Last night’s argument was wild,
It hurt my inner child. Those words caused extreme damage, A lot more than I can manage. You have to make everything about you, I am always wrong no matter what I do. You say I always put myself first, Said so many lies I’m about to burst. I try to please you but you don’t see, I am not the person I want to be. I would do anything to take away your pain, I hate every inch of my brain. I am sure you meant what you said, Thanks to that my mind wants me dead. I wish I could forget those words, They stuck to me like burns. I will never see you the same, You are the one to blame. Now please let me die in peace, I hope that brings you ease.
I'm fine, perfectly fine,
you all trusted that lie. Seemed so happy laughing all the time, hiding my true self inside. Clothes covering all the lines, darkness holding my silent cries. Pain fighting pain, making me lose the trust I´ve gained. Brain offering me two bad choices, knowing even some fighters lose to their voices. Life giving me blades instead of lemons, sending me all its demons. Fighting a battle I don´t want to fight, waiting to see the final light. Cold steel becoming my best friend, helping me find the end.
You keep telling me you care,
when I ask you to listen you don´t even dare. Everyone says pain is not the way, but there is no reason to stay. No one ever sticks around, each friendship leaves me feeling like a clown. I don´t trust people anymore, they left me breathless on the floor. Bloodstains covering my clothes, you think this is the life I chose. Still convinced that you care?, or are you leaving me there?. Hope you find the final note I left behind, reading it should ease your mind. I don´t expect you to understand, to answer your question, yes, this was planned.
everyone is so afraid.
they are shakin gand trembli ngand un stable everyone is so afraid that someone will say it. they eat their food and kiss their wives and dot their i's but they are TERRIFIED everyone is so afraid that someone will point it out. that there is something wrong with the dinnerware it cuts at their fingers - white plates turned red the teapot so far gone that the smell of chamomile stains the tablecloth they are stifled - watching in horror as their forks split porcelain to pieces; and more; and more; and more . . . splintering into obscurity the china is Cracked. and everyone knows
I don't know how
To get her home, Or if she has one... Does 𝘴𝘩𝘦 even know? If I reached out my hand, Would she even pull? She's been making herself larger. I can feel her reappearance. She gets brighter, I get darker. Interfering with my impulse, And it happened again... I forgot how I got here, Don't where I began. ▪︎ mica light ▪︎
black like licorice
& purple like poison the cloud-like entity takes hold seeps into the crevices of the mind whispering to you to end it it holds you in its pillowy arms & sways you gently like a mother holding their child so comfortable in its cradle you don't realize you're suffocating until it's too late to breathe
There in the field she came to me,
The last of the silver honeybees. I could see the years worn in her face, Lost in the dark, one foot in the grave. She held the ache behind her eyes, So young to have her throat closed tight. Poor girl, an orphan, with ribs of steel Bone cage laced too tight to feel. Then came the lonesome cosmonaut, Betwixt the stars, those years he lost; A nomad’s tale, nor here nor there Too high up to come down for air. Celestial darlings, they go round and round, Dysphoric we hasten the final burnout: From birth to evanesce, the hedons expire Would love rot my teeth for afflictions less dire? Last came the poet, out from the gloam ******* on pennies, and ink soaked through bones. She gathered her strength and fell from the sky While friends in high places twinkled goodbye.
It doesn't always Happen.
Even though it hardly stays still. Some don't realize its presence Some will never see that it's passed Some seem to have no recollection It's the unbecoming of a star The deconstruction of a song.
I'm s p l i t t i n g & I don't know what that means
An unconscious self sabotage
The reprimanding echo A bed of invisible nails Without the smallest clue What was this discomfort of? Exhaustion, a cage without doors. Menial tasks turned impossible Stumbling around all dazed Dressed to the ninth in neglect I keep forgetting to live.