I swear I have lost it,
I called out for help
Not a soul to here my cries,
Not a voice to stop my goodbyes,
I swear I'll lose it
If you forget me too

Dear capricious heart,
I’m sorry for leaving you at the door step of my past self.
I know you’re built with wings that can’t take you to the sky,
But I was made of broken bones, my identity split between a continental divide,
And I was yearning for the moment that I’d come to terms with ambiguity.

Now I feel at ease,
knowing you’ve found comfort in the changing of the seasons,

And I have conquered the impossible task of hearing you beat without apprehension

Your shadow picks roses,
as you sit under the thunderclouds
that follow your melancholic movements
your reflections from the past
pick stars from the sky to build their dreams
yet you are too busy searching for sleep
because nothing seems to be
what it used to mean
now you sit here wondering
How you got so far away from yourself

but on these roads you walk on, rain or shine
I will find those reflections you can't seem to find
and we will walk home together to the places you used to go
to remind you that where you are in your sorrows,
is never where you'll always be

You think about how time is running past you,
And you wonder if you could ever catch up to it,
But it stands there with a hand on your shoulder.

If only you knew, what you could do.

I’d look upon the hollow sky
Watching the birds fly by
Feeling like a lone wolf on a crowded street
dreaming of the traveler’s breeze
Letting the heat touch my covered skin
With all my mind sunk in the blue sea
I’ll be somewhere the birds would be
When winter strikes my hollowed heart
I’ll find places with dreamers like me
Looking upon the hallow sky
Drowning in crowded places
Made for people with hopeless dreams
And I’ll walk through the rain
Ripping through the man made seams
And find my place  in the hallow sky
Where I could fly in a traveler’s dream
Alone no more, just being me.

I often find myself
Stranded in the forgotten past,
searching for another way.
Send my apologies,
to those that wait for me.
Tell them my heart and soul
have separated.
Now I'm trekking on foot
through the burning sand.
I am searching for tomorrow
through the lens of my past,
time has now disappeared
it must be waiting on the other side.
Watching me lose myself
As I drown in my dissatisfaction.
All I know for now is that,
I'll escape my regrets some way
but not this time, not today.

Sometimes all it takes
Is to realize that you’re awake.
The change that you dream of,
Is in your hands and not miles away.

The grass may seem greener from where you stand,
But to the fellow across the pond,
You have it all right in your hands,
And you’re a fool in paradise,
Wishing for something you already have.

When the light seems far away
Don’t turn around, keep walking straight
You’ll notice that no matter how far you get,
Your first step is what takes you miles away,
To the place where it all will change,
And it will feel like yesterday,
That you were running and now you’re making waves.

There is always another side,
The light at the end of the tunnel,
You just have to open your eyes,
To see that you’ve already reached it.

The words once spoken,
scattered beyond Mediterranean shorelines,
I can feel them like whispers of the wind  
As the sun, the wind, and all the birds carry
Spoken promises in dire need of healing,
And despite my racing thoughts
paralleled to my feet,
telling me to face the other direction,
I still held out my shaking hands,
To put you back together again,
even when my fingers were bleeding

I found myself lost in the wind
The coldness creeping up my skin
Right through the threads of my clothes
And I remembered just how free I was
Amongst the raining leaves and swaying grass
It felt like I had left everything once at last
Wondering if the wind could carry me back to my mind
So that I could gather my thoughts and be redefined

To my father, who loves telling stories

Pomegranate seeds,
splatter over the countertops
your laughter heightens their fragrance
a dish rag in my hands
a halfway story exaggerating between your lips
mouthfuls and mouthfuls of past
something so simple about this morning
a togetherness of complex mirage
sun pierces through this sinking heart
and a strong desire to ease the pain
that has sunken into the cracks
overcomes me
I wonder what love is,
If it exists beyond this moment as anything true
and you, still lost in your narrations
tell me all about living
and this wondering finds ease
just as I, in your presence

I distanced myself from them
Because I wasn't a kid anymore
But turns out neither were they

I. Conquer time
Follow the falling leaves as they circle through time
Feel their greenery bring you back to life
And watch as a new spring comes back with an old face
dance amongst the snow that once watered the ground
And watch as it falls onto the earth only to fade away

II. Dream of flight
Watch the soaring hawks and the aeroplanes
And wish upon their wings for some new days
Watch the falling stars as they carry the burden of wishes
And the night showers that part two lovers on a vacant street
Stare down at the world and watch as life goes by
Spread your wings and get ready to fly

III. Chase the stars
Talk to the moon about the ones you once knew
Tell the night sky the stories you’ve never told
And fade into the quietness as a new dream envelopes you
Think of the stars and reach out into the sky
Remember your life and search for the cold nights you used to love
Start a few fires to make the stars in your pockets feel at home
And chase after the ones you haven’t got to know.

I see my reflection in the rain drops,
My fears are painted across the sky,
My ambitions have disappeared,
They go where the sun rays strike,
But today is a different year,
And I’m on the edge of my life,
there is a glow on this rainy day,
But It’s somewhere I can’t seem to find,
It follows the trees somewhere far,
All I know is that with it here,
Time will pass and everything will
disappear,
I’ll be okay,
and the skies will clear.

When daylight settles onto the back window. Right through the little crack, it tears itself apart into an array of color, splayed all over the hardwood floor. Outside is nice and lovely, winter grabbed its coat last week and signed off on the year. I haven't gone outside yet, I'm afraid that if I do, I may never want to come back in. What if the sensation of a new spring grips around my feet, pulling me toward the soil. What if we accidentally let ourselves fall so far into a new ground, that we begin to root and grow. I stay sitting at the table right beside my thoughts. Someone said something about change once, but my throat tickles every time I try to re-introduce myself. All this to say, I'm not afraid of the spring or what it might bring, or how sweet its fruit. I don't want to open the door, because I worry winter's still standing on the other side. Before I knew it, it would say, "I think I forgot something" and settle back in with us. A fresh sheet of snow clouds would blanket the daylight, and all its colors would fade. I shake off the chill. I guess I'll stay here, and look from inside out.

Although moments are fleeting,
so are worries,
Even summer’s goodbye,
Is a mosaic of pigments
That one can not help but stare
In absolute admiration

Good things end,
and better things begin.

Skies were always fascinating
Them with their blue hues
Brightness in even the darkest navy
Accented with silver twinkle
Or giants made of pillow softness
The whitest mattresses in the sky
But it always daunts me how skies are grey
With their plush blues
Gone to waste
The doom of smoke comes to play
But then comes the tears of those enchanted
With droughts and disparity
But grey skies don't always cry
Not the ones that smoke you dry
They force the water out of smiles
Those who couldn't revoke
No one asks to be blown up by the mist of our greed
And for a second there is fire but the rest is just need
Sadness wanders beautiful cities
Whilst their people are broke
Burning the happiness of children on the streets
Or whatever is left of them
So When I look up
At night or day
And see the blue is here today
and with my fear I look up high,
My god, thank you for a clear blue sky

From the moon,
comes a letter of reconciliation,
an apology carried with the tide.
Written in an ink infused with hope,

to be read on those restless nights.

I like to dream in puzzles,
And finish them on the bus.
With my head against the window,
Thinking of dreamt up love.
I like to dance to music,
but only in my head.
Sometimes I’ll talk to people,
but I always take back what I said.
I like to tell stories, only to myself.
I like to be with people,
but talking isn’t my thing.
I hate it when I’m lonely,
but I’m better when It’s just me.

I speak to your silence; philosophies and my darkest dreams
I speak to the velvet petals that sink into my skin at the slightest touch
Or to the glittering sea as sunlight showers down its grace
I speak to your sadness; songs and glorious days of remembrance
And we get lost in enchantment, or somewhere along the shore
You tell me fake stories and I listen to them with all my heart
I tell you about sad songs, and you take me away from my guilt...

I speak to your memory; things I’ve never had the courage to say
But now you’re lingering on the surface of ice
And I’m a thousand miles away

Last time when the dust turned blue
a new kind of rain erupted
like pellets bouncing off the ground
realizations poured over our heads
last time I laid flat on a road
and challenged the force of decisional wind
protesting the passage of time
swallowing images of mountain range
from the highest point in the city
last time I felt so dearly in love
with the color of the sky
with the way things go,
with the touch of new life
last time I got to know my own breathing
was when, just like this,
in seasonal change, fragments of old self
came to accompany on a journey
through a new day

I've read a couple books
been a few places
I even dreamt a little too
But I can never wake up
Like I used too.

You are the contrast between the sun and its midday shadow
The quiet soul with the pulse of a deer caught in headlights
You carry your words in your throat, your thoughts in your heart
You feel like a wrecking ball waiting to be swung
But you are a reckless force, a mountain that never cries

You string the laughs of those closest to you to wear as bracelets in your worst of times
You dwell on the insignificant things because that’s where you divide
You are the east and the west meeting at a central line

You are here in the present surrounded by people
You tell stories and you listen, you laugh and you embrace
But your head is in the clouds somewhere far away
And you look towards the windows to remember who you are
You’re struggling to be present because you’re already somewhere far

Turning pages, fast asleep
I dreamt of waking
and just letting things be
while threading this 5:00 am sun
between my fingers
braiding the rays into tethers
that hold onto yesterday
and today, without alteration

What a story it would read

I’ll surrender my thoughts to you
They didn’t mean much anyway
But I know you’ll find a way to break them
And find what they really have to say

I’ll surrender my doubts to you
They still hold some pieces of my heart
And I know that you will take a few
And give it to the world

I’ll surrender my heart for you
For it’s already damaged enough
But I know that you will fix it
It’s what you’d do for love

We were trying to be soft spoken
Little words but very broken
Quiet voices and loud screams
Senseless whispers and impossible dreams,
But reality is hell and love is war
In a life of cliché and nothing more
But small talk with some sultry silence
Is what I call the perfect evening
Where it's you and I
And the sound of our scribbles, laughs and tears
I'm the writer and you're the pen
Where an evening alone with you
Is all I need to conquer my fears
Burn my rage
Onto a page
And let the world read.
A pen, you are all I need.

You taught me how to grow.
Your battles are carved into my blood vessels,
And I will carry them with me,

As reminders of patience and faith.

My lungs dissipate into this silence
The fires between yesterday and tomorrow
Burn in the back of my throat
I take the words I’ve collected over the years
Store them in jars with pennies and fears
I envelop my breath with rain clouds and blues
Ready to mail it out to the years

Between us are silent sorrows
We’ve only just reunited
And already, a vast sea has made its home
Between you and me
We filled it with our tears
I spoke, you listened, I listened, you spoke
Our heartbeats aligned
Momentarily we breathed
And words flowed out
Drowning us in memories
You make your departure,
Leaving me as I overthink the unspoken

The fire’s put out, but nothing’s left
If you ever return with more things to say
You can count the pennies and words I kept
But I’ll be gone into the void of yesterday
With healing lungs,
putting out the fires you left behind

Remember me?
We talked last year,
I was the cold
And you were still here,
I would talk about my dreams
And you’d disappear
And as I would dream
I’d look for ways to keep,
My hands entangled in your destiny
But I guess it was never meant to be
I was the cold, and you were the sea
And wherever I am, you’d never be

When did grey skies become more welcoming?
When did cold breeze wrap the city in warmth?
When did gloomy nights turn into endless laughter?
When we came together again without a reason or excuse,
Every rainy day was more beautiful than blue skies
As we all sat inside telling stories and remembering old times.
And I watched from the staircase
As I was too young to understand,
And to me it was nothing, that we were all together again.
But now that I sit here older, with life lessons under my hat
I yearn for those days when the rain had kept us in.
For a drought has taken over our history and every excuse is like the scorching sun
And now I sit on the staircase thinking of those times once again,
When it was nothing to me that we were laughing
And now it was worth more than any prize.

Paint the colours of the haunting sky,
With the breeze that ignites your fire,
The seas that whisper your words
And put me sound to sleep.

Paint me with colours of love,
The velvet reds of a rose bud,
The pink lips of a cherry blossom tree,
And the cayenne of your fairytale dreams

Paint the universe with your glow
The one that colours you when you dream
Covers your eyes when you sleep
And dances on your skin when you smile

I’ll admire the landscapes you’ve left for me
Write your name in that stars when I fall sleep
Keep the taste of your remembrance on my tongue
And recite it in your memory to the curious mind
The one that asks where you’ve been all this time

I was nervous for things that had yet to come
Constantly thinking about them
Shaping my thoughts and my prayers around them
The future had me caged in a timeless loop
Of overthinking and anxiety
Like a dark tunnel leading to the unknown
I had turned off the lights to my today  
And expected that I would see my  tomorrow somewhere in the blackness of yesterday

If I could look to the stars
And find my way to a dream
Then I could stop time
And float away towards the sea
But every time I run
I see the hopeless disguise
The one your eyes tend to wear
When the night begins the scare
And you fade away into darkness
I search for you in the wind
But you’re never to be seen
Like a hidden constellation
Under a cloudy sea
You shine down like the sun
I can never catch your eyes
And when night takes you away
I chase the sunrise
Hoping to look you in the face
And hold my hand out for you to take
But you keep rising to new heights
Leaving me stranded, nearly blind
So I take that hopeless wonder
Put on your favourite disguise
Run towards the sea and take flight
Towards a never ending summer
One where you’ll be, waiting with stars
Somewhere for me

Dear future,

Time and I aren’t friends
We aren’t lovers
Yet I can’t live without it
I’m always falling off an edge
I’m sure you are too
The clock ticks louder
Every time I look for you
You, the future.
You wait at every corner
I chase you
But can never catch up
I’m always stuck in the present
As I dream of you
Sometimes you keep me up at night
Because I’m thinking,
Tirelessly exhausted.
I let time break me piece by piece
As I chase after the stars
And stand under the shadow
Of your relentless timing
Waiting for you
Anticipating...

I wondered where you were and who was I
And whether I would see the skies through different eyes
If birds were flying over our destiny
Would the sun still colour you like you colour me
Would the rain skip your steps and leave you dry
Or drench me in the cosmic catastrophe that is your dream
I’ve asked the sunset to linger a few minutes longer
So that I could see the colours reflect on to your face
Take a thousand picture of your smile and forget what it meant to blink for awhile
I’ll give away my breath to your heart, to keep it beating for you whilst we’re apart
And when the night starts to go black
The stars will twinkle bright and guide you back
I guess this is a final goodbye from me
Just remember to feel alive and
Keep your ears open for they’ll tell our story
And call it “the day when the wind parted from the sea”

I shy away from yellow Novembers,
As I stare into the glowing sun, 
searching for some metal wings, 
ones that bring back unfamiliar winds,
 hoping that they'll take me too. 

I trace my fingers along road maps,
and chase my regrets while looking back
I dream of sunsets on snowy roads 
I run from colours that feel too old 
and search for stories that haven't been told

I've read the writings on the wall, 
it seems like I've been waiting to fall, 
but every time I dream of a new place 
I can't help but feel like I need an escape 
So I find myself on the other side,

walking down roads that never divide, 
chasing dreams I have yet to meet 
becoming someone I have yet to be
searching for fate, I walk along 
towards the yellow November trees 

alone, afar, yet somewhere close, 
hand in hand with vulnerability.

Wonder is knowing that your questions will never be asked,
and that the thoughts that make you shiver are just your biggest dreams,

Plans are what we bring to our hearts when we are deceived,
By the maps laid out by our own two feet,

Hope is when the sand sinks into the sea, letting you walk free.
Love is the sound that lingers in sweet nothings, with whispers of enchanting declarations,

Fear is to be stripped of all your rocks and bricks you've laid out, to be senseless in absolute innocence,

Sadness is the forbidden things that crack our very soul, the things that play with your eyes in absolute silence,

Joy is the cherish made of the winter cold, to find the good in all icy things,

But what are you? What am I?

We are the the words that no one spoke as no voice could do us justice. We are the smiles that never crack on all the shy faces.
We are the smoke that rises in the air when candles are burnt out because no matter what you do we are still lingering about.

An Unwritten Story

I. (The beginning of a journey)

I held the stars in the palm of my hands
Walked along the edges of the horizon line
And wished for the sun, the moon and the sky
To take me home back to the times
When there was nothing but starry eyes
And dreams of hope in my my mind.

II. (Caravans and escapades)

Maybe somewhere along the way
we could stop by the past that binds
Drop some pennies into a fountain of love
Wish for wishes and some better luck.
Maybe even some brighter days
The things we’ve wanted all along.

III. (Reality in the form of gold)

But now I’m staring at a line of gold
Where the sun touches the ground
And the flames take my hope
As I open up my fists and let the stars go
And watch them as they take their place
Perfectly in your starlit face.

IV. (Destinations and dedications)

I’ll stare right into the waves of light
The endless constellations in your eyes
Look for rolling hills in your darkest time
Be the dawn on one of those bad nights
And wake up to the sun in my face
For we’ve made it to the horizon light

I hope you keep the taste of your dreams on your tongue,
When you’re gathering the courage to run towards stormy waters,
And I hope that when you reach the shoreline,
Your unspoken words rest on your eyelids,
So that every time the water burns your eyes,
You find comfort in your heart’s lullabies,
Written for you to keep you warm,
when the thunder shatters your barriers.
I hope you remember all the words we exchanged,
Because I’ve written yours upon my sleeves,
Hoping that you would remember them too.
I hope that when you reach the other side,
You’ll find the colourful remnants of the setting sun,
They’ll wash the lightening away from your eyes,
So that you can see the outline of your shadow,
As you reunite with your past self,
The one that hasn’t forgotten how to dream.

How are you?
Are you lost somewhere in the valley,
walking down endless roads?
Are you falling in love whenever you meet a kindred soul?
I heard that time has caught up to your ways,
And now you’re chasing stars to have another say,
But I can’t help but feel like you needed to be saved.
So now I’m here searching along the path where your footsteps are placed,
Wondering why I’m chasing after a lost case,
But when I look at my hands, I remember the wrinkles on your thumb,
I see your soul searching for someone to love,
I remember that we’re reflections of each others hopeless dreams,
Now I know that you’re looking for someone like me,
But you’re too far gone into the future
And I’m just your past,
turn around and you’ll find me, where you left me last.

Your sadness is a beautiful thing
It follows you with the glow of a million fireflies
Compelling the wind to abandon the trees
To carry my hands toward your own
And it pulls the sea away from its shore
To follow the ray of light
That seeps through your wounds

I can see that your feet ache
I can see it in the wrinkles by your eyes
You’ve walked treacherous miles
Overcome a thousand storms
But you still wear the same smile
The one talked about in stories
The one that sneaks up on you
Whenever your reminiscing on your childhood
I can see your hands shake
Whenever you try to be strong
Whenever your shoulders stand tall
Like mountain peaks waiting to be climbed
But you still always laugh
One that rings in my ear
Like symphonies and harmonies
That make me feel like a maestro

I can see that you’re tired
But you still appear so alive
You never let brightness disappear from your eyes
I can see that you’re hurting
You show me how strong you are
But you’ll never end this lie
...
I can see that you’re resting
You’ve said your last goodbyes
And now you leave a legacy behind
One that flows in my blood
Whilst yours runs dry
And I hold it to my chest
With every adversity I face
I remember your stubbornness
And all I can do is smile

Ok, it’s time that I tell you the truth
It’s the smallest of things
But the biggest of news
And I know you’ve been at your edge
Eagerly waiting for me to forget
It’s the smallest of secrets
Nothing insane
But it might just save another day
So when the rain falls
And you call my name
I’ll tell you the smallest of things
The words that whither when untouched
The words that flaunt way too much
The words that people throw anywhere
The words so small that you might not even care
But they’re the smallest of things
That hold the biggest of truths
I surrender from hiding so I’ll say them too soon
And if you can catch my whisper to you
Then one day I’ll say it, I love you
It’s the smallest of things written for you.

I’ve been running away
Painting burning wood
With colours I’ve never seen
Hoping that when you’ll find them
It’ll be in a dream

I’ve been looking around
Trying to find a couple stars
To take home to the skies
But the ones on the ground
They never glow, they just wear a smile
And give you hope

I’ve been dreaming of hope
Somewhere in the walls of history
Where bricks never crumble
Because they’re made to be
Holding on for someone that’s lost at sea

I’ve been searching everyday
For the map inside your bones
To guide me through your bloodstream
And bring me to your home
The place you like to wander to
When you’re out of the zone

Wherever that is, take me there
I bet the colours are a wonder
Because inside your mind
I’ve found a life, a place to run to
A place to hide,
And inside your heart
I’ll leave my dreams hoping that when the
Walls come down
You’ll keep holding on
And I’ll be found

I call out to you.
And the solemness in your broken irises
I call out to the dust on your hands
That sparkles when your tears fall onto them
How many battles have you fought?
How many times did you run from the rain?
Only to let the wind catch your hair
Like the kites above Kabul streets
How many hopeless dreams turned into nightmares?
Where heartbeats turned into the unspeakable silence
That follows the crushing of the world
Beautiful girl, you bleed out.
And I wonder how I can stop the bleeding
But my bandages can’t wrap your wounds
For they run deeper than the ground
And your child-like laughter
Filled with more life than any man
Echoes in the streets of Kabul
I call out to you
And I hear your silence
As it deafens the world

Awake, I’m in my senses
The drowsiness has disappeared
The light colours my skin
As I walk towards tomorrow
All my thoughts and prayers
Are now in the palm of my hand
I’ll bring them with me every step I take
And I’ll never forget yesterday,
But tomorrow is where I should be
This time I’ll take the stars
Run with the lights
Cross the rivers, and fly above the sea
To get to you,
tomorrow.

I see the stars dancing in the navy blues.
The ones that colour you when you’re asleep,
and I relish in the madness of the silent nights,
that keep me locked away from tranquillity.

So, I watch as the moon lights its guiding paths,
as it raises fences in the shape of a tide.
The universe holds you sound asleep,
as you dream on of the morning light.

When you’re awake, and the mountains glow,
follow the colours of the sunrise,
And find me waiting with a handful of dreams.
Hoping to find the world in your eyes.

For when I cannot sleep at night,
I take your restlessness from your mind.
When your eyes start to drift into a pool of black,
just know I’ll be painting the universe while you sleep.

I’ll take your thoughts and make them my dreams,
so that when you’re awake, all you will see is:
mountains surrounded by an ethereal glow,
Remnants of the moon still waving goodbye,
The glowing colours of a thousand morning suns,
Leaves dancing with the unforgiving wind,
Trees swaying to the sound of your heartbeat,
And the stars resting in the palm of my hands,

…

When you find this mural and wonder how,
Just know my muse was your miraculous glow,
and that I’ll be somewhere across the sea,
painting the universe in your dreams.

Your colossal extravagance
The glitter in your words
The sparkling jar of hearts,
That you bury in your tombs
The shivers that you send
The tears that you forget
And the people you’ve broken
Are slowly trailing behind

But you’re so far ahead
With the future in your hands
You’re the “x” on the map
The destination in every heart
And with that you roam your wonders
Set them on blazing fires
And laugh in the distance
As you watch the faces of the world

And you leave us wondering where you are, whenever we feel alive
You truly are the master of the hour

The reckless paradoxical force everyone chases,
As you follow closely behind

The Voices of the Earth

I yearn to speak the words that sit on the tip of your tongue

I know I’ve hurt your waters, your leaves
I’ve left my mess on your shoulders, and weighed you down
I’ve taken all your fruit, all your hidden rivers
And in return I’ve given you the empty bottles that float in your arms
I’ve choked your beautiful dwellers
I’ve stolen their homes, I’ve set your trees on fire to make more room for my own
I’ve used your fields for torture, I’ve left innocent blood on your land
I’ve filled your skies with thick black smoke, and stolen your emerald blues
And now you’re starting to break, as I search for another place
I’ve denied your sickness, I’ve silenced your birds from telling the truth

And now...
I yearn to speak the words on the tip of your tongue
The ones we can barely hear, because you’re too ill, and time towers over your soul as you croak
“Let me live another year”

I know you can see through me
I hope you can read my mind
Because I can’t seem to find words
To tell you that I feel alive
And you’ve slowed your presence
You let me wait for the summer
You showed me a silver lining

I’m afraid of losing you
But you’ve already passed
And now you have a new face
One coloured with kindness and the past
Your benevolent presence
Is starting to fade
now you’re just a moment
and I sit here forgetting you
Thinking about my regrets
Bewildered and dazed