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Jul 2019 · 183
sometimes I just wish
liz Jul 2019
sometimes i wish i was back home, back in time. tucked in my purple galaxy sheets, upstairs in my twin size bed. back in a time where fireflies circled my room, with a night sky full of stars alight with possibilities. where familiar had a scent and it hugged my lunges around a camp fire. where it coated my hair in chlorine from night swimming on a summer’s night. where time had a feeling and it wasn’t so scary seeming so endless. where it beat in my heart like a song that i wouldn’t dream of hearing the end of it. home. i have scars of it on my skin from playing too rough in the backyard, with friends that made the air echo with kiddish laughter. i have pieces of it scattered in this house that doesn’t fit quite right. home. where every position of the sun hit every corner just right. where i grew with each vine. each root. each moment. i shared my adolescence with a blueprint built to a house that made itself a part of me. no fourth of july is right if it isn’t in my front yard, when the sun is just setting and the sparklers are being put out on the front porch. no christmas is christmas if I’m not watching the snow fall down between the street lamps of my neighborhood from the window in the front door, waiting for santa to give me what I’ve been good for all year. no autumn is autumn without the big tree in the backyard changing into these fire burning colors that rain ashes onto the grass, amazing me every time. no spring is spring without grams taking me to the back garden, showing me the respect roots need to grow.
home. once you leave it you will never get it back. sometimes you’ll find yourself on some random street in some random time catching a sliver of it. for no particular reason. the sun will align just right, and shine just enough, to remind you of what it used to be like. how life used to be before your home became somebody else’s. before the scars you now bare are not the kind built around laughter. before you got this hole in your chest where home used to fit. and everything that came with it.
holiday’s sing, but not in the tune i used to hear it in. flowers grow, but i lost respect for the roots that took my grams away with it. the forth of july will celebrate, and i’ll go along with it but it’ll never be the same.
home.
i’ll never stop missing it. no matter how long it’s been.
liz Apr 2017
“It was a struggle of fighting to be who you wanted me to be, and who I actually was. I knew what I wanted, but it wasn’t in the same way that you did. I couldn’t hide my heart, I couldn’t put it away for you. And don’t you dare tell me that you don’t have one, because I’ve seen it. Even if it was just for a flicker of a second— it was there. I won’t accept your initial word, because what you said didn’t add up to what you did to me. You told me you didn’t want anything, but you called me. You told me you didn’t want anything, but you touched me. You told me this and you told me that, but you kissed me and did everything with me and you mean to tell me it was only ever because you were bored?
The next time you invite someone in, as she sleeps beside your tired body, don’t pull her close and tell her to “come here”. Don’t kiss her on the neck as you reach for her hand and have your breath softly hum on her bare shoulder like a sweet wind. Don’t pull the sheets up and dream so peacefully beside her.
Don’t do anything, because she’ll never forget the sounds. The train crosses through the empty town around 2 a.m. every morning, and she will wake up every time. She will see you there and her heart will sink because you sleep so peacefully. Her heart will sink because you say things, but then you do things. And she will become whatever is you want her to be, just so she can be here in this moment again. She will do absolutely whatever it is to breathe you in just one more time.
Even if that means she becomes somebody else completely.
She will do it, and you won’t even notice.”*
-E.A.D
Jul 2016 · 718
unraveling
liz Jul 2016
There are hallways
and there are rooms.
Roads connecting to homes.
Paths leading to villages.

Vacant spaces brining me to nowhere.

Veins are lines on a map,
we are more than just bodies.
We are unfolded pieces of paper
creased in the corners with relevant urge.
With crests and valleys composed of experiences
and dreams
and adventure.

I have yet to unfold.

Doors whisper,
they invite you in.
So many locks and keys
and treasure chests full of passion
of determination
of unwavering will.

I’m locked and no key has ever fit.

Footsteps are history in the making.
Artifacts.
Proof of the reason you stayed;
the reason you left.
The carved sand along the shore
making you wonder if they are running away
or going home.

I turn to only find my shadow.

Maps full
of all these hallways and rooms
and reasons
and unopened treasure chests.
Missing keys and ghostly whispers
before every door
and I begin to wonder
whether or not I was begging please
to the slurring headlights down the midnight road
or to somebody who could save me.
There comes a point when you need to realize that sleeping isn't a cure to anything.
May 2016 · 273
swollen
liz May 2016
You can't just let go
Because it runs so much deeper than that
Much much deeper
And to dismiss it so easily
Means it didn't even exist at all
And that this pain that is so real
Is all my imagination
And I did all of this to myself
That the way you spoke to me
Was in a dream
And I didn't even want to wake up
May 2016 · 394
boys who wear baseball caps
liz May 2016
He’s afraid of the ocean
because he doesn’t understand why the shoreline deserves to be kissed
every time they push the waves away.
He thinks we’re all going to die and it’ll be for nothing;
that will live to fill up empty spaces like headless bees
with a desire to sting the very first thing we touch.
He believes that these limitations and politics are pointless
because apparently keeping your hands to yourself was something someone made up
because they were crookedly insecure about themselves.
He looks up at the sky and hates the moon
because it doesn’t burn bright enough to cover up all the secrets that the stars hold.
So he blames the system and closes his eyes and goes to sleep.
He listens to renditions of the same story told in fifteen different ways and is captivated every time because its so simple
and so easy
to have someone teach them for you
instead of sleeping on a bed of blades.
He doesn’t even walk
he saunters
and nods as a hello
and wears baseball caps
because maybe it’ll shadow the lies he wears creased between his eyes.

He isn’t real,
no matter how many times you touch him.

He’ll claim that he is a bearer of the sun and that the light is the ode to freedom
but you’ve never in your life kissed anything so cold.
He’ll whisper to you and you’ll want to whisper back,
but you’ll find yourself driving home
screaming at the top of your lungs
because you left drunk
and he was more worried about his career
than your heart through the windshield
when he could've just drove you home himself.
He’s Pinocchio and you’ll end up wishing he could lie better
So you could feel like a respected lady just once.
But his tone reminds you
that the only kind of love a boy like him is made for
is the kind of love that leaves you bleeding and wet.
He’s an empty auditorium full of reverberating echoes
and you’ll spend your time
waiting
sitting
wondering
when the show will end—
Not even realizing that the jokes on you.
You could’ve drawn the curtains at any point in time
but you didn’t
because he was smiling
And nothing in this world is as lethal as his smile
as he tells you
there’s nothing to be afraid of

Those words are bullets
and you weren’t wearing any armor.
are dangerous
May 2016 · 653
somebody else
liz May 2016
I searched for the words to say to you
in the floorboards that creaked and groaned
whenever the ghost of you would linger around my mind

In the same places I find you
as I stray into opposite corners of your room
to find something else in you
that should give me a reason to stay

Seduction isn’t wise in you
while I'm catching your eyes wandering
around the stumbling crowd
looking for something else to touch

I need to think about you with somebody else
so I can dance alone
and be okay with that

though you never wanted to dance with me anyway
Apr 2016 · 486
in the pit
liz Apr 2016
I found you in the embers
of a burning fire
because I was stupid enough
to follow the trail of smoke
out against a yellow sky,
right into the thunderous wrath of you.

I should've just left you there—
in the trenches of the universe
where nothing is worthy enough of anything;
In the pit of the fallen feathers
picked from a murdered Angel’s gracious wings.

Like the wicked thief you are
you abandoned me
as you tied a splintered rope to my foot,
knotted it into the bottom of the earth,
and flew your way to the top
with the shattered pieces of my heart
that you lost in yours.

Vicious and ****** you were,
though I was trying to hammer you a shield.
Bruised and battered you left me,
though all I gave you was an outlet to the Epicurean Philosophy.

Rugged claws is all that’s left of me
and a silence so loud in it’s wake
I can’t hear myself think.
I haven’t spoken a real word
since you touched me,
So I listen to the rain pour
down in it’s muttering rhythms
at the bottom of the ocean
while the chest beneath
the heart you split open
caves in.
it's deeper than you think
Apr 2016 · 492
keep them open
liz Apr 2016
I've been slipping
digging
into my heart,
using these broken nails
to crawl my way out of this dirt
that I buried myself into.

"No," I've promised myself.
"This world-- it's hypnotizing.
It'll **** the soul right out of you.
"
The hungry skies will feed off of your light
to make the stars shine.
The world might be flat in the way it feels when you hit the floor,
but it will still fold into you
like a lock twists into a cage.

Don't ever forget
to keep dreaming
keep thinking
keep breathing,
for the world will take it from you
and you'll never be able to live again.

If you don't swim you'll drown.
If you close your heart in the way you close your eyes,
you'll never wake up.
The heart never sleeps,
and the longer you keep yourself in the dark,
you'll close your eyes.

*And never wake up.
because the eyes can close so easily
Apr 2016 · 522
towards the end
liz Apr 2016
At some point
you just pull off the Band-Aid
and it hurts
but, then it's over and you're relieved
and you can see the wounds
for what they really are
and face the truth
that you're already healing.

*E.A.D
Dec 2015 · 401
when she disappears
liz Dec 2015
Take her down to the city streets
And she'll follow the trail of leaves
Down to the trees,
Where she'll climb the branches until
She reaches the sky.

She'll jump onto the clouds  
and lay there until she splits into pieces
and rains down onto the towns
Where she's dreamt
Of sleeping.

You'll remember her down
By the rivers where the evergreens
Meet a golden sky
Because she told you to live in color.

And on the bridges where the cities meet
These rustic roads
You'll hear her whispers between the iron bars
Like magnets to a needle on a compass
And be confused on which way is home.

You'll follow the footsteps in the snow
To a door that's frozen shut,
And remember that her hands were always cold
When yours were always warm.


You had a heart when she did not.
Your pulses drove her home,
Where she hadn't been in quite sometime.
He
Oct 2015 · 365
You Could've Just Asked
liz Oct 2015
I wasn't a crayon
or a pen
or a marker
or a highlighter
or whatever it was you used me for
to fill in your empty spaces.

I wasn't your therapist
even though I'm studying to be one
even though I've always wanted to be one
even though everyone else used me as one
but you were supposed to be different-
even said you would be.

I wasn't mendable.
I'm no puppet
I'm no object of manipulation
I'm no tool for your satisfaction
yet you assumed I was palpable
and your hands were everywhere.

I'm human
not a product of your imagination.
I'm my own color,
my own healer.

I am myself,
the self in which you never knew.

The self that ran away from you.
or you could've just cared
liz Oct 2015
Walk him up the driveway
through the door
up into your room
and see what it is he really wants.

Look at him in the eye
listen to him
and try to speak
and see if he'd do the same.

Watch his heart
that he claims is broken
and be the judge
of whose fault
it really is.

Take him to the water
look into his eyes
as you test his memory-
he'll look away every time.

It'll break you're heart, but it was already broken anyway.
Because you would've let him in
knowing he doesn't know respect
he doesn't know silence
he doesn't remember you.

You'll suddenly realize
that you didn't love him to pieces,
you loved him in pieces...
while he never even loved you at all.
Sep 2015 · 282
The Way in Which
liz Sep 2015
The first day was the worst day,
simply because that pointed smile invited me to play.
The time it took to count my wishes
was the time in which I knew I was going to need some stitches.
I talk to you, in the dead of night
when your not around and I just need to feel alright.
Yet you sit in your silence
while those golden eyes cut like diamonds.
You had a list, and I had mine-
It was the way in which you smiled...
the way in which you could lie as easily as the time.

It was the way in which I believed in you...
And how you disappeared into abyss of blue.

All of this and more without keeping my tongue tied
was the way in which a part of me had died.
All of this and more
Aug 2015 · 680
the way down
liz Aug 2015
I slipped
and found the bruises beneath my feet.
The damage wasn't in the fall,
it was in letting go on repeat
just to get back up
and walk on these empty, sawdust streets.
The fall was full of periods,
composed of all your incomplete sentences.
The ground held all the broken bones
of the broken hearts.
The rain drowned the tears,
the thunder muffled the screams.


Yet, you found your hands in front of you
and your feet on the road.
Your fingers kissed your lips
as you took your first step
from the way down.

On the way down, you find the courage to let go of the things you were strong enough to let in.
Aug 2015 · 582
red
liz Aug 2015
red
I've never tasted a color before,
until I met you and hit the floor.
Counting the wood chips,
I can see the way your heart trips.
So, I've tied my tongue to save myself
but I still turn to find your heart beside mine on the shelf.
Nightmares force me to think of you,
cause I’ll wake up remembering this is the way you felt, too.
The sirens call for you in the night
But your a heavy sleeper, try as you might.
I wore this dress and waited for you
months later, alone, it turned blue.
Then, one night sleeping in the rain,
I found your promises in my pockets to explode the pain.
They didn’t come from where you locked it,
but I took them, and waited for my heart to split.

I'm wearing this color, because it's full of love
and I'm waiting for you to see me
Yet, you don't even know my favorite color
painfully knowing this is the only way this is going to be.
Jul 2015 · 1.2k
Dead Water
liz Jul 2015
It's when the ocean waves stop singing
When she feels like she's drowning.
Jun 2015 · 270
Eight Minutes
liz Jun 2015
Eight minutes.
Eight minutes, the journey of light from the sun to her windowsill.
It's here she'll sit, waiting in her velvet chair with a patience so still.
Fingers tap against the cold white marble, thinking about jumping.
But she's tried before, and hands grabbed her wings and pulled them back and made her feathers stuffing.
And then the Angel thought about the moon- it was created by imperfections.
The angel took a step back with a hearts new rhythm, already feeling the disconnections.
The light only ever blinded and burned what was beneath the halo of a righteous follower.
She kisses the darkness and the stars weren't hidden, they held her power.

Eight minutes.*
Eight minutes, the journey of light from the sun to her windowsill.
But she isn't home anymore with a chair to fill.
She gathered her folded wings and ran
And learned how to fly without the light, just because she can.
Rebellion doesn't have to me loud.
Jun 2015 · 235
Farewell Letter
liz Jun 2015
Dear Old Friend,
I thought of you today,
but of course you'd never know.
I have words for you in eraser shavings
in notebooks between pages
I'll never put in an envelope to send to you.
Our promises quickly became
echoes in a ballroom where
we never learned how to dance.
Your voice faded in the way
a flower dies without the sun.
I lost you as you found your way.
I lost myself as you found another heart to hold.
My Old Friend,
that's all you'll ever be.
Dust upon ashes of the burned letters
that were supposed to mean something.
Because time is in numbers,
and you've already passed.
Jun 2015 · 369
The Door of Chains
liz Jun 2015
In the Door of Chains,
the invisible bird crashed into the water.
Nothing but tears with traces of blood remains,
as the sea boils and boils growing hotter and hotter.

The Door of Chains
asked for your biggest secret.
It's the crimson inside of you down shower drains,
but you would never say that to a snickering bandit.

Door knobs gave no mercy
to the raging mind with a fiery tongue.
The stars proved to you you weren't worthy.
So, you woke up beside the bird and made the plunge.

In the Door of Chains, you don't lead the hallways.
The hallways lead you.
So which rusted door is next?
Jun 2015 · 254
I won't
liz Jun 2015
The idea of my capabilities differ from yours
Leading to a list of ***** chores.
I could slam my car door shut with my toes
So extensively it would smash the car windows.
I could dig holes in my back yard with my bare hands
To mine the world just to find where my heart stands.
I could grow my nails out to break through the skin over my chest
Just so I could scratch away this disgust inside to give this heart a rest.
I could keep my eyes wide open while I sleep at night
Because the shadows lurk around my throat, closing it tight.
I could do it. I know I can.
But I'll have to wash my hands after I'm done
and see the mess run down the sink one by one.
Jun 2015 · 543
Prince of the Sun
liz Jun 2015
It's easy for you to speak
Because your black eyes always hold to what they seek.
You count off on your golden fingers in lists what you want,
And I tell you it's me who's as bland as pale typewriter font.
I can't just unzip the skin between my *******
And hand you the bleeding heart in my chest.
For that place has been soldered shut,
And the only way in is to cut.
It was my tethered hands that painfully made the seal-
Everyone mistakenly thought there was a piece of me to steal.  
I realized with broken car radios and muted clocks I only had what was inside,
And no treasure cats smile could ever paper cut this pride.
Your hands were made from the Sun,
Who made my battlefield and won.
And one day you will touch me and I will burn,
But you'll be too bound to your creator to ever return.
Jun 2015 · 461
Wordless Foxes
liz Jun 2015
The amount of eraser shavings I have tucked away in my night stand could fill up twelve pencil boxes.
Words have been erasing from my paper like hunters beating down trails for homeless, bony foxes.
And I'm afraid of all the words that I'm going to forget as I'm running blind, straight ahead.
My unclipped claws are scratching the dirt in a race that won't settle anything- that won't lay the hunters to bed.
The night couldn't get anymore viscous as it calls in the boisterous wind to erase everything that I have to say like a merciless king.
The hunters don't know there is no pack leader, that I'm alone, and the tracks I leave behind are the words that sting.
I've lost sight of my pages in this cold, lightless wood; rendered breathless and afraid.
I'm trying to speak, but all that's coming out of my mouth are eraser shavings and the hunters have already took their first bullet to invade.
So, the drawer beside my cold bed is composed of red, crumbled pieces of rubber full of words I'll never know.
As I lay beneath the menacing branches, waiting for the hunters to pass,  I watch with crackling, shaking bones everything
that was once a friend to me, dissolve like white snow.
Mar 2015 · 578
Hallways of Ashes
liz Mar 2015
One more word
& I'm out the door.
You beg and plead:
"You're always mad at me!"
I said:
"Oh, please..."

I watched the
feather fall.
You snickered and laughed
as the world fell
through your lap.

Two times I saw
those lifeless eyes,
but you still had
a beating heart.
So, I spent the night
chasing cars.

I heard the angels sing-
It was through a crack in the door.
I guess they don't take apologies.

The flood is coming in,
you better know how to swim.
The skies are growing dark,
and we've got to travel far.
The walls in my room
have turned to ashes.

We are living in hallways of ashes.

Three words
& I'm numb.
I don't feel them at all
so don't feel like you need to
make that call.

I felt my armor fall.
One day we're at rest
then the next,
there's an arrow in my chest.

Fourth time around,
I finally figured it out.
I need to let you go;
you're love has got
nothing to show.

I saw the candle dim.
The light inside of you
is black blue,
burning these floors and our walls
into hallways of ashes.
Feb 2015 · 417
look at me
liz Feb 2015
When I'm upset,
the world turns gray.
It's this natural force
that I consume
and it's a curse.
This sort of power
ruins things.

But the only comfort
these type people ever need
is a simple acknowledgement of affection.

Put the paper down and
look at me.
Throw that god ****** bottle away and
look at me.
Put the money on the other side of the room, sit up, and
look at me.
Before it's too late.

Continuously,
they would say the wrong things.
Do the wrong things.
Try the wrong things.
It's sad really,
because what all that I need is written in my eyes
and I'm an open book if you just simply ask.

But no one does.

Do put it down, throw it away, sit up, and
Look at me
Before I walk out the back door.

See me for who I am;
all the greatness I've done.
For my accomplishments;
for the pain that I endure
and all I do to push through.

All I need is for you to look at me.

Do put it down, throw it away, sit up, and
Look at me

But it's too late.
Time ticked and went boom.
Night turned to day and I realized
I was wasting my time
trying to make you
Look at me.

But now you can't because...

*...I'm already gone.
Feb 2015 · 549
Just like her
liz Feb 2015
She doesn't know if anyone notices
That it shows in her face.
It was different then as it is now;
The damage tucked in the angles of her face-
In the shadows, in the light, beneath her eyes...

She could feel it changing
The way her laugh has suddenly become
A mechanism to not make her happy,
But others happy.
To push away the questions that would
Come crawling from concered hearts
From the thunder storm hanging
Above her head.

They aren't concerned for her being,
They're concerned for their curiosity.

Her smile used to reach her eyes,
Now it doesn't even reach her heart.
The path that connected emotions
To features was destroyed in the storm.
Like nature, it's going to take a while to recover.
And even when it does,
It will never be the same.

Just like her.
She won't ever be the same with every passing storm.
Every smile will be struck with lightening at night.
Every laugh will be drowned with the pouring rain

Just like her,
The storm has become her.
Feb 2015 · 862
Fight No More
liz Feb 2015
She always tied her shoelaces
With a grace
That she will always
Remember.

But she was sure
To put her socks on
Just the way her mother did:
Neat and tidy.

An unsettling discomfort consumes her,
Knowing the feeling is never the same unless she does it.

So she is left at the bottom of the staircase,
Doing it herself.

She always caught
Opportunity and shoved it
In her pocket.
She was an optimist
And loved it.

But she was sure to
Read the fine print
Just as her father always did:
For errors and loops.

It's either triumph or pure hatred
That consumers her,
Knowing that she has packed her bags
And left that world behind
To create one of her own.

It was too dark over there,
Yet it hadn't always been that way.
She remembered the sunny days,
Those were the most lethal.
Those were the days that would
Haunt her dreams...
Haunt her reality.

The glow of day would be the shadows
That rip her apart.
Because it's only memory that she continues
To live for.

She fell deep into the world
And when it ****** her right out,
She was left grasping for air that
Didn't think the way she did:
Deserving and earned.

It was bliss that consumed her
Once she realized
She didn't have to fight
No more.
Feb 2015 · 993
Start
liz Feb 2015
Rip me apart.
Rip me wide open.
Take these bones
And pulverize them.
Please.

I dare you to take me
For all that I am.
Change me into something
So I'll be damed.
Maybe you'll break me
With nothing left to see
Make it start so this could be over
Because just maybe I'll leave a warrior
Feb 2015 · 4.3k
Small Town New York
liz Feb 2015
Snow
Settles on
My aching
Breaking
Heart.

I'm stuck
In a world
And inside a time
That's long
Gone.

I see
The map
Of the world
I keep looking
Home.

I think
This compass
Broke-
I have nowhere
Else to go.

If I could sail
The Mediterranean Sea
Maybe I could find myself
In Pari for free

Wherever I go,
Will I go
With my whole heart.

Im still stuck in
Small town New York.
A little piece of home.
Jan 2015 · 293
Wrong Medicine
liz Jan 2015
The anger relishes in my blood,
i'm heating up like
an exploding volcano.

You throw these sticks and stones
at my bones
pushing me further day by day.

You've got this gene
that I can't fix.
You're using all the wrong medicines.

How hard is it to listen to me?
I'm screaming, "You're hurting me."

The plates of these mountains
fall apart
with every tipsy step you take.
The man is trying to find
his worth in you,
the kids are screaming...
you're not awake.

You heart is a ticking time bomb.
You're using all the wrong medicine's.
Alcohol beneath the brick roof.
Jan 2015 · 580
Look what you've done now
liz Jan 2015
It's 12:23 am and my sister comes knocking on my door.
At first I couldn't hear a thing
The fear through her eyes was so loud, it muted the world.
Logic sinked into my brain to listen
And I wish I hadn't.
"Mom's not waking up!" She cries.
Over
And over
Over
And over.

My feet are on the floor, pushing me out of the room.
I'm blinded by the lights-
The sudden wake.
I'm deafened by my fathers shouts,
"Gabe, wake up!"

Within seconds I'm beside him.

Speech has been slipped from me, but he looks into my eyes.
"She's not waking up."

No matter how many times I'm going to hear it tonight
I won't believe it.
"Help me," he says.
And I push him aside.

He shouldn't be here.
He shouldn't see this.

I kneel down to the bed
Her eyes closed
Mouth agape.
Pale.

She looks dead.
I was convinced she was dead.

Now I'm angry.
Who does she think she is?
I told her to stop,
"Mom, stop. This drinking problem you have needs to stop."
It never did.
She never listened.
Now look what she has done.

I slap her.
Right across the face.
I shout for mom, searching for it in her face.
Looking for the qualities
That make her the one who conceived me.
I find nothing.

And I slap her again.

My sister is in the corner of the room
With my brother,
All older than me.
All crying.
My father is beside me trying to keep his rock but
Even the most innocent plates inevitably reach an earthquake.

My other brother comes running upstairs
Dauntless as he thinks he is.
The ambulance is on its way.

She's leaving.

I slap her again.

Seconds later I'm pushed aside.
Help is here.
Then their in the room-
Touching her
Inserting her with unfathomable things.

Then one man lifts her hand
Right over her face,
As if it were a feather and he lets go.
But feathers are graceful and beautiful
My mothers hand
The one that now has lost the touch to ever gain back comfort on me again, drops like a brick.
A brick full of all her lies and all her pathetic ruthlessness, falls on her face.

They take her out of the room, still unconscious.
That was the last time I ever saw my mother,
Even though she's still alive and with me today.
Jan 2015 · 1.4k
Night Frictions I
liz Jan 2015
Tonight
You wont be able to sleep
Because of me.

But
It's because of you
Why I haven't been able
To dream.
Jan 2015 · 291
Here That I'll Stay
liz Jan 2015
It just needs to rain.
For too long, the sky has shown itself. Naked. Dry. Emotionless.
Not a signal of weakness in the day,
no tears to rid in the night.

I just need to see it again.
To feel it again.
To smell it again.

The clouds need to come in
Not too much; not too dark.
Just enough for the earth to prove that it's human too.
The sun needs to be weak.
Just hanging off the horizon,
not at its brightest
but at its warmest.

And then it just needs to rain-
To cry;
Because I want to feel it too.
I want to be the water that hits the pavement
And I want to be a reflection of the world in that exact moment, joined in a puddle of human emotion.

It needs to rain because the sky is human too.
It needs to rain so I can feel a little blue.

In this moment the rain will wash everything away,
And from this view down where the houses don't change,
It is here that I'll stay.
Dec 2014 · 747
Gone Girl
liz Dec 2014
Whenever I tried talking to you
you pushed your hair back
to tell me
you've always had it worse.

Maybe silence created you
to rebel against nature,
oh they did well.

I've once seen lifeless eyes speak
a million words
one of them was yours.

Maybe tears created you
because that's all you are
in my arms.

The hands of the clock
don't go back,
but you cling to them
to a time that's long gone.

You are a gone girl.
G  o   n      e     g     i        r       l
Dec 2014 · 1.4k
Fallen Wings
liz Dec 2014
I used to be able to fly.
It was incredibly simple,
effortlessly easy.

I used to kiss the sky
with my wings by my side-
two loyal companions
in a treacherous war.

The war had four letters-
four letters; all matter.
Four letters, each carrying
a destructible weapon.

L.I.F.E

They blinded me
and I couldn't tell which one it was,
but one of them had hands.
Merciless hands.
Enemy hands.
Peppered hands.

Ten fingers plucked at my wings-
ripping my feathers out one by one like
plucking eyelashes from a human eye.

I held unlucky pennies.
I breathed the air of space.
I felt the knife of a killer.
I heard nothing-
nothing at all.

But I guess you have to lose your wings in order to understand what it is that truly makes you fly.
i want to be able to fly again
Dec 2014 · 495
The Justice of Words
liz Dec 2014
Words don't do any justice
to the way I feel.
I could be so detailed
and so raw,
but it would still come out vague and untouching.

Words don't do any justice
to a broken heart.
Time is the enemy
that will help heal it,
so your left with fragmented poems
trying to describe how it felt
when you let go...
all you come up with is nothing.

Words don't do any justice
to cure a disease.
It will eat at her everyday
until she is nothing left
but white lips and a pale face-
a number to a growing list.
You'll only be able to say you love her,
but the words won't cure the disaster
that was created in her departure.

Words can only do justice
when it's over.
When the tears have crumbled the paper.
When the edges are curled
from twirling the ends waiting for
the perfect thing to say.

Words are beautiful and real.
Words are hard and often misunderstood.
It has to be enough.
Dec 2014 · 348
The World To Me
liz Dec 2014
My moment is finally going to happen and I should be ecstatic.
I should be screaming at the top of my lungs that I'm finally going to be heard.
That what I've been working for is finally going to pay off.

But I'm not, and I don't think I can.

Im petrified, because the world is terrifying.
They're going to judge me or they're going to love me.
Okay, maybe I'm terrified in a petrifying world....
It all looks the same.
Feels the same.
Sounds the same.

But that's the most comforting aspect of it all.
That analogy will never change.
The way the world is is just how it is and there's nothing i can do about that.

But Me?
There's a lot of things that could change me.

I'm not the world.
But I sure do act like it,
Sunshine and raining.
Pulling tides and hurricanes.
But the world will always be the world.

And I have a horrible feeling I won't always be me.
Dec 2014 · 461
Until I'm Gone
liz Dec 2014
I wish I could say that I want to keep trying,
But I've honestly had enough.
I've said to myself many times before
If I can't take it anymore,
It can't be that hard to let go.

Shouldn't it be that way?

Well it's not.

You, my friend, have abrasive hands
And they are all over me.
I don't understand how you could be so blind.
I've pushed you away so many times,
I'm surprised your not cemented face first into the pavement.

I can't stand your lectures.
You speak as if I need to grab
The pen off the table and document every word,
You believe your morals need to be the bible for the people we need to live by.
That would be a cold sick world.

Your hard headed look on life
darkens the light that wants to shine.
Pathetic really because you do it to yourself.

So this time, I'm going to push away
And I'm going to do it hard.

The difference from every other time,
You won't even see it coming.
Because you won't even know I've done it at all...
Until I'm gone.
Hard than I thought.
Dec 2014 · 516
Tonight I...
liz Dec 2014
The soft hum of a melody was playing in the background. My fingertips were dancing across the keyboard and I was writing away. There was something about the combination that sent these beautiful tremors through me.
The words that flew onto the paper sang this melody and I was transported into the world that I thought I lost a long time ago. I was home in this instant.
It wasn't where I was, or who was around me.
It was was the realization that what I was doing was going to bring me bliss. That this right here is what is going to send me home.
Typing, or writing or singing these stories that come to me will be the life of me.
And I have no problem on spending the rest of my years doing this.

Tonight, there was something about the rhythm of my fingers that danced to the melody that played in the background.
And I wrote a story...

A beautiful story.
Dec 2014 · 291
Sometimes
liz Dec 2014
Sometimes
I can smell in the air what used to be.
Some days, the wind carries it
And it treacherously finds its way to me.

The very moment it's ripped from me,
I'm left wounded and scratching at.
I fight the air with all my strength,
Screaming at it and beating at it
Because it fooled me.

Sometimes
the sunset is just right,
And just for a moment
it sends me home.

It's lethal and a weapon of mass destruction.
Because it slowly fades away
As if It never was
But burns me as it will forever last.

Sometimes
I feel whole again.
Sometimes
Things seem to be fitted in the right places.

Sometimes
I'm pathetic and actually believe things as beautiful as those are true.
Nov 2014 · 2.0k
Wrong
liz Nov 2014
Words.
There coming out your mouth
and you got me beggin'
push them out

Days go by
And I don't see
Why you
Keep on coming
Back to me.

Time.
Is forever at a still
Waiting for you
To spread your wings
And go home.

The clouds begin to cry
The sun continues
To hide.
Baby you got nothing
But apathy.

And I'm telling you this is wrong.
Thinking
Maybe we can fix this
But I'm screaming
"Wrong".

Floorboards.
Continue to crack
With every step you take
Coming to me.
The night is just
So dark
This light is completely
Blinding me
Can't you see that I'm
suffocating?

No stars align
The moon isn't fine
When you say
Your beautiful.

And I'm telling you this is wrong.
Thinking
Maybe we can fix this
But I'm screaming
"Wrong".

No fights seem to end
We will never settle this
Settle this.

The temperature
Is rising
And we are melting into
Nothing.

This is just wrong.
Feels wrong.
Looks wrong.
Stays wrong.
Nov 2014 · 319
To Above
liz Nov 2014
You're nothing left
But pictures on the wall.

Surrounded by a million people
That aren't you...
Where did you go?

I searched the crowd to find your face
But all I found was red and tears...
For you.

I wanted to run down that aisle
And rip everything apart
Because they thanked the sky
For bringing you somewhere safe.

I almost laughed in their face...
They know nothing of you,
And where you are now.

It began with the ocean
And it couldn't have been more beautiful,
But it grew crueler when they kept
Meantioning a certain someone
Who claims he has plans.
Or so we assume so to keep us asleep at night.

This wasn't supposed to be about plans
This wasn't supposed to be about the greater good
This was supposed to be about
Our little infinitities.

It was shattered and we were left to
Find a new way
By grieving in a chair feeling
The presnece of you slice its way out of us
Like a knife to the throat.

If this is something we are supposed to thank a certain someone for... I think we all need a little readjustment in our values.
She was too young...
Nov 2014 · 3.3k
Lie
liz Nov 2014
Lie
Dreams,
What little they mean when your hands are around me, chocking me.

No stars align
The moon isn't fine
When you say they're beautiful.
Nov 2014 · 967
Float On
liz Nov 2014
A week ago you were here,
and now you're gone.
My mind tries to flimsily grasp
the unfathomable that swirls around
the empty pit you left inside of me
due to your sudden departure.

They said you floated on at impact,
suffering not in the vocabulary.
They said many other things,
but it just lead to claw scratching questions
we will never be able- nor want- to get the answers to.

So we sit here and wait for the grief to cut its path
like a storm waiting to pass.
The ones you left behind,
truly lock eyes for the first time
beginning to understand what the
true meaning of love really is.

So we live here, living for each other...
for you.
We pass hugs and condolences,
tears and admiration.
Cries and laughter.
For you.
For us.
To pass the grief.

You were a warrior,
and silent king.
You were a beautiful light,
a spouting sunflower.
But you left too soon,
gone any trace of you.

So we are left here remembering you,
keeping you alive in memory
and alive at heart.

A week ago you were here,
and now you're not.
But every time my feet touch the water
at the shoreline in the brisk wind,
I'll remember what you always used to say:

*"Float On"
For Sierra.
Nov 2014 · 1.4k
Welcome To the Kingdom
liz Nov 2014
Looking at these fancy pictures
Wondering what it's like
To be on the other side.

Taking this step
Is just not enough.
Looking out into the night
Wondering what it takes
To feel alive.

Everyday it's the same thing
Pick it up and go.
Not thinking twice about
What it is that's being me down.
I run to the place.

Welcome to the kingdom.
No one dares to make it past
Our gates.
Golden thrones,
Silver swords...
We got it all.

And I say,
Welcome to the kingdom.

This bloodshed is long lived.
Ready for the fight,
Because we got something better than
Cold lies.

We got it good in this palace.
Decieving eyes,
Wild minds,
Steel built hearts,
Undefeated and strong.

Even when the darkness
Demands a war.
We smile,
There's nothing to wait for.
Not thinking twice about what it is
That can stop us now.
We run.

Here in the kingdom,
We bring them down.
Fire to ashes.
Here in the kingdon,
We bring them down.
Snow to ashes.

Welcome to the kingdom.
Nov 2014 · 587
I had no idea
liz Nov 2014
I thought I had you there.
For a fragment of a second I had hope in you.

Yes, the girl who strays in the corner of the room who has trouble believing in the force of God actually put hope in you.
Into something.

I knew dissapointment would be inevitable but it was too soon.

I thought I had you there.
For a sick pathetic moment of my life,
I wasted my time on helping you glue back together the pieces you left broken on the floor.

But I had no idea you would take that glue gun and burn my hands together, locking my fingers in a dismantled mess.

I had no idea you could be this sick.

I had no idea I could fall this quick.
Nov 2014 · 221
White Flags
liz Nov 2014
I just want to come home
to you clean.

One day your the one I need,
loving and the wall that holds me up.
The next day your a disappointment,
burning me with all that you can't be.

You used to be so good to me.
To everyone.

You shut down to alcohol
and drugs.
So you hid away.

You're a presence I can barely see.
A ghost when your in front of me,
a killer of the mind when your behind your walls.

Your battle has turned the house into a war.
Every single one of us on a different side.
I've been fighting for too long now.

We are waiting for your white flags,
to surrender to your own madness.

Until then, I have to wait here until you realize.
That your supposed to fight.
For me.
For your family.
For this life.

Or I can run.
Live the life I was meant to live
instead of wasting my time waiting
for your white flags.
Nov 2014 · 1.0k
Arrows Pointed At You
liz Nov 2014
I wasn't afraid of you, you know.
You had your team and your burning stares,
but I wasn't afraid.
Little did you know, I had my arrows pointed at you.
We all had the same passion-
In the beginning that is.
We all wanted something out of this experience.
But most importantly,
we all wanted to be on top.
So we started climbing the
cold, ragged, stormy mountain
to see who could make it to the there.
I was behind in the beginning,
invisible from their distance above.
A tiny ant that could be stomped upon,
an inconvenience.
But in the distance below,
through the evergreen trees
and the cold rustling wind,
I had my arrows pointed at you.
I started gaining up seed,
respect,
gratitude,
confidence.
I saw the looks of your faces as I was passing by you.
The defeat.
Looking into the those eyes,
I still had my arrows pointed at you.
And I reached the top.
With callused feet and sore muscles.
With an aching heart and an uneven chest.
I looked down below and then saw your laughs.
Your smiles.
I heard your words.
You had your fingers pointed to me.
They were now my demons,
haunting me in the light.
The were now scars on my heart,
locking myself further and further away.
But in the night and in the light of day,
I had my arrows pointed to you.
I’m dancing on this mountain,
at least for right now.
Because I’m at the top,
so why not enjoy it.
But my arrows are still like a live wire
between my fingers
pointed at you.
I saw you today.
I tried to look away,
to keep you and your heartless soul
in a distant memory stored away
like a forgotten childhood trait.
But you swerved your path and fell right into mine.
Intentionally.
You want me to be afraid.
You want me to regret the decisions I made.
You want me to be weak.
But darling,
you've got it all wrong.
Because when success seeps through my veins
and you’ll be forced to hear my name
every day- to you, like nails on a chalkboard-
remember this.
That I was never afraid.
I made the right decisions.
I was never weak.
Because my arrows were always pointed at you.
And now the fingers of life are the ones
that are letting these arrows target straight to your heart.
And like always,
I’ll always be at the top of that mountain with
With callused feet and sore muscles.
With an aching heart and an uneven chest.
But this time you won’t be laughing and smiling
and saying false words about me.
You’ll be afraid
because I’ll have my dignity
and my team of burning stares
with our arrows pointed at you
Nov 2014 · 455
You Will Have Nothing
liz Nov 2014
"If you have a goal without a plan, then it's just a goal. Without a plan... you will have nothing."

Maybe if I just sit here,
everything will fall together.
The places I'm meant to travel to
will somehow find its way to me.

Or those jobs or colleges I'm supposed to apply to,
will come to me without a call.

Maybe if I just sit here,
people will fall in love with me.
I will meet the one and
we will fight and argue but will love
eachother unconditionally.

Or maybe the rain will suddenly
be a friend to swim with
instead of drowning me,
burning me to nothing.

Maybe if I just sit here,
I'll suddenly understand how to live.
Without procrastination or avoidance.
I'll live with Fire and love and
shake the world with my touch.

But it won't happen and that's the worst part of it all.
Life doesn't wait for you
and it doesn't care if you can catch up.
Sometimes your left walking
with chains wrapped around your ankles
and a rope dipped in acid around your neck.
But the thing is,
You need to keep going.

As *painful
as it might be
to lift up your leg that one last time
over the most pathetic obstacle there is,
just do it.
Because as much as that pain
will reverberate down your spine,
shackling your very floorboards...
It will surprisingly be worth it in the end.
Oct 2014 · 381
Little Answers
liz Oct 2014
Only so little answers
To the millions of questions
That we have running through our minds

I have all the time in the world
But no time to accomplish much of anything

I find that I'm running in circles and I always find myself back to the beginning
Oct 2014 · 324
Gone To The One
liz Oct 2014
I don't seem do this well,
sitting at the table
pretending everything is alright.
I'd rather sit
in the corner of the bedroom
and listen to beautiful nothing
than listen to voices drip blood
on razor blade silence.

Promises have no meaning to them.
Absolutely none.
But I will give you
everything I've got
to have everything make since-
and then suddenly ill disappear.
                                                                                     Gone without a trace.

Life shouldn't be this busy
when I'm sitting on this floor
wondering what to do.
The answer is on my fingers
playing these strings...
                                                                                             *This is the one.
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