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8.1k · Dec 2020
the aftertaste
maria Dec 2020
Somehow I got used to the aftertaste of been alone;
day by day
now
I see growth.
Feelings used to be all over the place
when everything needed some space
-   I needed space   -

I don't want to be wanted
I'm still not good at it

Trying to find peace
Selflove is what I deserve indeed
Alone for so long, now I realise that it's not wrong. To be honest, this helped me to find myself. I haven't succeeded yet, still a bit vulnerable but I'm going there.

Written on 17 December, 2020
© ,Maria
2.1k · Oct 2021
hair changes
maria Oct 2021
Be afraid of a woman who changes her hair

All this colours make you blind
It's not a hobby
It's not a style
It's a mental breakdown
or two
or maybe like ten
in a night

when a woman cuts her hair
She's about to change
her life
personal

Written on October 12, 2021
© ,Maria
2.0k · Jun 2019
She
maria Jun 2019
She
The sun is waking up like a small rose rises up,
she is beautiful.
Across her little cave there is a river, a blue and white and purple river.
She's a pretty sunbeam.

She,
the only flower in the iceberg,
the bravest snowflake in the desert,
she doesn't know anything about it.

Running through her silly problems, silly for those they think this is all about sympathy,
she hits everything that comes between her and her future.

She's crying,
she's shouting that this is not fair,
that she can't take it anymore,
but she's giving life by her empty words.

Her scars know she's stunning,
her wavy hair tell her she's more than important,
her heavy legs shout that she is the strongest person they know,
she only mumbles she feels like a stone.

She,
she is full of dust,
but she is fully loved.
She is sparkles and magic stars
but staring in the mirror she sees a ghost.
to every broken girl, woman in this world,
you're stunning

written  on June 8, 2018
2.0k · Apr 2021
I don't want to forget
maria Apr 2021
Everybody tells me
to forget you.
Everybody's right,
but I still
melt for you
Written on April 5, 2021
1.8k · Jan 2021
lovebirds
maria Jan 2021
I love to watch
          lovebirds
It reminds me
Of the warm
I always search for
but somehow
            always
fly away
written on January 5, 2021
© ,Maria
1.8k · Dec 2021
suprisingly
maria Dec 2021
your love lasted less
than my favorite lighter
d.

Written on December 15, 2021
© ,Maria
maria Feb 2021
1.Writing poems for you
2.
Written somewhere between 10 to 18 of Febuary, 2021
© ,Maria
1.7k · Dec 2021
2021
maria Dec 2021
the year I fell in love
the year that broke my heart
Written on December 31, 2021
© ,Maria
1.6k · Nov 2021
camouflage
maria Nov 2021
Made my heart a rock,
trying to brake
the camouflage
you wore,
trying to heal
your wings,
Fly was the dream

And then
you did.
And I waited for you,
you know,
I
was the one not flying
anymore.
And you left;
when I needed you,
You left
Written on November 17, 2021
© ,Maria
1.6k · Jun 2019
Party of sadness, welcome
maria Jun 2019
Rocks in my apartment,
I don't clean.

You see, the fluffy pillows
host a party tonight,
seems like all my enemies
are invite.
There's blood in the floor, indeed.

Music captures the shaky windows,
curtains dancing in the backround,
tragedy hits the door
right from the shadows.

I don't want to be here.
Listening is painfull,
watching gets knives in my lungs,
the guests are laughing on me.
Anxiety says hi.

The house shouts "Welcome",
please,
I only need sadness for my art.
Sometimes sadness just knock the door out of nowhere and you just can't bagged it out or you don't want to, sometimes it's the same thing.

written on June 9, 2019
1.6k · Dec 2021
Christmas boy
maria Dec 2021
kinda flirt
kinda nothing
written on December 15, 2021
© ,Maria
1.6k · Feb 2021
relationship status:
maria Feb 2021
Even if fairy godmother
came here
with my 3 wishes
you'd still give me
mixed signals
Written on Febuary 19, 2021
© ,Maria Xinari
1.5k · Dec 2019
6 days away from family
maria Dec 2019
days strange
like spaghetti without taste
missing home

Written on December 08, 2019
1.5k · Dec 2021
messing repetition
maria Dec 2021
So,
I want a boyfriend
to take my breath
to make me feel
to keep me warm
to kiss me to sleep
-
Let me reborn
I keep messing
with the wrong ones
I'm tired
and bored
Written on December 13, 2021
© ,Maria
1.4k · Mar 2021
Personal
maria Mar 2021
-Tell me something important about you
    -You
-No, like describe yourself
    -I love you
There's no me without you

Written on March 23, 2021
© ,Maria
1.3k · Mar 2021
roller coaster
maria Mar 2021
I, no more
count years
in new year's eve,
I, count years
in birthdays,
your birthdays.
Not speaking for months,
then,
a happy birthday
and a new roller coaster
begins
Written on March 04, 2021
© ,Maria
1.2k · Nov 2021
idiot me
maria Nov 2021
I said once
that you can't brake me anymore
and then
I let you
play me
again
and again
:)
Written on November 22, 2021
© ,Maria
1.2k · Sep 2021
disappointments
maria Sep 2021
I gave you all of me
and you,
you can't even pick up the phone
you make me feel so small
written on September 17, 2021
© ,Maria
1.2k · Aug 2019
Cloudy goodbyes
maria Aug 2019
Salty eyes when I look in the sky for your absence

The clouds are not in the mood to reply

I'm not in the mood to keep trying

It's raining outside

I take my clouds and leave the town

Goodbye
To the sad days that I'm getting used to
Written on August 27, 2019
1.1k · Jun 2021
fool of love
maria Jun 2021
told me you love me
then betrayed me with someone else
what do you want me to say?
coming back
saying you're sorry
expecting me to forgive you;
never felt so hurt
Yet
idiot me,
still here
I can't live without you
written on June 24, 2021
1.1k · Jun 2019
Bouquet of lilies
maria Jun 2019
She pulls me out of town with a bouquet of lilies
holding me tight, but soft, she talks about valleys of freedom.
She begs me to visit a country full of angel statues.
She's so confusing but sweet somehow.

The way she talks about revolution makes you want to burn bridges
and you know you would do it if She let your hand.
You would have fight bats and demons
but she just couldn't stop keeping you in touch.

She's talking and talking and talking,
you're not tired.
You're trying to compliment her through your laugh.
She doesn't let you speak.

Then she speaks out about how good you are,
how proud your children will be.
You can't help but dream of a life with her.
She looks in the sky and smile.

She stops in front of a river.
The water is so clean.
Birds are dancing above it
making love to your dreams.

Now it's the time to tell her how you love it when she sleeps,
how you're drowning for a kiss,
how you would do anything to make her yours to be.
She sees deep into your eyes.

She gets so quiet.
You're about to hug her
tell her you're not comfortable with her silence;
she left your hand.

Whispering, she tells you she's dying.
Her calm tone doesn't change a bit.
You, you realize that the sun burns.
She monologues that it was burning for so long.

I'm standing here looking for the joke.
She begs me to take care of her dog.
You're afraid to tell the little one, that mama's not coming home.

She demands only lilies in her grave,
white lilies of hope,
the opposite
of her black soul.

The river is so ***** and dull.
The storm that came within killed the nightingales,
destroyed nature's melodies,
rocks and branches like spears bloked the flow of the water
demanding for pure blood.

Wolves stand all around the river
crying their lives out,
the trees in the area scream and shout.
Someone could said they're enjoying the chaos.

The lilies fell from her tiny hands.
Silence.
written on June 13, 2019
1.0k · Jan 2021
death
maria Jan 2021
I'm not scared of death
but
I was scared when I saw it in your eyes
I'm not scared of death
but
I'm scared of your silent why
It never goes away, the pain just fade

Written on January 10, 2021
© ,Maria
1.0k · Nov 2023
change
maria Nov 2023
too late to fake it
too early to begin again
01.11.23
© , Maria Xinari
995 · Mar 2021
Chaotic
maria Mar 2021
Being in love
with you
(O)
Written on March 23, 2021
© ,Maria
994 · Dec 2021
cover free 2.0
maria Dec 2021
I'll cover me
even though
you liked me cover free,
I'll camouflage my feelings
like you masked your fakeness
Written somewhere on June, 2020
© ,Maria
968 · Sep 2021
that's how I love you
maria Sep 2021
deep
as the ocean
and
warm
as the sun,
full
as the forest
and
loud
as a club

my love for you is
real
as the stars
lysm
(l)

written on September 14, 2021
© ,Maria
957 · Sep 2019
Did you live or compromise?
maria Sep 2019
I wanted to be a psychologist
now I'm discovering biology.

I used to love doing athletics
now I'm lying down in my bed
eating chocolate bars and crying for the mess.

I loved reading books
now my library is full of dust.

My grades used to be perfect
but if you look at them right now
you won't even find an A.

I don't know who I'm trying to impress
I don't know who I'm trying to fool
I'm not myself anymore.

In depth, there lays a question:
     did you live or compromise?
I'm losing myself.

written on September 23, 2019
maria Feb 2021
writing poems for you
Oops!

Written on Febuary 14, 2021
© ,Maria
933 · Nov 2021
4 a.m struggles
maria Nov 2021
I don't know how to feel anymore;
how to love you
when all you did
was
giving me reasons
not to
I shouldn't love you but I do somehow

Written on November 17, 2021
© ,Maria
923 · Feb 2021
It's been 2 days
maria Feb 2021
Not sleeping
waiting for your response

windows closed
blankets on
written on Febuary 14, 2021
© ,Maria
918 · Jun 2023
[L]
maria Jun 2023
[L]
How did we end up like this,
strangers that want to be kissed?
Written on June 25, 2023
© , Maria Xinari
896 · Dec 2020
cowardly volcano
maria Dec 2020
when I first met you
you were like
Yes
and I was like
Not happening
then
You were like
I don't care
And I was like
Why don't you
When you talked
to other girls
I was a boiling volcano
And then
I was a maybe
And you
were like
try me

and -again-
idiot me
I never did
Too scared to admit

now
I'm definitely a strong
Yes
but
You are
a fair
No
Losing chances when they're right and realising it when time moves on and so does relationships.

Dedicated to the most passionated feelings I had for someone

Written on December 23, 2020
© ,Maria
843 · Oct 2019
festival
maria Oct 2019
Sadness hits me like a rock festival
with a silent crowd
Isn't it so annoying when you're in a festival and everyone's acting so sleepy and boring?
Makes me crazy.
Festivals, life
whatever

Written on October 24, 2019
840 · Dec 2019
scared
maria Dec 2019
I'm out of breath
I don't want to feel
I'm scared you don't exist
Are you here?
Do you hear?
I'm a mess,
welcome.
I don't even remember when I wrote it, but still remember the feeling.
© ,Maria
831 · Feb 2021
bioinformatics
maria Feb 2021
I should study
but honestly,
even you, fool,
make more sense than this
trust me, there's no sense in you
Written on Febuary 19, 2021
© ,Maria
828 · Jun 2019
moon heart
maria Jun 2019
Her scars are beautiful.
    It's like,
the shades of the moonlight
capture her last goodbyes,
  capture  her very first 'I love you'.
    It's like,
  when the moon godness saw her
struggle,
broke into pieces
   just to fill her pain,
and the pieces,
were only meant to her heart.
We are all meant to be here even if sometimes it doesn't feels like there's a point at all. And whatever... We do have something to do with the universe. Maybe if we try to look like it, and be our own magic self we will survive and realize our own beauty.
We are part of the nature. We are part of this miracle no matter what.

written on June 14, 2019
824 · Sep 2019
Teeth
maria Sep 2019
I saw a dream
My teeth fell
A lot of blood in between
That's how unlucky I am
emotional pain,
even in my dreams

Written on September 26, 2019
824 · Dec 2020
Dear Santa
maria Dec 2020
> 2:50am
So, I asked about fairy wings
when I was 11;
   you never delivered.
   In case you want to make up for me,
I will be just fine
with a true lover instead.
That should be easier.
Isn't it?
<
-Delivered 2:52am

-New message 2:53am
From: Santa
>
I'm bringing you your wings
<
Well looks like true love can't be find even from santa

Written on December 26, 2020
© ,Maria
800 · Apr 2021
[O]
maria Apr 2021
[O]
Lay in bed with me
You said
And I
can do this
all day
March, 2021
© ,Maria
788 · Jan 2022
Is it too much?
maria Jan 2022
I just missed
a warm feeling
a true touch
written on January 18, 2022
© ,Maria
783 · Jan 2021
angel
maria Jan 2021
I didn't really know her
but I met her.
I saw her through his eyes
and she was beautiful
She was shy
but strong
a fighter
an angel
She wasn't defeated
She's still here
She is a mum
She will always be here
They just needed a mum in the sky
Deticated to an angel, a fighter of cancer, a mum whose son I truly love, a woman I saw a few times but truly admired
rest in peace

written on January 08, 2020
© ,Maria
747 · Jun 2019
Coffee realizations
maria Jun 2019
I call myself for your attention
but do I need it seriously?
Do I need the taste of your lips
on my coffee cup?
Do I need your perfume running through my late night baths?

The you I want,
who is it?
Is it you who turned me into thousand of pieces?
Or is it just the aftertaste of a bad dream?

The you I want is not a you.
Is not a thing,
but maybe it is.
It doesn't exist in thoughts
it doesn't seem to has a face.

I drink my coffee in the mornings.
All I can see is a kid with no body, no structure.
All I see is myself.
Looking for myself or maybe I don't know what else.

written on June 12, 2019
736 · Aug 2019
Why?
maria Aug 2019
Why did you have to make me hate myself for loving you?

Why do I have to live with the memories of you when all I want to do is forget?

Why did you have to destroy all I ever thought of you?

Why did you make me lose every hope in love?
Sometimes it's not the break up that destroys you but it's everything after that. Sometimes you don't know a person if you've never been in a difficult situation. And when you see the distance and cruelty you're just disappointed.


Written on August 21, 2019
724 · Dec 2021
time
maria Dec 2021
I lost you
in your undecidedness
you lost me
in time
you lost me, I didn't want it to end but here we go
Written on December 09, 2021
© ,Maria
706 · Feb 2021
complicated?
maria Feb 2021
If you care just tell me
I'm tired
and confused
Tired of games

Written on Febuary 14, 2021
© ,Maria
697 · Apr 2021
You are fading
maria Apr 2021
And I can still
see you
695 · Aug 2020
meet me in the shelves
maria Aug 2020
my day
a museum
of disappointments
and I'm
the biggest tragedy
in the shelves
lately struggling with insecurities in a wolrd full of disappointments

Yours, marie
written on August 29, 2020
© ,Maria
671 · Feb 2021
pointless
maria Feb 2021
I think you don't understand
how much I care
Or you do
And act like you don't;
I don't know what's worse...
I should study
Written on Febuary 19, 2021
© ,Maria
670 · Jul 2021
what's going on with me
maria Jul 2021
never thought of forgiving someone for something like this,
yet you're making me lose every breath
24/06/21
© ,Maria
661 · Jun 2021
Heartless
maria Jun 2021
Hurt me?

Oh please,
I'm not a fool
anymore
no feelings
Written on April 20, 2021
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