"Let me go, set me free,
I'll come back if it's meant to be."
A pronouncement, not a choice.
Then she said, with tears in her voice,
"If you ever loved or respected me,
Don't call me anymore, please."
I couldn't argue, it wasn't my place.
Plus, she said, "I'll call you, I just need space."
She didn't believe in destiny or fate,
Or being locked to a future that she didn't make.
I don't believe in fate either, it's a moral vacation.
It's my belief that destiny is simply ones destination.
Was it such an insult that I once believed,
That we were so well matched we were meant to be?
Did our destinations just not intersect?
I waited for years, I never thought she'd forget.
Finally I worked up the nerve to leave word with her parents.
She called back, indifferent, but said she'd make an appearance.
Years of silence, now suddenly we're meeting at eight.
Nervous and scared I waited, she was only fashionably late.
We talked and caught up for an hour as we ate,
Though the butterflies only let me pick at my plate.
Just outside, she said she didn't have long,
But come sit in the car, and she'd play me a song.
I sat shaking in the dark van and I listened.
Well, to tell truth I tried, but was so nervous I didn't.
I tried to be cool, but underneath I was a mess.
Somehow I found the guts to blurt, "Can I have your email address?"
I agonized and worried, I tortured myself and fought.
What should I say?! Bah! Just be honest, I thought.
Heart in throat, I emailed her, I told her I was still stuck.
She replied with an ice bath, "Too bad, get over it, goodbye, best of luck."
I'd love to tell you I was stoic, strong, and poetic.
In reality, I stumbled around like a zombie for years, it was pathetic.
I tried again a decade later, total fiasco of course,
I was lost and emotional and going through a divorce.
She was nice but aloof, she said, "If I'm on your list."
It set me off balance and gave the conversation a dark twist.
I read into her words with my own bitter pain,
And earned the response, "Don't message me again."
Time heals all wounds, after a while, it was OK, am I right?
Sorry, but nightmares still trouble me night after night.
I dunno if it's Covid, or I just know one day I'll be dead...
But I have to try and get this stuff out of my head.
Rip it out of my chest and wrestle it onto the paper.
Maybe, with enough words, I can start to fill in the crater.
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