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Nylee Aug 2020
a million pieces
  it is how my dreams have become
little by little
  every little break a little
multiply and increase

By next month
  I'd be counting the billionth one
the reality is too real
  I see nothing ticks my list
and I am slowly learning to accept
  I am getting there

Now the darkness took over
  The dreams I see in the night
My back of eyelids
  grant me the solace
From the daily torture of day ones

Sometimes I see a face
  who know how to sew those pieces
it is better I stay clear
  These broken pieces would make a beautiful mosaic
  But any tear ahead will be the sudden death,
I'd be too distorted for any new wreck.
Nylee May 2024
I'm yet to feel my age,
All I feel is burning rage
with inflation comes reducing wage
As I figure through all my problems,
there is no permanent solution
but with every fix
there is a new mountain ready
To envelope me.
Nylee May 2020
It is a thought
I thought a lot
We began
And we end
We live in between
Like a movie scene
But all I want
Is a final happy ending.
Nylee Nov 2017
If I have a choice to be happy
 at every chance I get
                        why do I always pick to be sad?
Nylee Feb 22
Me, mine, my and I
how, who, what, why?
No, not at all, try
Somehow, so possessive
A monstrous instinct
This ego needs to die.
Nylee Sep 2020
You were fresh out of September
Dewdrops touching my face

a bright day
A sunny smile
the star lighting me up

A patch of pink and blue

but with rainy nights
and windy breezy evenings

The sweaters of November
will suit you too
.
Nylee Nov 2023
Effortless words, spoken with no efforts,
A miracle, it seems to me.
A fractured mind, adrift at sea,
Your presence drives me to insanity.

Hanging by a thread, very thin,
Chaos reigns within.
Should I bother, should I care?
Let the wind take you elsewhere.

A snarky voice, it whispers low,
In the darkness, where I go.
No need to impress, for all is lost,
My interest fades, like morning frost.

You linger near, a mystery,
A running commentary in my head.
Your words replay, like a haunting melody,
From different voices, I am misled.

Nothing feels right, nothing seems true,
You've driven me out of my mind with a beautiful view.
Nylee Dec 2020
How insecure am I
It comes out in waves
as I call out the names
it's been ever the same
as far, since I was five.

I see them
looking at me,
they can sense my nervous energy,
I can see the anxiety building up
Overflowing the cup
as I grow old.

I am okay
without anybody
But I change immediately
as I sense someone
around me.

It's just me
I feel everyone judging me,
I want high scores
but I can't act right,
I know it is impossible
to please everyone
but at those times
I just forget even to try,
it's how I am.

I do know,
I am getting negatives
because of my inactions
but I cannot calm my nerves.
It is the heart hammering
On the walls loudly,
It is hard.

My eyes
vulnerable to all eyes,
Can't you see that I
am afraid?

I am an open book
with empty lines,
with doodles at sides,
this is my mind
with more scribbles.

I can't grow like this,
I've to get over this
the world is merciless,
won't give another chance
this is it, miss the hit
you go back home.

I am nervous, I am unsure,
I am a mess, looking for cure,
my best attempt of smile
is like another big failure,
I try to speak up, more words
they flow with stammer.
Nylee May 2018
wherever I will go
he'll move away
tilted reality
unaware, I am,
he's passing me
changing his paths
so we never meet ever
but we are together
for a second
holding our breath
blinking our eyes
beneath the blue skies
.
Nylee May 2018
Digging out the history
he created a new story
which suited his creativity
used all the evidence
to his benefit
to get the required popularity
praises for his credibility
and no rings and bones
are opposing it.
Nylee Oct 2020
I see, breathe and
feel my heart
breaking a thousand times a day
I keep silence all through the day, the night
but when I go to sleep on my bed,
I remember each broken piece
like a still fresh bleed
Depriving me from night's peace
this is my sleep disease
All these heartaches control my night dreams
They won't cease till I cease.
Nylee Jul 2024
World turns quiet at night
no more noise on the streets
it turns to slowness
but it is loudest inside
The soul speaks in me
Thinking is thundering
raining with hard emotions
it is too much, too soon
lingering feelings churning
while looking at the moon
Nylee May 2018
Walking the street
the dark blue sky
yellow on eyes
down the street lights
I move forward
with many shadows
beside me


Empty street
haunting feelings
stumbling legs
there are buildings
all around me
all asleep in darkness
no movements
I can hear
my intake of air


The last street
to the house
I call my own
I drag my feet
faster
so I can keep
the fear of unknown
down
.
Nylee May 2017
Chances are
I won't get any chance
to  make my dreams true
So I'll rather stay
in my daydreaming trance
away from the worlds cold
Nylee Sep 2019
A clear sky
No grey sight
With fist full of desires
green dreamy eyes
I fly away
.
Nylee May 2017
Stronger, but not invincible
Hidden, but not invisible
Unclear, but not unaware
Careful,
          but no longer care.
Nylee Dec 2017
Silver flame burn in her eyes
as she tries to hold back her tears
Dark shining fires  
shooting like spears
beating beats of fear.

Rain drops falling the greyness
in the field, by the river
shine of the diamond
devoid of the glitter
slowly the sparks die.

Rings don't bond them back
unstretched the spring
broken ties, empty hearts
unopened carts
but a game of cards.

Moved back in position
dreading the new season
searching the reasons
blaming themselves
in those eerie silences.

Fighting themselves to break
but trying in hearts another stitch
the tear too large
a very hard wreck
unlikely to be any merger.
Nylee Jul 2021
Little by little
every shard of my work
will disappear from this world
and the time will erase
my existence
.
yet this year I celebrated my birthday
Nylee Apr 2017
what are we waiting for?
Luck to make it all alright
Happiness to make everything all good
Love to make everything complete
Success to make work go worth
Money to have everything you want
Hope which will not diminish

or a normal Life
to live with and without everything mentioned above.
Nylee Apr 2018
This adulthood is the most uncomfortable place I'm in,        
it will not come to an end soon like all the good things do.
Nylee Apr 2017
When I'm alone at night ,
I am not scared to turn off the light
I am not frightened that  easily
That is what I tell myself
I don't glance behind every next moment
I don't jump when I see some shadows
The strange sounds in the background
which echos around
doesn't terrify me
Nor do I look outside the window
Or I hide behind my pillows
There is nothing to fear at night
Nothing at all
Nylee Nov 2020
Day by day
everything is the same
but everything has changed
In a flick of time
everything is translated
A year turning into
a new lifestyle
everything is changing
I can't see it now.
Nylee Oct 2017
The morning after the night before
the life's empty shore
nothing left, nothing no more
just an unfinished score
with helpless expressions we wore
on a vacant floor
the mind is quite sore
nothing no more.
Nylee Nov 2019
So this happened
And that too
The mind is alive
Not coming to
Conclusion
It is 3am
On my bed since 11
My eyes are wide open
Not sleeping at all.
Nylee Feb 2017
I hate when the my thoughts go there
And I sit and stare
I hate when I get tempted to do that
And I do and regret
I hate when I do not feel content
As I  haven't  lived a sad life.
I hate when I do not know what I resent
But that feeling controls my life
I hate to see that I am not what I wanted to be
Nylee Apr 2017
The world would have been wonderful
if wars were peaceful
&
hate was lovely

There would be no one hurt
No dread , no threat
no violence
Nylee Jul 2022
What is me?
not even a speck
in this universe sea.
who am I even?
I can't believe in
the being human,
where there are seven billion
just like me,
while I keep my eyes close
to this reality.
Nylee Mar 18
It's a reality when it is observed
It is unreal if no one sees
Even imaginary is unreal
but feels as if it is not.
If real is not real, why do I feel
we are running to acquire nothing
Are we onto something being
driven to see nothing sticks for long enough
If what I have doesn't make me happy
I manifest things with great yearning
But when I acquire, it just loses its lustre
Becomes painfully ordinary, are we onto anything?

we are participating in this life
It is real or fictitious, maybe both
we perceive it in our mind
Likely we have different insights
The echoes of our actions in a fleeting sound,
We bark out like a wounded hound.
We chase the shadows, of a promised light,
And grasp at substance, that dissolves in night.
The questions linger, in this hollow space,
Is meaning woven, or a fleeting grace?
Perhaps the journey, is the only truth we find, we are onto nothing,
A constant searching, of a restless mind.
Nylee Oct 2023
Open the chambers of my mind,
Where memories are enshrined,
Some clear, some blurred, but all profound,
A tapestry of my lived life, unbound.

I watch them play, like reels on a screen,
A kaleidoscope of moments, unseen,
Some joyous, some sad, but all real,
The chapters of my life, they reveal.

From childhood days of carefree glee,
To teenage years of angst and spree,
To adulthood's trials and tribulations,
Each memory holds its own vibrations.

Though some may bring a tear to my eye,
I cherish them all, for they're a part of me.
For in the tapestry of my life,
Each memory plays a vital role, without strife
Nylee Apr 2024
I cannot store the happiness in the chest
It is hollow at present
I felt it in the early hour
It is never there when I want
It is something expected
never to be found.

Use it little to little as I need it
It disappears before I could consume
in the air, and gone!

I cannot buy it or control it
Cannot stock up when in abundance
It never comes to stay
going away
with devastation taking it's place.

It may be true as I once heard
Happiness has no existence.
Nylee Mar 2017
Paintbrush and paints
can make empty canvas
               change its identity
Nylee Aug 2021
It's       a   desperate          plea
Do    not                ignore    me

I­'d act out
I don't know
what it is about
Take a notice of me
I've been waiting patiently
for not much but all I need is
an attention for a second or three
for without I'll wilt without your sunshine
Please water me with all the love you'd do your plants
.


Don't pluck me apart
POV
Nylee Oct 2024
POV
Am I making mistakes
or living my life,
Is it softness I feel
or sharp edged knives?

how is it that the difference
I just cannot perceive?
I sweep over the floor
believe good will preceed.
it's nice to be in present tense,
where future still don't exist
in my mind, it's a void hole.
Am I being a lot dense
or is it somehow
awakening in senses.

Is it looking bright, the sun
why do I feel I am looking at the life anew,
what changed, is it a dream sequence
or the perception
Looking at it from a different point of view.
Nylee Apr 2018
The more it hurts
The more I smile
because the smile has the power
To make it useless
.
Nylee Mar 2024
Slowly taking away every piece of me written from this place
My power is limited, but I love the feeling of purge
it will be fresh start, gradually and then all of a sudden
It will be blessing in disguise, a hidden current,
Stilled in backdated history, written words are not immortal.
Nylee Jan 2020
Feels thump heart
The diagnosis awry,
Emotions stick up
Eyes don't tell
Words don't spell
every thing right,
What goes wrong?
Nylee Oct 2023
Like every other person I know
                 Y o u won't choose me.
Self prophecy poem
Nylee Sep 2024
I am so filled with the feeling
the sensation of being in turmoil
Inwardly, I do anything and I recoil
In the intense ***, internally I boil
the thoughts, they create delusion
and desires tend to make me fall
its the ground zero, I could only crawl
But this reality is self constructed
You have a superpower, to rise above
Your mind plays, the normal ways
bring up the courage, anyhow
because if you change, the world around transforms
it's all happening for reason, wait for the next season.
Nylee Dec 2018
Increase
add more
what is there
is so less.

it is endless
little still
extra need
more to feed
up to greed

no way to rid
there is a thirst
countless prayers
many faces
every day
ending with empty hands

all the resources
forces
on the toes
evolving
multiplying the lives
depleting what is left
it will end
all has been said.
Nylee Dec 2018
Which algorithm is going to understand me
understand sentiment behind what I do
It is coded for catching the patterns
For them we are just there
to generate the data to process
What insights will they create
about me when I'm just the outlier
they will remove me to get cleaner results
Generalise the problem
that it won't cater to me
technology is not the slave
they make us dance to their tune
We change, as much as they advance
Develop worse habits
change our routines
from when we were in the more happier place
to a place which comes with waves of sadness.
Nylee May 2024
Would it be restful or like the way it has been
Like a swirl of ideas hanging
While my head touches the pillow
and my thoughts reaches the *****
and tumbling down I go
Revolve around the world
In a brief here, there,
my thought scraps are everywhere
Gather me in the backpack
Throw me back in bed like a sack
I need it to be restful,
All I get are eye circles
Nylee Sep 2019
It was just yesterday I revealed little of myself to you. Then again I changed within hours and discovered a little more of myself.

Standing in the mirror, the reflection and the light flicker. The candle flame added another warm shade as part of me fade away.

A plunge ahead comes with fall to follow, it is easy when we walk slow. The pace of my thoughts is lost, ahead of me in its exploration.

Someday there will be ease, hopefully with more of the inner peace. The sweater will keep me warm, my armour will save me from harm.

So open to the world and vulnerable for a second and more, shields up in moments later. Trust escapes and gets captured in a matter of time.

It is dizzy and not, words in world and too many thoughts. Aging but learning, drowning but burning, the ironies are shining bright.
Nylee Jun 2018
I don't feel that happy anymore
even when I should.
Does that mean, I'm actually not that sad
or these symptoms are really that bad.

I don't understand that much
in situation as good as such,
I smile to make it look I'm fine
and slowly I pine
to feel carefree.

Is it that I'm aware
this is happiness in just looks,
inside it is all hollow
nothing in mouth to swallow.

The way it use to be
nervous to lonely
the open door
only takes me to hell.

I'm familiar to this feeling
slowly growing on my skin
I keep chewing to the bitterness
which is coming to throw me off guard
because in the end it is how it will end.
Nylee Jun 2023
Clinging to my dreams
Losing touch to reality
I am alone swimming
In this fierce ocean
I am catching the cold
Iciness in this stone heart
Barely floating
How to wake up from this fantasy,
this water is too salty.
Nylee Jun 2020
Is everything the way you thought before?
Has nothing changed,
The lessons learnt
Forgotten the very next day?
Is perspective still the same way
The memory is disappearing
Life is moving on
Time won't slow down
Am i still the old me,
I dont feel changed at all
.
Nylee Sep 2020
As I look through my past poetries
I've already felt the feelings I am feeling now
Like on repeat stream, I stream through it again
I will capture it once again,
Like a treasured entity.

The paper will be heavily inked
with an account of watery blotches
My eyes heavily rained
it makes an unforgettable picture,
the state of my heart,
the same as this half torn paper.
Nylee May 2023
In the centre of blame game,
You find a scapegoat,
A sacrifice for greater good
Too bad!
Nylee Jan 27
A heart adrift in the fields of pain, I wander, restlessness as my guide.
Each face tells a story I long to mend, yet my hands feel useless and desperate, tied.
Empathy flows, a river deep, but real solutions feel out of reach.
Their suffering echoes, my own heart weeps, a foolish savior on a lonely beach.

Yet in this shared despair, a flicker might ignite,

A hand outstretched, a voice in the endless night.

Snow is melting beneath my feet,

You and I, unnecessarily meet.
She
Nylee Mar 2017
She
There are things she hide,
Even  from  herself.
She will not ask for help,
She has too much pride.

She will work harder,
she will do things more,
She'll not let other see,
Her problem is much bigger.

She will not say,
That she is tired,
She'll pretend normal
and join others anyway.

She want to not be dependent,
She want to make her own road,
She wants not others advice,
Just appreciation of her achievements.

She has many dreams to complete,
and many more left to see.
She wakes with the fire,
And she is ready to compete.

She has power, she has will
She has love, she has ambition
She is special, she is unique
She is the one who makes your life meaningful.
Nylee May 2018
Wrapped in silk and satin
she has been waiting
long.
She doesn't expect him
not anymore, but habit
stays.
She nor grins,nor frowns
standing at the end of her lawn
alone.
The day count lost numbers,
lost many days and slumber
hours.
Hope faded, love went,
only she stayed
so far
.
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