Razors race along the paper
Erasing mistakes as they go
Dark nights that only got later
I stayed to see if it'd show
I carve deep enough to find the pain
And paint it plainly against the grain
A museum with windows long and drained of a strange familiar glow
Time is tame compared to space
As the length of these margins grow
I rip apart all the mistakes of my life
Inked on my heart and soul

Hometown
  Heartbreak
    You wonder how much you can take
         Couldn't fathom what you do
     He left you to start anew
The dishes pile up
   Even though you haven't been hungry
You wait for the call
   To fly out and make money
LA for a week
You live day to day like the rest of us
I see past your concealer
You go back and its mixed love

There's a tenderness you've known
You know it best when its fading
You just wanna feel at home
But there's no escaping

     You've gotten used to the names and how mean they can be
    They take who you are in scenes too seriously
  But there's some things you can't help
You've loved and you've lost and protected yourself
       And through it all you've stayed who you began as
   And you still will if it doesn't pan out

       Looking for that one unbreakable connection
  You just want to feel true love
You still believe with every wrong step and misdirection
*Even pornstars fall in love

Hues mixing under a blank sky, I look at all I've done in wonder
Was that me
Or did someone steal my hand for their own poetic ruse?
You see as of late I seem confused
And stay in the atmosphere of here and there
My location wasn't given much care
Physically or mentally
And the moon im under stays blank as the sky
And I ponder if it's meant to be
Ask myself why the ink has all but dried from my well

See

I used to constantly change
Now I stay the same
Uttering words in patterns that are always absurdly similar
Pricking myself with my pen to no avail
Because the blood had too many stories to tell
Most drug on and on for mental miles
That many would cover in a single step,
But I sat frozen,
Observing like this pain was a film

But on nights like this
When I have dissembled myself to the point of belief
Something catches my eye
The eloquence of a blank sky waiting to be filled with ideas, dreams, and possibilities
And sometimes, its enough to wake me from my doubts

Sleep*
  Hanging in the eyes

           They struggle to open
But are tightly glued shut
  
              I wonder then,
When the dream began and ended

          And if I was ever awake
                        *At all

I etched patterns into a tree with a pocket knife that had a red plastic handle
            Indentions such as these never stay
            Yet eternally we press against the world

        Hoping to make a mark that will shine in the daylight and glow in the dark
                    ~

           I'm a shriveled slice of the Americana pie
      With my soul on a swivel and the devil in my eyes

       Life was a son of a ***** with fists that spat dirt when it spoke
                And it ONLY screamed.
        
         ~

   I'm somewhere between *David Duchovny and Stephen King
      And I'm trying to rip up manuscripts that I didn't write and I don't know who did.

      Goodnight America. My patterns will explain my existence more than I ever could.

.                       She'll
take
                        off
her
                        clothes
for a                     little bit of coverage
Ride                     windows down
in the rain              like she loves it
                                What she'll do
                             for a hundred likes
                             on a website
  in real life              
      Is something project X like
her best nights
Her friends lie about her importance 
Beauty cant get you on a Forbes list
                                          But her dreams only  
*exist when attention shuts out pain

Bad memories linger
     In sour clouds of self pity
   **Like farts of the mind

Muhammad Ali died on the third.
Kimbo Slice died yesterday.*

    If one thing is now clear, it's that life doesn't appreciate those who are strong enough to fight back.

I filled my bullet holes from the inside out
Concrete substitutions for flesh laid by a man of stone
So cold to the touch in the moonlight hours
I almost forget I was ever warm
Perforated to the core of my being
My initial rebuttal to the pain i felt was to harden myself
Teach myself to live with the cold
And look towards the solid shadows I then casted for inspiration to carry on
Fool myself into believing in the wholeness of a broken man
I lived as a creation of my own twisted and transformed imagination day in and day out
Dragging along the heavy weight a shield of hate brought with it
The problem being
Behind that shield I was protected fully from any outside source of grief
But I was trapped as well
A layer of thick rage and apathy deflecting any and all other emotion
A poison that constantly ate at what was left of me
Soon I became too weak to stand
The price you pay for being invincible against all other forces is that you can never stop yourself from dying on the inside
I had built a fortress to no avail
Because I had trapped the evil within myself
On my knees, my body rotting away
What was left of my flesh began to shrink back
The concrete was losing its grip the walls of skin that held them in retreating
The evil had won
Chunks of cement fell to the ground and crumbled
The agony indescribable
I was losing the last ounce of security I had left in this world
I was weak and the heaviness of the shield left when I could no longer hold it
I was defeated
I sat awaiting a death that in my mind was the only thing left assured to me
But it never came
Instead, I saw the sun rise over the horizon
I felt its warm rays on my disfigured flesh
And all around me was illuminated
In the light I saw how horrible what I had done to myself really was
At the price of living I had bought myself immortality
Nothing more than a cruel joke
Night never came again
And eventually I stood up
The light shone through my bullet holes as I did and the last of my disgust for the world was gone
I buried the shield and the crumbled stone deep in the darkness and never went back
Because no matter what may have been in my past, no matter how much blood I had shed, I knew that now I could live,

Truly

I opened myself up and pulled my ribs to the side
        Trying to find something that matters.
                   Something to stick to.
A religion,               a belief,
                |Anything
And in the              dark empty space
                |I found
Whatever                  led me to understand who I                                Thought I was
                **|was already dead.

She dipped her fingertips in paint

        And left her identity on my canvas

Generation Information:
Running 'round, drugs in cases
Even if ya hate ya placement
Time moves faster with some patience
Seniles claim *conspiracy;
Wonder what kinda bombs we makin'
FOURTEEN MILLION DIVORCED PARENTS
Raising kids who feel forsaken
Walking round with Glocks, hoping they don't get blammed next,
No Christmas anymore;
Santa Claus is hooked on *Xanax
And once you get outta Hell
Get framed and put in jail
Its hard to crawl from the bottom back up to the place you fell
We say we work in retail
But shoes ain't what we sell,
So please cover your ears
Don't listen to what we tell.
Children taught to be pitiless
**** anybody with viciousness
Shot too high
Expecting adults
And that's where the militias went
Murdered by a lonely kid who got no Love
Trained to pull a weapon if push comes to shove
Look up in the sky
They made Ravens outta doves
*Sinned so much, afraid to ask forgiveness from above

The words I spoke
    Painted soft hues in semicircles
   That formed veins in vain
  All the life the colors formed caused was pain
    And disdain for this thing called breath
     I would gladly welcome death
   In the form of the devil kissing necks
           Sharpening a dagger in geometric patterns
    Slicing through my brain matter with a splayed tongue
           Implanting THC in my frontal lobe with infinite precision showing me visions of misread Scriptures read by passive preachers and pastors not knowing the meanings of verses read backwards that sound like incantations for Satan


     Drop.
Drip into my glass
Cerulean liquid so vivid it defies description
Even with these prescription lenses I can't tell the difference between what's okay to write but not say so today
I think
I'll take an AK to Pre K to educate the young with Guns
JFK would smile
Knowing I'm the last gunslinger and expander of minds destined to be assassinated for saying it before my time

This coffin
    I inhabit
         Floats along the nonexistence
    Of space
And time

        In such a way as to make me forget what comfort ever was
     Days become eons
Trapped in a box reeking of death and lacking in emotion
     I become nothing more than a trained chimp
            Acting out "living" as I see actual humans do

all for a few measly peanuts

*yes oh yes I wouldn't mind if this rolling coffin crashed and burned if for nothing more than to end this surreal nightmare of not existing

Being interrupted by far off people making exceptionally loud sounds while trying to write poetry is exactly like having a horrible toothache and trying to perform a tracheotomy on a rabid cat.

You
Look beautiful
Right
Before sleep
Laying back, eyes rolled shut
Crushed pills
A contrasting white to the
Bible they lay on
You
Always had
Your
Priorities straight
Beckoning me
Sensing me
From behind your eyelids
Mouthing my name
You
Take me
In
As I feel for
Who you are
Beneath the veil of decency and secrecy
Reminding me
How much I need this
You
Could control
Me
When I'm in you
A puppet takes my place
And when you finish
You put your lips to my temple
And say bang.

Something real in my vision
This lifes a head on collision
Subtext and sybolism
Society, and religion
Begging me to beg forgiveness
I never listen
To anything but my heart
And the art on my wall
Hung a bit odd
If one's standing out in the hall
Not ready to evolve
And enter the fog
Gods get lost in this dark
This amusement park with chairs that spark
Where the lights always die
In your eyes
And you stay locked under your skin
Paying for every sin
By being broken
And bent

From head on collisions

Colliding head on with the song in my soul though my flow I let you know I'm an honest man but don't **** me off I'll still ******* up like you're wet and soft like Lara croft but it's not for naught I'm lost but always found mainstream yet underground I'm a heavyweight lyrical boxer I contend pound for pound each round

Love goes for his guns,
            *But Apathy's too **** quick.

I get lost in your kiss
                   Yet feel at home on your **lips

Some things never change
    


      The circular stains on the ceiling above my heart shaped bed didn't exist under that rule

  Sometimes they *seemed constant
           And sometimes that made me feel ok
            
        But other times, as I lay in bed,
            Somewhere near the halfway point between laying down and falling asleep,
       I stared up at them and they moved
         Left and right
Ellipsing each other,
    Becoming ovaloid in shape

Sometimes they simply flitted away, vanished


    I thought them gone,
But they continued to return.

They would not be so remorseless as to leave and not look back to see the blank space they had left.

     So my little circular stains stayed for a while.

    I was happy looking up in wonder at something I could never understand but never dared question.

   Until one day I simply wasn't. My interest in the stains steadily faded until I began to drift off on my side staring out the window, searching for owls I could hear but not see. These sounds made me hope.

They made me open the windows I had locked tight.
They made me breathe.
    
    Those sounds lull me to sleep even now.

*And I've stopped looking for the circles completely

Oversaturated
The colors you provide are somehow tainted
I can't take it
Huffing paint makes me feel amazing
Green makes me feel jaded
Even though im homeless i pray i dont make it just to pledge allegiance to satan
Red makes me blue
Seeing her go
Disappear into hues
It had to be her
But i'd rather it you
I gather myself into a corner and blame myself
New
Allegations of chasing tail just to get head
Moments spent worthless as pennies when i'd rather be dead

Hypnosis*
     Comatose so close to death
   Another dose of coldness swept away all my regret
Some die by the sword of vengeance, others by respect
                I myself will die calm and ready, **steadying my breath

I wish the mind was as self-healing as the **body

The oppression hangs stiff and unrelenting
And the sincerity comes off too awkward and from left field
I just want to move, but all I can accomplish are twitches in different directions
You're talking at me, not with me
And I'm close to fabricating an elaborate story to put you in shut down mode so that I can continue on my day
I don't care about your message
I'm not buying your book, I'm not reading your pamphlet, and I'm not joining your group.
I'm eating a ******* burrito, and that's IT.

If I could find the connection between each raindrop,
     No matter how infinitesimal,
I know I'd be *OK

Palms on the ground
     Sweat dripping down I know this is it
Never or now
                 Time's slowed to a drip
    I can hear laughter
     Such an overwhelming sound
    They won't laugh after
         I pick up this gun
    Life's had its run but now I'm done
          My mind has been won
    By depression and corruption
    Repression and reduction
        I've come to know and hate
      This bed that I woke up in
            Makes me wanna say **** this
        Tuck this in my backpack
And when one more ******* kid shoves me
          Then I'll attack back
      I'm tired of falling down
     Sweaty palms on the ground
          I can't take anymore
                Its never or


*RIGHT NOW!

And try to light em underneath an ocean's worth of crude oil
      That is forcing it's way into my lungs
            My high hopes hung their heads in the past as they waited to be hanged

               But now the concept of life felt empty and displayed itself as a delay
        A casual lack of oxygen shut off all process in the brain

                 And we are on our way.


~spark~           
                            

                      in the depths
              And the darkness fades to grey,
           **A less ambivalent shade.

Cautionary visions visit in viciously vivid fashion
I'm dead and my head is missing
Everyone is laughing
        
                     But me

And the sky is sorta dreary but I don't know
With no eyes you don't see too clearly

      Sew me a new one on,
Attached at the neck
Plastic instead of brittle skin and maybe then
     I can exist in some form above the normally gray and grim

    I pray to a faceless facade
            I made a "God" in my head
An eternal alternative to turn to and blame
   And claim to strangers that he works in mysterious ways
        My lips are chafed from singing unheard praises
  
        I'm tasteless and it has me thinking that maybe my mouth was only a product of my imagination
     Food for thought I chew and stop
           Its too **** hot for contemplation

      Still, I used to think my hands belonged to someone else
     Right up until I used them both to **** myself

Look I been try a get this **** straight
But it keeps changing up the pace
Once I got it think I've caught it
Something else is in my face
I'm a product of this stress
Got a baby on the way
But this ***** is known for lying
Could be real or could be fake
And on top of that
Didn't get to see Brandi graduate
Just got to see pictures of it
Knowing I didn't put that smile on her face
Its that dude she's in love with
I wonder how it tastes
Giving me a dose of my own medicine
It's setting in
Gotta put on my kevlar vest again
Let no one in
Take these sedatives
Just for good measure when your pain is pleasure is it a sin
To tear a hole in yourself so big you see through it
Making these movements going through the motions choosing
Like the outcome wasn't coming
How can I grow up when I'm from nothing
Reputation leads assumption to the forefront
Got these girls looking storefront
While I'm just wondering what these ****** want

Hate me
In the most beautiful of ways
So even the little things
Hurt horribly but im in love with the pain
Just not your face
And hate me
In the most beautiful of ways
So even when you tear me apart
My ruptured heart will be an art
      Hate me
      Because I love you
      So much I hate you
      For everything you do
      And tonight
      Your shadow was too white
      Blinding my sight
      Binding us so tight
      So hate me
      Hate me cause I love you
      More than just to *******
      Too **** much to undo this girl

That I hate

Knees buckling
   He'd give up anything to feel her touch's healing strength
      But foreboding dreams kept showing things
          Movie scenes that seem to tear the seams of time itself and lay the twine atop of a shelf too high for him to reach
      He'd die in this moment if he thought it would help
    Some memories haunt so deep eternal sleep offers no escape
         Karma waits with ten million watt light bulbs to illuminate your every flaw
     Every argument caused builds a tallied wall there's no way out and they'll never fall
      Stuck in a room of doubt and sappy songs you can't sing along too because every tune brings her face back to you in vibrant hues

Death wouldn't help

This is Death

      Watching the light gradually die from your eyes
   Fabricated surprise on my behalf had you think that the sky was the limit
     You can't fly but a minute before you crash
     And when I'm not in the cockpit with you I'll laugh
     Like all our little silly jokes that no one used to get
     Your screams for help Will fall on deaf ears, **don't you forget

The ground looks so
     Appetizing
     From up this high
         I wanna find out if I can ******* fly

I wanna feel something before I hit the
      Bottom
                     I would love to relish in your blood-soaked nirvana

      I made you as comfortable as possible while you slit my throat
          I may be dead but my
   Wings are sewn with a different thread of gristle and bone

    If redemption is real and I have time to ****,
      I wonder how the fall will

         *Feel