I catch a star in my palm, and
it brightens my dark thoughts

God is far from me tonight,
so I pray to the moon

The midday sun burns me
like my mother’s touch

I am the sunflower that
grows in your garden,
and worships you like the sun

The clock is stuck at 3:33 AM,
my mind is stuck in yesterday

I drink a glass of water,
and wait for my heart
to stop bleeding

My soul weeps,
but I don’t stop writing

Orchids,
bird wings,
moonlight,
deep sleep,
and your small hands

At nights when I can’t utter
a word from my ugly mouth

My eyes pour out the words,
and I make a wish to be yellow

Here,
take my fragile heart,
it is yours to break

Here,
take my tormented soul,
it holds but agonizing pain

Here,
take my sleepy eyes,
they have shed enough tears

Here,
take my whole body,
I wish to disappear completely

I cannot sleep, my dear
You see, yesterday the sound
of waves crashing inside my
mind kept me up all night

I’ve been at war with my past,
and I failed to make peace with it

Now my bed is on fire and nothing
remains of my heart but the ashes;
I beg of you don’t ask me to stay
alive for another sleepless night

Lover, I’m weary
and I long to sleep

In the midst of her loneliness,
she sings a song of agony,
but no one is around to hear it

Her voice fades away in the cold air;
as she sinks slowly into the darkness
that surrounds her anguished heart

I wish to exhale every painful memory,
and wash it away with my salty tears

But my tears had stopped
shedding when I learned
how to bleed instead of cry

Mother,
don’t fright when you
see my blood on the floor,
I was only crying

You’ve brought me into this world,
and you’re the reason I want to leave it

You were supposed to mend
my wounds when I got hurt
not be the reason behind them

You were supposed to protect
me from any danger,
but you were the danger itself

Your piercing eyes and
cruel hands still haunt me,
and I cannot find any peace

I needed you to tell me
I’m safe when I was scared,
but nothing is more
scarier than you, mother

Today I miss you
despite every promise I
swore to my fragile heart—

I saw you in a dream and
I was finally happy again

When I awoke your voice
was still stuck in my ear,
but your loving hand
had let go of mine
long ago

This morning I stared at my
veins, and I realized they’re as
blue as an ocean during sunrise

And I’ve been drowning in
myself since my first breath

For how long must I
breathe underwater?

Am I still alive if my soul
feels like it's sinking
endlessly
into the abyss?

My favorite color used to be yellow,
it was my sun,
it kept me warm and happy

But as I grew older crimson
became my favorite color

A slow death,
crimson drips from my wrists
as I turn cold and pale

I wear a sweater no
matter the weather

It keeps me warm
and hides my shame

Sometimes I forget
what my arms look like,
but every time I try to look

I see only the scars that has
slowly healed but never faded,
and I am reminded of my pain

And so I wear a sweater no
matter how hot the weather

When I am alone,
I hear the sound of the woeful ocean
waves crashing inside my mind,
and a distant voice of a sailor
crying out for help underwater

He is sinking
slowly
inside the ship
along with his sadness

The sailor and I tried
to drown our sorrows,
but we sunk together in
an ocean of melancholy

My eyes has been
wide open all night
like a corpse’s eyes

Would you come and
gently close them for
me so I can finally sleep?

The reason why I look away when
I notice his blue eyes gazing at me

Is that I am afraid if I stared into
them for too long I will drown

Now that he is gone,
I long to drown

If the sun rises and I don’t
see your face tomorrow

Know that you were the
only tender guest that
visited my fragile heart
without tearing it apart

And if the sun sets and dies,
and you’re not by my side

My eyes will forget how to sleep,
and I will remember you and weep

And if a year passes by
and I don’t hear your voice

My heart will no longer beat,
and I will surrender in defeat

She held a heart
tangled by sunflowers,
and a soul dipped in honey

Her voice is
like a soft prayer,
able to convert
an atheist to a priest

Her yellow gaze is the
meaning of happiness  

Her laugh could turn
a cloudy bleak morning
into a sunny melodic haven

I swear on sunflowers
and your eyes
For they’re the only two lovesome
things my eyes have seen and fell for

Despair drips
from my lips,
don't kiss me

My sorrowful soul
awaits death’s kiss,
don’t miss me

My fingers used to
always smell of her,
her scent would linger
on my clothes for days

Now that she has left,
my fingers reek of cigarettes,
and my clothes remain unwashed

All I want is for my skin to
absorb her scent once again

But this is not a poem,
and she has changed her perfume

I thirst with
an ache for
something I
cannot name

So in death I shall
quench my thirst

Hold my trembling hand
and end my agony

Look me in my eyes filled with longing,
for they feel bliss at the very sight of you

Listen to my anguished heart,
for it yearns to be laced with yours  

Lick my salty tears,
for they shed over your unbearable absence

Kiss my quivering lips,
for they whisper your name like a prayer

Stop living in my dreams
and be here with me

Today,
a cloud has weeped for me,
she poured her tears upon my
face and washed my wounds

People call the
sky’s tears as rain,
but my tears are salty
and dripping with pain

An eyelash stuck
on my left cheek,
she gently removes it
and tells me to make a wish

Her fingers smell like
orange peel and the sun

Her mouth tastes like
citrus and rose water

When she left I peeled an orange,
and wiped away the salty tears
with my citrus fingers

And with every eyelash
that fell on my wet cheek,
I whispered a wish
for her to come back

Will you help me carry my sadness
and throw it away in a deep well?

Will you visit me in a dream and help
me face my heart-wrenching dreams?

Will you wish me goodnight
before you leave me tonight?

Will you handle this foreign heart of mine,
or are you going to abandon it for another refuge?

All I ask is, will I ever be
welcome in your heart, again?

In the morning,
alone,
I plant a pill
on my tongue,
and it blooms
like a chemical kiss

In the afternoon,
I wash my face and
wounds with blood

At midnight,
the rain pours
on my pillow,
but I don’t weep

Every night,
I sleep in the burning house,
but cannot feel its warmth

I can’t tell if I’m awake,
or not done dreaming

All I ask is, when will I awake
from this never-ending nightmare?

Perhaps death is
my only awakening

The only motherly thing I knew
was the coldness of my blade;
gently washing away the
sadness of my burdened heart

I will write one last
poem which bleed
from my wounds

And in its final verse,
I will write a rhyme,
and say, weeping,
what my heavy
heart truly feels

Kiss my hungry mouth
till death comes to kiss

Press your heart
against mine and
abate my misery

Offer me your lips
to devour
to satisfy this hunger
within my lonely heart

Here,
take my useless heart,
it is yours to break

Here,
take my wounded soul,
it holds but agonizing pain

Here,
take my sleepy eyes,
they’ve witnessed enough chaos

Here,
take my whole body,
I wish to disappear completely

I am sorry for leaving,
your gentle touch was
hurting me, and your
gaze ate at my heart

At night,
aching and alone

I learned how to worship
the glittering fire of my mind

And in return,
it wrote this
poem for me

Come,
and lay down your sorrow
along with my solitude,
my heart is yours to break  

Come!
let us abate this
intolerable agony
with lavender tea
and beautiful poetry

I wrote a poem about her and
held it against my aching heart,
it sang to me a melancholic tune

She forced me to pray for a god
that never answered my prayers

When I told her that I wish to die,
she told me to recite Al-Ikhlāṣ

In her own eyes,
I was a sinner who didn’t worship
the same imaginary friend as hers

An imaginary friend that let her
steal my innocence instead of saving me
from her cruel hands and piercing eyes

How can I worship a god that
didn’t listen to my desperate cries
when I was abused,
abandoned, and bruised

When everyone has abandoned me,
my shadow laid there next to me,
and it whispered “let’s go home”

And when my poems
turned into suicide notes,
I sharpened the knife,
and put it on my pillow
to sing me to sleep

A bottle of pills with
my full name on it
White and motherly,
I heard them call my
name from a distance

I swallowed the pills,
I swallowed the knife,
my shadow swallowed me

I am finally home

Weightless and wordless,
she only saw the goodness
of my desolate soul

When she walked away,
I cried over the small
space between her lips

And just like the space
that separates her lips,
I was centuries away  
from seeing her again

An eyelash stuck on her left cheek,
she places it on the tip of her finger
makes a wish,
and gently blows it away
hoping it’d come true

Hold me like
a wish in your heart

Leave me like
you’re blowing
away an eyelash
to make another wish

Do it gently
and I promise,
I’ll come true

My happiest moments
were always the ones
where I’m closest to death

My head is always howling,
so I never sleep,
I keep on listening

I am but a shattered
ashtray that once
belonged to a dead smoker

I longingly thought of you,
but the memory of you has faded
slowly,
and led me away from you

I no longer remember
the shape of your lips,
nor the way your hands
moved when you talked

I am forgetting parts of you
with each lonesome night
I stayed awake without
your I love you’s