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l i z a 3d
Wanting to see you happy took on a deeper meaning
I got my wish and this is something I see you achieving
My heart can’t decide whether to elevate or keep sinking
I feel your love but sometimes I’m the one missing.
I’m trapped in a hole of my own making
It’s like I want to come up but I’m still debating
Do I push myself off the ledge or keep praying
I hope my love is strong enough to choose staying
there’s nothing on your end that’s wrong, it’s me
I’ve been working on letting me feel alive and free
Keep regressing to a time where I’m afraid and weak
and hope you don’t hate me if I reach a new peak
Intrusively, I risk losing my precious purpose of being
You’re sending the signs I need but I’m not seeing
How much I mean to you becomes invisible to link
With the love and happiness, I wish for you, to exist.
Breeze bellows,
leaves echo in
quivering psithurism,
dithering like
unbroken smoke,
this approaching omen goads.

Dozing crows
slumbering in rows,
droves of locusts'
silenced drone,
almost comatose in repose;
nighttime overtones
choir of toads'
raspy croaks
answered by alto
of crickets' orchestral strokes.

Gust encroaches;
robed boughs
cloven open,
bring into
scope and focus
me juxtaposed,
suspended apropos.

Although motionless
and petrified in stone,
provoked by zephyr
coaxing to and fro;
swaying pendulous
and no longer frozen,
locus gently thrown.

Death rattle moan
evoked from throat,
reflex can't say no
to rigor rigidly posed,
final sigh in silence,
awoken vocal,
expelled and disposed.

Smote by
morose emotion,
gun loaded then exploded
by neurosis,
now bloated
necrosis decomposes
into gross ochre.

This trophy
and this ode
both an opus to
my inability to cope;
romanced i proposed,
eloped and betrothed to
my own
inappropriate composure.

Pocket full of posies
plucked when luck bestowed
and tears in a cup, a toast;
crying copiously,
tempest runneth overflowed,
eyes swollen and soaked.

Dipped my toes
in the coast
of this ocean's
amorphous folds,
gripped by undertow
holding control of my soul;
swiftly shipwrecked in
shallow shoal,
an old atoll.

On sandy floor,
water burrows roads;
digging, carving, roams
through unmarrowed
silica and sandstone
eroding into a cove.

A host for
opal geode trove,
enclosing a
technicolor rose,
from the depths
a glowing mosaic shone

Unopened lotus floats
on foam
of lapping waves,
a boat;
prone to no
grandiose notion
or motive,
adrift as wind stokes.

I suppose
this only shows
the total corrosion
into which I dove,
the only foes to oppose
are those of burdens, so
only weightless can I atone-
I must let go.
Not sure how i feel about this one, just because I'm not sure if it effectively communicates what I was trying to express... tried to revisit it several times over the last few years since i wrote it (hoping to maybe revise it a bit) but every time I've come up a little short on ideas how i might do that (to the point where ive been considering just scrapping it entirely and rewriting a Part 2 from scratch lol)... still not sure though, since it *is* a fairly coherent continuation of Part 1 (and I wanted to retain that continuity) so any criticism or feedback is especially appreciated for sure!

Also just some things for context while reading:

Psithurism is the sound wind makes through the trees.

Opal is made by water running through silica and sandstone then evaporating.

Lotus has a double meaning in lotus flowers (floating on lilypads) and also its use in Greek mythology as a plant which bears a fruit that when eaten causes dreamy forgetfulness and an unwillingness to depart.
brynna Feb 29
rainbow curtains that smell of mint

gray sweatshirt my mother sent

suffocating but my airway is clear

where is the voice i want to hear?



i wish someone else could see

the poisonous air of room 11-B
another hospital piece
brynna Feb 29
the loveless glance that you placed into my hands
felt like running them through shattered glass hidden in sand

in 24 hours, your love for me fell
in 24 hours, you fell under a spell

the dark closet felt like a dark endless void
they way you left me there made me feel like a broken toy

in 24 hours, you were in her bed
in 24 hours, a decision I wished you could dread

staring out the tinted window in a hospital gown at 3am
wondering if you were ever going to do it again.
This is part of a mini little series of poems I wrote while in a psychiatric hospital earlier this year. Enjoy :)
JB Fuller Feb 9
somewhere an emotion tumbles into existence
ex nihilo, or maybe not
in the great universe of the mind it could be from the outer rim
I can only feel the train rumbling in the distance
vibrating, gently

and then boom it flies in and explodes
right next to me so my blood and sinew
escape my gravitational pull
but the emotion doesn't care and it tumbles
and tumbles, like a snowball

a great cosmic snowball of misplaced nothing
or maybe it's a black hole,
because nothing escapes its horizon
everything around us goes rushing in
and it all is smashed relentlessly

around this giant ball is a fringe
of pretense
there must be some explanation in the brain
and so it is constructed around the emotion
justified by the emotion

if faith is belief without sight
splitting is justifying all the dark in the heart
no facts need apply
cause emotions don't lie
so we have this construct of make-belief

we burn on and on and die and die
nothing is real but the feel
and no one can try to explain
who can hear facts clamoring
in the middle of all this pain?

then boom and bust and the snowball
melts, and the star goes supernova
and all that's left is an eerie silence
and the construct created to explain
the anger that took the rein

what do we do with that?
it's a fragile paper mache
and the balloon is popped
and it was just air?
how is this fair?

we watch it collapsing
what do we see?
everything around is gone
consumed by the fury and the fire
now we can see

the moment of decision:
for you, for me
how do we unwind
the mess that was made
from this ball of irrationality?
Today an old friend came to visit.
Not completely unannounced, but
not particularly invited.

The kind of friend
that once served you well,
but their ways grew outdated
when you made it out of hell.

When the pain settled to trauma,
it became entirely something else.
But your friend thinks they know best
and give involuntary help.

The kind of friend
that's over bearing
and embeds into
the skin you're wearing.

Stitching in bad habits.
Manifesting your mistakes.
The friend you try to distance from,
but you can't seem to shake.

The kind of friend
you grow apart from
once your time there
is done.

Even though you're better off,
you still wonder where they are.
The kind of friend you dearly miss,
but must love them from afar.

Well, that friend...

Came knocking at my skull today.

(They told me they might be in town,
but I didn't bother to reply.)

Quick, shut off all the lights.
Quiet, try to hide.
Maybe if I'm gone,
they won't try to come inside.

But resting in the silence,
is a small child's cry.

And they know exactly,

where,

to find

me.


▪︎ mica light ▪︎
I wanted you to know
Not from anger or spite
Just a sort of insight
A slight glimpse into
My shadowed side
But I'm afraid you can't hold
They are really harsh, crude and snide

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear

I never would lie to you
But you'd cry if you knew
What life has been like
From my point of view

The hurt the fear
The past that's so near
Memories so clear
They felt like yesterday
It seems never ending no matter how I pray
I struggle, I fall, I stand again.
There's just no end to how much I've got to pay

You say, you're sorry
Misunderstood me;
But no, seriously
It's not your fault truly.

I wanted to change
For the better, if only
It's just too late
I'm doomed
That's my fate
In the dawn's embrace,
A weary soul seeks solace
In fading stars and a silent sky.
Where shadows dance in solemn waltz,

Echoes linger of dreams erased,
Life's fragile thread unravels, faults.
The weight of the world, a heavy shroud,
Lifted in a poignant plea, one last sigh.

That last breeze,
A final goodbye

A light that beckons,
The chance to be free.
Gracie Anne Nov 2023
I was floating in honey.
The viscosity of the substance
Made it so that, while I still needed to work
To keep my head afloat,
I had a little extra support.
So I didn't have to do it alone.
And it was good.

But my temperature began to rise.
I became too hot too fast, and,
Because of my actions
I started to destroy the beneficial parts
That the honey needed to remain useful and healthy.
So the honey reacted:
Threw my melting self out of its jar.
I tried to jump back in
But the honey firmly ******* its lid back on,
And my charring fists
Fruitlessly pounded on the boundary
The honey had erected.

Then as my body and brain burned,
The other honey jars disappeared-
Distancing in acts of self-preservation.
I knew how I could get my temperature
Back to baseline.
I just needed a little help
So I could work to get back to my normal self.
But my actions had pushed away what I needed.
So I accepted the fate I had caused,
And allowed my body to fall to ash.
i wrote this after my therapist of 8ish years dropped me after two years of long-term residential pysch places just when i was ready to drop back down to the level of care she provided. that was 2 years ago, and although i've since learned that her remaining with me for so long was unethical, it still hurts and i still blame myself.
Psychosa Oct 2023
I watched as your stabbed yourself with daggers.
Your blood ran cold down your shaking body.
I tried to remove the daggers from you,
but you could not let go.
You were addicted to the pain that they brought you.

I tried to mend your wounds,
but you would **** them open,
drenching yourself in your own suffering.

I tried to give you the space to heal,
but to you only pain is real.
So you self-inflict
in hopes that no one will see the skin behind your scars.

So I watched you die before my eyes.
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