It's dark tonight
And I cannot breathe
The hands of time
Are slowly choking me
Tick Tick
Watch the color
Fade from my face
Tick Tock
Watch my body
Fall through space
Caught inside
These hands of time
Losing my grip
Losing my mind
Tick Tick
Why can't I see
What these hands
Want from me
Tick Tock
I'm fading fast
This life is just a memory
That can never last

She saw a rainbow where he could only see black.
But together, they made a frame, keeping their picture perfect life intact.

She saw the sun where he was always captivated by the moon.
But together, they made each other's wishes come true and not a moment too soon.

She saw smiles where he drowned in the sadness of eyes.
But together, they made laughter and found truth amongst a million lies.

She saw beauty where he could only see regrets and pain.
But together, they made a life that could always be and would always remain.

She saw him where he would always find her.
And together, they made happiness that could span galaxies forever.

All these knives in my back
         They don't even hurt anymore
   I mean, I'm sore
                 And it's intense
      But it doesn't make any sense
I must be at war
         With myself
      Tearing apart the insides of my brain
Have I gone insane?
           Why do I
Keep letting these things
              Happen to me?
       Is there a sign taped to my back
  Saying "Torture ME"?
            "Take Advantage Of ME"?
        "Love Me And Leave ME"?
    What's wrong with me?
            All this backstabbing
        Take this pen
And drag the ink into my spine
   Use the blood drops as a tattoo design
           The scars from all the knives
     Will just make it look more divine
Maybe some Angel wings
           With a sash torn apart
      and "Nobody Loves ME"
Written across the heart
            Might as well throw it all away
       Throw it all out the door
    I'm sore
          But all these knives in my back
     Don't even hurt anymore

My three children,  my world

My first baby girl,  Krystalyn
Strong willed and full of heart
She's quick on her feet
And for just six,  she's very smart

My other sweet little girl
She's an angel,  my Klairety
Five years old,  so innocent
And nothing compares to her beauty

And my precious little baby boy
One and half,  always with a smile
So curious,  and so full of joy
KJ makes everything worthwhile

My three children,  my world
To me they are everything
I love them more than life
I love them more than anything

My three children,  my world

Can you see me standing here?
High above you all so tall?
Don't you worry,  never fear,
I'll never let anyone else feel small.

Tired of the sight of seeing you lonely,
No one in this world is perfect,
Protect you from this cruel world,
Only if you bring me your sympathy,
Showering me in your stories,
And bring me so much joy and laughter,
Perishing all your worries,
Creating a new amiable chapter.

Right here and now,
The time is right.
I've seen your struggle,
I've seen your plight.
I'm here to help,
Lending a strong hand
I'll never let you go,
Please understand.
This is truth,  
This is the light.
I won't let you down,
We'll win this fight.

You were the greatest,
You were my strafe,
I vowed the world,
To keep you safe,
There's no denying,
This is your home,
This is your life,
This is your place,
I only want the best for you,
I'd be glad to see your face.

I smile upon you, keeping this sacred vow,
To stand by your side, even if we journey through hell.
There is no use, trying to ask me how,
No, we will not hide, until the evil we cross has fell.

And as it burns,
You finally get what you wished for.
Don't ever lose a turn,
Play your cards right , don't draw blood , draw fours.
The only thing I need from you is love,
You know what they say,
Love is an open door.

We can walk through,  
Hand in hand.
Following along,
With the ultimate plan.
It's now or never,
Time to choose.
Either way, together,
We can never lose.

Today was my birthday

And I barely remember what I did
But I was surrounded by those I love

Today was my birthday

And I didn't get very many gifts
But what I got was just enough

Today was my birthday

And I didn't go anywhere special
But I was surrounded by those I love

**And it was just perfect enough

Ice* cold
Like my soul
     Growing older than old
  Melting away
         As the days get hotter
Why bother with the same things
      When everything changes
          And I can't escape the heat
   Of my heart as it finally feels
                   *Defeat

Catastrophic calamity
Souls made of blasphemy
On the down low
The World as a whole
Had turned to anarchy
And it's a shame there's no name
For all this antirelgious hate
Spreading across the world
Like a facebook game
Everyone looking for a high score
All in the name of fame

Will you watch me as I soar,
Stare into space as I disappear?
Will you love my memory,
After I'm no longer here?
Will you sketch an image into time,
And frame it on your wall?
When I finally fade away,
Will you catch me as I fall?
Is it too much to ask,
For you to float by my side?
Can you never let me go,
And if you fail, will you still try?
Can you take me higher,
Than just an endless journey?
Can you take me higher,
Than what you've already done for me?

My body

       Intertwines with yours,

               There's nothing

I love more*.

Regretting Some Past Mistakes
Realizing what's actually At stake
Feeling so helpless and confused
So many memories of your abuse
Screaming, kicking, punching
Just too much fighting
You always knew the best ways to hurt me
Now you wanna take away what means everything
Like your final play to torture me
For eternity
What right do you have to judge me?
To look down upon me?
I am only all that you've made of me
This so called monster that you love to hate
Is just the manifestation of what you helped create
You WILL regret this
In the end, you will lose
I won't let you win, not again
They'll realize what you're trying to do
Remembering the years of abuse
And they'll HATE you
You can never destroy a mother's love
Although I know you're willing to try
When I win this battle for what I hold dear
Don't come crawling to me with tears in your eyes
Cause I won't be here

Dreaming of a new day
Hoping the past fades away
Never knowing the truth
Cause the lies always stay

Nightmares await my waking hours
And reality's dreams never really mattered
So I surround my self with a wall of glass
But the past crashed in and my faith was shattered

And that wall falls into a black hole of despair
Leaving my emotions exposed, naked and bare

I fell asleep
      with you
    on my mind
I woke up
And you
      were still there



**When's this gonna end?

I can see that light,
      burning in your eyes.
        It burns brighter when I'm around
          and I know you're there
   by your hearts beating sound.
          Like luminescent drums,
     your light beats for me
   and your soul can be heard and seen.
         And **I can finally see everything.

I know no one's perfect
But is it really worth it
Just for a picture in your wallet?
Plastered on happy faces
Don't even know what day it is
Was there even a good reason for it?
You deny the lies behind the walls
While truths fall on center stage
Got the applause, but this ain't a game
And when the lights fade
You'll be regretting every decision you ever made
Life ain't just a picture or a keepsake
It's standing right in front of you
And you gotta live with every choice you make

Seeing the flames
   Burning everything in there wake
             Taking my soul down too
   I can't take all this
       For God's sake
    Like a sidewalk massacre
Everyone has to stop and stare
        Watching all the blood drip
    But none of them really care
           Gotta get a grip
I know this life ain't fair
         Trying to balance my thoughts
    On a tight rope of razor blades
Getting sliced up on the inside
      No matter which choice I make
Whether or not I know they lied
           I'll always know they're all fake
   And it's a shame
           That it's always a game
     With no way to win
Or start over again
         Without being the only one to blame

Lonely
In the corner
Staring into an abyss
       of pointless options
And all the edges
       in the world
Aren't sharp enough
       to cut through
The concrete wall
       surrounding her heart

Cold**
In a crowded room
Searching for an empathetic face
She sees the smiles
        filling the empty space
And it seems
        that no amount of joy
Is real enough
        to take the fears place

I would travel all night
Just to see your face

Love is a
     shooting star...
It's rarely there
      Never
     seen for very long
Beautiful
           Always
              so far away
       And yet...
  You keep
          wishing on it

Like colors on a wheel
We compliment each other
We're complete opposites
Bringing out the best in each other
So rough around the edges
With a smooth consistency
Mixed with some clashed feelings
And a fine tuned delicacy

My reprehensible mind
       Slipped you into my dreams last night
    You were there for me
         Cared for me
               Said you were mine

     I cannot say
           I did not enjoy this dream
While it was happening
      It's been a long time
Since I've even thought about you
       But when I realized your words seemed true
    My dream took a turn
                Something morbidly new

      I said the things I wanted to say
          Instead of just saying sorry
And... "It's okay"
         I cursed and I screamed
    I put you down the way you always did me
               I broke your fragile, pathetic heart
       Tore your soul apart

             I was so cruel,
     Yet, I still never reached your level
       With what you did to me
   You'd have made friends with the devil
         I was an angel in comparison
   Enjoying my first little taste of sin

    God, how I loved watching you crumble
                    And fall
          Made me feel larger than life
To make you feel useless and small
          All the times you pushed me down
             Watched me laying,
        Crying on the ground
    I finally had my turn
          How do you like me now?

This may make me seem
         Like a terrible person
     But... I Don't Care
            My dream made me smile
       You weren't there
               You didn't see
All the terrible, painful things he did to me
      
      When I woke up,
   I was finally able to laugh at the past
           Like I never was before
     Truly Enlightening
                 A new beginning
  I'm not in pain because of him anymore
       And *I never will be again

Pain is a cloud of fog that's constantly following me, shadowing over my existence and the rain is steady pouring faster with each strike to my heart and every rumble in my soul.

Love is the shelter protecting me from the storm of heartaches that keep building and raging through the nights and with his arms around me, I'm in the safest place I know.

Happiness
      Is bound
          By light
   In a cruel,
               **dark
       World.

The image
Of your tongue
Gently caressing
My spine
While
You're pulling
My hair
From behind
Brings thoughts
To mind
That make
My heart race
And I'm sure
Nothing could replace
That emotion
As you trace
Little hearts
Down my chest
With your calloused
Fingertips
Or that look of lust
That appears
With every
Sway of my hips
Or how the sight
Of me
Licking my lips
Makes you
Lose control
And you
Don't even know
How often
These images appear
But for now
It's just dreams
Until you're here
Holding me
Touching me
Kissing me roughly
Squeezing me
Pounding me
Biting be softly
I just can't wait
Until these dreams
Become my reality

"Being lonely
In a crowded room"
You've heard that expression,
Have you?
Well, it's so much more than that.
It's down to your core,
To your very soul.
Never having more
Than the thoughts you already know.
No hand to hold
No one there to hug
No voices around
Except the voices in your head
Laying alone in a big empty bed
Sleeping all the way on the edge
Saving room for...
The "one" you think will never show
No friends to call
Knowing no one will be there
Falling deeper and deeper
Into despair
"Lonely in a crowded room"
That's just the beginning
When your still lonely in your head
The voices stop
Your every thought is dark, death...
Let me just tell you..
You think you're lonely?
Think of that empty grave
No room to scoot to the edge
No crowds to even feel alone in...
I promise you
There's nothing more lonely
Than dead.




Think about it.
I've felt this way, I don't know how,
But I've managed to pull through
I'm sure that YOU...
Well, you can too.

The heart it leaves is broken and cracked
All that remains can't get itself it back
In the withering hours of the starless night
The tattered bits work hard to make themselves right
As the dark and cold winds blow across those feverish dreams
Pieces slowly get sewn but it's less effective than it seems
The air holds a certain mystique hidden under a scary mask
With feelings of pain and envy, and questions too difficult to ask

No man should be worth our tears, but usually we don't realize it until we're left wiping the last tear drops away.....

No woman should be left crying over someone not worth their pain, but usually we don't realize it until the tears wash away all the lies and the truth stares us in the face......

You're great
         In
SOOO
many ways
      But sometimes
I just wanna

Smack
The
****
Outta
You


But that's just love.

It can only be stitched together
          with understanding
   The holes filled
               with trust
        And the missing pieces replaced
                    with love
            
             But a Broken Heart will always
                         remain *broken

My tongue is
       dripping
             with honey
     and gold,
        my voice is
   even sweeter
        and richer.






*Just imagine my lips.

My unshed tears
Are flooding the hole
*In my chest...

It's crashing and caving
Down on me
This life,  I've worked so hard
Can't even get dealt one good card
And then the avalanche of pain proceeds
And I'll grieve
Try all over again
But it's the same **** thing
Lifetime of misery and defeat
Playing on repeat
Like...  
How did I get here?
How could I come this far
Just to get knocked down
This ground made of pavement
My new best friend
I'll just lay here awhile
Get walked all over
While I wear a pretty smile
Dial it down a notch
Like...
How much more can I take?
You've defeated me
I'm laying here holding you
Waiting for a breath
There's no wealth or help
No welfare consuming momma to help me out
I'll just kiss this pavement
Down for the count
Give up?
That's what I'll do...
You beautiful slab of concrete you
With me in life,  with me in death
It's my final breath,  
I'll spend it in your cold hard arms
My solace on the ground
As low as I can go
You've been walked on your whole life too
You feel what I do
******* Pavement
I hate you

Fill my cup
     with your scent
   Let me drown
           in your essence
               I'm dying
           of thirst
And you're the only
      sustenance
On which
      I can thrive
   And finally
        *Feel alive

Today, a mistake was made
              Some words were said,
      my sight went red
and my bond with you was severely frayed
       Now, I'm ******.
  Here's something that you missed
        you ****** up
     I've been betrayed
        So go to Hell and tell Satan
    you're a heathen worth hating

Today, a memory was lost
              Some things were forgotten
      I'm paying the cost
and all the love we shared has been tossed
       Out the window
  Here's something you don't know
           I ******* hate you
        I'm over all the *******
      So next time you decide to speak my name
   Remember you lost and I'm the game

Today, a truth shined through
         all the lies
   in which you relied
       I can't stand how I got ******* while you always got the best of me
        Now I'm enraged enough to say,  
             "*******!"
Yeah, today my blood congealed
               I sewed the wound shut,
       but the scar will never heal
                For this,
      I ******* hate you.
and I hope your death hurts a great deal

Today, a lie was told
      As if it was the gods honest truth
             I can see it all clearly now
  But what's the use?
      I'm tattered, battered and abused
And I'm blaming it all on you
              I've lost so much already
     What else is there to lose?
         I ******* hate you!
What story is there to tell?
          What's left to say?
      How about this....
                *GO TO HELL!!!

There's an ice storm in my brain,
        my thoughts
                     are sliding
                out of control,
         there's a fire in my chest,
                        making ashes
          of what's left of
                     my soul.

In depths of despair
     I can find some joy
                 In knowing
       He, who loves
   And cares so deeply
      Means a lot to me
Seems to have something
           A light, a star
     That makes him happy
Although, I wish to be
             The one who shines
Who makes his days brighter
        Who's strong enough
To carry through for both of us
            And he's a fighter
But that's not always enough
        I find comfort
            I have some peace
Believing that, just maybe
        There's a reason
           A fate, a destiny
    Something else for me
Or maybe it's a crossroad
            A bridge
And getting to the other side
       Will bring clarity
               Peace of mind
    And we'll fulfill
A path that we created
         Lessons to be learned
Or that 'just friends'
      Isn't necessarily
              A bad thing
  Just push forward
Think of where I'm going
         Who I'm being
   And that he has another path
To walk, to cut branches
         For something unplanned
  A fate not yet claimed
            Or just maybe
     That's what destiny is
Struggling through the pain
      To learn from your mistakes
           And find a new path  to take
   But I really gotta say
        It all makes me stronger
   It's something I can't regret
            Cause his happiness
    Makes me smile
        With tears of sadness
              Streaming down my face
   And the depths of my emotions
       I may just take to my grave
           Cause my conscience
   Is a terrible truth to take
         But that's what life is
Going through heartache
       After heartache
             With more heartache
   Until destiny reveals its self
       And no amount of wealth
Can add up to the value
          Or weight in gold
   Of the happiness you'll find
              That's so true
      He may not be mine
But he'll forever be in my life
          And that'll be just fine
   Cause you can't rewind
Or turn around the path you take
          But you can accept
     Move forward
On the beaten path of fate
        Finding peace on earth
     As you walk towards
That **heavenly gate

I NEED YOU. HAVE I NOT MADE THAT CLEAR? I WANT TO HEAR SWEET LITTLE NOTHINGS WHISPERED IN MY EAR. I WISH I WASN'T WRITHING FOR A DRINK OR A DRUG TO CLEAR MY MIND OF ALL THE ***** THOUGHTS YOU LEFT BEHIND. TOO MUCH TO HANDLE? UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE CENTURY!!! I NEED YOU, BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE I WANT YOU TO NEED ME.*

*please