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Haze Feb 2021
Sunlight
Voices, speaking
Chit-chat and distant quarreling
My dogs ecstatic
To see and smell me-
I was awake.

Scattered and overwhelming thoughts
I usually never have time for them;
I allow a thought for a minute or two
Breathing in slowly,
Bathing in them deeply
Bittersweet, in confrontation and in fear.

A pass of split-second; and
I let it go
Absent any resolve,
Awake.

I make myself a glass of water
Neither warm nor cold
My blank canvas for the day
A longing for its neutral calmness
It is only in that first glass that I taste the pure
Calm.

When my soul's just half awake
The colors at its brightest
The wind at its lightest
My heart at its quietest
It was the only time apart from slumber
That my mind finds genuine rest

I only had a glass.
When we wake up, what happens?

This is the first poem I've ever written; almost a year ago to be exact.
Any feedback will be very much appreciated, thanks!
Haze Feb 2021
What if I died-
Today, tomorrow?
Later?
What weight does it have
Gravity; all that sorrow?

The weight of it all-
Pain, fear, love, happiness, and
All other emotions of all sorts
Suddenly turn to mist;
A weightless,
Dream.

Was I wrong to feel things too deeply?
When every single thing-
That mattered too deeply
Is bound to be a faded memory?
What does strength in this life even mean,
To those eventual weightless dreams?

Perhaps, it is a curse
That when I pause
And breathe
It felt okay
To feel,
And to feel deeply
Even when it is all bound to be
A weightless, faded memory.
Any feedback will be very much appreciated, thanks!
Jason Oct 2020
_

"Let me go, set me free,

I'll come back if it's meant to be."


A pronouncement, not a choice.

Then she said, with tears in her voice,


"If you ever loved or respected me,

Don't call me anymore, please."


I couldn't argue, it wasn't my place.

Plus, she said, "I'll call you, I just need space."


She didn't believe in destiny or fate,

Or being locked to a future that she didn't make.


I don't believe in fate either, it's a moral vacation.

It's my belief that destiny is simply ones destination.


Was it such an insult that I once believed,

That we were so well matched we were meant to be?


Did our destinations just not intersect?

I waited for years, I never thought she'd forget.


Finally I worked up the nerve to leave word with her parents.

She called back, indifferent, but said she'd make an appearance.


Years of silence, now suddenly we're meeting at eight.

Nervous and scared I waited, she was only fashionably late.


We talked and caught up for an hour as we ate,

Though the butterflies only let me pick at my plate.


Just outside, she said she didn't have long,

But come sit in the car, and she'd play me a song.


I sat shaking in the dark van and I listened.

Well, to tell truth I tried, but was so nervous I didn't.


I tried to be cool, but underneath I was a mess.

Somehow I found the guts to blurt, "Can I have your email address?"


I agonized and worried, I tortured myself and fought.

What should I say?!  Bah! Just be honest, I thought.


Heart in throat, I emailed her, I told her I was still stuck.

She replied with an ice bath, "Too bad, get over it, goodbye, best of luck."


I'd love to tell you I was stoic, strong, and poetic.

In reality, I stumbled around like a zombie for years, it was pathetic.


I tried again a decade later, total fiasco of course,

I was lost and emotional and going through a divorce.


She was nice but aloof, she said, "If I'm on your list."

It set me off balance and gave the conversation a dark twist.


I read into her words with my own bitter pain,

And earned the response, "Don't message me again."


Time heals all wounds, after a while, it was OK, am I right?

Sorry, but nightmares still trouble me night after night.


I dunno if it's Covid, or I just know one day I'll be dead...

But I have to try and get this stuff out of my head.


Rip it out of my chest and wrestle it onto the paper.

Maybe, with enough words, I can start to fill in the crater.
© 2020 Jason R. Michie All Rights Reserved

For AMN
Jason Dec 2020
If
If I could quit you
If I could resist

If the truth did not ring true
If the pain did not persist

If the sun were to fail to shine
If I didn't live for dreams of rain

If they didn't drip-dry into this heart of mine
If I didn't weave them into and between every refrain

If I lost myself and I couldn't remember why
If I could ignore that you're not here, holding my hand

If I could picture your picture and refuse to cry
If I wasn't on my knees, if I was able to stand

If there was a drug to take to make me forget
If it erased longing, and sorrow, and pain, and regret

If I could simply eat it and you'd disappear
If I could just drink it and drift off, free of fear

If I pretended to want these things to come true
I would only be lying to myself, trying to spare you
© 12/28/2020 Jason R. Michie All Rights Reserved
Jason Jan 2021
A sky overrun with clouds
Can bring gentle rain
Or torrential flooding

A soldier following orders
Can be the backbone of an army
Or the downfall of a people

A lovers promise
Can be a ray of light
Or darkness itself

The true promise
Resides within our own hearts
With each beat it is renewed
© 01/05/21 Jason R. Michie All Rights Reserved
My thoughts are like a double-edged sword
Memories don’t last here
It’s easier to forget than to remember
The lows linger more than the highs

This curious case of conflicted desires
Turned me into a walking calculus
I think long and hard,
Why my soul is not autonomous
Why my happiness is not independent

The modern world is a continuous rave of insatiable longings
Of smiles that could have been
Of sorrows that shouldn’t have been

But I don’t get to choose
I only get to live
The life of my circumstance
Jason Jan 2021
When I broke, it was not her fault

I broke myself upon her, like water on rock

The way a wave breaks itself, eternally at most

Thrashing wildly then crashing blindly, deluging distant coast

Great weight driven by moon, gravity, and tide

Powerless over it's course, fateful in it's dive

Rising restless from it's shifting sleep

Drowning itself dripping upon silent shores feet

Raining it's bulk down on sand and stone

Dragging itself back to dark depths, alone
© 01/01/2021 Jason R. Michie All Rights Reserved
Benita Dalby Jan 2021
On this balmy summer night

Consuming red wine by candlelight

Hypnotised by flames flickering with delight

She can’t help but feel contrite
03.01.2021
Reme Jan 2021
In my mind you are alive,
Playing the lead in my fantasies,
Corroding my senses with outpours of do’mine,
drenching my essence then doing it all over again.

In my mind you are alive,
casually laying claim to each vessel of my being.
Traveling,
Rooting,
Growing,
A fruitless tree you are,
Forever rooted, never sweet.

In my mind you are alive,
Able to contain as many blows sent your way,
Strong, level-headed and calm; so sure.

I am skeptical, pensive and critical; What a perfect match, no?
Benjamin Aug 2020
The crunch of bones,
The smell of blood,
The aching whisper,
Of pain to flood,
My brain complete,
Neurons explode,
The anger rising,
Through veins it flowed.

A lifetime away,
Maybe the next,
I'll have what others,
So easily fetched,
But till that day,
My time is numbered
I'll travel this life,
Unencumbered
A poem I wrote to vent some feelings of anger.
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