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I wish I could just play,
the emotions I feel
that are on display
I've always been this way.

Bumping,
peeling
orange peel
I sat until I apologized,
3 times in kindergarten.
Her head was throbbing,
but I didn't meant it
but still, I could see the pain,
just before it rained,
I apologized the third time.

And yet, I didn't learn the lesson,
when I had a heavy drinking session,
I said the worse to a 12 year old girl,
when she attacked and mocked my world.

You should never verbally abuse
a 12 year old kid, no excuse.
I felt so sick the next day,
but my  poison still remained

I'm now free of the abuse,
trying hard to resist,
the drugs that I am on
Gives me poetry to persist,
but I still stand accused
Can't feel any bliss
Not worthy of God's son.
Though no more alcoholism,
I will wind up walking dead,
or hurting those, I love everyone.
White Owl Apr 6
I won't fear men whose hands cause pain
Or those that hunt the young like wolves,
For beneath the wings of my Lord is my shelter,
And He serves His justice a hundredfold.
I won't fear men whose abandon the weak
Or those that tear this body apart,
For my Savior promised He'd always be with me,
And someday, life in my new form will start.
Mar '22

One day years ago, I had a panic attack relating to some things I had endured years prior, and that I feared might someday happen again. After praying for peace, I opened a google doc, and these are the words that came to me.
White Owl Apr 8
Oh God, how long until my woes
Transfigure into peace?
Until the violent storms inside my skull
Will finally cease?
Until the gaping emptiness
I feel beneath my ribs
Is filled with warmth and joyousness?
That's all I plead You give!

Around me I see people full
With water, meat and wine.
I see them eat together --
Oh, how carefree they all dine!
When hunger hasn't gripped my gut,
I've gorged on rotten meat.
And when my throat has not been dry,
Vinegar's been my treat.

Please give me, Lord, a future hope
That isn't a mirage.
I look for peace, but pain attacks
In relentless barrage.
My spirit grumbles -- do take ear
And help my soul to thrive.
Mend this broke heart and give me strength
To want to be alive.
Jul '24
White Owl Apr 10
The ones with needle teeth that clamp themselves onto your brain,
Accusing with shrill voices 'till you've all but gone insane --
Succumb not to despair as you stare them right in the face.
Their threats are void of meaning to the one covered by grace.

The ones that have enslaved you to a thirst for toxic wells,
Guiding you as by leash, hunger consuming all your cells --
In desperation they wage war because their time is brief,
For they know that the Son of Man is coming like a thief.

The ones that feed and fester in the hearts of evil men,
Devouring the innocent and brooding in their den --
Their woeful fates in Heaven's scrolls have already been sealed,
For all the cruel shall soon be judged, and all the wounded healed.

The ones to which the Earth seems small clutched in their ****** hands,
Oppressing, stealing, killing, forming wicked schemes and plans --
Take heart, and rest your soul within the Shepherd's wings' caress!
Some day, even their knees will bow, and their tongues too confess.

Attempt they will to crush you, and to ***** our your faith's flame,
But see how legions of them cower when they hear His name!
Like roaches from the light they flee, His roar ceases their din.
The darkness trembles before Him, for in the end, we win.
Aug '24
rhenee rose Apr 1
Myths used to portray how
Eve possessed the original sin
Along with her overripe
Pain, passed down to all of kin
Confess, tell me now
Is this the reason why
Women get born with shame
Stamped on our skin, shame
Buried within, shame
Dragged for decades
Like that tree in Eden
This shame shall never die
Banished, barely forgiven
As soon as you leave
Your mother’s ribs
You are subjected to laws
Of your father’s rage
The world where men
Decides on who I am
Should have been
Left as a myth
A poem about Eve’s original sin.
Gideon Mar 8
We are bugs under his shoes.
Not a loved child, in terrible two’s.
Disobedient children couldn’t be so far.
We are grains of sand, and he is a star.
Trample our cities under his feet.
We believe he loves us, an epic conceit.
So full of ourselves, we hope he will serve us.
We pray for glory, success, and surplus.
Gideon Mar 7
“We don’t claim this one.”
“Well, then we will! He’ll be one of our own”
“You can’t do that!”
“Watch us! You didn’t want him.”
jovieliz Mar 4
Faith and fear opposites which lead to each other.
Are they truly black and white or brothers from  another mother?
Since one can be afraid and led to faith or faithfully afraid of an eternity never ceasing to remain.
But no cause if you have faith why would you be afraid?
I ask myself this day by day
But somehow the idea of a life after life does not grant me peace
but rather a terror which never seems to cease
it crawls and creeps a path to my soul
and makes me wonder if my belief has a hole?
Is my declaration of trust just a grasping manifestation for something to believe
when in reality
with my fear of what’s to come I’m worse than an unbeliever
with no actual conviction or peace in a greater wisdom?
These thoughts and doubts swirl around till they threaten to consume me
but my face won’t show any signs of my inward agony
because if I the pastor’s daughter
a voluntold role model gave a glimpse
of my lack of faith will I cause others to falter?
These are the lies
the enemy compiles
to take over my heart
but NO I do not have to carry these burdens that is not my part!  
From a manger to cross and then an empty tomb
there’s one who chose to fight my battles and He always wins them too.
He won’t let my faith mold into fear
and he won’t let these thoughts draw me near. He’s shouldered these worries when I could not
and lifted my eyes when all seemed lost.
He picked me up even with all my burdens
and didn’t complain even when I hurt Him.
He didn’t give me a second chance no He gave me seventy seven.
While my patience with others wore thin
before we even got to ten
he said “wait haven’t I far surpassed eleven? Daughter, I forgave you, why will you not do the same?”
But even then He would not allow me to be overwhelmed by my shame.
Instead He lifted my sights and directed them towards the heavens
and said I’ll meet you there in paradise though you have so many transgressions
my eyes swam with tears as I asked Him a childish question
for I turned to Him and whispered one word which caused him to simply smile
for the word that escaped was simply “Why?” And His answer caused me to think for a while. He laid His hand on my head
and He didn’t shout but gently reminded me instead
“it’s not what you have done
but rather my mercy in sending my son.
For I love you as my daughter
and so gave everything for you so know I am your Heavenly Father
and I chose to make you new.”
Any of my fellow Christians feel this?
josef Feb 23
why do they say,
‘love thy neighbour’
then spit in their faces?

why is the exception to that rule
when they are different?

don’t they know that
god created us different
for a purpose
a reason?

they let dogmas blind their hearts
like blindfolds they keep on themselves
swimming in the babble of the hard hearted

poke your head above the water
see the light
love your neighbour as yourself

let that commandment not be mere words
on paper
live it; embrace it; do it
Lizzie Feb 13
Friends go to church on Sundays and girl sleeps in.
Friends wear tiny little crosses on their necks and she wears nothing.
Friends believe in a divine, arbitrary, God and she believes in nothing.

“She is more of a scientific girl,” she says.
“God created the universe,” they say.
“The Big Bang created the universe.”
“Well, why did the Big Bang happen?” They ask.
“Scientists do not know but it is not because of a God,” she says.

Yes, she turns to science and friends turn to their tiny pretty cross necklaces.
She likes science because science is reliable. science is consistent, does not forget, does not lie, does not exile you for making one mistake.

Maybe that is why she does not believe.
Not because she thinks herself above them.

But because she is afraid.

“Do not fall for tricks of the devil,” they say but she has fallen for the snake's lies many of times and relished in it every. single. instance.

She is Eve and has taken from the poison tree again and again.
That is why she is afraid.
Because if Heaven is real then she would go to Hell.

“God is all forgiving,” they say.

Lies, Adam and Eve ended up lying in a pile of broken promises and death at the end, didn’t they?

If God was so forgiving, would he forgive her for having more sins than she does hairs on her head?
If God was so forgiving would he forgive her for losing faith?
If God was so loving then why would he curse her with this fate?

If God believed in love, why doesn’t he love her? Why does he not love me?
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