Time and time again
The ground is frozen
To my bare feet
Frostbite nips at my skin
Leaving purple marks
Where it once was pink
Time and time again
I have wandered
Into vast forests
To find solace in creatures unknown to man
Time and time again
They have supplied me with more support
Me more than anyone else in my life
Time and time again
I am let down
My own foolish childhood hopes
That life will be perfect
I will be loved
And everything will be easy
But I never saw any of these challenges coming
I never saw you step all over me
Time and time again

Thought I knew this well.
every step I had to take,
every lie--delivered smiling--I had to sell,
every mindless task, no breaks.

Thought you knew of my own created, designer hell.
watching me falter towards an imaginary goal,
watching my fibs for tells,
watching my to-do list quadruple.

I thought I knew how to quit,
how to snap out of it.
I thought you knew about it,
and how to deal with this ****.

Turns out that neither of us knows jack-squat.
And that's alright, I swear I got this, yeah I'm good, I can do it.
I hoped for you to say something, I thought you knew I was talkin' *******.
Yet, without a word, you left
me to rot.

"Welcome," I say loud enough for the whole world to hear me
"Wipe your feet on me. I don't mind."
Some have even stomped their feet on me
It hurts and it has left many marks
I don't think I want to be a doormat anymore

elephants stomping on my head
laugh as they draw blood
fragmented ideals scatter in the wind
as trampled dreams mix with dust

cemented in 'supposed to'
hiding behind other people's 'shoulds'
jackhammer disappointment
crushes bones with broken boundaries

play me a song
to make it look pretty
and I'll pretend to dance
with you in foggy yesterday's

karaoke soundtracks
to a stranger's tears
that leave the heart blind
tripping acid just to see in forgotten colors

breathing bacteria
from the soles of shoes
wiped on my forehead
as they said, 'hello'

a mosaic of skull puzzles
grouted in the remnants of the ****
left behind as everyone
just walks away

shadows smell clean in dark corners
where colors are left to die
in clouds of expectation
leaving truth buried in the ruble

...of who they thought I was