself sway.
It wasn't a game I knew how to play!
When did love become so hard anyway?

For another chance, to God I pray,
And any price I'm willing to pay.

I'm sorry that from you I went astray,
Then returned and at your feet myself I did lay.
I made our skies dark and gray;
The bonds between us began to fray.

I'm so sorry for the mess I must say,
But to me again you've found your way.

I just hope this time we both stay...

(So proud in the most juvenile way
That these rhymes turned out okay)

#love #hope #stay #pray #twoam #ay

938 · Nov 2014

Go Away -- Stay -- Go Away (10w)

WickedHope Nov 2014

Go Away -- Stay -- Go Away (10w)

You mother ******* tease;
You can't come back, then leave.

He keeps coming back into my
life then leaving, ripping open
wide the original wound he
created. I can't stop letting him
back in, but he keeps hurting me.

#love #heartbreak #pain #hurt #always #stay #him #10w #**** #gone

937 · Oct 2014

Hands Off

WickedHope Oct 2014

Hands Off

Why do I turn to him when I feel alone
How horrible am I to use him
In the ways I was used

I show up at his door, torment him with my act
Turn us into an addictive freak show
Do anything he wants

Just don't touch me and we can be a puppet show
Move fluid, move mechanical
Devoid of emotion

Friends with benefits for an erotophobic.

#lust #hurt #*** #numb #touch #used #scarred #emotionless #mindgames #erotophobia

934 · Sep 2014

A Used Coin

WickedHope Sep 2014

A Used Coin

Sometimes I want to be with the crowd laughing
Sometimes I'm afraid of how the laughs sound
Sometimes I flat out hate laughing
Sometimes I'm a giggling mess

I've been told I glare when I'm not trying to
I've been told I can look like a block of ice
I've been told I have a sick sense of humor
I've been told I should sleep more

I was having a conversation, and what the other person said prompted me to write this.
It seems straight forward but it isn't at all. Lot of hidden stuff here.

#love #alone #laugh #isolated #text #****** #coin

933 · Jan 2015

Title (optional) - Love &Pain (unlimited)

WickedHope Jan 2015

Title (optional) - Love &Pain (unlimited)

I haven't eaten in two days,
Barely sleep at night
And now I'm crying
Crying and I want to *****

~ ~ ~

I love you without end
No point of cease
You're everything
That I will ever need

I'm already upset about my grandfather, mother, and my Bird.
Now I'm fighting the anxiety induced urge to retch.

932 · Jan 2015

Some Lullabies Were Meant To Be Painted

WickedHope Jan 2015

Some Lullabies Were Meant To Be Painted

I miss the way you would hum to me
with your lips moving on my bare back...

I miss the way you'd look into my eyes
from above, me on your bedroom floor...

Why is it the later it gets, the more my singularity *****?

#love #eyes #lips #you #skin #floor #close #intimate

929 · Jan 2015

"Define insanity," he toys.

WickedHope Jan 2015

"Define insanity," he toys.

Darling, we're insanity.
I come back to listen
To you whisper your sweet nothings,
Then get a backhand to the face.
I know "you have the capacity to change,"
I mutter to myself, the whole way
To and back from your place.
I tell myself "it won't always be this way,"
One of these days,
My blood soaked clothes
A trail upon your floor,
You'll beg me to stay.

You're so painful.
- - -
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results."
- Albert Einstein

#love #abuse #lust #insanity #meandyou

928 · Nov 2015

Frostbite

WickedHope Nov 2015

Frostbite

☀
shadows
are cast
by
the sun

so
i guess that explains
why
you
don't have
one
❄

I don't know. I'm in a weird mood. :P

#pain #dark #shadow #ice #cold #frostbite

928 · May 2015

How To Feel Emotion (in 10 words or less)

WickedHope May 2015

How To Feel Emotion (in 10 words or less)

Memories,
memories,
memories,
trickle down my throat
like *bloodied water.

#love #break #water #blood #10w #emotion #memory #feel #gavinbarnard

924 · Nov 2014

My 'Perfect' Guy

WickedHope Nov 2014

My 'Perfect' Guy

Him

Response to Ember Evanescent's challenge about dream guy/girl.
He is all I've ever wanted -- my perfect lie.

#love #loss #perfect #imperfect #challenge #twoam

923 · Oct 2014

Frightened

WickedHope Oct 2014

Frightened

I am afraid of everything.
Mostly myself.
Secondly the way I feel about you.

I'm afraid of touching other people and people touching me...
I'm afraid of wanting that to happen with you anyway...

#love #fear #want #desire #you #me #terrifying #frightened #horrid #from-wickedhope-to-rhymeswithpurple

921 · Dec 2014

Speak Up So It'll Be Quiet (10w)

WickedHope Dec 2014

Speak Up So It'll Be Quiet (10w)

Your mystifying
silence screams
louder than anything
and everything else.

Talk to me.
I know you're busy,
but my mind is all you.

#need #friendship #scream #10w #silence #unrequited #loud #enigma #saveme

919 · Sep 2014

The Faces of Him, The Enigma of You

WickedHope Sep 2014

The Faces of Him, The Enigma of You

With him, we exchanged pieces of our hearts,
But he was a fake from the start.

With him, he only wanted one thing,
And he took it away, with me breaking.

With him, I've always felt safe and secure,
But his feelings for me are a repressed blur.

With you...
There's so much I'd like to do...

#love #trust #lies #him #you #me #them #lovetriangle #sexualassualt #violate

918 · Dec 2014

Someone's In Denial And It's Not Me

WickedHope Dec 2014

Someone's In Denial And It's Not Me

Hush now
Just a child
Be alright now
'Cause I told you to

Hush now
You're a liar
Be alright now
Stop faking

Hush now
Little one
Be alright now
I know better

Hush now
It's made up
Be alright now
Your problems aren't real

Hush now

#real #denial #insane #issues #child #adult #problems #hush #faked

918 · Apr 2015

Freedom: Illusion and Choice.

WickedHope Apr 2015

Freedom: Illusion and Choice.

Manufactured wings the world gave me
Mechanical design tried to cool, tame me
Freedom certainly, subdued undoubtedly
Strings attached make an angelic marionette
Strings leave me free to come undone
Snap or be pulled back, unraveling into a fall
Fly faster to the finish line as higher I sail
Rule restricting 'rights' are the limits they lied of
Wind hushes the voices that still scream
Wind drowns them out in partial foreshadowing
I am still among the chaos, only soaring up
I am myself for the first time as I am carried
The wings carry me as if in a dream
Nothing seems real but it couldn't be less fake
This is the first time I feel risk, authenticity
I taste the breeze and sun-rays on my tongue
Cutting myself lose I become focused on up
I break away as I approach my potential
I grin with the new power I have found
In these wings that were made for me
*Grinning, I slip quietly into the sea

I've decided to burn my wings,
the wax that holds them together already drips off.

#suicide #freedom #death #choice #mythology #icarus

916 · Nov 2014

Fearful (10w)

WickedHope Nov 2014

Fearful (10w)

I'm afraid of rejection,
so why try?
You terrify me.

I give up.
- - -
Maybe I'll turn this into an
actual poem. You know,
when I'm more motivated
than depressed. Ha. Because
that's going to happen.

#fear #hurt #people #rejection #10w #try #scar #terrified #uselessworthlessme

915 · Nov 2014

To You -- If You Only Knew

WickedHope Nov 2014

To You -- If You Only Knew

I seem happy                                         I don't feel
I am lazy                                                I have no will to care
I have it all figured out                        I am utterly lost
I have a hundred friends                     I can't find one that's authentic
I believe in God                                     I have faith that constantly wavers
I have a loving family                          I think that's a great joke
I don't care what people think            I am paranoid and pressured
I am sweet, kind                                    I am a cruel, selfish, heartless *****
I am another girl                                   *I am not real

This is just a thing. So... yup. Here is a thing.

#depression #not #reality #i #what #clueless #seem #youunderstand

914 · Dec 2014

Humans and I (10w)

WickedHope Dec 2014

Humans and I (10w)

I've been around
people
for too long
to have*
friends*.

I hate people, and I'm afraid of them.
Yet I'm terrified of my own loneliness.

#friends #people #me #fuckeverything #i-am-terrifiedloneliness #hellno #imnotaniceperson #worldisacruelplace

913 · Jan 2016

Names Tell Our Stories Before We Speak

WickedHope Jan 2016

Names Tell Our Stories Before We Speak

Andy
(Rest in peace)

True Courage

Thomas Rex

Purvi Gadia

Konr

Víctor Manuel Serna

Liz And Lilacs

WM

Ember Evanescent

anxiety

Closed Story

Andrew Quikkes

Amber K

Steel

Peter Robert Hamilton

Karl Franssen aka Bryson Flegg

Creep that Loves You

Kiyuki
I miss you...

And of course
Gavin

You've all touched me in some profound way, either through your work or through our conversations, and I will never be able to thank you enough. (And I'm sorry to any of you I may have left out, hopefully that helps to exemplify the number of you I've grown fond of -- there are too many to list!)
- - -
For Eliot York's #hpfriend tag

#friends #life #thankyou #hpfriend

909 · Feb 2016

"Stressed Out"

WickedHope Feb 2016

"Stressed Out"

I want to inject music into my bloodstream,
Maybe then
I'll feel a beat come through my heart for once.

Listening to a cover of Twenty One Pilots' "Stressed Out".

907 · Jan 2015

Recipe (Challenge by konr)

WickedHope Jan 2015

Recipe (Challenge by konr)

i suppose i am composed
of some of my mother
and parts of my father
no matter how i try to shed them both
i am warped by premature exposure
to prostitution and *******
my veins are ***** from
the needles i don't use
and my head is clear from
the pills i don't take
painted skin covers
the pale emptiness
my skin as a canvas
that all too accurately reflects
the blank white nothing inside of me
cruel hope after hope that's been
left to disappoint
disapproval of myself end to end
fiber to fiber is deemed inadequate
so focus outward forget about this body
how to impact the world
how to change the world
how to fix the world

I don't know, okay? It was an attempt. :I
Thanks to konr and Creep for putting this out.
- - -
Guys, I got a new twitter, am I "hip" yet?

#life #pain #me #recipe #wickedhope #recipechallenge

906 · Feb 2016

Binging On The Novocaine Boy

WickedHope Feb 2016

Binging On The Novocaine Boy

Maybe I don't like to admit when I'm wrong
But then again, neither do you
Maybe trying to find each other in foreign places was the worst way to meet
But your heart eludes even you
Maybe I should have shown you honey before stone
But stone walls have always been safer
Maybe I was never good at knowing who to trust
But I thought that I could let you in
Maybe taking shots in the dark is ineffective
But it doesn't matter now that my heart's broke again

No idea what this bunch of nonsense is. Nope. Happy St. Valentine's.

#love #drunk #over

905 · Nov 2014

Watch Me, Love

WickedHope Nov 2014

Watch Me, Love

I remember staying up all night
Just to watch each other
On guard, protecting
From the haunting memories
From our fears
I remember staring into your deep eyes
Getting lost to find myself
With you 'till the sun came up

#love #eyes #sun #stay #infinite #found #protect

904 · Oct 2014

Fucking Familiarity...

WickedHope Oct 2014

******* Familiarity...

I want to hold onto you, smile at you

But I don't know how

So I cling to him, familiarity

The unknown intimidates me

But I want you to know

I want *you

This came to me when, nervous about you, I clung to his arm in the hall laughing, prolonging my purgatory of Mr. Class of 2013 thoughts in calculus, when there you were...
God, the only thought on my mind was dropping everything and kissing you...
Instead I flushed red, averted my gaze - avoiding yours, and I clung to ******* pointless "familiarity," walking in the wrong **** direction, kicking myself...

#want #confused #familiar #foreign #timid #from-wickedhope-to-rhymeswithpurple

902 · Feb 2015

If I Were An Egg

WickedHope Feb 2015

If I Were An Egg

If I were a coloring book,
*          would you color in the lines?

If I were water,
          would you let me be still?

If I were wooden,
          would you light me on fire?

If I were an egg,
          would you crack me, boil me?

If I were a string,
          would you tangle me, knot me?

If I were lava,
          would you try to swim?

Check out Victor's impromptu response poem here:
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1074861/if-you-were-an-egg/

#games

901 · Dec 2014

Company

WickedHope Dec 2014

Company

sometimes

i                    really                    just

need                    to                    know                    that

not                    **everyone                    hates

my                    company

- i want to stop feeling empty and alone -

#hatred #need #me #*** #used #company #use