I could swear I’ve felt your touch once,
I wonder why you couldn’t
bare seeing my raw wounds?

You know,
it is never gentle to disturb
the dead with the promise of love
So why did you do it, darling?

I will break all my limbs
to have her mold me
as a clay sculpture

To carve her knife
into my skin because
this is how art is made

To have her look at me,
study me, conceal my flaws,
till I am finally perfect

To be owned by her,
her creation to
admire and love

When I write a poem,
it is for you

Even if it does not
begin with love

You were to me what
Patroclus was to Achilles

What Aphrodite
was to Sappho

If I knew that one day
I will be apart from you,
I would have quietly chosen death

My beloved April moon,
when the poets write ghazal
they are writing about you

The goddess of love,
Aphrodite,
cried when I told her
that you may leave

Her tears shedding
for you to stay,
like drops of Venus

Come back
For the goddess
of love’s sake,
come back

I have never wished
for anything from life

But if there is one thing
I truly wish for before
I am in the arms of death

It is
to be held
by her

To soak in her
warmth, scent,
and harmful touch

To melt deep
between her thighs
till I dissolve completely

To release an inhuman cry
from under my skin into
the dark abyss of her pupils

To be kissed by
her cruel mouth
before death comes to kiss

In the dark
I write you a letter
hoping it would reach you

It starts like this:
My beloved,
I love you still

From afar,
but I still love you
as tenderly
as ardently
as ever

I hunger for you
as violently
as madly  
as ever

And I wait

My dear, I am writing you from the depths of my solitude, to ease your worried heart and mind. Loneliness has been gnawing at my terrified flesh as of late. Yet, my only wish is to remain alone. Unseen and untouched. I think this is pure joy, or the illusion of it. But I am content at this very moment. I promise.

You might think that I am slowly sinking. That I will soon reach the bottom of the ocean, and you fear it is too dark and solitary there. That I might not survive my own madness— not this time, not by myself. That I cannot swim nor do I intend to learn how to. That I willingly gave my body to Poseidon as a peace offering. That I finally made my peace— not with God, but with a god nonetheless. That I am all swallowed up. That I will not see you again. That I will die lamenting your forgotten smile. That Azrael, the angel of death, weeps over my doom. That I have died long ago—
But how can a corpse feel such emotions?
How do I tell my stubborn heart that it is not beating for you any longer?
How do I comfort my frantic soul by lulling it to an eternal sleep?
—And if so then tell me, my dearest one, don’t I deserve serenity, too? After burning for a decade, yearning for a safe haven. Do you think I finally deserve to rest?

I pretend that my heart doesn’t sink
when I remember, only fragments of you

I pretend to want this life
even when I can no longer stomach it

I pretend not to notice my scars
underneath my new green skirt

I pretend to be alive
despite my decaying soul

I know,
my love,
my muse,
I have always known

I knew that this would
be our last conversation,
but this is not my last poem

It pained me deeply,
but I knew that one day
I will slowly start to forget
your loving face,
bewitching scent,
and soothing voice

Oh, how I loved you
I knew I will still love you
even after you desert me

I knew it,
but I still held your small hand
I still worshiped you in secret
I still adored you blindly

And I still do

The piercing sound of
your silence pains me

I wish to hear you speak
for as long as I live

To you
who’s silence
pains me deeply

I admit,
I still converse with
you in my head

I have slowly forgotten
the sound of
your bewitching voice

But I remember how
your small mouth  
was my greatest desire

Can I pour this love I hold
for you into your open mouth?

Can I write you endless
love letters as long as I live?

Can I drown my sorrows
between your thighs?

Can I devour your scent till
you suffocate with pleasure?

Mother gave
me a blade

Mine was pink,
hers was purple

It was a useless sharp thing
that’s always in my drawer

One night,
I reached for the blade,
and it felt like my
mother’s embrace  

Every time I used it,
I was being released
from all my pains

Thank you, mother

Give me your
crimson mouth
to devour in secret

Help me put out
this burning desire–

All the unspeakable
things I hunger for

Be my muse,
so I can finish
writing this poem

I have but you to love,
it is only you I dare
to want so violently

I am afraid of
my relentless
yearning for you

It sickens me
to want this much
and for so long

I have never wished for you
to turn into a memory that
only brings me great pain

Tell me, does the night go through
you with its aching loneliness?

Do you think of me when
you see a wilting sunflower?

Do you see my face when
you hear the word longing?

I swore not to write you,
but I cannot sleep
because I envy your pillow

How it carries
your curls, dreams,
and tears too

Your old bed sheets get
to inhale your scent while
I suffocate from your absence

I still remain in mine
burning, yearning,
dreaming of you

I will set fire to your bed,
so you would rest your
head upon my chest

Lay with me tonight
till you find your peace
on someone else’s

I feel a fire starting under my ribs
It is swallowing everything,
my heart, lungs,
and memories too

Or I may just be missing you
to the point where I set myself ablaze

Tell me,
does my cloud of smoke not reach you?

I suffocate with a burning longing
Do you not understand?
I burn, I burn, I am burning for you

Be with me
if only for a moment
For soon nothing
will remain of me

In a dream,
I kiss your hand because all my
longings were engraved in your palms

Because no tongue can speak
your secret language but mine

I gave you my last clementine
because I almost died when
I saw you cry for the first time

I wanted to be the one to peel it for you,
but I knew you would resent me if I did

And because of you, my teary eyed lover,
I struggle to understand
another’s language but yours

My heart started shrieking when she said love could not save us. “How else can you explain this?” I protested as I pulled my bleeding heart out of my hollow chest. “This old thing swears to be yours, and yours only” I said with a lump in my throat. “Here is my heart, it is fragile. Break it anyway, if you must.” I cried.

The flowers she picked for me still haunt me. “How cruel of her. To **** a blooming flower for a lover she soon will ****, softly” I thought, but my dancing heart did not agree with me. “Yield” Pleaded my heart. “Yield! Surender yourself to her”. And so I did.

Love, do as you wish
with my aching body,
but do not leave any bruises

Destroy what is left
of my heart, if you must,
but do not leave me again

Love,
you should have kissed me
before my lips started to bleed

You should have teared me apart
before my flesh turned into
a graveyard of longings, for you

But I promise you this:
No one shall touch me
after you, not even I

My aching body,
my worn out mouth,
my fever-burned eyes,
my hungry heart,
and the rest of me
is yours for a lifetime

Though these words
strangle me to write,
you do not long for
me as you once did

I do not know who else to be
if not your lover all-night long—
Endlessly

My brittle heart
longs to be held
by your small hand

Anxiety wraps
itself around me,

like a coat that
doesn’t fit me

like a lover that
doesn’t love me

like a fire that
doesn’t warm me

Next to my pillow,
I keep a bottle
of her perfume

All of my longings are
for her small hand
holding mine

My heart still aches,
but only for her

And my poems only end
with her

A year has passed,
and I am still writing
poems—pleas—for her

Three years,
and my stubborn heart
still yearns for hers

It has been so long,
and I fear I may have
dreamt you, dear one

I will heat the soup
you forgot to drink

After I kiss the space
between your eyebrows

It is death
that I want

Not the warmth
she brought  

Not orchids
next to my bed

Not another
burning sunset

Not the joyful
songs of Icarus

It is but death
I yearn for

As I stood by a window  
smoking a mint cigarette
at my miserable job

I saw two butterflies
flying together

One was orange, and
the other was white  

Two lovesome creatures
existing at the same time as us

The orange one made
me picture you peeling a
clementine to share with me

The white one reminded me
that there is still beauty in life,
and it is greater than my pain

There are more butterflies
that I have not seen yet, and
I wish I could see them with you

All that I am
is a snowy mountain

Desolate,
carrying a heavy burden
that people call snow

Aching in one place
for an entire season

Longing for
a little warmth
without the risk of love

Love burns me,
and all I ask
for is warmth  

To melt,
I wish to melt
completely

Perhaps,
I will fall in love with
the sun this winter

Or die trying

I cannot feel love
only the grief
it left me with

I am grieving
all-night long

My mind is a shrieking graveyard
that is too freighting to visit alone

Sometimes,
I hear the skulls of all the people I
have ever loved rattling inside my heart

I do not know how to quiet
down their wailings at night

I have nothing to offer them,
but my dripping pain

Alone, I weep,
lamenting their forgotten laughter

I am but a snowy mountain
carrying the heavy weight
of my burning longings

I shall melt completely
to feel the sun’s warmth,
like my lover’s harmful touch

And although nothing will
remain of me in the morning,
I will go knowing I was loved

You called for me
after I uttered your name
in a passing conversation,
but it’s too late now, father

You see,
I’ve already drank
your poison,
I savored it to the last drop

It’s in my bloodstream,
it’s in my hollow stomach,
it’s pouring over
everything that I am today

My soul is mine,
you can’t touch it,
it’s achingly burning from a
fire I can’t extinguish alone

Your name is laced
with mine, I’m sorry
I couldn’t forget you

But please let me
keep my soul,
It’s mine,
but can I keep it?

It burns me,
let me keep it anyway

What is there left to say?
I am weary and out of breath,
but if my words ever reach you

Know that I am willing
to live twice for you,
if you are near me

Love,
I will miss you
for a lifetime

And it is alright,
you can touch me,
but do not leave any bruises

Write me a poem,
I promise I will not say
I am unworthy of you

Lie to me, my darling one
Tell me you love me,
I wish to only be adored by you

Hold my trembling hand,
I desperately need to feel
peace for a little while longer

Soak your scent
into my tortured skin
for I need your warmth

Make me cry,
but do not lick the tears

What you see is before you
is a groaning animal that has
forgotten it used to be human

With flowing words,
simply seeking the pleasures of being,
and an immense love to pour

By god,
I could have sworn that
I have felt the joy of living once

But now, I cannot bare
the agonizing sound
of my beating heart

I am turning blue
as the days go by,
and soon I will start to fade

But before I do,
I wish to write about all the
shades of colors I used to be

How I turned bright yellow when
I saw her face every morning,
as a sunflower turns lovingly
to worship the burning sun

Alas, I am no longer vibrant and alive
The morning sun blinds me,
and your face only brings me pain

It is seven
in the morning,
where I wage a war
against myself

It ends only when
I take the pill

As a bullet
lodged in my mouth,
and I was the one
to pull the trigger

I am the architect of
my own destruction

I’ve survived
a dozen of wars,
and came back alive

Wounded
but alive

A wilting flower
that will never
feel spring’s warmth

The harsh winter is all it ever known,
in an unloving season
is how it leaves this world

To taste your tears of joy
To drink lavender tea poured from your mouth
To savor your lips after you have licked them
To wrap your curls around my neck till I suffocate
To melt into the scarlet of your cheeks

This is not a love letter,
I simply long for the forbidden parts
of you

Despair drips
from my lips,
don't kiss me

My sorrowful soul
awaits death’s kiss,
don’t miss me

I wonder if the filed of lavender
sighs when it yearns for her scent

I wonder if the sunflowers
worship her raven hair
like the sun

I wonder if the moon weeps
with longing over her absence  

I wonder if the sky turns pink
when the spring breeze
touches her silky skin

I wonder if the cherries bleed in her
mouth like my heart when she left

It hurts
to love you
like this

Without you knowing
how I ache for you

Stay
Please, stay,
and listen to a heart that
recites your name like a poem

I am on a diet
from sharp knives

I have been fasting
for about two months

Here is my clean
untouched wrists

But what if I got thirsty
for a drop of my blood?

What if I got hungry, and swallowed
all the knives in the kitchen drawer?

My bed felt like a coffin,
shivering with agony,
I laid

Both the weeping angels
and the weeping ghosts
sang me a lullaby of sorrow

I drank a sea of my salty
tears hoping to drown

Hoping to meet you there at
the end of the shimmering moon

Covered in my gushing blood,
I asked Azrael for a kiss

I wish
to catch your fever

To burn
To burn
To completely melt
into the almond of your eyes

Your frigid heart made
mine weep with longing

But I shall keep burning
for you till you suffocate

By the gods, I cannot
bear the possibility of
the morning light kissing
your back as you dream

I fear such tenderness
might be fatal, dear

The sun rose early
to regain her warmth
with a kiss from her lover

In a filed of sunflowers,
only one worshiped
the sun’s burning desire

Let me whisper
my last goodbye
between your lips

Oh, won’t you let me
bury this poem along
with our dead love

And pour my salty tears
upon your naked shoulder