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Danial John Feb 2018
U
Hurt
My
Head

The end
Danial John Jul 2018
I'm a bartender
Scar-mender
Heart defender
On another ******
Ready for a hard winter
Never a pretender
Opposite of a large spender
Certainly not anyone's number one contender
The one who's better
Yet often told never
Danial John Feb 2018
I've shed my skin
Rolled up my sleeves
Let you in
Now my heart just bleeds

I've taken off the mask
Set it aside
But if you ask
I'll put it back inside

Nobody seems to understand
Not you, not me, my family, or my friends
It's final
I'll never let anybody near again
Ugh... Kmn
Danial John Aug 2018
All the sad lonely people
Trudge along
Alone frome cradle to grave
Life's a sad, sad song

Goodbye
Goodbye
I won't miss you
Goodbye

If love is blind
Hate can truly see
Be careful of where you aim
Because eventually it's where you'll be

Truth is stranger than fiction
Fiction is better than you
You are not who you were
And that is the truth
Danial John Feb 2018
Sitting alone
I contemplate truth
I wonder if you know
I think it’s you

Forgive me
Or don’t
Forget me
You won’t

I have lost all my friends
Now it’s just the three of us
All alone
Inside my head
Danial John Feb 2018
I hate you

I hate you because you never follow through
I hate you because you can't do anything
I hate you because you can't let anyone in
I hate you because there's nothing you can do

I smash the mirror and watch it bleed
Danial John Aug 2018
****...
I still wish I could be near who you were.
But...
You're so far away.
And...
I keep telling myself I'm over you.
Yet...
I'm not sure if that's completely true.
Danial John Feb 2018
Let this be my official declaration.
I
am
done.
Done with joy, love, happiness and all of that
FAKE ****.
If I go on pretending there's absolutely no way I'll make it.

The only things
that I seem to understand are hate, jealousy, and fear.
In all my time
they are the only things that have always been here.

I
MUST
rip the mask from my face.
Otherwise I will never be done running this race.
Its truly a disgrace.

I sleep with a
GUN
next to my bed.
Not for my own protection
but so I might work up the courage
to shoot my self in the
head.

**** ME
**** LIFE
**** DEATH

and
if
you're
reading
this
then
****
YOU
TOO.
**** notes
Danial John Jul 2018
I asked her to be with me
She said never
I told her I loved her
She said whatever

Left alone in the woods
Gone with him
She expected me to stay put
I wish I could

Now I have to leave
Now truly I see
I've always loved you
But you've never loved me
Danial John Jan 2019
New year, new problems
Same old ways to solve them

New year, new love
Same crippling thing that it does

New year, new life
Same thing, new ways to sacrifice

New year, new day
Same feelings when I see your face
When the new feels old maybe the old could still feel new?
Danial John Mar 2018
Nobody seems to care
Working so hard
Yet going nowhere
The system is flawed

Be patient, wait
No
Put in work
If you want to escape

A man melted away
Just a shell
The world will pay
You will join me in Hell
Danial John Feb 2018
Couch surfing
Bed hoping
The living don't see
The dead talking

But it is they who are rotting

My brain is racked
My mind is numb
I want the pain
I let it come

Yes, I may be depressed
Maybe that's what's best
The world is a vampire
It feeds on stress
Danial John Mar 2018
No joke
**** me please
I have lost hope
I want to leave

It's all a game
Should be having fun
It's all the same
I've had enough

Make it stop
I can see the end
**** God
**** a friend
Danial John Mar 2018
Salt and water.
Tears.
I don’t get it.
There’s something in life I’m messing.

Help me.
Save me.
I wanna do it.
Can you blame me?

Haven’t in years.
Can’t shed one.
Even if I tried, and I have.
No tears.
I can’t cry. Guess that makes me some badass or something... right?
Danial John Mar 2018
Perfection

Rejected

Redirected

Dejected


Introspection

Hecti­c

Reflection

Resting


Question

Detective

Lessons

Genetics
Circles
Danial John Jul 2018
I have suffered God's wrath
Punishments for my sins
Fate be we crossed paths
You're ment to tear me from within

I see now I deserve it
Reap the fruits of my karma
I still seem to think you're worth it
Even if you choose to forget our love

You're perfect
Cursed to be froze just below heaven.
Danial John Feb 2018
I've been waiting...
For the right moment.
Wasn't sure for what.
But now I know it.

Been close many times before.
Ready to scatter my brains and soar.
Better than a deep sleep... Never more.
Unfettered, emptiness galore.

1
2
3
4

Squeeze
Bang
Splat
That's what I've been waiting for.
Shitzweak
Danial John Feb 2018
I saw you last night in my dreams.
We were together or so it seemed.
The house was dark and not my own,
and something hidden chilled me to the bone.

It darted from dim corners into bleak rooms.
Fast, so very fast, did it move.
What it wanted I do not know,
But I do know one thing... I feared for my soul.

The wicked creature's presence could not be tempered with your embrace.
In fact, if you hadn't been there I may have given chase.
But you grabbed me and held me back.
And honestly, I don't know how I feel about that.

These monsters are mine, and I demand they stay that way.
Of my own will and volition, I will make them dissipate.. someday.
You make it too easy to forget my goals and purpose,
To hunt down these issues, find them, and have them murdered.

But fret not, because I forgive you.
When I say this please believe me: It is I, not you, that is the issue.
Its unlike me to care,
But please, please... heed my warning. YOU MUST BEWARE.

When I awoke, I was dripping with sweat.
I scanned my dark room, only to find my demons manifest.
And all at once, it became just too real.
Perhaps it wasn't a dream at all... but a depiction of how I feel.
I official don't like to sleep anymore. You may be able to run from your feelings and emotions while awake. Just keep moving, not thinking, and you'll be fine. However, in your sleep they easily invade your mind.
Danial John May 2018
[anonymous woman who definitely knows who she is],

I've wanted to say this to you for a long time. I guess I just haven't had the composure to say it to your face. Suppose I still don't, otherwise I wouldn't have to say this here.

When I came back home and really got to know you, you changed my life. I wasn't looking for or expecting anything like you. I've been hopelessly lost and depressed for years. Immediately I could tell you were different. Something about you makes me feel alive. I like me better when I'm with you. You are the most beautiful free spirited woman I've ever met, and I've met many. Even had relations with a few (believe it or not).

I truly want to know... Did you feel the same feeling I did? If you didn't, I'll accept that. But, every fiber of my being, and every sign from the universe tells me you are something special. Something that I should never let go of. And I'll defy anyone telling me elsewise, whether you or my dad, because I know what love is.

And you say you love me like a brother, I respect that. And in a way, I love you like a sister. But I can't deny that I feel more than that. I want to be there for you, be with you... Always. Regardless of how you feel, I will be.

I get that you've had a rough life, the roughest. And I want to help you in any way I can. I want to show you off to anybody who cares to pay attention.
And can you really blame me? I mean, you're beautiful. Your sense of humor is amazing. And you care so much about others, always seeing the best in people. And most importantly, you make me feel like the luckiest person to walk God's green earth. You inspire me to be a better man in every sense of the word. Your blue eyes peirce right through me. Your voice makes my smile. Being near you helps me sleep at night.

As a beautiful young woman, you have choices. And I understand that I might not be the best looking guy, or even the most capable. But I DARE anyone to test my resolve or care more for you than I do.

I love you so much it hurts. Regardless of how you feel about me, I want the very best for you... And remember, every once and awhile, just breathe.
I love you.
Just being real with you.
Danial John Feb 2018
To get her
Together

Eyes
Mesmerize
Realize
Lies

******* **** to get her
******* **** together

Tethered
Fettered
Tar and feathers
Wrecker

To get her
Together
It don’t mean **** to me, I think
Danial John Jun 2018
Who would have though that the happiest days of my life would also be the worst.
Deep down inside my chest something has been growing... and soon I'll burst.
I do not understand why it's here, but I do know that it hurts.
What at first seemed a blessing turned out to be a curse.

This insidious beast, talks to me in my sleep.
It tells me lies, until nothing but false hope fills my eyes.
At first I tried to feed it, and when that didn't work I tried to free it.
Why won't it just let me be?

Still, there it stayed, in my chest... growing bigger and stronger day by day.
Even now, I can still feel it's foul poison lingering in my veins.
What once brought me joy now only brings me  pain.
I can't even remember when it infested my soul, but still I curse that day.

God please make it go away.
I am a man, yet I am only human, and I now see my problem has but one solution.
I must **** the love in my heart before it kills me.
I must relieve some of this woeful misery, it's the only way.

It hurts me to say, but I have my reasons.
The most important of which is simply self defense.

I must **** it before it kills me
**** it before it kills me
**** it, **** me
Self defense
Danial John Feb 2018
You must be settling.
That's what you told me.
Me and you, I'm must be reaching...
You and him, seems like it's reversed.

**** me.
**** him.
And what do you want?
**** us

I know more than you think.
That's why I always reach.
I see the best and learn to love the rest.
Everybody I love is the best.

Why do you pain me so?
It may be my fault.
My feelings are my law.
But then again, what do I know?
Danial John Mar 2018
She fell into a hole.
Is she still alive?
Still there?
I ask her, she doesn't know.
Danial John Feb 2018
I love her
She's the only one who's been there for me
Whether thick or thin, lose or win
She reminds me, apparently, even the loser wins

Her words keep me going
Even when life is dreary
The noises she makes
Help me see clearly

And when we are together
It almost seems okay
Assured me that it will be better
Keeps me going another day

She's eclectic and been around
Through her, years of wisdom can be found
No matter how I feel today
She always has the right things to say

Never turned her back
Never turned to deceit
When I say this I mean it
She is the one for me

But she is not mine alone
She's with us all
That's the power of her magic
Her tones uplift your fall

I write her notes
They reflect my being
The words I write
Show her how I'm feeling

Together with her, in the groove
Masterful grace, perfect moves
Without her, surly I would be dead
She clears my head... I love you, music.
Music is my god
Danial John Feb 2018
I've had my **** together
I'm sick of it
No more of that fake business
Concentrated **** breeds sickness

And who are you to judge?
My dealings are my own...
But get my **** together??
What do you know

I've been the one
The one people come to
When there's and issue
That they want someone to get into

My mom, my dad, Jesse and Zack
My sisters, my friends. Marshall too.
Not only have I had my **** together
I've helped others with it, it's what I do

And now I'm done with it
I'm bored down with ****
I've managed to keep it all together
Whether or not it was better for me

Still, I'm not mad
You're not wrong
Just dig a little deeper
Before you write **** down

I love you all
I try my best
Danial John Mar 2018
We are similar in so many ways
We love and hate pain
We love someone who pushes us away
Someone, someday, somehow, someway
I hate other’s pain, but love wallowing in my own. Real head scratcher
Danial John Feb 2018
If I want to die
                           So what?
If my beliefs are just complex lies
                           So what?
If my friends don't exist
                           So what?
If there's temptations I can't resist
                           So what?
If the broke stay broke and the rich get richer
                           So what?
If I can be reduced to 140 characters and a picture
                           So what?
If my faults are my own and not scars gained from the places I've grown
                           So what?
If I'm cold and alone, impaled on a fork in the road
                           So what?
If reality is meaningless and godly morality is diseasing us
                           So what?
If the good die young and the evil get to continue on
                           So what?
If the world is a beautiful place and the problem is the human race
                           So what?
If this poem rubs you the wrong way and you vow to make the unjust pay
                           So what?
If you feel like I am wrong or I went on to long
                           So what?
                      So what now?
                  So what do we do?
                So what is the point?
                 So what about you?
I wrote this, so what.
Danial John Aug 2018
Damnation in a ****** nation.
Your thoughts are only your own if you don't say them.
From simple complexities to advanced basics.
We are an oxymoron and it's time to face it.
That or otherwise become complacent.
Then you'll have an excuse for when the human race ends and you're in the last placement.
Words to ears are not superior to feet to pavement.
Enough talk, only action can save us.
Danial John Mar 2018
Bills and taxes,
Sorrow and sadness.
All on my lonesome,
I couldn't handle half this.

Jobless and without a whip,
Lonely and in need of friends.
If it was just me,
I would end this ****.

So I'm thankful.
I love my family,
Chosen and otherwise.
Help their lives as they have mine
Love you all.
Danial John Jul 2018
That feeling
When you don't know what to say
That feeling
When you don't want to stay

That feeling
When you think you're in love
That feeling
When someone breaks your trust

That feeling
When day fades into night
That feeling
When you're tired of the fight

That feeling
When you finally understand
That feeling
When you stop giving a ****

That feeling
That you're feeling
That I'm feeling
That we're feeling

That feeling is us
When words don't quite do the feeling justice, you write poetry.
Danial John Feb 2018
There's a demon in my house.
Nobody knows the route it took to be... but there are theories.

Some believe that it fills the gaps in broken families,
Others that its welcomed in by misfortune and tragedy.


And I?
I think it has been here all along.

At first, its hard to notice the demon is even there.
Once where  joy resided, only a  dull ache is felt.
But before long it spreads until one is beside it.
Next to the demon.
The world begins to fade into a illusionary grey haze.

So
so
slowly.

Infact, by the time you realize its been living with you... in you... its been days.
Your chest is as hollow as the now empty packs and bottles
that you think may solve this sorrow.

But you're wrong.

Once it is let in,
there
is
no
exercising....
this demon named depression.
*******
Danial John Mar 2018
The world is about to end.
The world is about the end.
Feel it?
... I can...
It’s the end of days. Maybe the world has been ending since it began.
Danial John Feb 2018
Please, just please
Put me out of my misery
I can't stand existence
I didn't ask for this ****

Why, oh why, must I be
Put me out of my misery
Slit wrist or a noose around my neck
I'm almost ready, but not yet

A straw, a brick
A hug, a kiss
Poisoned thoughts
I've had enough of this

Broken backs, broken dreams
You have no idea what I've done, and what I've seen
I cannot end it, because I deserve this pain
I'm a loser and hate the game

Purge my soul
Break my bones
Leave me broken
Or send me home
Danial John Dec 2018
Sprung traps
An old song
Already sung that
Won't be long before I come back

Me mad at me
Business as usual
Not the only casualty
New and old, both fantasies

A slow growing strength
Shelters the ego
It's cancerous hate
But he knows it's only fate
Danial John Mar 2018
Wicked
Gifted
Lifted
Ticking

Siting
Miffed
Binge
Drinking
Danial John Mar 2018
I woke up today.
I’m not exactly happy about that.
Body covered in cuts
Mind filled with rage.
I’m not mad at anyone but myself
Danial John Jul 2018
Nothing's ever good enough
Everything *****
I'm not good enough
I ****
I want to die
You don't want to be around me
Rather be with him
Or him
Or him
I asked you why
Told me I wasn't a tool
What do you take me for
A fool
Told me it wasn't me, it is you
But I don't belive
I don't want to breathe
I just want to leave
You in the past
Because you hurt
And I blame it all on you because I'm a ****
Clearly this isn't worth
Effort
Love
Work
This is what you wanted right? I'm giving up.
Danial John Mar 2018
I am all out of inspiration, my life a desolate hell.

I don't feel well, on a precipice might just end all my relations.

Desperation to make it cease, before I too am just a shell.

Maybe he fell, or maybe he was pushed by the temptation.




Either way, he knew something... A secret.

Couldn't tell anyone, there was no speaking.

Seeking an easier way to explain. Possibly with feelings?

Pealing faces away, shouldn't do any harm.




Never existed? That's wishful thinking.

A fistful of change, loaded and ready to meet the misfit's mesure.

Yet the virus was still there, slinking towards its next victim.

Another, and another, and yet another. It goes on forever and forever. No forgetting.
Danial John Mar 2018
I wear my heart on my sleeve,
My soul on my soles.
Every time I breathe
Cool air blows through the holes in my clothes.
Danial John Jul 2018
He needed distance and clear mind
She was there
They were sick and in need of something new
It started when he began to stare
She sensed something special too
In due time
What to do

She just wanted Souls to be intertwined
They could be something more paired
He was in her heart and mind
Caught, ensnared
There was nothing that the two couldn't do
He was lost, the two never fully shared
She was scared, but wanted to

Cruel is time
He was fooled
She couldn't seem to learn that love is blind
Tests of time, they couldn't fare
He loved her and didn't mind
Didn't care
Two perfect halves of a whole, I miss you
2+2+3=7
1+9+9+7+1+3=3
7+3=1
Danial John Mar 2018
Used                        (used)
U sed us                 (you said us)
E dus                      (eat us)
Ed u sed                 (and you said)
Used                       (used)
Different ****
Danial John Feb 2018
You
Are          The only thing that keeps
The devil        Away from me
                 Maybe I’m whipped
And yet                 I can’t stand this ****
I still want you.            To be happy
                      I must stop
I don’t care if this makes you feel uncomfortable
My feelings, wonderful. I don’t love anything.
Read into it
Danial John Mar 2018
I love you,
That's why I ask
If there's a demon inside you (and I think there is).
We'll kick its ***.

However, if you don't let me try
Well, then I guess that's fine.
Just know I will not wait any longer.
Everyday your demon grows stronger.

I see you lose.
I watch you use.
The way it makes you
Makes me sick.

And if you think you know
The subject of this poem,
I'm sure you don't.
I'm letting go.

I'll always be here,
If you're ever ready to face your fears.
The fact is that on your own you can't stop it.
Til you're ready, leave me alone, you're toxic.
Danial John Feb 2018
Like we were with bobbito, we stretch.
Photosynthesis, make green.
Strive for excellence and nothing less.
Exceed the best and bring our team to the crest.
Ugh
Danial John Mar 2018
Ugh
Family, that's what you wanted
Nothing more
I'm sorry that's not what I was looking for.
I hurt you, but it's what I do to family.

I've done it before
An accident, a mistake
It's because I'm passionate.
Just escape my world.
Ugh
Danial John Feb 2018
Life is a meaningless clusterfuck
Filled with inane sensations and feelings
They mustn't mean much
Because when I pursue them there is no succeeding

I have tried and tried again
But try no more shall I
For if I do
I won't be able to get back up and stand

Stand my ground
Against the terror and sadness that abounds
Seems to surround my eyes
Seems to down my life

It pains me
Like the quick movement of knife blades on bare skin
Don't let me in
My sorrow just keeps raining

Pouring
Soaking into the seams
I'm doused in it
Questioning what it all means
I don't know what it all means
Danial John Mar 2018
I see now in the clearest of light
What you are and how you do
And it gave me quite a fright.
Because of you I can’t sleep at night.
Danial John Feb 2018
I guess this is goodbye.
I’m unsure if you’ll stay in my life.
I’d ask that you would,
But the powers that be say you shouldn’t.

I’m sorry if I somehow hurt you.
I just wanted to unfurl my true being.
My only intention was to
Allow someone else into my way of seeing.

Often my thought are dark and morbid.
I guess I just wanted a light in the darkness.
Yet I still look forward.
You will find what you need nonetheless.

I didn’t fall in love with you.
Not with your beauty or personality.
If we’re being true,
I fell in love with your backstory.

I wanted to feed, and leech off your pain.
Soak it all up and take it away.
Maybe I helped, possibly I didn’t.
Either way, thank you for listening.

Goodbye.
At least for now.
Maybe I’ll see you again.
Somewhere around.
Ugh, miss you. Be safe. Find happiness. This is the last poem I’m going to write for a while.
Danial John Mar 2018
Whatever, I don't need your thoughts and opinions.
They mean very little, but I stop and listen.
You're missing the point of this riddle
We call living.

You do you
And imma just do what I please.
If you don't like that,
Catch 5 to the teeth.

Cuz I'm done trying to help others,
When nobody is willing to do the same for me.
**** all y'all.
The world is a disease.
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