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Crumble Aug 2014
The acknowledgement hasn't
Kicked in yet
Maybe because the duvet covers
Are still vaguely wet
And I go slowly to the memories
Of when we first met
And ponder the existence
Of what newfound respect
They'd had for me
Though maybe I saw
What I wanted to see
And my mind hasn't caught up
With the thud of my chest
When it does
Maybe we'll see, it could know best
My mind hasn't caught up
I'm not sure why
Maybe I'll have to be patient
For my duvet to dry
Crumble Sep 2014
The sad truth is
You are worth
Every milligram
It will take
To make me
Sane again.
Annie Jul 2014
I've got a loss of words,

I feel nothing but everything
and I'm not sure what it is

but nothing is quite right
but then again, nothing is quite wrong

I think I've lost my mind in the
thoughts of..

How can I be so blind?
Who am I again -
whats your name?
look at the stars, they shine so bright.

Get out of my head
I want to get out of my own head
please lets not do this

You're a beautiful boy, I love you
I hate you
who are you?
hold me close keep them away

I can't do this I want to die.
I feel nothing,
I want to feel.
This is what I was going through, A bad trip with my lover while we were on shrooms. It was the worse experience I've ever had. While on them, I was tempted to walk into the middle of the street of traffic because on shrooms, you cant feel pain. My head was gone I had temporary lost  myself.
Lost
Feeling lost in the depths of your mind
Can't find a way out of the maze
In a haze and dazed
People say
"
She's just going through a phase"
But it's deep
In your soul
You can't sleep or eat
You don't wanna exist anymore
Until you find a way to pick yourself up off the floor
Sometimes it's a friend,
Bended down on one knee
Saying
"
Get up now, time to follow my lead"
It's hard to believe,
You don't even wanna try
But a lovers smile
Or a friends embrace...
Sometimes that's all it takes
Just tell yourself
"
I'm not living on the ground anymore"
Get off the floor,  
It's gonna be better than before
Find what needs to be found
Turn your life around
There's people worth living for
I promise...  
"
There's happiness out there"
You just gotta believe
Come on now
Follow my lead
I'll help you get where you're going
I'm here, bended on one knee
"
Take my hand, I'll guide you through"
I'm here to help you
This is time for discovery,
Believe in me
It's never too late for recovery
"
Just follow me back to reality*"
Irate Watcher Sep 2014
The badge of pride as a ******* in high school
was dunking your inflamed limbs
into an ice bucket for 20 minutes,
in Mr. Dewey’s office —
the school trainer AND
every girl's crush.

I always wanted  someone to pour
ice water over my sores,
and ****** always being healthy enough
as Jess told the teacher loudly enough
that she hurt her ankle at track AGAIN
needed to see Dewman.
Guess they were best friends now.
****

When I fractured my back, I didn’t even get a doctor's note.
Because I wasn’t on a school team.
I was a gymnast for an outside club, not high school varsity.
My high school had disbanded the gymnastics team in the 70’s.
Said it was too much of a liability.
The last team picture hung in the award cases on the first floor.
I wished I could be one among those vintage leotards,
framed in gold — the warriors of high school.
Most of my classmates didn’t know I even did a sport.
They just thought I was a bookworm who was flat-chested.
Only the girls poked my abs in the locker room,
asking how I got them.

So I iced my wounds at home.
I didn’t even know my back was broken
and for a month I drank ibuprofen.
Sharp pains biting more frequently,
I finally went to the doctor.
The nurse asked me if I wanted to look
while she injected me with an isotope that
poisoned my dreams of finishing the season.
Green neon lit my bones, shedding the diagnosis —
no gymnastics for six weeks.

At school, I dressed to fit my backbrace:
baggy t-shirts and sweatpants.
My straightener rusted.
Messy buns took precedence.
I tried to go to practice, but my coaches told me to leave.
But I had no where to be!
And I had no friends at school.
My only friends I watched get awards,
not registered, but wearing my warmups.
I swore how I could beat the competition from the stands.
Stupid back.
Stupid Christine.
Stupid me.
I should have never done that 1 1/2 twist front flip series.
Poor bones landing on hard carpet repeatedly,
I ignored the jolts as static electricity.

Now everyone was working on new skills
and I could barely do a cartwheel.
That summer we had lots of pool parties —
but I couldn’t dive in.
So I sat on the ledge,
feet dipped in, while everyone played chicken.

— — —

After six weeks of recovery,
I start jogging.
I did a roundalf,
then a backhandspring.
That night I was so sore —
my memory of skills strong, but
my muscle memory poor.
Each stride into a tumbling pass felt like running in a pool.
Some days I felt like sprinting down the tumble-track
Other days I wanted to bounce on my back,
stare at the ceiling, and feel each node of impact.

Recovery day was my coach laying down a mat.
Today was the day I’d repeat the skill that broke my back.
I took a deep breathe and three long steps
into the first part of the tumbling pass:
roundoff,
backhandspring,
back layout one-and
a-half twist, front flip
stuck into a step.
My coaches cheered and
my friends clapped.

I was back.

Yes.

I was back.
Poetic T Aug 2014
Do I have too, the world is to much
Every moment a struggle
People don't see me the way I see inside
Right now suicide is feeding me
Every moment is getting to much
So many friends, but talking can be to hard
Sealing myself in, the out side a picture
I* wish upon a *life, that I didn't feel this so much
Open me up see what's turning inside out
No that this is a illness, make a call, life is worth so much
Such a nasty illness like a vine it can consume, if ever this feeling is with you, know there is family and friends that can help never feel that life is a weight upon you,Talk..
Poetic T Aug 2014
A pool of black, crystal clear tears fall
Pure thought sinks deep,
A moment of clarity
White,
Grey,
Black,
Then swallowed once more.
It once again as it was before,
With the wind of sadness
Blowing across, washing the darkness
Upon the eyes shores,
Falling tears of desperation,
Clear falling, black tar upon the floor,
I am not the shining star I was before
I am a sun in it last gasp of light
Dull
Then
Illuminated
Darkness  
Then my mind will implode
Then my light will be extinguished,
No longer whole,
Those crystal tears were the sunshine
But now consumed in the pool,
Darkness has now taken hold.
Adam Aug 2014
if you're lost without               direction
i will be one of maybe             just a few        
i can be    your  own                compass                  
let me        encompass          you, when
direction       is unknown       my arms
are a                 place to                move,
come                    in enjoy the warmth
for i                           will always face
north                            straight true
                          
when your life is all recessions
and really all  depressions  too
let me be
your
compass
let me come encompass you
your Longitude and Latitude are
all thrown
in a muck
let me get you to a place,
where you wont feel so stuck


               The tropic of cancer
       Is not a place for one to linger
  if you need to             grab my hand
hold on like i'm               your stringer
   when you cant                
       gasp another
           breathe and    
               there   isn't
                   anything
                       you  can do
come, and          let me be your    
compass,                let me come  
  and                        encompass you
   every sigh                  you relieve      
     will help                    find you on
          the map,                 and every
             time you             squeeze
                my hands, will help
                      you to relax
                      

this world is                     full of                     problems, one
thing that im                for sure, so                lets forget all
  the complacent           and replace               them with
    something               more,      wipe           away your
       tears you              wont         need        them where  
          we are          going.             if your    lost ill be
           your paddles                         we can find the
            way together                          and just like
              a little                                   compass ill
              be here                                     forever
none
Bharti Singh Jul 2014
For every earnest question
Your response lacked conviction
An adroit silent escape
Saying that’s how I am made
Is like hammering my gentle trust
Leaving my crackled heart in crust
Just like your dire attempts to woo a foe
I wanted a fraction of that attention you know
I still in hope, of being understood
later or soon
Follow you like a goon!
Bharti Singh Aug 2014
Rains have stolen my rainbow terrain
Left to yearn for the sunshine again
Heart full of moss
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