THIS* isn't for YOU
THIS isn't for ME

THIS is for
my eyes

THIS is for
my ears

to understand

Thick skin at the age of 16.
Thoughts with more power at 17.
Tongue painted silver at the age of 18.

19.
19.
19.

I had forgotten everything about you,

I wondered about you
I got you
I had you
I loved you
I cried over you
And over
And over
And over
And then i lost you

yet i have you.
I see you everyday.
You tell me you love me.
Ive been through losing you.
And i can't even let go for real.

i need
to stop shutting down
every time you like her picture
i need
to stop shutting down
every time you text her phone
i need
to stop shutting down
every time you say her name
i need
to stop shutting down
at the thought of losing you to *her

I think
people who
end up being
comfortably alone
are
the only people
who realized
the saying
“You are more of a threat to yourself then anyone else.”
was a complete lie
they end up
eating
sleeping
living
alone
they end up
thinking that
every human
they come into counter with
will hurt them further
they end up
seeing themselves
as
their
own
savior

Some of us think its a bad day that will get us good,
that it will either send us to heaven or hell.

Seeing the pain that others go through when they have someone close to them lose it for good.

It makes people like us say “We can't cause that harm to the people WE love.”

It really doesn't make a difference because when it happens it happens.

That's your time, you weren't suppose to make it out alive, these birds eye views of other lives that have been affected by another.

It should make a difference but it doesn't.

The strength of an object,
to the biggest and back to the smallest,
to put the flesh of the innocent between its grips.
The devil on one side,
the angel on the other,
both saying what you need hear. The burning sensation you feel in the midst of trying to attempt what needs to be done.
From the biggest and sharpest to the smallest and simplest.
The bigger doesn't mean better,
but finding a new vice is always better.