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Heather Jan 27
Memory goes
where endless stretches of plains –
in ochre, beige, cocoa, tan and brown,
touch clear azure horizons,
cows drift like freckles on land,
limitless university; expand,
take ownership of homes
belonging to others, a broken record
of history repeating—
images create images
one takes the place of another,
whispered voices
in depths of night where
only prayer is truly welcomed...
come into this sea
of regret, this ocean of desire
when is the right time
to cry out in despair
beg an answer
or need warmth that comes
only from a smug
knowledge of righteousness
and power.
Ben Jan 26
AE
Collapsed on a reasonably uncomfortable couch
I’m ok. I’m just tired. I had a long night.
My arms are going numb, slowly, my hands are beginning to tremble as I draw out my vice
I’m a spectator. I had a long night
My eyes will not focus, my face has gone pale and the space in front of me has begun to blur
I woke up at 7 today. I had a long night

I’m being called, there are voices rushing around me but never penetrating the whirlpool
It’s been two years. This should be over
I thought it was over

And now the spiral has begun.

I’m drowning, there are invitations to lunch that pass me by, an irregular tic toc beating me further into stupor
‘You ok’
I cannot answer. I don’t know how, and if I did my lips have betrayed me and as I try to quell any worry all I can muster is an incomprehensible mumble
Tears now. In public. I don’t have the presence of mind to feel ashamed. I’m disappointed, though, with my inability to hold myself. This ought to be over, I ought to be ok.

I need some space. I need to leave before I’m asked again. My limbs begrudgingly obey me and I just barely manage myself out the door. I’m invisible, I would hope
No more invisible than I’ve ever been

It’ll be over in an hour.
Then will come the explanations. The mere thought plunged me in again. I can’t explain this. I don’t know how.

And an hour later I find myself alone in a courtyard, in their rain, a trembling cigarette and red eyes, still staring
It’s over now
He is beginning to believe
that they are not "busy".

But rather,
he is just a low priority.

Relish in the worthlessness.
Happy thoughts.
    Happy thoughts.
         Happy thoughts.

The uni students aren't even invested.
They don't care.
They just lie.
They are impersonal.

Ghostly figures who do not exist.
Pale reminders of the neurotic needs.

            I am always trying.
I am always reaching out.
            I am always walking.

STOP LYING.
YOU'RE NOT ******* BUSY.
BUSY IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME.
"Sorry, I'm busy that day"
OH, REALLY?
LIES.
WHAT THE **** DO YOU DO?
PROBABLY JUST ******* YOUR BOYFRIEND.
******* AROUND WITH THE GIRLFRIEND.

Just.
        Be.
              Honest.

           ­           Just.
                              Say.
             ­                         You.
                                   ­          Don't.
                                                       Like.
                                                           ­     Me.

HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS
HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS HAPPY THOUGHTS
Wrote this some time ago.
Dimitris Dec 2018
I wander around in Athens
like a vagabond
passing by the house
that I rent to be
with you,
almost three years ago.

Before that
we were both
still living with our parents.

You see,
we needed some space.
Some space
from the others,
not from each other.

We needed some time, for us.
Almost three years later and
I've lost count of
the nights
I looked
for you
in empty bars
on stranger's faces
at university parties
in the train, where we first met

Still,
I don't regret leaving you.
It was the right thing to do.
But I am in pain,
after all these years
I'm still in pain
And no one knows.
Not even you.
ACAC Dec 2018
hold on, wait, what, what similarities?

I sit in the group looking around, the grey plastic chair crushes my ******* spine as I cling to it for dear life.
the tutor comes to me last, two weeks in a row I don't get time to talk.
great, I'm already an outsider, now I don't get time to talk.

I listen as the group in the nicer, cosier and brighter room next door laugh and joke.
they are all young and pretty, a feeling of longing pulls me down like a giant magnet, why am I not in that group. have I not got the skills to be young and pretty anymore?

for almost one month now I despair.
how can I ever find my voice in this group there are all so strong, strong women.
this week she comes to me first, I speak, it doesn't help. can they even see me, understand my accent, it seems I'm more different than similar.

the next week I don't go, avoidance wins 1st place gold trophy as I sit alone in bed.
with other groups I'm so strong and proud, can I fake it next week, or maybe just conform and comply.

and so it goes on, am my question remains, what ****** similarities?
Anne Dec 2018
Frozen feet,
Hot oatmeal,
White noise,
Blurry letters.

Days melt into each other,
The passage of time now a soupy broth of numbness.
Distractions,
Sleep.
It’s not enough.

Dried up watercolours call my name,
Where’d you go?
I’m sorry, I’ve been awfully busy.
I’ve been carving faces into walls.
I’ve been eating my nails just to feel something.
No taste yet, but I’ll keep you updated.
good ol depression strikes again huh?
Wellspring Nov 2018
Study.
Yeah, that'll get you places.
As the multitude of students waste away hours,
Studying, stressing, vomiting, anxious,
The hope that we'll eventually reach our dreams,
Yeah, that's barely what keeps us going.

We know our parents are pushing,
Always pushing,
For us to have the life they dreamed of,
But never had.

Do they ever think?
Does it ever cross their mind,
That maybe we don't want that?
Or maybe we want to make them happy,
So we push ourselves farther than we can go,
Just to keep them thriving,
For the last few years of their lives.

So instead of them checking on us,
Making US happy in our own life,
We are pushed, told,
"Study Harder" and "It's worth it!",
But I get the feeling,
Even with a university degree,
I'll still end up depressed, anxious,
And be worried about the future,
And with a debt that will just keep growing.
Somehow, my hatred for exams seems to be one of my biggest poetry motivators.
MelaninInked Nov 2018
I want to eat junk and not grow fat
I want a loving boyfriend whose not an *******
I want to miss classes and still get a degree
I want to be a pro footballer without hurting my knee
I want flawless skin with an iced tea and milkshake diet
I want my voice to be heard and still be quiet
I want to have hot *** and keep my virginity
I want to party all night and day and keep my sanity
I want to smoke trees as still be religious
I want to not lift a finger and still be prestigious
I want the impossible
My life is a combination of paradoxical situations and states. ha. ha. ha. Not even funny
Cacherosi Nov 2018
they sat and kissed beside me
as if I was a statue, her admirer
them heartless beings
almost a beautiful sight
truth hurts in a wonderful way
unrequited love is marvellous.
she was my crush.
Evelyn Rose Oct 2018
Burst into tears for no reason,
Except the girls in my class are
******,
Rude,
Unpleasant,
Judgemental,
Apathetic.
Burst into tears for no reason,
Except there’s a lot going on at home,
I’m not sleeping,
I’m struggling with money,
My Grandma has gone,
There’s no internet escape.
Burst into tears for no reason,
Except I do not feel well,
My stomach is in knots,
My brain throbs inside my head.
Burst into tears for no reason,
Except I’m overwhelmed,
With work,
And uni prep,
New classmates, classrooms,
And societies to join,
Friends to meet.
Burst into tears for no reason,
Except all of this is going on.
All at once.
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