On a Wednesday,
I want to tell you the truth.
listen to me as if it's the first time you've heard a voice
On a Wednesday,
I want you to understand.
because I don't want to hurt you, you see. I want you to hurt me.
On a Wednesday,
at this table I want you to realize
it was meant to be like this all along.
To be on opposite sides of the table with different worlds as plates, different wants and needs as different tastes.
On a Wednesday,
I want you to taste what I taste.
*the sour taste of our expired time

Dreams,
What little they mean when your hands are around me, chocking me.

No stars align
The moon isn't fine
When you say they're beautiful.

"I miss you though."
Is what you say to me
when I suddenly cross your mind
after all this time.
Weeks.
Months.
Years.
Time passes without parachutes
guarding these seconds.

Little do they tell you
about this thing called distance,
it's like a game of Telephone.
And I believe
that your last two words got lost in translation.
"I miss you though, not enough."

Breaths apart.
These eyes could work as one.
Legs
Tied together.
Chest to chest, we couldn't be any closer.
It dawns on me what you mean to me.
I can't leave.

Your fingers trail down my cheek,
Leaving fire in its track.  
I'm burning for more.
I can't leave.

My future,
Didn't involve this place.
I was meant to be with the changing seasons,
The evergreen trees;
In small towns with infinite possibilities.
But I can't leave.

My heart skips a beat.
Two.
Three.

Your face contorts,
You know I'm thinking.
You know my mind:
A thousand thoughts per minute.

You lean in,
As if we weren't close enough.
"Tell me," you say.
Your hand trails down my back,
And I'm liquid to the touch.
You pull me closer.

My head is shaking,
Saying no to more.
I'm getting too attached.

"I can't-"
I try to say.
"I won't leave."

Now, your shaking your head.
You laugh against my neck-
This isn't funny.

You say my name and I'm gone.
*"I go," you say "wherever you go."

Words.
There coming out your mouth
and you got me beggin'
push them out

Days go by
And I don't see
Why you
Keep on coming
Back to me.

Time.
Is forever at a still
Waiting for you
To spread your wings
And go home.

The clouds begin to cry
The sun continues
To hide.
Baby you got nothing
But apathy.

And I'm telling you this is wrong.
Thinking
Maybe we can fix this
But I'm screaming
"Wrong".

Floorboards.
Continue to crack
With every step you take
Coming to me.
The night is just
So dark
This light is completely
Blinding me
Can't you see that I'm
suffocating?

No stars align
The moon isn't fine
When you say
Your beautiful.

And I'm telling you this is wrong.
Thinking
Maybe we can fix this
But I'm screaming
"Wrong".

No fights seem to end
We will never settle this
Settle this.

The temperature
Is rising
And we are melting into
Nothing.

This is just wrong.
Feels wrong.
Looks wrong.
Stays wrong.

Tonight
You wont be able to sleep
Because of me.

But
It's because of you
Why I haven't been able
To dream.

I wasn't afraid of you, you know.
You had your team and your burning stares,
but I wasn't afraid.
Little did you know, I had my arrows pointed at you.
We all had the same passion-
In the beginning that is.
We all wanted something out of this experience.
But most importantly,
we all wanted to be on top.
So we started climbing the
cold, ragged, stormy mountain
to see who could make it to the there.
I was behind in the beginning,
invisible from their distance above.
A tiny ant that could be stomped upon,
an inconvenience.
But in the distance below,
through the evergreen trees
and the cold rustling wind,
I had my arrows pointed at you.
I started gaining up seed,
respect,
gratitude,
confidence.
I saw the looks of your faces as I was passing by you.
The defeat.
Looking into the those eyes,
I still had my arrows pointed at you.
And I reached the top.
With callused feet and sore muscles.
With an aching heart and an uneven chest.
I looked down below and then saw your laughs.
Your smiles.
I heard your words.
You had your fingers pointed to me.
They were now my demons,
haunting me in the light.
The were now scars on my heart,
locking myself further and further away.
But in the night and in the light of day,
I had my arrows pointed to you.
I’m dancing on this mountain,
at least for right now.
Because I’m at the top,
so why not enjoy it.
But my arrows are still like a live wire
between my fingers
pointed at you.
I saw you today.
I tried to look away,
to keep you and your heartless soul
in a distant memory stored away
like a forgotten childhood trait.
But you swerved your path and fell right into mine.
Intentionally.
You want me to be afraid.
You want me to regret the decisions I made.
You want me to be weak.
But darling,
you've got it all wrong.
Because when success seeps through my veins
and you’ll be forced to hear my name
every day- to you, like nails on a chalkboard-
remember this.
That I was never afraid.
I made the right decisions.
I was never weak.
Because my arrows were always pointed at you.
And now the fingers of life are the ones
that are letting these arrows target straight to your heart.
And like always,
I’ll always be at the top of that mountain with
With callused feet and sore muscles.
With an aching heart and an uneven chest.
But this time you won’t be laughing and smiling
and saying false words about me.
You’ll be afraid
because I’ll have my dignity
and my team of burning stares
with our arrows pointed at you

This is a message to all the ones
who find themselves alone in
their rooms on a Friday night.

I know downstairs is not the same-
different rooms, different pains.
Believers saying this is a good life.
A good good good good life.

Sister is telling you you're
too young to understand-
that you don't know what you're saying.

Mommy and Daddy are separated
into different rooms and they're telling you:
"Baby, nothing is broken. Wipe away those tears."
Wipe it away. Fade away. Forget it.

They are Oblivion.
From the bottom to the roof,
brick by brick living in
Oblivion.

These thoughts will forever be
A silent battle within my mind.
But I shall never let these words
Shoot fire from my lips
To create a war with your oblivious heart.

Home is where
your walls have seen
all the ones you love.

Home is where
you've been hurt,
and the floor was your best friend.

Home is where
cheers of joy filled the halls
on a holiday with champagne.

Home is where
every single square inch of your heart
is mended and safe.

Home is where
I haven't been in quite some time.

A week ago you were here,
and now you're gone.
My mind tries to flimsily grasp
the unfathomable that swirls around
the empty pit you left inside of me
due to your sudden departure.

They said you floated on at impact,
suffering not in the vocabulary.
They said many other things,
but it just lead to claw scratching questions
we will never be able- nor want- to get the answers to.

So we sit here and wait for the grief to cut its path
like a storm waiting to pass.
The ones you left behind,
truly lock eyes for the first time
beginning to understand what the
true meaning of love really is.

So we live here, living for each other...
for you.
We pass hugs and condolences,
tears and admiration.
Cries and laughter.
For you.
For us.
To pass the grief.

You were a warrior,
and silent king.
You were a beautiful light,
a spouting sunflower.
But you left too soon,
gone any trace of you.

So we are left here remembering you,
keeping you alive in memory
and alive at heart.

A week ago you were here,
and now you're not.
But every time my feet touch the water
at the shoreline in the brisk wind,
I'll remember what you always used to say:

*"Float On"

Whenever I tried talking to you
you pushed your hair back
to tell me
you've always had it worse.

Maybe silence created you
to rebel against nature,
oh they did well.

I've once seen lifeless eyes speak
a million words
one of them was yours.

Maybe tears created you
because that's all you are
in my arms.

The hands of the clock
don't go back,
but you cling to them
to a time that's long gone.

You are a gone girl.
G  o   n      e     g     i        r       l

Do you feel better now?  Lying in bed alone?
Saying
"I miss you, please answer the phone."
"It's been awhile." "Maybe we can work this out."

No.

I find myself crawling back to you.
We were friends,we had it good.
But, you broke your promises.
I drop the phone and cry outmoded tears
on you.
On us.

But all this time, you've forgotten.
That I was the one who lost
everything.

And it only hurts when I breathe.
Heartbreaking goodbyes, over and over again.
It only hurts when I breathe.

Six flights back to where we started.
To prove to you this isn't over.
To find out that I'm the other one.
I thought I deserved better than being a choice.

*I guess not.

I slipped
and found the bruises beneath my feet.
The damage wasn't in the fall,
it was in letting go on repeat
just to get back up
and walk on these empty, sawdust streets.
The fall was full of periods,
composed of all your incomplete sentences.
The ground held all the broken bones
of the broken hearts.
The rain drowned the tears,
the thunder muffled the screams.


Yet, you found your hands in front of you
and your feet on the road.
Your fingers kissed your lips
as you took your first step
from the way down.

On the way down, you find the courage to let go of the things you were strong enough to let in.

I've never tasted a color before,
until I met you and hit the floor.
Counting the wood chips,
I can see the way your heart trips.
So, I've tied my tongue to save myself
but I still turn to find your heart beside mine on the shelf.
Nightmares force me to think of you,
cause I’ll wake up remembering this is the way you felt, too.
The sirens call for you in the night
But your a heavy sleeper, try as you might.
I wore this dress and waited for you
months later, alone, it turned blue.
Then, one night sleeping in the rain,
I found your promises in my pockets to explode the pain.
They didn’t come from where you locked it,
but I took them, and waited for my heart to split.

I'm wearing this color, because it's full of love
and I'm waiting for you to see me
Yet, you don't even know my favorite color
painfully knowing this is the only way this is going to be.

There's only so much one can be.
I write, I sing, I play a melody-
I believe.

Trust has fallen to the floor.
Too many hands have come in
to break my heart.

What if I could be a bird?
I would spread my wings and fly,
and be one with the wind.

What if I could be the ocean?
I would be the waves kissing the shore,
'cause I always come back for more.

What if one day they woke up
and believed in me?
Would they ask me to play?
Or hear what I have to say?

Calluses form on my fingers.
From lifting the weight,
to playing these strings-
I'm on my own.

What if I was an arrow?
Would I fight off the enemies?
Or would I lead somebody
back home?

What if I could grant wishes?
Would I grant my own?
Or would I give this world a miracle?

I'm telling you,
I'll play my music.
I'm screaming at you,
please believe in me.

I would give this world wonders
if you would just
believe in me.

She doesn't know if anyone notices
That it shows in her face.
It was different then as it is now;
The damage tucked in the angles of her face-
In the shadows, in the light, beneath her eyes...

She could feel it changing
The way her laugh has suddenly become
A mechanism to not make her happy,
But others happy.
To push away the questions that would
Come crawling from concered hearts
From the thunder storm hanging
Above her head.

They aren't concerned for her being,
They're concerned for their curiosity.

Her smile used to reach her eyes,
Now it doesn't even reach her heart.
The path that connected emotions
To features was destroyed in the storm.
Like nature, it's going to take a while to recover.
And even when it does,
It will never be the same.

Just like her.
She won't ever be the same with every passing storm.
Every smile will be struck with lightening at night.
Every laugh will be drowned with the pouring rain

Just like her,
The storm has become her.

I've been slipping
digging
into my heart,
using these broken nails
to crawl my way out of this dirt
that I buried myself into.

"No," I've promised myself.
"This world-- it's hypnotizing.
It'll **** the soul right out of you."
The hungry skies will feed off of your light
to make the stars shine.
The world might be flat in the way it feels when you hit the floor,
but it will still fold into you
like a lock twists into a cage.

Don't ever forget
to keep dreaming
keep thinking
keep breathing,
for the world will take it from you
and you'll never be able to live again.

If you don't swim you'll drown.
If you close your heart in the way you close your eyes,
you'll never wake up.
The heart never sleeps,
and the longer you keep yourself in the dark,
you'll close your eyes.

*And never wake up.