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I’m a rainy day parade.
A parade that was rained on
but decided to play anyway.

Neither the rain nor the parade is a charade.
Rather, the rain is Kool-Aid and the parade is a wall
of a bar.
I’m on the other side looking far



too






gone.
I sob and blub between a racket of thunder and brass.
Every emotion I feel
feels crass.

Alas, are these drops tears or rain?
My life is a metaphor for itself.
Is that irony or plain?
Maybe they were drops of Kool-Aid.
Old poem. Kind of silly.
Mariah May 9
I love when I feel happy
It comes around constantly
More often that it may seem

When they see my face
They feel a cold embrace
When in actuality
I welcome all emotions equally

Its usually just my fear
That causes how I may appear
Like a spider or a bee
I fear you much more than you do me  

And if you were to hear me speak
You'd find no tongue and cheek
I offer my olive branches
Quiet earnestly

And even though I may hibernate
And my fear eventually
takes over me
I always in the end
Feel the burning under my skin

I love in bursts
Its violent
And it can hurt
But I love
I love I love I love

I love being happy
So happy I bounce off the walls
Off of you
Off of the mountains
Until it echos  

I love being sloppy in my joy
I love leaving a mess
I love when it's overjoy
And I love the overkill

I love being so happy
It runs out completely
And the car in my heart sputters
And stops in the middle of the road

I love walking to the next gas station
With my shoes in my hand
Feeling exhausted
Like I could never love again

But nevertheless
I always seem to find
The next station
And I refuel
And I can go again
Sorry I am getting tired so it might not be good but it's honest I am in a happy mood swings and I could throw things about it
Damocles Apr 30
Swimming in the thicket
Thickness of thorns tearing the fabric
Bones ache as blood curdles
It's bad magic.

There’s a chance at this,
Hunting the wishing wells for a mad Alice
White rabbits,
Time watching like a gatekeeper
Tight rope overhead tiptoeing past all seers
Never saw me coming, no.
Not when I’m silent.

Behind the veil of a smile,
Lurks a wolf’s grin
And I’m licking greedily,
Needing to feed my violence.

You’ll never know how these gears turn,
Feel the dark tides smack along the shoreline
Tripping the trip wires —
I’m snapping and you can’t see the monster lurking.
My mind should come with a warning sign.

“Danger close”
My mind should come with a warning sign
that feeling.
you know the one.
all emotion is drained of your body and all worth is ****** away.
When you're so numb you can't be real, yet you feel every little thing that grazes your skin.
you feel tired, yet so overwhelmed and awake
and it hurts.
you cant escape
and it hurts.
that feeling of overwhelming upsetting forgetting and regretting.
your mind isnt your own, yet your body is undeniably so.
you cant even decode your own thoughts, for the mess they spew out is only to be just that, a mess.
your words come out as delirium, your heart racing and genuinely not functioning
everything
everywhere all at once.
like you have no mouth, yet must scream
have no control
incessantly and unequivocally continuous
that visceral, inexplicable feeling remaining, restraining
not just disorder, complete discord, chaos, absolute anarchy
inside the mind
and again this body remained still.

you couldn't possibly imagine could you?
of course not.
going through an episode
Mariah Apr 29
I hate myself
But that's okay
I'll like myself better
Another day

I don't have to hope
I know
With me
That's just how it goes

Just like a stray
I won't always show my face

Give it time
I'll be fine

I know my ways
It always pays
To give me space
It's best to let me go-
at my own pace

I'll come back if it's right
If it's worth the fight

I know my wobbly heart
Would pick it apart
Trying to find the art

If it's worth it
It will hard

And maybe if I'm lucky
It might leave a you shaped scar
tn we are thinking abt your new gf and how, unbeknownst to me, you were already dating when i called you the night i got stood up by someone else
(i wouldn’t have called if i knew)

and how i called from a blocked number but you answered and you answered half asleep, “savannah?”
how did you know it was me?

we are also thinking about how we spent last Christmas together but it ended with us crying in each others arms because you dont want to try again and how , according to you, either way you can’t be with anyone right now even if you wanted to

and how throughout those three days, you were getting texts from her but assured me it was platonic. why did you feel the need to assure me ?

tn we are thinking about how this is the first girl you made a playlist for that doesn’t have any songs you dedicated to me first (like the last two did)

and tn i am trying to remind myself that “someone who will always come back is someone who will always leave”
1/3
A third of you want to
Play pretend, like Barbie and Ken.
Americas a dream house in a
Dreamland.

As if we aren’t all feeling the
Same fires or drowning in
the same
Waters.

We need you to
Pay attention too.
Ignorance may seem like
Bliss for now

A third of you want to
Stay uninformed
Negligence is a nod
To the oppressor to
Go on and push through

A third of you will see a
Third of us dead on the
Streets and try to weep.
To my Father Jake Mitchell, who always gets so upset when I write about my mother. Here's one for you boo thanks for the personality flaw.
Mariah Apr 20
Much to
my surprise
More and more
I come to find
☆Rainbow Stars⁠☆
✧ in my eyes✧
When most my life
I've lived in ⁠
✯Black and White✯
I truly am a surprisingly happy person for someone with horrendous rage issues.
Ash W Apr 18
My mind races, im lost in this funk,
Bitterness lingers, rough on my tongue.
Dry mouth, dry eyes
Look as long as you want,
You’ll never see me out of my shell.
Darkness surrounds, stay trapped in my head,
Stuck with my thoughts, my demons, and my dread.
Never felt so wrong, truth hits hard,
Miscalculations leaving me scarred.
Lock them out, keep them away,
Rid yourself of me as a problem, or hell’s dogs will play.
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