I had every reason to stay,
and every reason to leave,
but I can never say,
it's easier this way.

where do you escape
when you're trapped
when you're held captive
by your own thoughts
where do you hide
when you're exposed
and all your feelings
are on the floor
where do you run
when you're chased
by your worst nightmares

I tried so hard
not to cry
but I only ended up
crying harder
I promised myself this time
I'll only channel anger
but that's not who I am
I'll always be
as soft
as a feather
light
but very strong
flexible
but very tough.

I woke up with a dream I can’t shake,
I don’t understand why those dreams of you and me still appear,
We’re back together and never been happier,
But if that’s real,
If that’s true,
Then why was i miserable when I was with you?

Why is that i find refuge
When I’m consumed by solitude
In a complete stranger
I see once or twice a week
Do you see me?
Can you feel me?
I’m tired of hiding.

They'll come and go
you'll be hurt and you'll be okay
feelings will never stay
if you don't let them make a home of you
not the way you feel today
not the way you'll feel tomorrow
and certainly not the way you felt yesterday.

Laughter becomes unbearable
When you’re on the verge of shattering
Into fragments of loud unleashed cries.

Burden burden
Don’t follow me
Everywhere I go.

O Burden burden
Let me be
Peace is all I’m asking for.

Burden burden
Can’t you see
I’m fading
Like a lifeless tree.

My father warned me of the monsters
that live out in the world
He called them strange looking strangers

but he didn’t warn me of the monsters
that live inside my head
He just brushed it off with:
“Sweetheart, that’s all in your head”

so I learned to fight them on my own
until I realized
there is no battle to be won.

when there's so much pain to bear
and you can barely walk
heaviness weighing down your heart

and then
you're so numb
you're so empty
you're so desperate
to feel
to fill
this hole

the hands that once suffocated you
look like help from heaven

and you'd hold them
you'd hang onto them

as if they were the last shred of hope
and you're so scared of letting go
frightened of not feeling anymore

you don't realize
you're only sinking
lower
and lower
while they feed on your hunger
they're rising
higher
and higher.

Idon’twannarememberanythinganymore

It’ll hurt less
The pain of your absence
Will no longer linger
In familiar places
One day
I will be free.

You have to cut
a rotten love
from its roots
and leave no room
for it to grow again
and toxicate your heart
don’t let it bring death
upon your soul.

Are you too scared to be alone? Are you too scared to be with your thoughts? Are you too scared to listen to them? Are you too scared of finding out who you really are when no one’s watching? Are you too scared of never being normal again?

I just wanted to
spill all my secrets
to someone
I've kept them hidden
for so long
and I couldn't anymore
I wanted someone
who could carry half the weight
I've been carrying
in my fragile heart
that no longer can survive
instead
it feels as if
I'm carrying the weight
they're carrying
of my own heaviness.

I’m sorry,
I’ll try to be happy,
I’ll try to be normal,
I’ll try to not self-sabotage.

Heartless they said,
too cold to touch,
selfish,
you care about no one but yourself,

but they forgot what they did,
when I love I get hurt,
when I care I am used,
when I am there they're not,

that innocent fragile little girl,
that broke every now and then,
no longer lives here.

It hurts to breathe
It hurts to try
It hurts to fight
It hurts to hide
It hurts to lie
It hurts to live
It hurts to pretend

once
so colorful
now
so darkful
emptiness
everywhere I go
helpless
no one can help me
but myself.

Sometimes it's too quiet
I want to **** the silence
and sometimes it's too loud
I can't bear the noise.

We were close
Not there yet
But close enough.

I think the kind of love I crave doesn’t exist in this world,
I believe the kind of love I yearn for is out of this world,
and that’s probably why,
I stopped searching for it in people’s eyes,
what they see when they see me,
and in people’s hearts,
what they feel when they’re near me,
because honestly,
I’ll never know what’s real and what’s just a fantasy.

The screaming,
the shouts,
my heart’s bruising.
The sword-like words,
like a scolded little kid,
I run to the corner,
cover my ears,
pretend I don’t hear,
at the cats I stare,
“Can they feel my pain”, i wonder.

Mother,

Please forgive me
For the person that I have become
Is not someone to be proud of
But your absence
Is a kind of torture
That I never tasted
And I can’t swallow
It chews me alive
Everyday.

She saw things,
She saw everything in details,
And details in everything,
And nothing in simplicity,
Which to some,
Seemed complicated,
But to her,
It was easier than breathing.

The louder the music,
the less chances of hearing thoughts.

I carved your face into my memory
Your smile
Your eyes
Your laugh
Your dimples
All the things
That once made me smile
Now make me cry.

You became
the reason
my smile fades
every time
You cross
my mind.

They wanna make you feel numb because you’re feeling too much
But is feeling nothing better than feeling something?

For years,
Suicide was my one and only friend,
He’d call me out to play everyday,
with knives, razors and ropes,
He kisses my neck and says:
“Don’t be afraid, it’s just a game”,
and soon it shall be over,
all shall be gone,
pain, anger and frustration,
when I finally shut my eyes.

you've lived another day to put a smile on a person's face and sometimes that's more than enough reason to keep wanting to live.

Love me the old fashioned way,
        sneak a midnight kiss before you go away...

write me letters and
        I'll meet you half way...

we'll dance under the rain
        and forget about yesterday...

for all we have is forever
        and forever is today...

I saw you smiling
correction; laughing
I just hope she knows you’re lying
and your words mean nothing
but bottles filled with empty promises
I hope she finds out the truth
before it’s too late
I hope she saves herself from you.

and all along
I thought the monsters lived in my head
I never saw
you were their king.

This whole time
I’ve been looking for my savior
I didn’t realize
She existed inside me
She was just too scared to come out
But now she’s unleashed
Lionhearted and undaunted.

Take a shovel,
Burry your pain,
So deep,
It can never reach,
The top.

Cut its roots,
And don't dare to water it,
Or it will grow again,
And another garden of pain,
Will take place in your heart.

Forget where you buried it,
And don't ever visit its grave.

Every time I’m on my own,
Every time I’m left alone,
Fighting waves of memories,
They start to drown me,
As I fail to reach back to reality.

I tried to find you.

Standing on the edge
One step away from
Falling into the unknown
One step away from
Losing control
One step away from
Letting go
One step away from
Not feeling anymore.

It felt good
Not to feel a thing
To feel nothing
For you
To feel like I never knew you
To feel like you’re just another
Passing stranger.

Our love was a
Deadly poisonous snake
That killed me gradually.

I've spent my whole life wondering
what's love and
what's lust
what's true and
what's false
what's real and
what's not
what's right and
what's wrong
and why do we
want to be loved
by the only one
who does not...

Ijustwannadisappear

I don't believe in kindness anymore
I don't believe it can save the world.

I’m not scared of life after death,
I’m scared of life before death.
I’m not scared of dying,
I’m scared of not living.

There’s a time for everything
and everyone that comes into your life
and when that time is over
you have to let go.
nothing is meant to stay longer
than it should
you’re not supposed to hold on tighter
than you need.

“Here”, she said
“Take my heart”,
swallowing her pride.
“Take it, all of it.”
because it no longer belongs to its owner
someone else is paying the rent now
it became a motel for the lonely souls
a refuge
strangers come and go
stepping on it
as if it were a doormat.

I'm tired
I'm tired of caring
I'm tired of pretending like I don't care
I'm tired of pretending like it doesn't hurt
I'm tired of pretending like it doesn't matter
I'm tired of hiding how I truly feel
I'm tired of keeping it all in because of fear.