I told her to leave.
I am miserable .
Wont be able to give you anything.
But she stayed...
Now I am more miserable.
Now I am more afraid..I am afraid she is also a journey not my destination.
When was the last I ever held Helen It seems now
such a long time
sad I'm now growing old memory not as good as It once was
So through the poetry, I'm writing of my darling
just In case, I grow
old and my memory fade even more loss of memories I fear the
But If at leased written down all my
memories they'll remain forever In time
and should I grow old which eventually like or not It will
but at least when It does my family and friends
can for themselves
how true and brave to her end their Mother my
Helen, there was never a braver woman who fought her whole life through illness terrible pain against all odds right to the end "God Bless Her"
Oh how I remember long
before Helen's illness took hold we wake In a morning lay laughing and joking
and right there on spare of the moment no plan, It would be let's go out for the day
what about the bills I'd say, Helen's reply stick a note Johnny pay next week
up to the train
off to the seaside, we'd go without a care In the world
because we were so much In love
that was all that mattered bills could wait I miss those days so much It's wasn't long after
before Helen's disabilities started that robbed her of so much In life worse for Helen was her loss of Independence
away from her bit by bit till she ended up totally reliant 0n la wheelchair
had to sleep with an oxygen mask and had to carry an oxygen cylinder and mask
ever she went and Helen survived to be In Hospital four consecutive years each time she was close death
I was told to prepare for that possibility of her not being with me but each time Helen won against all odds
but last time Helen went In I knew she wasn't going to make for she had lost the will to live for she had lost all her
to be not able to do
just simple things In life was too much of a struggle for her and despite the fact she loved
and her family and friends she reluctantly had to let go because of her poor quality of life and such dreadful
suffered to point no amount of pain killers
would touch her
and suffering similar to what Helen
suffered I know much more if Helens struggles Helen was a true
but like all good fighters, they know when they are beaten as was In Helen's case bless her soul she stayed brave to the
Helen was a true fighter and fought her battles right to the
for like all good fighters that know when they are beaten
and except the loss
Sat drinking a cup coffee watching people passing by without my wife who
used to be
very few people that pass me by even notice I am there and the people who knew my
well they don't know me anymore so I've gone from being known to a total stranger through the loss of my
Its almost as If I don't exist anymore I can walk down the street no one stops or talks to me as they did with my
like a ghost I can walk down the street without being
which suppose has Its advantages as I can get on with my day without Interruption
Since Helen been goneso to are her friends apart from family who have always been there for me just as they were for my wife help me so much
Through abuse as a kid when I became a young man I was never able to form any relationships
so finally when I pluck
the courage to ask Helen
It was as If I had come to Helen with the Innocents of a child any Intimacy I knew nothing had not even kissed a girl but I knew I loved Helen and didn't wont to lose
So everything Helen thought me everything there was to know about love, Helen never ever faulted me for any of my failings In *******
In the early stages of our relationship many times sitting on the end of the bed apologising to Helen having got her aroused and then felt I'd let her down
Helen never complained
but Instead to she comforted and encourage
me which started to give me confidence that I had never had
I owe so much to Helen for her understanding believe In me eventually Helen became pregnant and gifted our
But sometime you have to believe In someone give them a chance you could end up being pleasantly
Helen never ever faulted me for any of my failings to which In the early days of our relationship there were quite a few but she believed me
Everything between Helen and I was always shared no secrets or lies between us did we ever have a friendship and a love that stood the test of
No mattered what was ever thrown at us throughout our lives and the time we had together
but we always stayed true to each other that the only way true love ever
For true love Is what Helen and I really had the wedding vows we made for better or for worse both us truly meant and we stayed faithful to each other to the very
Staying faithful to each other no matter what that true love Is all about
She come with beauty
She goes with unhappy
As she takes the hearts
She has no mercy
Her heart knows any kindly
She was very smart
She passed and looked
With the end of her sight
The hearts become imprisoned
She ordered ,they obeyed
She talked ,they listened
She pointed ,they raced
She stood ,they stood
She moved ,they followed
She went , they were gone
Who returns that run?
smart, obeyed,ordered, beauty, mercy,
I opened my door to someone
who I thought won't leave.
I was torn apart.
Then you came.
You let yourself in
through the window and stayed.
And I feel alive again.
Now I see
What I should have done, what I should have been
I don´t hate you...
I won´t hate you!
I just saw in you and him
What you and I didn´t had
And I´m sorry if i, me, myself was not capable
Of being as good of a ridding angel as he is
i just feel so small right now
As if my heart is about to explode out my chest
it all hurst so much now
how could i waste so much time
in someone who doesn´t even love me
Now I see,
But you don´t see me anymore don´t you...
it just hurst so ******* much sometimes
When you see her
She looks perfectly fine
Look closely into her eyes
You'll see a hundred reasons
No, a million reasons
That you should have stayed.