I always tell the truth
     Every moment of the day
I always write what I'm feeling
     And what I really wanna say
I don't ever let myself get walked on
     Or abused or put through pain
I never hide my face with sunglasses
     Or let my tears fall silently like rain
I've never gone back to a man whos cheated
     Or beat me or made me feel less than nothing
I've never based my opinions of others on my past
     Or cut myself so I could at least feel something
I'm never gonna make another mistake
    Or fail or treat someone unkind
I've always thought I was worth more than others think
    And I've never lost my mind

My heart is having an affair
       with sarcasm
     My mind doesn't want to admit
            the truth
          My soul is in a blissful state
                 of irony
                My eyes are blind to anyone
                       but *you

I twist around the aches in my heart
Dodging and skipping past
The three little things that tear me apart
I feel guilty with every smile
And every time I laugh
My sides burn like I walked a mile
Not even in my own shoes
And I'm so tired,
But there's nothing more I can do
I've tried, so many times
Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep at night
Those faces flash through my mind
And I can't even tell
If it's a dream or a nightmare
Not even sure anymore
If they even want me there
Or if they even remember my face
But he keeps playing this game
Acting like I'm the one
All in a rage
Yet, he's the one turning them to pawns
And every morning
About the break of dawn
I wake up and for just one moment
I forget that they're not here
And then it finally hits me
With a steady flow of tears
Thinking back to all the years
They were constantly by my side
And now I just wanna hide
Bury myself inside my mind
Let my death by broken heart
Take its sweet, slow time

I wish I was one of
      Those people
Who has the ability
       To break a heart
So badly they **** a soul
          If I was....
I swear I'd never let someone hurt
      The way I have

I wish I was one of
          Those people
Who could be loved so fully
        Cherished so deeply
      If I was...
I'd return the favor tenfold
      So lovingly
   I'd never let them go
      The way I never was

I wish I was one of
        Those people
Who are worth all the love
      and genuine affection
Someone worth having someone there
             Someone
        That really cares
            If I was....
I'd never take them for
     Granted
The way I always was

I wish I was one of
           Those people
Who have found their true love
      Happiness and joy
Someone who deserves that
        Love and companionship
I wish I could be the other half
         To anothers soul
     If I was....
I'd never let it go

Mindless nightmares
Soft, silent breath
Nobody there
Just awaiting **death

Write* me down
Paint me bright
Draw me beautiful
Watch me fight

Know my heart
Feel my soul
Think about me
Don't lose control

Don't let me fade
Don't let me die
Show me the way
Don't make me cry

Sing my chorus
Type my plays
Remember my words
Love me **always

I'm a passerby
     On this road of life
    Sleeping all day
        Zombie by night
  No purpose
      No reason
           No rhyme
   In this winter season
       The only thing
     I want to find
          Is a quiet
  Lonely place
To slowly waste away
        and
             **die

Lost
Feeling lost in the depths of your mind
Can't find a way out of the maze
In a haze and dazed
People say
"She's just going through a phase"
But it's deep
In your soul
You can't sleep or eat
You don't wanna exist anymore
Until you find a way to pick yourself up off the floor
Sometimes it's a friend,
Bended down on one knee
Saying
"Get up now, time to follow my lead"
It's hard to believe,
You don't even wanna try
But a lovers smile
Or a friends embrace...
Sometimes that's all it takes
Just tell yourself
"I'm not living on the ground anymore"
Get off the floor,  
It's gonna be better than before
Find what needs to be found
Turn your life around
There's people worth living for
I promise...  
"There's happiness out there"
You just gotta believe
Come on now
Follow my lead
I'll help you get where you're going
I'm here, bended on one knee
"Take my hand, I'll guide you through"
I'm here to help you
This is time for discovery,
Believe in me
It's never too late for recovery
"Just follow me back to reality*"

~
      
           If
            I
        Could
         Find
           The
            Rhymes...
    Would
         You
             Be
                Mine?

~

They see all the good
    They're torn towards all the bad
             They know what's coming
   But they never look back
          To all they could have had
     They want their justice
              Yet, they leave it to the devil
        Dressed all in black
              With wilted roses
   Tattooed across their backs
           They've fallen,
    Deceived, tortured and abandoned
         Their holy calling
  There's a war raging between
            Their moral stance
       Their inner desires
                And their loyalty
         They never leave life to chance
  These Angels in black
          With wilted roses
       Tattooed across their backs,
Daggers, swords and knives
          Have red stained faces
     And hold the fate
             Of all our lives
       They can feel the shame
    Of this deadly game they play
          Yet, these Angels in black
With wilted roses
        Tattooed across their backs,
    Sacrifice everything for our souls
            Yet, a soul
   Is *all they truly lack

I cultivated something under the snow
Sewed it deep to watch it grow
I felt the roots take and the warmth on my face
Resonating from the hearts I had froze

I shuddered against the intense heat
Battling my soul within a heartbeat
The seconds pass but the moments last
As the past slowly puts me to sleep

And of what should I dream but the bloodless seeds
And their chilled heartbeat from underneath
The silence sweeps as I wake and weep
And reflect, I respect that I cut too deep
And your demons escaped
But in my defense, recompense was achieved,
You did bleed, but never believed in Band-Aid
And every hand laid against you was desired
You're hardwired for self-defeat

I crush myself amidst my own callous hate
Bringing to light a dreadful new fate
With scars that burn and the images they create
Collapsing, falling under the massive weight
And suddenly you surround me
Making it difficult to breathe
But all the lies you never did believe
A layer of doubt hidden beneath
Typically speaking, you never say what you mean

He would catch me every time I fall
Always being there to hold me
He would say he's the one who has it all
And I would say he's my destiny
A rebellious spirit without a cause
For me to absolve from insanity

Let's look to brighter horizons
Hold each other and greet
Every day with pure precision
Love will be our greatest feat
In spite of so much indecision
Tomorrow's tides we will boldly meet

Together, with my love, nothing can go wrong
I'll fulfill his dreams, he'll end my pain
In his arms, I'll find where I belong
Love like that, even poetry can't explain
Yet here I am, unable to find him
Walking all alone in the rain

Yes, I'm walking through the rain again
Solemn rain drops trail down my face
Just like tears which pain transcends
...Wait, what is this that does so grace?
A yellow umbrella at the towns's end?
Why do I feel so compelled to chase?
What is this fluttering my heart now lends?

Huddling under my umbrella, bright yellow
I feel something good down deep to the bone
Turning around, I see a tall handsome shadow
He too, is walking in the rain all alone
One look into his dark green eyes and I know
He's got a sad broken heart, to match my own

As I draw near, I see into her eyes
Broken glass; windows into the soul
I wonder, just how many guys
Have come, to rob her of control?
I feel as if our hearts beating inside
Share a simple link, so emotional

Linked at the very first sight
I never really believed in fate
Then he gave me a crooked smile, so bright
No longer would I ever have to wait
Our hearts were pounding as one
A new destiny together, we would create

*Never knew, never thought, never hoped
Eyes could catch and spark a fire
In this old heart that I thought broke
Return to me a feeling, once expired
Come sun or rain, our heart's will cope
Renewed, I finally found my love desired

Well....
     Last night
          Skip came to the rescue
**** Pennsylvania state troopers
     No wallet for proof
Called Skip, 1am
          He walked in the snow
Just to help drive us home
      He didn't have to
But, he came to the rescue
          Probably lost about 6 hours of sleep
     But **** if he's not a good friend to keep
         If only I could repay him in some way
       Well, my only talent is poetry
So here's what I'll say...
      Thank you Skip
   So **** much
          You went out of your way
      It must have been tough
   I'm not sure what else to do
       Besides just saying thank you
For coming to my rescue!

You don't really wanna know the truth,
Do you?
I'm scared of what you might see,
Or that you just won't believe...
I think I'll try this new thing called
Honesty
Granted, it's not really new to me
I'm all for telling everyone else the truth
But I need to be honest with myself
There's just certain things I don't wanna believe
If everyone else can see,
Then I'm really gonna try for you
I guess what they say is true...
"The Truth Will Set You Free"

I wanna be your medicine
               To take away your pain
         I need you to take me regularly
To be swallowed whole by you
                              Daily
                  I want you to feel
  That you'd die without me
          And never leaving my side is
     Necessary

          I wanna be your cigarettes
                          To burn for you
     I want you addicted to me
In your mouth constantly
                   I want you to inhale me.
         Every time you
                     Breathe

         I wanna be your music
                     Your drugs
   Your heart and soul
           Your liver and your lungs
I want you to NEED me
             I need to feel that feeling
   The feeling that I'm
                Not just something
                            But everything



Because,
For far too long,
I've felt like nothing.

One day, the body decided to choose, they all wanted a say, win or lose. Never knowing who was boss, had made them all tired, on that day, this is what transpired...

The heart said* "I should be in charge, I'm the toughest muscle and my love is large"
Said the feet, "Well, that's not fair. Without me you could go nowhere."
The hands spoke up, "Who helps you eat and drives your auto down the street?"

"Don't you like your balance, and how we help you dance, without us, you'd never stand a chance" said the arms in unison.
"Oh! But I'm not done" entered the heart, singing this tune "I guide you all blindly along, bringing hope and faith, why not sing my song?"

This sorely raised the sphincter's ire... "Without me, all you would expire... I'll constipate and blur the eyes, make you weak within the thighs. Make the brain go comatose, dribble on you feet, yea, that would be gross..."

****** says to all, clear as day "Excuse me! I have something to say! Without me, you'd all be no more, for I give life, you're all a bore. I'm done with this stupid dispute!"
"Ummm, excuse me love muffin," says the thighs, "But if I didn't open wide, your point would be mute!"

The eyes chimed in, "Look here... Oh, that's right... You cannot see... Who better to guide you along... Without my help, how lost you'd be"

"I have a question." said the brain.  "Don't you thin... Oh, wait... Without me you're all nothing. Legs couldn't walk, mouth could not talk, heart wouldn't believe and no one would breathe!"

"I'm your pull toy, your magic ****... I make the babies... Yes, I be a *****!" said Mr. You Know Who
"I think you smell funny" laughed the nose,  "Go cry to your mommy,  Boohoo!"

"If you think that smells bad," said miss muffin... "Take a lick on this and then get stuffin!"

"Don't forget about me! I can hear, I'm important too, I'm your ear!"
"Well, I'm more important, I let you all breathe" said the lungs.
"Without me you couldn't speak!" said the mouth, sticking out his tongue.

Said the sphincter, "I've told you all so... Without me working you'd be slow, you'd grow weak and cease to function and I'll close up with no compunction...."  The other vital organs heard and then conceded without a word and then came the extremities who had no choice but to agree.

*Now you know, this little story goes, you don't need to be a brain to be boss, just an *******.

Embarrassment soars through me
Since last night and all this lonely day
I don't wanna make you feel worse
But it's your fault,
Just cause you didn't have the nerve to say
The Truth
Yet, that's all I've ever said to you
Open and honest, straight to my core
I'm not sure I've felt this betrayed before
A best friend if there ever was,
But they say those you love can hurt you worse
Than any enemy or anyone you hate
I think I loved you first
But it don't matter now, isn't that great?

And still...

"No matter what you say or what you do, when I'm alone I'd rather be with you. **** these other ******, I'll be right by your side, till 3005."

Whether in love or simply friendship
I could never leave your side
It's crazy how much you mean to me
I'm still hurt and so very angry
I understand why you did what you've done
Doesn't mean that I think it's okay
But I'll still love and care about you
Until my dying day

Because...

"No matter what you say or what you do, when I'm alone I'd rather be with you. **** these other ******, I'll be right by your side, till 3005."

I can't hate you, even though you think you deserve it
And I can't deny that's true
But whether you like it or not
You're stuck in my heart with super glue
But seriously...
Don't ever ******* lie to me
Or keep secrets from me
I don't deserve it
Silence is better than *******...

"With the awareness comes periods of days, sometimes weeks, when I have to avoid looking into a mirror. My self hate is so deep, so palpable, I fear I'll lunge at my own image, shatter the glass and cut myself with shards of broken reflection."

     ~Jax Teller (Sons Of Anarchy)


The mirror reflects images
Of past things I'd like to forget
Memories project ghosts that faded
Long ago after I built up my regrets
And that reflection shines through
All the different scenarios
Of this life that I've lived through
And heartbreaks, everywhere I go

Heartbreak, heathens, hounds and Hell
What wonderful whispers the mirror has to tell
I've heard them before - **** - they came from my core
Love was the loathing that turned into lore
****** the person in the mirror
The truth could not be clearer:
A monster spawned once the medicine cabinet filled with liquor
You hate me? Join the ******* club
I'm the ******* dartboard at the local pub

Then comes the crashing, the breaking, the cuts and bruises
Spectrums of pieces and shatters of truths
And yet it all just reflects right back to mistakes from our youth
The mirror, just an ugly reminder of shame with all the proof
But what can we do? How can we forget?
The images of the past can't change how they reflect
From another angle we could possibly alter the effect
But no altercations can take away the pain and regret

I take a walk to distance me from myself,
but there is no harbor for demons hiding from Hell
I tried my damnedest to become better,
but despite how earnest, I only grew bitter
Now, being sober just gives me the jitters
I can't be alone with the Devil inside
I can't change things when the problem is I
People see me and they are befuddled
I see only a shell when I pass by these puddles

Empty, that's all that's left of me
Nothing, there's nothing left to see
The mirror is blank, a black hole
Drained into space, the remnants of my soul
Blank reflections shattered against my heart
Feeling of hate and self doubt ripping me apart
The eyes staring back at me have no emotions
Wide gazes and high tides like endless oceans
This nothingness is completely consuming me
My life, love and happiness have been swept out to sea

Sometimes, you haunt my dreams
I wake up, barely able to breathe
Maybe that's why I find it so hard to sleep
I can't help but keep the door locked
It's like I'm being mocked
Your shadow is stalking my routine
Every daily thing holds some bad memory
I really just wish you'd die in that cell
After everything you did to me
You deserve to go to Hell

There's no soul
I can walk home too
There's no door
Like before
To go through
There's no other side
Not this time
Nothing left to find
Love's gone
No heart to replace
Innocence displaced
Where's there to go?
No where,
From here
To there
To outer space
This maze of life
This absence of love
No more time
No more Rhymes
About hearts
Or finding the one
Death can try
But the love already died
And this reality?
It's done

I love you
             The way
       the sun
Loves
          the moon

Never together

       At a distance

              Always and *forever

The tragedy of technology
The power of the written word
We're all just writing our thoughts
Waiting for our minds to be heard

Many emotions, fears and horrid dreams
Our deepest secrets exposed in a few lines
Never getting the rhymes right, or so it seems
Life, love and the future we see in our minds

Though the words may be small
Poetry says it all.

Lost nights begin when my memory slowly starts to fade,
And give way to the thoughts that my heart invades
But I can't forget the pain and realize the memories are to blame
Life has a funny way of showing you all the things you can't change
And love has a beautiful way of letting you know, you'll never be the same

A Daily
   Breathing
        Habit

Someone
    Should
        Help Me
   Kick It

Misery* shows lies
Desperation shows the truth
Destiny bleeds **pain

You place your chin
    in the crook of my neck,
      sending shivers down my spine
                and I know it's time to unwind
The weekend floats in softly,
            mesmerized by time fading away
    beautifully
                    Stops me in my tracks
The week seems to drag on
          But you got my back
                 at the end of it all
             Racing through
the endless weekly marathon
     Our eyes and thoughts align
                    to this lovely phenomenon
        Cause it's not love
              without you and me
       This isn't just history
                                    in the making
        It's cartoons,
                   kush and coffee
    You're my Saturday morning, baby
             I'll love you through
                 all the days and weeks to come
     But lucky for us
        This weekends only just begun

What's past is past
I'm not looking back
Neither should you
I don't care what you've done
Or what's happened
Sure, you've been shattered
But so have I
I'll hold you when you cry
It's no trouble
I'm capable of helping you through
          Resilence
It's what I do
Simply who I am
I'm strong, I withstand
I love wholeheartedly
         Giving my all
I'm offering it to you
Take it or not, it's still yours
Give me some time
I can offer you even more
          Eyes closed,
I dream you say yes
Don't think about it too much
Don't second guess
I may be tough
But I'm not sure how much more loss I can take
My sweet poetic friend
So true to word and flow
The raw grit and emotion 
It's attractive, you know
I'm not sure where this is gonna go
Just don't say no
Don't walk away like those before
I'm asking for friendship, no more
              For now.......
I'm just here for you
Honesty in poetry
What we both do

Unrequited Love:*

              Life's way of saying...  

     "You can do better"

                   ❤❤❤

I pretend it doesn't hurt
I close my eyes,  and picture
A fantasy,  based on a reality
My mind couldn't capture
This intensity, it's new to me

I pretend I'm not afraid
But I'm ashamed of this game I play
No rules,  no winner in the end
But what can I say,  
I just really need a friend

I pretend I'm not lost,
That I'm not confused
Truth is..  I dont know what to do
But I'm stuck in this inbetween
And not as happy as I seem

I pretend I'm strong
But that's wrong, because I can't really fight back
And I'm so far off track
The days turning pitch black

I pretend I'm happy
Cause it's easier than the truth
I'm not abused,  just dying inside from being used

And in the end,  
I'll keep playing this game
Cause it's easier to pretend
Than admit my shame

I told you all some truths about me
                To be honest,
It was kinda sickening
        Completely disconcerting
I'm not sure I like opening up like that
          They were only ten words each
And most of you probably didn't understand their
          deeper meanings
      But to me,
They were everything
            All the little parts of me
That I truly don't like admitting
So, I've decided I'm done with
             the truth
At least for a little while
    It's time for some
        Pretty Little Lies
       A few to make you smile
And a few to make you cry
           Since everyone else can tell me
                  so many lies
Well, now it's my turn.

Does hate stay entwined in the back of your mind?
Is one of a kind love permanently etched in time?
Could death be the end of an idea
Even if it's never born?
Is life given from the inside
Before it's given the chance to form?

Some things can never end,
All things in life deserve the chance to breathe.
An idea, a feeling, even the things you never see.

Literally,

I've only

Seen one

Other human*

In

Two months.

Digging
Ditches
In my
Mind
Trying
          To
              Bury
                   The
                          P
                             A
                                 S
                                    T
                                   .......

You want me to HATE you?
        To yell, cuss and scream?
How could I do that to you?
             I'm living a nightmare,
      and you're my dream...

You want me to call you names?
    Say you're an *******, idiot, and worthless?
          How could I do that to you?  
    You're my only star,
           when I'm feeling hopeless

You want me to give you,
         What you think you deserve?
   Say you hurt me by being evasive, cowardly and untrue?
        How could I do that to you?
    I don't lie to or hurt the people I love...
          And you simply mean too much

       You want me to tell you a secret?
    Tell you how I'm hurt, crying and ashamed?
         How could I? It's not really true.
     You're stuck in my heart for good
And I've already forgiven you.

The shimmering light has died
         The image of you slowly
                    fades out
I will cry,
       I am crying,
                I have cried.
The darkness consumes the doubt
                The hail Mary,
        the pass over the line
    It's too much,
             I can no longer reach out
This knife is too pretty
         and *I'm not fine

A bend between
           space and time
To search,
       to seek,
             to finally find
                  the way,
             the path,
     an answer to the end
            Something to believe
         faith in a friend
    Standing tall
         when there's no answer
                at
                   all
     Running to save the day
         when you can barely crawl
            feeling your heart crush
      under the weight
           Pushing and Pushing
        until it's too late
NEVER giving up
           Following your heart
      remembering from the start
            racing to the finish
        Learning to diminish the past
Hoping the love just might last
         through time and space
      and the bend between
           holding strong to your place
   Knowing what cannot be foreseen
        but believing anyway
           Awaiting a new day
    A reuniting with that which you've lost
          willing to pay
      Even the ultimate cost
            Praying it won't come to that
        trying to look forward
                 No longer **Looking Back

Falling into the eyes of the wise
Where blinds are pulled into the lies
Told by the blind who can see through
The disguise of the soul called home
With nowhere to go and burning visions
Of disastrous decisions made of truth
Secrets told void of proof and ruthless clues
All pointing to the death of the deaf
Who heard there was nothing to prove
No sins committed out of kindness
Hold any fondness from the innocent at heart
Whose shards and shattered parts collect dust
Upon the relevance of lust and love
With a weakness and craving for the below
Because the above has nothing to show
Nowhere to go in the minds of the irrelevant
And mindless arrogance of the righteous
With evidence against the likeness of violence
Yet, the morally adept find time to change the minds
Of every kind of sin felt towards the blind and deaf
With ears and eyes to hear and see through the lies
About the so called wise after their deaths

Drowned by your words
Suffocated by ink
Struggling for breath

The things we do
The way we feel
One word at a time

Nervous
That's my stomach
When you come into my sight

Fast
Is the beating of my heart
When you come close enough to touch

Soft
The feel of your bare skin
When it's barely up against mine

Sweet
The smell of your body
When you're all wrapped up in me

Heat
What we make
When our hearts pound together

Friction
The best thing to have
When you're all up inside me
Pleasing to every inch

More
The way we feel
When we never wanna stop

Yes
My answer to anything
When all I want is you

Beautiful
The only thing you see
When you look into my eyes

Wild
What I see
When I look into your soul

Tired
What we are
When we've had *** for hours

Everything...  One word at a time

Love
What I feel for you
And a million words couldn't
Describe how much
Love
I feel for you,

One word at a time...

1 cup Misery
2 cups Heartache
2 1/2 tbsp Tears
3 tsp Death
4 cups Loss
A pinch of Hope
3 Kids (separated from me)
1/2 a Heart
1/4 cup Silence
6 cups Poetry
Whisk together for 5 minutes
Add 1 cup Solitude
Stir until well blended
Bake in a plastic bowl for 24 hours
Do not remove for 3 months
Throw remains in trash

My voice I cannot deny
I'm blinded by the times

My thoughts I cannot ignore
I miss everything from before

Everytime life throws a curveball
I cannot help but fall

When I'm down on my knees
I start to crawl

My heart I cannot feel
I have nothing that's real

This misery
Is completely consuming me
Torturing me
How can I fight this?
Can I even win this game?
Help to make my mind tame
Fulfill the righteousness
Leave behind the pettiness
But I cannot believe in happiness
When the only hearts that complete mine
Have been ripped from my arms
Placed into uncomparible harm
For an unknown length of time
The three black holes in my chest,
Where only they can be placed
Feels like they can never be refilled
And can certainly never be replaced
My life, my world, my everything
Unseen to my lost eyes
Torn right away from me
So cruelly, terribly, all to torture me
Well, it's working
I'm tortured, I'm broken, I'm burnt down
I can't give up, they will be found
I want to stay strong, I need to be brave
But this battle has become my warery grave

There's nothing
      I'd rather do
             Than just be
                     **With You