Even on nights when you can't muddle through
Count your blessings I tell you
Look to the sky, oh, so blue
Watch the leaves as the wind blows through
Count your blessings day and night
To keep your curses out of sight

Driven and persistent
When a girl, I was undaunted
On acting I was insistent
By the stage I was haunted

A mere ingénue
At the odds I did laugh
Until the day that I withdrew
Now that ingenue lay neath an epitaph

To myself I was untrue
Now turn back to dreams
I must pursue

Lo, I am rebuilding
Her broken spirit within
Already she is healing
Anon let the journey begin again

I will always remember
Swinging with you in the night
January through December
You were my safe place, my light

Little sister I always favored
Saving me from every scree  
Always kind, and rarely untoward
Without you, I wouldn't be me

The simple sweet moments we have had
Laughing, talking, and crying too
In everything you were my comrade
Even my relationship guru

When little, you'd climb into my bed
And even now as we are grown
Though some pieces have been left unsaid
All silence between us is known

Lovely little sister
Inseparable friend
Through the sweet and bitter
You are here to the end

Branches long and stretching
Waving in the wind
Like a picture from a haunting
It's eerie the way they bend
But no thoughts of running away
No horror no fear
Only a feeling to stay
There's a kind of air here
Of connection, and hope
Like the rain has washed away
All the grime of the day
And time itself is held at bay

You draw me gently near  
Letting me know I have nothing to fear
Your touch soothing as a breeze
You've set my beating heart at ease

But before I was so close to you
A bridge had to be set
To link our great divide
Yes it was you
Who paid my debt
And sent Your Son who died

It was Him they did seize
When it should've been me
Twasn't but ordinary fees
But still You thought it worth your Son to save humanity

Alone by a wharf
Peaceful yet forlorn
Wishing I could morph
To mask how badly I'm worn
Wish I was strong
The way I used to be
But where I am, is where I belong
The pain will pass, there'll be jubilee
But first I have to crush the glass of the once before chary and elusive me

Lost. Where am I? Cold earth beneath me; bleak, vast, dripping darkness surrounding me. Alone, and lying at the bottom of the Devil's Kettle. I search inside of myself. I am empty. No mettle to stir, nothing inside myself to waken me from this darkness. Drip, drip, goes the saddening darkness enshrouding me. Once I had zeal. It is hard to imagine now. I am a shell, or not at all myself. There is no help. None who know of the black hole in which I lie. And if they did, how could one reach down a hand to lift me up? God! God! God! The One who blessed me with strength, the One who took my strength. Cast me not headlong; lift me up with your victorious right hand. God! God! God! Day upon day I cry out. Day upon day the earth beneath me lifts up.  Pain, pain, it washes away, weighted chains are falling loose, He elevates my sunken earth. Until the hole I lie in is no longer a hole, but is level earth in the light of day. Birds twitter, flowers are in bloom, the sun is shining through the trees. My world completely changed; and better than last I was here. Life and new song are inside of me. God! God! God! Out of the miry bog you have rescued me and strengthened me anew. Praise! Praise! Praise! Blessed be your name!

Poor little chameleon
Sitting there so blue
He's played so many colors
He's forgotten his own true hue

The sky is dim and it's midday
Today I will hear others say:
"It is such a depressing day"
Yet I love a sky dark and grey  
A cloud threatening rain
Grants no cause to complain
Wind whispers or rages through trees
I am quieted in the breeze
There's beauty in the quiet, in the stark stillness, in the fierce echoing storm
The sky is in a riot, showing God's brilliance, and beauty in every form

I thought I was good, but as I age
The more I see my human ways
I am deserving of God's fierce rage
Look and see how far I've strayed

Streaked and marred, let down my guard

Knowingly, walked into darkness
Foolishly I thought
I'd never be caught
And night would hide my sinfulness

The light of God was blinding
But sin is the real binding
I preferred His hand in mine
To the crossing of the line

Wicked darkness
See His kindness
When knowing what He spent
How can I but repent

Never more than I can bear
It's what you promised me
A wrenching family affair
Obsessed with his authority,
trying to control me,
memories that hold me,
it's almost more than I can bear
He doesn't even care
It tears, it breaks, it falls apart
And this is just the start

I cast my line and reel in my bait
I cast my line and it's a snake
I cast my line, a reprobate
How much longer till I break

Patience is not a lesson I care for
I like waiting even less
I say, "that's enough", You say, "there is more"
- I'm breaking, I must confess

Vice on my heart, squeezing out tears
Thoughts are swirling all of my fears
Ripples in the pond spread out from my float
All goes still, there is a lump in my throat

Chin in my hand
Slumped and alone
My pole, unmanned
Heart's monotoned

I have cast in shallow waters
And reeled in dregs
Wandered forbidden corridors
And near lost legs

How much longer must I wander?

I trust You not to tip my boat
Believe You've brought me where I float
You've kept my rod from breaking
But not my hands from aching
It's the catch that I doubt
It's all one endless bout

I'm trying to practice trust
Though my heart's dusted with crust

Fishing, endless fishin'
Waiting on fruition
Fishing, oh, endless fishin'
Perhaps I'll reposition

The dreams I dream lay far away
I dream of them not night but day
They all would say
It’s child’s play
She’ll let it go someday

They would say it was not wise
Whilst avoiding my cerulean eyes
Lo, the stage it gave me butterflies
So from their naysaying I would abscise

Still their words I could not forget
So deep down I buried it
My being and self they split
I walked around a counterfeit
My misfit turned to hypocrite
I knew then I needed to recommit

This spirit will prevail
On a red carpet I will sail
All hindrances will be scaled
I will not fail
This is more than a fairytail
My dream and I, we are *dovetail

Some things the soul does not share
In writings or with friend
Thought and emotion so bare
Held back from even the closest of kin
Kept secret for the soul itself
Sub rosa, collecting dust on a shelf

Surpressed and hidden from my sight
God I need your voice and light
For distant memories and forgotten blight
I've been weak and shut them from sight
Easier for me to hide
And pretend, in no realm, do they abide
Kept secret so long it's hard to confide
I fear they'll excuse my faulter's side
Ignore my plight
I'll feel contrite
Convinced I've shown a twisted light
But NO! My words are not twisted
Though my eyes they have misted
My heart is a knot
The truth is rot
They may hide their face but I will not
I ache to stand and say, at least that I have fought

Like two stars in the night sky
They are two glimmers on my heart
I hated to say goodbye
I miss them when we are apart

My love for them abided deeply
Now with them gone I miss them steeply

My love for them has and does not end
They are more than family and friend
Adopted, coalesced, part of my heart
You are not in my heart, you are my heart

I will care for you always
Love you forever
Remember you like sun rays
Always and ever

My little hearts
I hate to part
Loves of my life, little and dear
I'll always wish you to be here

I'll see you again
We will never end
Even in everafter
We will have our sweet laughter

I should never feel lost
I am never alone
There’s this shadow always with me
Into my ear he whispers
The way for me to go
I cannot see or touch him
But I feel his presence all the same
He sooths me when I’m crying
And places dreams inside my heart
And when I start to doubt my feet
His hand is there in mine
Always gently leading
…me further down my path

I know I'll miss these times once they're sung
The days are busy when they're so young
Little ones that pull on skirts,
Teeny ones held in your shirt

Selflessness we must meet, in order to be built
Recline in the sun's heat, spring flowers bloom and wilt

Everything in its time, these moments will pass
Change another bedsheet, sacrifice and submit
Slow and let your eyes meet, let these sweet moments sit
Everything in its time, these moments will pass

A love so natural, it will not be ignored
It flurries us to higher places and with the air it swings
A love so natural, it demands to be poured
So deep it actually aches, singing sweetly while it stings

Offenses laughable, their silly peccadillos I secretly smile at
Yet they are teachable, I'll raise them to face the world and evil to combat

Innocent little transgressions
My dearest little possessions
I rebuke, I correct, the love goes on, I'll cherish our time while here
Time feels ensconced, but with the dawn, our time will have disappeared

See the colours
Vibrant hues
Look into the mirror, it's you
Paintings on the wall
How far did you fall
Before you realized you were changing
And not just rearranging
Welcome back to you
Dancing bright and true
Unhaunted, undaunted
Clear and breaking through
With the spring I've sprung anew
So much I wish I could undo
Somehow I'll let it go
A set of seasons done and gone
And now I'm moving on

God, piece me back together
Will it ever not hurt?
Dearest blindfold, hide me
From the truth once again
Believing the lie
Was my happiest path
Is the truth really worth it
When all it gains is pain?

Lashes blink in front of me
My eyes peruse the sky
Large white billows scattered
Amidst the abundant blue
I see faces, I see creatures
They peep throughout the sky
You may see bleached blobs of puff
But I see,
                 O so much more stuff...

Am I doin' alright
Am I doin' okay
Feels like I'm fallin' away
Can't trust myself; don't know what to say
Am I feelin' this way
Because I know what others say
Or because I know that I've strayed from your way
I don't care what others say
Just wanna be okay
Don't wanna stray from your way
Just tell me:
Am I okay?
Am I doin' alright
Don't know why I'm feelin' contrite
Guilted by others
Or knowin' they're right

Wishing on a star
See my falling heart
Love seems very far
Wisdom, do impart

Cupid must have a sense of humor
Or perhaps he is very evil
We're moments away from a rumour
About to witness an upheaval

My heart is exhausted
And ladened with guilt
I should be accosted
I just want to wilt

I'm falling in what I should fall out of
And wondering what has happened to love

This is unfamiliar terrain
Everything inside is sore
I don't want to be the villain
Is all fair in love and war?

I have analyzed all our transactions
You're the one puzzle piece I'm missing
I don't want to misinterpret actions
The truth is hopeful or heart wrenching

Standing by a lake
It is simple
Though this feeling is not
One that cannot be contrived
Nor bought
                Only caught
In places like this
When God leans down from heaven
To plant a kiss
Feel your worries blown away
See the waves TOSS, them away
Sleeping heart awake
It is a brand new day

Funny how our rolling emotions inside
Can be calmed by the thundering storm outside
A wide and grey stretching sky
Can bring out a deeper sigh

The sky has sent her haunted kiss
Persuading all to reminisce
Still and quiet, now eerie silent
The air so still it's almost violent

Bleak sky dark and calming
Strangely so inviting
Lullaby-ing my soul to quiet
Assuaging all that was in riot

I can be tranquil like the sky
I'll sing myself a lullaby
And Hushabye these cares away
And me and mine will sway away

I'll sing a soft slow song
We'll grow together strong
The wind and rain will pitter pat
Hail and puddles and all of that

Babe soon to be in arms
Plus two wild'uns that run
My own small little charms
We've only just begun

Little feet splash in the puddles
Claps of thunder draw out delight
Inside me baby cuddles
Soon we'll all meet this heaven's sight

I cast my eyes, and no matter where
they fall or rise, I know You are there

You fill spaces vast,
here and in the past

All unfilled days ahead, You're in my heart and head,
when I lay down in bed, and everywhere I tred

Though I cannot see, it gives me esprit,
to know who's by me created earth and sea

I am filled with hopeful wishes
as I look at all You made,
from the sky down to the fishes,
You are my everlasting shade

Trapped inside scratched up walls
Afraid to see the truths I know
Deep inside I lie forgotten
My heart my soul, alone and marked
A lingering wish: to be grasped
It is I, with my walls reaching high
Never to fall
Only a scratch

I was afraid
Until I shook
I was beat
Until I froze

I should have run to you
But instead I turned to sin
I thought it'd make me better
Thought it would calm my storms

But I should have known better
For it is always you
Who saves me in my nights
My healer my God
No other but You

You took away my fear
Gave me peace I didn't deserve
I never should have run from you
And I am so thankful...
You chased me even still

trapped for years
barred
behind my fears
an iron pen
not of men
held me for a time
a rocky climb
though now I'm free
to live and be
no one else,      
No one else, but me

I walked through doors I thought were closed to me
I looked to God and said: how can this be?
Down He gazed and replied
I waited by the door did not you see?
All you had to do was knock
No need for any key
I would throw open these doors and set their latches free

Move my heart
My soul is yours
I am but broken shards
My intended image,
distorted, crooked, gone
Melt and mend this glass of mine
Into the image so divine
Of you, from you, like you, for you
I am yours and you are mine

Fill me with light
So that my tongue will cease to bite
Make me contrite
That I might fight to do right
Trying, trying everyday
To keep my demons held at bay

That we would always be
children together, forever.
Though not weighed down
by the obscurities of this world
nor tethered to adults,
not even that we would live
in this painful world of math and science,
but in the clouds flying free.
In the forest like nymphs,
gaily frolicking in play.
Innocent in nature
and ignorant of the dark.

Between ******* the ash remains
Slowly I watch as the smoke dissipates
Just as I watched you  fade away
Slowly, slowly, day by day
You were a light
With a soot filled cough
Bright and cheery
With a lung turned black
And with every puff that I blow out
I challenge Cancer to a bout
Cruel and cold
The worst of foes
Dark and dangerous, uncontrolled
The best the worst he takes them all
But now it's time for his curtain call
So I'll beat Cancer to a pulp
Or I'll die trying 
And see you soon
                  Either one... is satisfying...

Wrap this moment wider into time
Longer evenings would be sublime
To muse over all the fluff
These moments stretched long enough
To cherish and breath the cool night air
And believe I haven't got a care

Time is gone in the blink of an eye
No matter days be long, or days be short
Never enough time for you and I
Or for my mind to wander and transport

Air unempty
Life full
Another addition nearly in bay
Blessed aplenty
Glassful
The dance of Life, a riveting ballet

Say goodbye to groundless worries
Inhibitions whisked away
Torn away by colored filled flurries
I don’t care what others say

An intrepid spirit has flown
From its prisons deep within
Insistent to be known
Never allotting dissuasion again

I will trample any barricade
Every demon I will elude
I am not afraid
I am *renewed

I carry this mask to hide behind
And cache away my flaws
But know me, know me
Is my cry

I make myself this camouflage
Though please do not be fooled
See past my guise
See me, see me
Is my cry

Peirce through my shield into my heart
There you'll see I'm torn apart
I play like asphalt
But there's music in my heart

Give me a place to put myself
I await on a storefront shelf
Give me a sole to lace with mine
The one for whom my heart doth pine

I miss the face that I know not
I'm blue like a forget-me-not
Just thinking about you
Wondering what you do

I love your eyes
Your hand in mine
I hate our goodbyes
And waiting for signs

You are a vine, and I am your rose
Loving you wholely, right down to my toes

I don't know who you are
But you cannot be far
I will know you someday
At least, that's what I pray

His dreams were taken away
His originality beaten and bashed
Seen as though through a glass darkly
They couldn’t spare their time
Never seen for as he was
A delicate soul scarred and bruised
No longer was he light as air
Inside he turned
Now in the puddle a villain’s replaced
The hero that once was there…

I must prepare for my Shine
Quickly she approaches
I look to the sky for a sign
Now fear she encroaches
Two options set before me
I know what I want
Though unsure on my decree
My talents miss their vaunt
And I could use some esprit
Revisit an old haunt
Or stay and let it all be?

I get the feeling you want to leave me
In the past where you found me
But I guess that's just how life is
Never a guarantee

Funny though
How we never did disagree
Now you're gone
Like a parolee

It seems you never once looked back
I hesitate to third degree
I want to ask
But that's beneath me

I wish you well
Though I must tell
...I'll miss you on Sunday

Find out what makes you happy
A demitasse in hand
A moment to yourself
What you’re enamored with
Discover your inner soul
Be who you are
These are the stones that begin your excursion
Into a life you can enjoy
If you’re feeling out of place
Maybe you’re not being you

I see a girl made of glass in bright sweet hues
She walks by the shore at night
Though I can never tell who she is
Her silhouette is laced with holes
Yet I see an underlying idyllic beauty
Whilst she walks by the moonlight
Her eyes forever searching the sands
Collecting her fallen pieces of glass as she goes...

Standing on a ledge in a summer's night air
Wishes shimmer across a dark lake
Light as a wisp of air
Dreaming yet still awake
At a time when I believed in hope
Lost dreams that still overcome me, when I am all alone
Back to this moment, I wish I could lope
Wrapped amid
The warm night air
When I was just a kid

I used to dare and dream to be
Now I dream but cannot see
I roam the chinks in my mind
The hitch unraveled now I’m blind
I reach for its vacillating cord
Though my wills’ lack concord
I long to arrest and lace it back
I chase, I run; the dream’s opaque

Dreaming for nine years
Although I became dazed by my fears

However an old tenacity’s arising
Could make for an affair quite surprising

Though I'm afraid to lose yet again
To the cursed words of meddling men
Afraid the spark will die
And once again my heart will lie

I wish I did not have to wait
                                                   On time to tell...
If my spirit will endure or dispel

Butterflies in my stomach
I scarcely can breath
Hoping nothing goes amuck
Pale, white as death
I try to hide away my fear
Though it's hard to play calm
When it's something I love so dear

No matter the events of today
know that it all matters.
And know that every insignificant second of today
is stitching together the fabric of
who you will be tomorrow.

A place that I can call my home
A place to rest my heart
A place that I feel safe and loved
A place to call my own

I feel nothing or I feel everything
I am directed by my passion or I am lost
A picture has a thousand words
And a painting tells a story
A poem is a glimpse into a soul
And a yarn enraptures me into another world
Music brings me to life
And art orchestrates my world