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Mar 2015 · 1.2k
Born Rogue
Xan Abyss Mar 2015
I was born under stars of misfortune
I was raised by the beasts of the wild
I dwell in the cave of the shaman
I am known as Lucifer's Child

At ten years old did I first taste blood
At 15 I burned down a village
At 21 I was on the run
And today I **** and pillage

I live up in the mountains
A monster out on the edge
My heart is scattered across eternity
Black is the color it bled
My soul was bathed in the blood of my birth rite
Glow of God's Love, I've never known
So I choose to wander, a vagabond
And I'll die the way I was born - as a rogue

I'm the Emperor of the Fire
That devoured the valley below
I'm the lord of the funeral pyre
I bring terror wherever I go
I'm the Ogre from beyond
That watches from the stars
As this ugly world destroys itself
In a sea of blood and fire
More lyrics.
Mar 2015 · 514
Black Rainbow Blues
Xan Abyss Mar 2015
Smoking on the ocean
Frames are flashing through my mind
Riding all the dolphins
Through a realm of ancient times
Hypnosis based psychosis
Hold the heavens on up high
And say goodbye to the blue moonlight
As we blow kisses in fire

Black rainbow blues
I've changed my life and paid my dues
But at night I'm haunted by the tune of the black rainbow blues

Shadows crawling up my spine
in the darkest hour of night
as I lay alone in bed and writhe
In the dark and dull blue light
The menace felt serenity
when his chemicals fell in
But when I escaped, liberated
it unmade him from within
Lyrics.
Feb 2015 · 2.6k
Ghosts of Hollywood
Xan Abyss Feb 2015
Walking to work, I saw Joan Rivers
Blowing me a kiss today
Through a store window on Indian
With that smirk you can't mistake
I crossed on Tahquitz Canyon drive,
Said "hi" to Lucille Ball,
and passed a smiling Elvis Presley,
rested against the Welwood wall.

This is where the ghosts of Hollywood dwell
Is this a Hollywood Heaven or a Hollywood Hell?
But this is where the ghosts of Hollywood dwell
the Shangri-La where the angels fell...

On a fountain's edge across the street,
Sits a grinning Sonny Bono,
and just north of there you'll find 26 feet
of Marilyn Monroe shadow.
and Frank Sinatra's voice is still heard
Crooning through the air at night,
while here forevermore at the El Mirador,
you'll find the pensive eyes of Albert Einstein.

This is where the ghosts of Hollywood dwell
Is this a Hollywood Heaven or a Hollywood Hell?
But this is where the ghosts of Hollywood dwell
the Shangri-La where the angels fell...

When the stars die,
they might fall from the sky,
but they never truly disappear
cuz you'll always find them here.

This is where the ghosts of Hollywood dwell
Is this a Hollywood Heaven or a Hollywood Hell?
But this is where the ghosts of Hollywood dwell
the Shangri-La where the angels fell...
An ode to Palm Springs.
Dec 2014 · 772
How the Mighty are Doomed
Xan Abyss Dec 2014
Destiny swims in an ocean of doom
Tossed upon the waves
Monsters guarding ancient tombs
Phantoms stalk their graves
Serpents and arachnids roam
Beasts keep human slaves
In ruins of the olden world
To the outer realms of space

So you travel through space and time
But at the end of the road you'll find
Your fate is the same as mine
And one day we all will die

Your portal will show you the truth
Of how the Mighty are Doomed

In the depths of the underground
And the bottom of the sea
There are secrets hidden from the world
No one must ever see

When giant creatures ruled the land
To days still yet to be
This earth may never understand
The power within thee

So you travel through space and time
But at the end of the road you'll find
Your fate is the same as mine
And one day we all will die

Your portal will show you the truth
Of how the Mighty are Doomed
The horrors lurking in the dark
A menace worldwide

The prophet and the guardian
Are always at your side
Infernal forces hunt for you
Alive for your demise

Across the earth and in the water
To the winds up in the sky
The Prophecy foretold
Of the arrival of a Mighty One
A warrior of maximum potential
Your Destiny is old 
Ancient as time itself
Your mission is harsh and eternal

Curses linger through the ages of man
Death is eager to meet us 
Myths and legends of far away lands
Hunt to **** and eat us
Science and sorcery of death
Rally to defeat us
But we survive no matter the odds
The universe still needs us

So you travel through space and time
But at the end of the road you'll find
Your fate is the same as mine
And one day we all will die

Your portal will show you the truth
Of how the Mighty are Doomed
A metal song about Mighty Max.
Nov 2014 · 25.8k
Injustice (Warning: Offensive)
Xan Abyss Nov 2014
No Justice, No Peace
If we can't get it from the Court
then we'll take it from the Streets
No Justice, No Peace
**** the Police
and what you believe!

Whatever happened to Revolution
Being the American way?
When your voice remains unheard
For which you suffer every day,
Your life is constantly stepped on,
Your rights keep getting taken away,
And in spite of the lies they spin to protect your oppressors,
You still keep the rage at bay
Because you are not
Above the Law
and neither is anyone else.
So taking matters into your own hands
Isn't going to help.
You entrust the justice system
to do what it's supposed to
Even though you know it never has
and is probably never going to.
But if you haven't done anything wrong and the Law doesn't serve you,
and only seems to defend the people who've already hurt you,
then honestly I think it's insane and completely absurd to
not only expect the People not to react,
but to honor a *curfew
.

*******
Do you hear us yet?
*******
Oh, it's inappropriate?
You don't wanna talk about it?
You don't wanna think about it?
You don't wanna deal with it?
Well guess what?
Nobody ******* does, nobody ******* would, nobody ever ******* could.
But for the people who don't look like you -
Aryan Beauty Standards
Hair of Gold, Eyes of Blue
Fair-skinned, light-skinned
European skeleton,
It was never a choice they had.

Oppression doesn't pick you
Based on qualifications
Any more than Privilege does,
If you think this case
Is not about race
You better check your Privilege, cuz.

I love my home, America
But I hate what it's become
Land of the greedy, home of the afraid
Kingdom of the Loud and Dumb
****-shaming, victim-blaming, race-hating, race-baiting
Sensationalization of the worst crimes in the nation
Religious intolerance, homophobic misogyny, blatant racial discrimination
Can't get with it, can't hang
At least not in the lynch mob sense
I am blown the **** away
at the grievous absence of common sense.

So when they lit those flags on fire
in the center of the town
I understand, and I can't blame them
the flag is truer up in flames now
And if they so decide to burn
the city to the ground,
I understand, and I can't blame them
I would wanna burn it down

*No Justice, No Peace
If we can't get it from the Court
then we'll take it from the Streets
No Justice, No Peace
**** the Police
and **** your Beliefs!
This is about what you think.
Nov 2014 · 590
I Never Said
Xan Abyss Nov 2014
I never said
I would ever cease to love you.
I never said
that this was our farewell.
I never told you
that I would choose her over you
and I don't think I ever will.
She is there for me in ways that you try to be,
and she needs me too, sometimes.
it's true,
and she didn't used
to distrust you.
if you can love me with your heart,
but not your body,
Then I can do the same thing.
And my darling, I love you with all my heart
(And all my body)
But I'm not going to risk
losing everything.
There was a time,
(Remember?)
When I lost all I had,
I had just gotten it all back
and then that was the end of that.
The Wildcat with her vanishing act,
As she found a new,
More appropriate man,
Disappeared right out of my life
Right after I got cut off the first time.
And you,
(Remember?) What did you do?
You said
"I don't wanna do anything that we do,
I don't think
ever again."
and then,
I had run out of friends.
And you then ran back
to your other, better man,
Leaving me alone
all over again.
So when she came back,
When she was there,
I felt blessed but I was so scared
I was terrified
and my heart ablaze
With passion for you
nearly cost me her for good
last time.
I can't do it.
I'm not gonna risk it this time,
Princess,
but don't think for a second I don't miss you.
Every day I wish I could hold you in my arms
Tell you I love you, and kiss you.
But that's not what we ever had
our time was shared and borrowed
between each other and our lovers
and our mutual friends.
Broken yesterdays
and empty tomorrows.
I'll love you forever, even from a distance
if you love me, you'll understand.
That right now I need to stay away -
But I never said
this was the end.
Never fall in love.
Nov 2014 · 451
We Became One
Xan Abyss Nov 2014
Unique-featured sugar pixie
Her delicate porcelain soul
Craved a dangerous inferno
to warm her in the winter cold

When we used to become One.

Her frame, oh so divinely lithe!
Her name, soft & sweet, like a gentle creek
Embrace her with my eternal fire
Buried beneath me, our bodies did feast

When we used to become One.

The Chains of Flaming Hellfire
emerge from every void
And sink their hooks deep into you
until we're all destroyed

And one day -
Out of nowhere, fate
decreed the blaze too great
the fire shattered the little glass box
In which she had kept it contained
And it spread
from her hips to her heart to her head
a resurrected sense of dread
a pain she thought was dead.

The fire engulfed her whole
it cracked her porcelain soul
and burned the forest of her mind
right down to the soil

And the damage had been done.
But she still remembers once
upon a time, we became one
In the glory of the sun.
in the darkness of the night.
In the shadows of the daylight.
In the glow of the warm sunrise.
We became One.
Nov 2014 · 932
distant
Xan Abyss Nov 2014
I just wanted to tell you
I just wanted to say
That I miss you like hell
and happy veteran's day
I hope you sleep well
And that you're in a good place
I just wanted to tell you
but you're so far away
A short poem about my #1 veteran.
Oct 2014 · 742
Bastard Son of 100 Maniacs
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
I was born in Westin Hills
A terrible place to first taste life
I was the spawn of 100 rapes
My mother's only crime
Was being locked inside

I was never blessed with a chance
to be a regular child
and my hatred for life grew
& grew all the while

Underwood, some Dad
Abusive ******* drunk
A twisted, awful *******
-but he taught me quite enough

The Air of Death in my lungs
Tasted so much sweeter than joy
And so I began to **** more and more
Men and women, girls and boys

I thought Love might have saved me
But 'Love' and 'Salvation' are Lies
In time, the need overcame me
The need to feel people die

My family couldn't handle me
In the end, it was all a mistake
They tried me-
-got off free-
They fried me their own way,
Burned me at the Stake
In my Special Place

But before they burned me away
The Dream Demons came to my aid,
Offering Life Eternal
for a mutually-beneficial exchange.
That day, they gained a new Agent,
and I
Vowed my Revenge.

*"One, two, Freddy's coming for you..."
An ode to Freddy Krueger.
Oct 2014 · 7.0k
Phantoms of Samhain
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Darkness, it falls like a massive leaden shroud
Over this quiet valley as the dusk  infects the sky
Pleasant faces fade into the shadows of the night
As the demons of the dead and dreaming come on out to play
Howling at the moon
Swarming through the streets
Lurking in the shadows
On this night of Halloween
Carve the faces, light the candles
Offerings must be made
In the cold October moonlight
To the Phantoms of Samhain
If you fail
If these ghouls are not appeased
You will be...
Taken
by the spirits of the dead!!!
The Tempter's Chosen
And kin to the Grim Reaper
Children of the Darkest Night
Steal mortal souls to feast on
Ghastly transformations
Amidst accursed corpses
We are possessed by the evil of tonight's demonic forces!
Carve the faces, light the candles
Offerings must be made
In the cold October moonlight
To the Phantoms of Samhain
If you fail
If these ghouls are not appeased
You will be...
Taken by the spirits of the dead!!!
By the light of the orange moon
In the dark of the purple night
We linger in these shadows
And wait there, until the time is right...
On this night of Halloween
We roam your city streets
And among the masks of plastic
We can finally be free
So carve those faces, light your candles
Offerings still must be made
In the cold October moonlight
To us Phantoms of Samhain
And if you do not heed these words
And refuse these simple deeds
Well then, my friend
You will be,
Taken by the spirits of the dead!
And if you do not heed these words
And refuse these simple deeds
Well then,
My friend,
you will be
Taken ...
Taken to the grave!
Taken...
Taken far away!
Taken...
*Taken by we, the Phantoms of Samhain!!!
Largely inspired by Trick 'r Treat, and also just the late October Halloween vibe.
Oct 2014 · 6.4k
Crystal Lake
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
I never asked to be ugly
dunno why it made me so hard to like
My own peers
they killed me
while our adult supervision got high.
I had no friends when I went away
to the place mom told me
I had to go stay,
"It's a happy place," I remember she said,
"Called Camp Crystal Lake."
Sounded nice
enough at the time.
Crystal Lake. A family fave.
Nowadays, when you hear the name
You don't think of a sunshiney place
full of laughter and happy children
You think of misfortune
you think of my face
and if you think of visiting,
You better not stay
For more than a day,
Or the children will play
on your grave.
This is my home
and I'd rather be alone,
With the dead animals
and my mother's bones.
A small homage to Jason Voorhees.
Oct 2014 · 927
Darling
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Your scar tissue is majestic
I love the way it glows beneath your skin
Divine designs aligned in such a way
They make me lose my mind with sin
and I wish I could possess you
just so you can touch yourself
the way I would
so you can feel that way
Whenever you need to.
Darling,
I want to swim in you like an ocean
And get lost at sea for days.
I want to traverse your peaks and valleys,
Trace your hand - drawn cityscapes
leave no stone unturned,
Unearth your hidden geyser
As we both learn
new things, eternally
About your maternal Earth.
I want to burn you with the raging fire
of my infernal desire.
Like a volcano erupting a dozen miles in the sky, I will cover you
with the wreckage of my incendiary lust.
But I will forever nourish your soil
with the forest of my love.
Just a bunch of scattered emotions for one person that became a thing.
Oct 2014 · 366
Empty Hearted
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Oh, I was swallowed by your kindness
And the way it used to feel
In the sanctum of your eyes it seemed my aching wounds could heal
But it's gone cold and lucid now,
And you've found someone else.
And though I try to block you out
I'm chained to you in this hell

And I wish I could just ignore
The pale glow of your ghost in the distance
The lingering warmth of your absent touch
The cruel invasion of unwanted memories
My tired eyes have rusted shut

I wished you all the best
And I guess that wish came true
But you've left me empty hearted
Broken and confused

When I see you now,
Your face is unfamiliar
When I hear your voice,
I wonder who you are
Is it because of how I so lovingly enshrined you?
Or have you become someone else?

And I wish I could just ignore
The pale glow of your ghost in the distance
The lingering warmth of your absent touch
The cruel invasion of unwanted memories
And the way my tired eyes are rusted shut

Oh well, I wished you all the best
And I guess that wish came true
But you've left me empty hearted
Broken and confused

I ******* wished you all the best
And it seems that wish was granted
But you've left me with an empty heart
Shattered and dismantled
This poem makes me laugh now! It's been so long since I've felt this way about the subject it always catches me off guard when I read it. It fits the theme of stuff I've been posting today though (ie, bitter and miserable), so I figured 'why not?'
Oct 2014 · 672
Curtains
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
We have all died, and returned as the night.
We arrived with the black water sky.
In death we take flight,
evading the light from the dying glare
of the days left behind.
And I believe that we shall see an end to our realities,
when all the creeps of destiny decide to eat the peace.
And so we ****
Greedily
at the **** of our benefactor
& desperately seek a new way to manufacture death and disease,
the bereaved we all will become - in one fell swoop,
Bereaved, you could be of Us.
THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
IS NOTHING BUT A STAGE
For the tragic, black comedy of life
To be performed
AND THAT UNIVERSAL STAGE
WILL COLLAPSE ONE DAY
When all of us return to the Unborn.
THE SHOW MUST GO ON
NO MATTER WHAT'S WRONG
But every show closes
Eventually.
One day we'll have to fall.
Curtains for us all.
One day our world will crumble,
The final curtain call.
And on that final day,
of Reckoning,
I only hope we can still bow out,
Respectfully.
An old... most likely drug-induced poem about.... the apocalypse, I'm pretty sure. Obviously loaded with theatre references.
Oct 2014 · 371
The Observer
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Standing upon the cratered surface
My eyes observe your world
Through my crystal lense
I watch your planet die

Your gods are dead and gone
And if you follow their dark path
You all are soon to join them

I have seen it all
Watched you fall into darkness
Over and over again
Now all becomes eclipsed

Your gods' wrath was their undoing
And soon it will be yours
If you stay on their darkened path
And wage your mindless wars

I'm but a captive fan (of humankind)
From the city of the moon
But I come with a warning (beware)
Of approaching doom

Leave your gods behind
And you will save mankind
Separate the hate
From your pride
Let the heavens rot
And focus on the earth
And you will see your world
For what it's truly worth

Sincerely, The Observer
What would aliens say to us if they were to communicate? Probably not this, but it would be cool if they did, and cooler if we listened.
Oct 2014 · 647
Celebrity Shooter
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
There I stood, a mere ghost in the wind
For 20 years of existence
My mothers love, a familiar thing to everyone but me

In the fall I recall the slaughter of 12 Coloradans
And the demon we made into a god
I remember the punch lines and funny signs mocking our early dead
I decided that I would find a way to go out with a bigger bang
And a larger body count, to make three times the fans

All the love and sympathy
Something she'd never given me
She would be the first and then
I'd see how many more I get
Before they finally caught up with me
And freed me from my misery

And in the end you'll have no choice
But to forever remember me
Sensationalist media
Will make me a celebrity.
Found this in my old iphone. It was dated Jan 21, 2013.
Oct 2014 · 982
Visalia
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
She drank too much but I didn't give a ****
I had a raging hardon that needed expert attention
And she worshipped my ****
But said it was too much
Yet... couldn't seem to get enough
She had a 4 year old who she despised
Cuz her face was a constant reminder
of an old mistake
She said she hated condoms
That she didn't need them
I was so ******* stupid
That I knocked her up
She was so ******* crazy
I think she may have hated me
She got an abortion
It was a good decision
Otherwise I'd still be with her
And we would hate each other
Raising a child who would rather
Never have been born.
A little raw poetry about an ex.
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
I am not a hero
But could I be the villain?
Constantly I ask myself if I know what is right
I see the cruelty of god, and the damage of lost hope
And pray that I am not the one to bring about our destruction

Some days I wonder, am I in the right?
Is my behavior justified, do I walk in the light?
Or am I the crazy one, the enemy, the threat
Could my inner darkness really cause another death?

For I am not a hero
But could I be the villain?
Am I truly capable
Of unspeakable evil?
These are the things I need to know,
But not the ones I want to.

The Antagonist of the Greater Piece
Is the hero of his own journey
But could my happy ending be
The End of All Eternity?

The Monster becomes a mirror
And in the darkness I can see us clearer
When my reflection changes shape
Into a nightmare of disgrace
I begin to find my way
Back into my darkest state

And a hero I may never be
But could I be the enemy?
Could my happy ending be the end of all eternity?
Ever wonder if you're the devil and you just haven't figured it out yet?
Oct 2014 · 5.3k
Hell to Pay
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
She is the Devil
Standing in the Doorway
Constantly reminding me
of the Debt I've yet to pay
She looks like Heaven
Divine and Catastrophic
Hellcat and Rogue Apostate
Tells me,
"There's Hell to Pay."

Gotta find a way
Gotta get away
I'm in deep too and there's Hell to Pay

She is Satan in a Red Dress
and Six-Inch Stilletto Heels
Crimson-Colored Lipstick
With matching Sharpened Nails
Her Clawmarks in my Skin
Remind me every day
That my soul belongs to Her,
and there's still Hell to Pay

Gotta find a way
Gotta get away
I'm in too deep and there's Hell to Pay

She is the One Unholy
She is the Queen of Time
Her Love Burns on Eternal in the Furnace
of my Mind
My Spirit is her Claim
From now until the End of Daze
Ours are the Hearts of Evil
And still there's Hell to Pay

Gotta find a way
Gotta get away
Running outta days until there's Hell to Pay

Leviathan Cross
Forever in Her Flesh
Her Eyes, Ablaze with Hellfire
Gaze into the Abyss
No Matter how Savagely
I Ravage Her and Damage Her
She always Returns
for yet another Massacre.

Gotta find a way
Gotta get away
Running outta days until there's Hell to Pay
A little Faustian lust poem while everyone's still in the October spirit.
Oct 2014 · 768
The Old Wayfarer's Song
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
There's no telling
How many miles I've scraped my feet upon
In my travels
On an endless quest to find where I belong
Through the desert,
Across the sea, over mountains cloaked in fog
I will wander
Singing the Old Wayfarer's Song

But the memories still haunt me
Of the Angels I maligned
And still I'm cursed with longing
for the Love I Left Behind
The Princess ~ Estranged
Who loved to feel my pain
Until one day, it became
Too much for her to take
The Goddess - Divine
of Evenfall Design
Who began to lose her mind
And so she had to say goodbye
The Heroine - Fair
Red in Her Golden Hair
Who was one moment there,
and then She Disappeared
The ******, so pure
Her Immaculate Allure
Tarnished by my lust for her
and Stained Forevermore

There's no telling
How many miles I've scraped my feet upon
In my travels
On an endless quest to find where I belong
Through the desert,
Across the sea & over mountains cloaked in fog
I will wander
Singing the Old Wayfarer's Song

Queen of My Lost Kingdom,
Each day your voice is calling
And though I know the journey's treacherous and long
I'll keep on walking
In the Night Time
You guide me
Through the nightmares
Inside Me
In the Daylight
You Save Me
From Dreams of
Depravity
While I'm Sleeping
You Keep Me
from being Eaten
by my Demons
your Patience
is Amazing
And I can't wait to
Repay You

There's no telling
How many miles I've scraped my feet upon
In my travels
On an endless quest to find where I belong
Through the desert,
Across the sea & over mountains cloaked in fog
I will wander
Singing the Old Wayfarer's Song

There's no telling
How many miles I've scraped my feet upon
But I'd travel
A billion miles more to fall down in your arms
And I promise,
My darling, though the journey will be long,
One day,
I will sing to you
the Old Wayfarer's Song
Life is a journey.
Oct 2014 · 2.0k
A Regular Madman
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
They call me a raving lunatic
My mind is poor and sick

Manic vagabond, mystic sorcerer
Snake Oil Salesman, Son of Lucifer
Given wings of Raven feathers
Cursed to live in stormy weather
Chaos lives beneath the color of my painted teeth
I've a dark mind indeed, of morbid persuasion
Come sing along to your damnation
Ride the cannibal sensation
Devise a way to survive the game
Or you won't get out alive again

Alchemy infernal, elixir of dark might
Inhale the emerald Smoke of Jesterian Light
Given to us a seventh sight
Arise to conquer the lies this night
Our darkest night

A beast, a fiend, a wicked thing
I'm a regular madman
A creep, a dream, a demon seed
A regular madman
Indeed

Follow me through the thick of the trees
Over roots and rocks and dying leaves
To a darker realm of mystery
Where everyone is a freak like me

A better place, you'll see
A better place indeed
An old song about.... (?) ..... I originally wrote for a project that never got used because that project  became instrumental instead.
Oct 2014 · 661
I Am Fire
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
My pain turns to anger, my anger to hate
My hate becomes fire with which I create
Peace turns to passion, passion to joy
Joy into weakness through which I'm destroyed

Like a madman screaming at the wind
For crimes it could never commit
Staring at the void, I watch it ignite
The shadows drown in incendiary light

(And I am one)
One with the fire
One with the blaze
One, all and everything
I am one
One with the darkness
One with the pain
From these ashes I shall rise again!

I am fire!
You are fire!
Let us burn!
Bright together!

Into the eye of this storm of darkness
You and I, we all will fly
Into the void, into the unknown
Bound in union, fighting as one

And we are one
One with the fire
One with the blaze
One, all and everything
We are one
One with the darkness
One with the rain
And as one we will fight to remain!

I am fire
You are fire
Let us burn
Bright together

Our pain turns to anger, our anger to hate
The fire inside us we use to create
In darkness is beauty, in beauty is light
The light that will guide us through infernal night

And we are one
One with the fire
One with the blaze
One, all and everything
We are one
One with the darkness
One with the rain
And as one we will fight to remain!

I am fire!
You are fire!
Let us burn!
Bright together!

We are fire!
Raging higher!
Sing it now!
Louder than ever!
An old song I wrote about seeing the light instead of feeling the burn.
Oct 2014 · 1.5k
Dreams of Demons
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Do demons ever sleep?
    If so, do they ever dream?
Or do they just live in us,
   Only as real as we allow them to be?

In my dreams
of demons,
Sorcery of Horror
Takes hold while I'm sleeping
I wake up screaming
In the oblivionic darkness
Cold sweat and shallow breathing
I don't know what it means
but I think Nightmares could be
A gateway for your mind to see
into the Dreams
of Demons...
Late night, mostly asleep ramblings
Oct 2014 · 1.2k
She is the Raven
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
She is the Raven
of my nocturnal ravening
When the silence and the darkness
of the night become too maddening
She is there,
At my door
Echoing her "Nevermore"
Through Her Eyes,
My Soul Explored
As Phantoms of Old Wars
Roam the tides of the raging storm
On the Night's Plutonian Shore

Woeful, she implores
Me to forget my sweet Lenore
The Ghost I loved before
My Raven sang her "Nevermore"

The Songs and Scents of Seraphim
Linger in my Chamber
Is it that,
Or the Ichor of Madness
Which enforce my strange behavior?

My Raven's claws are resting
On a pallid bust of Pallas
Her black majesty infesting
My infernal, somber palace

And my eyes with fire, gleaming
from the Whispers that are Screaming
At the Shadows of the Demons
Who are Dreaming
Plotting, Scheming
Spirit Fiendish
She can see it
My Flesh keeps Hell beneath it
My Ghastly, Grim and Ancient Raven
Feels my heart get ripped to pieces

And yet  - I still may not believe
This Bird of Prey
Could bring me peace
She flutters with
Unearthly ease
As the wind outside mangles the trees
I see her there, in my despair
Divine darkness chokes the air
Her ever spirit-piercing stare
I feel upon me everywhere

And as I kneel upon the floor
I watch her nest above my door
And I find myself longing for
My stately Raven
From the Saintly Days of Yore
To Haunt me now,
and Forevermore.
All these Raven-inspired pieces inspired me.
Oct 2014 · 778
Life is Horror-Comedy
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Life is Horror-Comedy
and sometimes Film Noir,
Other genres might be fun,
but it's just not how things are.

Too Unpredictable
for Rom-Coms
But too Mundane for Fantasy
Too much fun for Thrillers and Dramas,
not Badass enough for Action
(but almost enough Shooting Sprees)
Too many Happy Endings
To be a Tragedy
But far from Enough
to be *******

Life is ***
and Drugs
and Fear
and Love
the Need to Protect
and the Need to Spill Blood
It's Laughter
and Song
and things going Wrong
Hits on your Enemies
Hits from the ****
Hitting on the Opposite ***
Flirting with Danger
Dancing with Death
Life is...
Hatred and Violence
that Long, Awkward Silence
When you work up the Courage
to Deny them Compliance
It is Heaven
and Hell
and Voodoo Love Spells
from the Inception of Cells
to the Old Funeral Bells
There's Madness
and Sadness
and "Thank God! I'm Glad"-ness
Life is Classy
but Savage
Full of Beauty
and Damage.

Life would Honestly
be Worthless without Comedy
We'd never learn
To Rock or Roll
without the Music of the Soul
and though there's too much Torture
in everybody's Story
We must admit
without Horror
Life would be
Pretty
Boring.
The title is something I say a lot. I felt like I could probably write a poem about it. And I could!
Oct 2014 · 885
Grimace
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Violated
Body Invaded
Teeth scraping against vile pavement
Flashes I still try to erase
Haunt my day to day
Stop holding me down
it's not funny now
this isn't how
it can't be how
For ****'s sake
This can't be the way
this actually goes down.

The Pain is bad
but the shame
that's what really eats me away
Humiliation & blame
Like tar polluting my veins
don't tell anyone
whatever you do
don't tell anyone
It's not worth it
Nobody cares
and nobody wants to know.
Do your best to let it go,
Get over it.
Don't ruin the show.
the star needs to shine
don't stand in the way
don't tell anyone
it won't even matter someday.
Sometimes I still remember.
Oct 2014 · 2.9k
Let the Strangers Be Scared
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
**** it then,
Let the strangers be scared.
I wanna bend you over a chair,
Lift up your skirt
Rip off your underwear
Wrap a hand around your throat
Grab a handful of your hair
And bury myself deep
As I feel you gasp for air.

I want to beat you, but not
out of Anger or Hate,
I want to treat you like a Queen
until you plead
to be *****.
And then I will Take You
Violate You
Invade You
Your Body
Is a Temple
I'll Pray at
And then Raze.

I want to leave you,
Drenched in sweat
Raccoon Eyed,
Hair a mess
Satisfied.

While you recover,
I'll recharge-
and like a Lover,
I'll tend your Heart.
Until you can move
Again,
And tell me you have
The Energy
And I'll throw you back down on the Bed,
With the same violent intensity.
I'll love you with a vengeance,
My battering ram at your gates
As I conquer your sacred kingdom
in this
Incendiary Embrace.

My lust for you is Oppressive,
but my Love burns brighter than All
I want to be the Tyrant of your Body -
Absolute Control.

I want to hold you down by the wrists
and stare in your eyes as you cry my name
Drink in the dance of your perfect ****
As I assail you with pleasure and pain
I long to feel the quake of your legs
As ****** consumes you again
Heavenly Daughter of Eve,
I'll ******* like a Child of Cain.
An attempt at being overtly ******, inspired by my feedback from the last one.
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
I want to do things to you
I'm not used to saying in public.
Not because I'm ashamed,
But because I don't wanna scare
any strangers.
Men are gross and probably shouldn't ever attempt graphic *** poetry. Am I right?
Oct 2014 · 3.0k
Basic.
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
*****,
Let's face it,
You're honestly
Pretty Basic.
Don't call this racist,
Cause that's not the case, *****.
The Issue's
Not Racial
There's a cultural Basis.
There are
'Basic White *******'
Of  any Race
you can find
in LA
(which, by the way
Is every single race).
Everyone who's not a basic white *****
can spot a basic white *****,
Caucasian or not, it's
based on Identity
not Color or Shade.
You're not an Oasis
of cultural expectations,
and you have no idea
how your Entitlement
is Enabled
but it's okay,
Cuz you see, Babe,
The rest of us still need to
Assimilate into
The Culture that made you.
And as bad as this may
Make you feel, I'll just say
there's a good chance that this
is the only form of 'Hate'
you'll experience
Today.
Basically a poem about white privilege. Inspired by something I saw someone post.
Oct 2014 · 722
One Size
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
My Attitude
most certainly
Dictates my reality
Just not your
"One-Size-Fits-All"
Personality
Some people hate dancing
And that's really OKAY.
Some people aren't readers,
Some could read all day.
Some of us don't like nightclubs or loud music
Some of us hear the beat drop
and Lose It.
You can be anybody of your own choosing,
You could be serious, aloof or amusing.
You could be social
a butterfly on fire
Or you could find your peace
in the quiet.
It doesn't matter which person you are
Because no matter what
it's a PERSON you are.
Not a machine, a computer or a doll -
And I never say never,
But please,
Never ever,
Let anyone tell you about your own soul.
And I never say never,
But please, never ever
let somebody tell you
"One Size Fits All"

Because whoever they are,
They're wrong.
Be yourself, and own that ****.
Oct 2014 · 863
Armor of the Heart
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
The world is cruel and unjust, so much so
that men like Don Quixote escape into
The realm of fantasy, where giants roam
And Dragons breathe
Avoiding Reality
With an Artful Mastery
Because the world is cruel and unjust, so cold
and Unforgiving of your broken heart
or weary soul

And I spent my whole life wandering
The Wasteland of Civilization
Until the day I discovered you
And came to the realization-
I am Above
the ugliness of man
I am Beyond
The fire in my glands
the need to connect and
for someone to understand
the sickness inherent
in my emotions.

Because now - I found you
A Warrior's Work of Art
I feel your magic all around me
my Armor of the Heart
We started out in jest - but soon
We bled into each other
And you became my Guardian Angel
as I became your lover

No Fall from Grace,
Disdainful Face,
or Glare of Hate
that I may take
Today,
Will shake me
from my resting place,
Where we exist
in Peace.

You strengthen me within
And now there's no room to get in
For anybody other than
You, my goddess of sin

For, though I've suffered the slings and arrows
of pain
and ridden with Kings and Heroes
in Vain
Across Battlefields of Love and Hate
I remain
Shielded by your Grace
No matter the Time or Place.

The Screaming outside my window
in the Dark
is no longer inviting
the way it was before
deep inside me, I feel a change come forth
The Mysteries
infinitely howl at my door
But my desire to join them is no more
The Mysteries that captured me
And stole me into the dark
Are now Uninteresting
and Withering
before my Armor of the Heart.
An ode to someone who saved me.
Oct 2014 · 3.3k
The Princess and the Goblin
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Once upon a time...
You & I lived lives divided
Until by fate we were united
When we first lit the fire
Once upon a time
I would watch you from a distance
Desired you, but stayed resistant
To the Urges that would cloud my mind
with Wickedness, persistent

Your perfect fairy wings
Fluttered lightly in the wind
And though I did the best I could
My thoughts were wrought with sin
And I desired you like mad
For the Angel that I had
Left me burning despicably
With wretched flames within

And You
were so
Inviting.
Your Body
Ripe
for the Taking.

Guarded you were
Behind Gates of the Dragon
Yet I watched you intently
Plotting my Ransom
Waiting on the right moment to strike
To steal you away from your
Protected Life
And to take you back with me
Into my Cell
In the dark and abysmal cave where I dwell
To teach you the ways
Us Creatures gain pleasure
To make you my Slave
And to ransack your Treasures
And then came the day
That you broke away
From the Chains
That held you to where you were safe

I saw you
And watched you
and Stalked you
Intently
While you were out searching the world
Innocently
And then,
When you were finally in reach
And we were Alone
I snatched you away
from the flowers and reeds
And stole you back with me
into my home
A cold and depressing
Dungeon of Stone

Your protector was gone
And you were all mine
When we were alone
Lost somewhere in time
And to my shock, and utter surprise
You became the flame that lit up my eyes
And slowly but surely as days slipped by
I became yours more than you became mine

And then, you escaped
or did I let you get away?
You emerged from my cave
Beautiful, unscathed
I just couldn't bring myself
to be one you hate
When your love is so sweet
I just couldn't betray it

But then, I thought
of you out in the world
Alone
On your own
My sweet pixie girl
And I couldn't
JUST COULDN'T
Handle the thought
of a Monster like me
Dragging you through the mud
Coveting you
the way that I do
But most of All
Tasting your Love

Staying put was so much harder than
trying to be your Guardian
and Rescue you
and Shelter you
from any more Hate or Abuse

And now I see my sins
Led me out of the darkness within
Into the sunshine of your life -
Where I found the Source of Light
I needed to keep me alive
And I feel like I owe you my life

And now you're free from my Prison
but I guess, so am I, in essence
In the end, the Fairy
Showed the Goblin,
He longed to be a Prince.
An allegory straight from the heart.
Oct 2014 · 1.2k
Everything in Color
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
You and I were tangled in the madness
Like insects in the spiderweb
Helpless Prey
for something that feeds on our suffering
Your Misery and Mine
Became hopelessly entwined
Until the blurs replaced all the lines
That we drew in the sand
When we first began
Our time in each other's lives

I was still a slave to my hate
Too bitter and sour to remember the taste of
the Honey of Love
Warmed in Passion and Lust
Until I saw you standing
In the settling dust

Your eyes are deep shadows
Who knows how far they go?
Oubliettes of old memories
You'd known long ago
The Juliet to my
Tortured Romeo
Your voice became a song
That would guide me home
when I was lost
And had nowhere to go.

And then... you faded
You faded away
You disappeared from my arms
Back into the Haze
into the Sun's hateful rays
And the sky was ablaze
til my nights became days
And everything turned to a thousand different shades
Of Gray
And that's where I stayed
Alone in my Cave
Burning in Solitude and Rage

But Yesterday
You may have Saved me
Because Today
I have this Strangely Amazing
Sensation
of Pure Elation
And maybe I've just gone crazy
But I think
that you Gave me
A new sense of sight
cuz Lady,
Where once my eyes saw only grays
Obscured by the flames of my internal blaze
Nothing fed my insatiable hunger
My Spirit raged at the plainness of lovers
You came along and you sang that old song
And now once again I see

Everything in Color.
This is about a very special friend of mine.
Oct 2014 · 2.1k
A Forest of Frozen Clowns
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
A scene too obscene to be believed
when it's seen
Like an acid trip intersecting with a *******
Where reality becomes a second thought
And you and I were caught
or maybe lost
in the crossfire of hungry hearts
I breathe you in whenever you're around
there's a code to my heart that unlocks with the sound
of your voice in a humorous shout
through the crowd
But what once was so loud
it shook me to the ground
burned so bright it may have burned out
the Chaos is Dead - All is Quiet now
And where there once was great noise
as joy did abound
is stricken with silence
like A Forest of Frozen Clowns
Matt Braunger gave me the title to express what's been happening to me lately.
Oct 2014 · 8.4k
"Be Concise"
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
'Be Concise,'
She said,
So that's what I did.
Does it get more concise than this?
Answer: yes, actually. That poem took 4 whole lines.
Oct 2014 · 662
Red Eyes in Vegas
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Broken.
A swirling emptiness within.
A burning void.
Chaotic darkness.
The fires of hell burn in my heart.
My broken heart.
I loved you too hard.
And it burned us away.
So now here I am at 3:00am.
Alone.
With red eyes in Vegas.
There were too many things.
And too many people.
And your good nature was too highly rewarded.
Enough to make you flee.
To scare you away.
Run you away.
Burn this bond into dust.
And watch it blow away.
I know that you're gone.
I feel it in my soul.
I miss you.
But you've moved on.
And my heart ignites.
Like the veins of a fiending ******.
Or the City of Gomorrah.
Struck to oblivion by God's Wrath.
Because I know you're gone.
And the fire's warmth has grown to an inferno.
An incendiary maelstrom that consumes my every impulse.
Because now you're gone.
My heart burned you away.
And you vanished once again.
So I'll just be waiting here.
Broken.
Alone.
With red eyes in Vegas.
More sad sack poetry from the past.
Oct 2014 · 1.4k
Dark Path Infernal
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
The ******* sufferer beholds another necrologue for Christ
In the savage, barren, ugly, wretched wilderness of God
Forsaken wanderer, alone again forevermore
His crippled heart is a raging fire trapped in a cage of ice
Beyond these walls of darkness, waiting in the shadows
that obscure the night so well
The hiding place of Hell
The path of fire burns on, ever in the silence of the night as it shines
in the eternal void of light
And I will walk the dark path infernal
Left in the razor edge balance
Between the shadows of the night
And incendiary light
I will walk the dark path eternal
Pleasures of the mind and treasures of the flesh
Temptation. Reward. Validation. Disinterest.
A cycle of cannibalism - inhumane
Channel the rage to desire, and feed her the pain
She so needs, she so craves, she is begging you for
Feed her the pain and call her a *****
Deep inside, the fire in those eyes
Give her what she needs to remember she's alive
Tread lightly through the fire of the dark path infernal
Remember the cold. Remember the slumber.
Between the shadows of the night and incendiary light
We will walk the dark path eternal
Now walk with me forever
And I will never leave your side
Walk with me forever
Between the shadow and the light
Walk with me forever
On this dark path infernal
With me, eternally
Alive on the Black Path of Night!
Another stream of consciousness piece from Fall 2012. Obviously there's something ****** to do with it but other than that idk what this is about either.
Oct 2014 · 2.7k
A Whisper in the Void
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
A light in the dark shadows burn with a spark that ignites to a bright shining flame. The dead lie in groves of lost winter souls that wander with visionless aim. A rising relief ensues in the reef of the green and colorless gold. A raven takes flight in the deep death of night to escape from the black hell of old.
These wandering, murmuring, children of god storm wrath from the heavens and **** what is good. Devour the light as they drain all the life from the world we once called our brood.
Take us away. Drain us, defame us.
A whisper in the void.
Take us away, lock us away, **** us.
A whisper in the void.
Psychonatural Antichrist, bleeding the truth from false prophets. Summoning hellfire, demonic intrigue, desecration and violence. Infernal release, a smiling god weeps and a glare of rage seeps from beneath.
In an eternal sea of stones will they forever reap.
Death will be paid to the ones he learns to hate.
Black velvet draped across the coffin of grace.
Take us away, far and away.
A whisper in the void.
Take us away to destroy and remake.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper in the void.
Enter the darkness. Into the abyss. Far away. Thermonuclear enslavior.
Stay awake. Remaining.
Give your soul to the unknown, bleed into the black night air. The savior will come soon, to take you to His room, and liberate you from despair.
Suffocate quickly, quietly. Swiftly, so no one may hear you, or catch you dying. Slip away faster and faster the tighter you squeeze the noose around your neck.
Give yourself away. Death is your escape. Death does not betray like life will.
Give yourself to they, the keepers of the fade with intent to save and desecrate. And as they say, they will be they, and they will **** and humiliate. Break you down, drag you around, deny, defy and utilize. Every last bit will wallow in **** from the hate you created and ate from.
Suffer in pain, annihilation.
A whisper in the void.
Burn alone, in isolation.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper in the void.
A whisper...
Stream of consciousness piece from two year ago. Have fun trying to figure it out, I know I do.
Oct 2014 · 379
pale electric blue
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
there's a girl in the fire
beckoning me with her eyes
burning bright, rising higher
standing in the heart of a blaze
and i don't know, should i just go?
follow my bunny through her infernal hole?
standing alone in this chamber of smoke
should i obey the requests of my celestial ghost?
she's a dream that never died
casting a monochromatic light
her blue shine ripping out through the night
as i catch a glance of myself in her eyes
and there i find in reflections of time
my visage glowing in the light of her pyre
pale electric blue illumination tearing through
the raging haze of orange flames & smoke
as her voice whispers my name
involuntary, my foot moves forward
followed by the one right behind it
cold sweat dripping through every pore
desire ripping me down to my core
as i walk to my angel
untouched by the inferno
singing the songs of a happier time
my flesh is enveloped
by razornets of blazing hornets
rips and cracks and melts away
falling off my frame
but her pale electric blue embrace
is only steps away
my angel's in my arms again.... or could i be insane?
don't ask me why everything is uncapitalized. i really don't know why myself.
Oct 2014 · 724
Predatory
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Wolf whistles
And crocodile smiles
Acting like an animal
has never been my style.
I don't
Cat call
or creeper crawl
I'd rather slither on into your mind
I want to
Haunt you
Until you're mine
All Mine

I don't need
to violate your body
To consume
all of your thoughts
I don't need
to victimize you
To dominate you
Or be your God.

I'll attach me to each memory
You cherish in your life
Your mind I will monopolize
And then the world before your eyes

You set me ablaze
So you'll be my prey
Until I'm the central figure
of your story
Don't be afraid -
But there are many ways
A man can be
Predatory
The dating game is treated a lot like hunting. So I decided to write a little something on the nature of being a heterosexual male approaching a female stranger.
Oct 2014 · 1.5k
Dahlia
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
She smiles at him as he enters
A sign of affection reduced to a dim glow
The way she bares her teeth these days
Has turned more feral than feminine

Her eyes are glazed, and no longer vocal
A vacant gaze, without love or pain
Silent at last, dead screams of disapproval
Disgorge their own spirits, which soon evaporate

And as they burn in wretched silence
All is swallowed by a swirling void
Shades of crimson defile her ****** grin
As she stares limply, lifeless and broken

This cul de sac
This neighborhood
This city of sins and secrets,
No place worth mention,
And no place
for a Lover's Heart.
This is one of my favorites of my own pieces. It tells two different stories at once, and yet both stories come from the same place. Poetry!
Oct 2014 · 2.2k
The Demon Loved An Angel
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Once upon a time there was a lonely creature
Mind always shrouded in darkness
Hopeless was he, without a prayer for salvation
Dwelling forever in the abyss

But then one glorious afternoon
An angel's light broke through the gloom
They were both far from home
In a land they didn't know
She held out her hand
And asked him to follow

And the demon loved an angel
She brought salvation to his pain
The demon loved an angel
She was his white rose in the rain
The demon loved an angel
His heart no longer black
The demon loved an angel
But she could never...love him back

They journeyed together in a far off land
Where all they had was each other
It was there amongst forests and lakes
The one fell in love with the other

The demon and the angel, together but alone
The demon's cold and bitter heart, no longer made of stone
The angel brought him peace
Showed love to a beast
From his pain emancipated
From his sorrow, now released

And the demon loved an angel
She brought salvation to his pain
The demon loved an angel
She was his white rose in the rain
The demon loved an angel
His heart no longer black
The demon loved an angel
But she could never...love him back

They knew they had to return home
But he could not say goodbye
The thought of losing her forever
Ripped through him inside

But in the end, they parted ways
And he returned home
Back to the abysmal gloom
Once again alone
Before long she disappeared
Never to be found
Then the pain, the sorrow and loss
Pulled his soul back down...

And to this day he wonders why
Why he couldn't say goodbye
And to this day he's lived a life
Of joy and sorrow, peace and strife
But since that day he's watched the stars
And can't forget the ancient scars
Try as he might, he can't let go
Of the day so long ago....

That the demon loved an angel
She brought salvation to his pain
The demon loved an angel
She was his white rose in the rain
The demon loved an angel
His heart no longer black
The demon loved an angel
But she could never love him back
I wrote this when I was 16. It' the best thing I wrote at that age.
Oct 2014 · 373
Dying Eyes
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Lit by the stars, she came as would a dream
On velvet wings, so celestial
Beneath the pearl white moonlight
I saw her in the sky
And as the sun set below the edge of the world
I saw a divine panorama
The night sky, full of sorrow and majesty
I see

I long for the night to be gone
And the day to return
In this sorrow I burn....

In the dark of the night I see her there
In the absence of light I feel her stare
She will not be the one to set me free
She returns to torture me
When I close my eyes I cannot escape
The dying eyes in her beautiful face
I am locked in silence though I want to scream
When I am forced to dream

Like an ice-cold fire she dwells within
Freezing and burning my heart all at once
And oh, how the darkness bleeds its way
Into my fragile soul
And the shadows of the past
Are reflecting in the mirror
These eyes, saw her die
Beneath an ebony sky

Now depression settles in
And it dwells beneath my skin
In this miserable life
I long only to die

And my dear Gabriella, she appears in the stellar
Light that shines upon the pale creation
Resting in the autumn night
My angel of depression, I am sure that she was sent down
By the heavens to destroy my mind, my heart, my soul
She has

And in the dark of the night I see her there
In the absence of light I feel her stare
She will not be the one to set me free
She returns to torture me
When I close my eyes I cannot escape
The dying eyes in her beautiful face
I am locked in silence though I want to scream
When I am forced to dream
I write a lot of late night ghost love songs.
Oct 2014 · 3.4k
Lives Therein
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
In the dark we wait for death to claim us
In the confines of these rusty chains
In the shadows she destroys our hope
So beautiful and yet so hideous

A thousand dawns have come and gone
So many lives have withered
I taste the taste of hopeless air
The taste is stale and bitter

She loves to see the blood that flows
From the wounds in our weary flesh
No smile will cross her face
Until she hears us scream in pain
As the sand in the wretched hourglass fell
Such agony became my friend
For the snow white teeth in her wicked smile
Is now all I have left

My pain, it fades
My thoughts, they decay
Ignite & burn away with the sin
One look in her eyes
And I am hypnotized
By the blackness that lives therein
My skin becomes gray
My life slips away
The flickering flame dulls within
I remember my life
And am horrified
By the blackness that lives therein

And I am lost in the dark therein
Where my shadow exists no more
I don't remember why I wrote this, and I wrote it forever ago.  Is it even any good? Idk.
Oct 2014 · 605
Damnation Song
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Bound by these rusty chains, all my memories have faded
In this isolated world, far from salvation
Condemned to the darkness, to the walls of this
Pitch black chamber, I am left with no one
But myself
In the company of no one
I learn to hate my one companion
Such loathing that I feel
For the man that sits within me
Face to face with a stranger
That I've been all my life
In the darkness, in the blackness
In the cold absence of light
Staring into the burning eyes
Of my adversary
Within these claustrophobic walls
My enemy is Me
Time has rotted into nothing
And eternity is bleak
When there is no hint of light
Illusions are all I can see
In my excruciating madness
Terror takes the form of me
In my sickness and my sadness
I chew my flesh until I bleed
In my self mutilation I find distraction
Find salvation
From the horrors I am chained to
Deep within my mind
Slowly I feel the sorrow leave me
As even darkness starts to fade
And as the blinding light increases
I see it all will be okay
But now it is too late for me
For life is flowing crimson red
Out of my gaping wounds
I trade liberty for death.
I don't like being alone for too long.
Oct 2014 · 730
It's All Gone
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Once upon a time I would have given you the world
Would have sailed the seven seas to tear the north star from the sky
Once upon a time I'd steal the fire from the gods
Just to keep you warm in the frozen morning so you could stay with me
Because once upon a time
I thought you were the one and
Once upon a time you were my center
But slowly over time I see
The monster you've become and I
Resent the fact we ever coexisted
Now it's all gone
The love I had, the flame inside
The way your gaze lit up my life
It's all gone, your once proud name
Poisoned, and burning away with the blaze
I would say that I want you to die, but in truth
I just can't seem to care
I should feel betrayed at your lack of faithfulness
But really, I'm just glad you're not here
By all means, be free from me
Keep my shirts and keep your money
Forget all of the memories
Of you, and me, and this travesty
Go find someone else to be your dad and
Go find someone else to raise your kid
Go find someone else's soul to desecrate
Infect them with madness, pollute them with hate
Go sink your fangs in someone else and
Fill them with your lies
You used to be the woman I loved, but now
You're just some ***** I despise.
I used to have an abusive ex girlfriend. This was my breakup song to her.
Oct 2014 · 695
A Face for the Rage
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
This fire may have started in my mind
But now it's gone and spread
To my spirit, to my heart
And I can't help but feel
I'd cause less damage
If I were just dead instead

I've tried to ignore it, I've tried to move past
I did my best to disconnect from each unpleasant shadow cast
But still it grows inside me, this black & toxic curse
And as much as I wish otherwise it's only getting worse

Who the **** are you?

And I don't even have a face for the rage
I don't even have a name I can scream in disdain
They're both lost in the shadows of my inner flames
Burning brightly, burning hate
Is this hate?

Insidious and unforgiving, venomous and vile
Relentless, inescapable - and spreading all the while
I can't let this consume me, I refuse to let it win
But as each rotten second decomposes I corrode within

What the **** are you?

And I don't even have a face for the rage
I don't even have a name I can scream in disdain
They're both lost in the shadows of my inner flames
Burning brightly, burning hate
This is hate.

I know this feeling, this is hate
I wish it would just leave me be
This twisted feeling, full of hate
How can I escape?

When I don't even have a face for the rage
I don't even have a name I can scream in disdain
I can't see anything through these crimson shades of pain
And ******* hate.

No more hate
No more hate
I don't want to feel this way
Please take it away
And grant me escape from my faceless rage
My rage got a face eventually, and now it's not rage anymore. Actually, she and I are friends again!  But I wrote this at an unhappy time of my life.
Oct 2014 · 398
Afraid
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
In this grand catastrophe, I see
Mankind's destiny
For all our history
Is written by the winners
There will never be
A perfect form of amnesty
When books of divine law are being
Written by the sinners

There's no escaping paranoia
No release from ignorance
And pseudo-genius thrives upon
A lack of common sense
There is no one in this world who can
Show you what you are
A depressing waste of intellect
That hides behind their scars

You dwell within what you believe to be reality
No purpose or direction in this mundane gallery
You live with your convictions of inferiority
And out of fear you'll stay right there, still choosing not to see

What was, what is, what could be
The right, the wrong, the gray
The truth, the lies, you won't open your eyes
Because you're too afraid

You bathe in apathy as a form of self-defense
A textbook example
Of a runaway in hiding
You keep yourself in shadow and you do your very best
To stick to the waning shelter of denial

And there's no escaping paranoia
No release from ignorance
And pseudo-genius thrives upon
A lack of common sense
There is no one in this world who can
Show you what you are
A depressing waste of intellect
That hides behind their scars

You dwell within what you believe to be reality
No purpose or direction in this mundane gallery
You live with your convictions of inferiority
And out of fear you'll stay right there, still choosing not to see

What was, what is, what could be
The right, the wrong, the gray
The truth, the lies, you won't open your eyes
Because you're too afraid

And you will live
Until you die
Fearful of failure, refusing to try
Silencing all your desires within
To be something greater than what you have been
And without fail
That day will arrive
When you will decide to open your eyes
And on that day
At last you will see
You could have been what you wanted to be
But on that day
You will realize
That life has passed you before your closed eyes
And you will feel
Bitterness, rage
At the fact that you slept through your whole life
Afraid.
From my anarchist-commune dwelling crusty ******* kid days.
Oct 2014 · 711
The Beast in Me
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
There's an animal caged inside of me
Staring at the world with a ravenous gaze
But it can taste the air of liberty
Whenever I see her face...

My blood ignites with lust
My spirit burns for her
The animal escapes its timid human cage
When I hear the way she sings
When I hear the way she speaks
When I hear the things she says to me
When she tells me what she needs
Her need...

She said,
"Dominate me, desecrate me
Take me, break me, make me yours
Make me beg, make me plead
As I crawl toward you on all fours
Dominate me, violate me
Be the master that I need"
Sordid wishes whispered to me
In darkness, lust and pleasure sweet...

Will you set the beast within me free
To feast upon your dark beauty?

With a wild look she sets my soul on fire
My mind is engulfed in the flames of desire
My primitive nature tears its way
Out of the shadows and into the fray

Be mine, all mine, my angel of the night
Be mine and satisfy the animal inside

And once again she is mine
My unclad seraph divine
The voracious flame in her eyes
Guiding my way through the night
And once again I am hers
As the civilized side of me burns
And the beast in me has emerged
To feast upon her every curve

Will you set the beast within me free
To devour your beauty?
We drown in these waves of ecstasy
Passionately, sinfully
With a seductive look across your face
And the way your touch awakens me
You set the beast within me free
To ravish you eternally...
I wrote this for a classy older lady.
Xan Abyss Oct 2014
Wandering these darkened hallways
The shadows faintly murmur hymns
Of solitude and sadness, loss and misery
The paintings on the wall stay silent
But the sorrow in their eyes
Cuts into my lonely soul
And freezes me inside....

Memories of love and joy begin to fade away
As the darkness wraps its hands around
My ever-sinking heart
In tragedy she spoke to me
On that day so long ago
She graced my lips with hers once more
On that day so long ago
One last time....

These lonely corridors of shame
Seem to speak to me at night
Seem to whisper loving words
Assaulting every thought
And in the nighttime, all alone
Wandering the dusty halls
It would seem those loving words
Aren't imaginary....

Do I hear footsteps in the distance?
Wandering these quiet halls?
In the bleak december moonlight
I can see nothing at all
But I hear breathing, Is that laughter?
It's too far away to know
Round the corner, getting louder
Can't ignore its siren call....

Tears, 'twould seem, have fallen here
On the old, expensive rugs
Underneath my naked feet
Not laughter, but tears....

I begin to run towards the sound I can't ignore
My heart pounds with unknown terror, but I have to know
Who is here? What do they want?
My God, are they even real?
I dare not turn on the lights
For fear of losing them again....

I stop.

Poetry whispered in her angelic voice
I collapse onto my knees and weep
My angel has returned, to save or torment me
Returned from eternal sleep
Still she speaks, ever so softly
Her words tear through my fragile mind
Whispers to me of her longing,
Of her wish to still be mine....

"Stop! Please! I beg of you!"
I plead with tears in my eyes
She continues whispering
Words of undying love
Rage, a sudden rush of blood
How dare she continue this?
Jumping to my feet, I swing my trembling fist

Suddenly I realize
What has happened all along
And in the light of the new dawn I see my bleeding wrists
Lying on my back I see the face of my beloved
Radiant with icy death she reaches out for me....

I close my eyes
And then I die
"Forever mine", my final words
Smiling weakly
Spirit leaves me
She is mine
And I am hers.
Written unexpectedly at 4 in the morning 6 years ago.
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