Why can't
I stop
loving
you
the way
you
stopped
loving me?

(-DF-07/31/16-)

i’m trying to be positive,
to see the light at the end
of the tunnel.
to believe that the best is yet
to come.

except i must not be trying hard
enough, because the darkness
always creeps in.

it finds a way.

no matter how bright the sun shines
or how blue the sky is,
my word is gray.

and i know no other way.

{d.f. | 1/11/18}

decadent nectar lips
begging to draw me close,
so i can taste you, honey.

{d.f.|05/30/18}

All I want
is to wake
next to you,
while the rain
is pouring down.

And all I ask
is to see
the sunrise
upon your face,
as you turn around
to me.

(-DF-10/10/16-)

to be with you
leaves me feeling so blue
who knew
you’d give me such a view
away you flew
we used to be like glue
i thought we were through
but we just needed time, and apart we grew
and as if on cue
we were once again true
and loving you
became another hue.

{d.f. | 01/21/18}

i hope you remember me when you least expect it, not at 3:00 a.m. when you miss me.

remember me in the moment the green light, turns yellow, and you think you can make it, but you don’t because it’s already red and you’re not even half way there.
    after all, those were the colors i saw in your eyes after i promised to
    love you forever.
    first you were ecstatic, then frantic, and then finally paralyzed.
    did you fear you no longer would be free?
    as far as i know, i wasn’t holding a key ready to lock you up.

remember me as you sip your coffee and you burn your tongue.
    after all, that’s how you left me, burnt from your bitter soul.

remember me when you’re listening to music and you have no one to dance with.
    after all, i taught you how to have a dance party in your pajamas
    when your soul was breaking.
    when your dreams were fantasies and your nightmares were
    realities.

and you know what? if you really want to, remember me at 3:00 a.m.
    after all, you always slept while i was wide awake wondering how
    long we’d last.

no matter how hard you try to forget me, you can’t erase us.

{d.f. | 02/25/18}

i wish i could promise to love you forever,
but i can't.

i'm not the one for you.

i'm certain that one day,
you'll wake up next to the love of your life,
and you'll stop hating me.

in that moment you'll see, that I wasn't only letting you go,
i was setting you free.

free to experience love.
free from a soul that didn't deserve a love like yours.

{d.f. | 10/17/17}

although i sign my name
at the end, it’s really you
who should take the credit.

after all, they’re all about you.

the words with which i write with
are from the dictionary you invented.
you see, i didn’t even know i could
write until my soul met yours.
all these letters i’m using are from the
alphabet you’ve imprinted in my heart.
all these poems are from the melodies
i hear when i think of you.

this, my love, is how i write poetry.

{d.f. | 09/11/17}

i didn't love you.
not then and not now.

i loved the idea of what we could be, together.
somehow we'd be the ones to defy the odds.

but now? what i wish the most is to free myself from the illusion that we could ever work.

this is the end of the impossibility of us that lingers.

as i walked out the door
this morning, i felt it.

i felt the crisp in the air.
the promise of cooler days.

remembrance of things long ago forgotten.

Autumn is near.
hand me my jacket.
my season is about to begin.

{d.f. - 08/28/17}

why should i wake?
only to make my bed.
cleanse my body.
eat without taste.
work myself to the bone.
be overlooked day in and day out.

grieving the loss of what was never there?
where are my answers?

no.
where is my will to live?

Was it not love because I didn’t give my life up for you?

Were my sacrifices not enough?

Was I supposed to stand back and let you take control?

Or was it that you simply couldn’t love me the way I loved you.

The truth is, I loved you in ways you could never understand.

I would go to the ends of the earth to be with you, but you wouldn’t for me.

And so tell me, was it not love?

{df – 11/11/16-}

i know we don't speak.
and maybe that's because i'm too shy to say hello.
yet, everyday as you make your way into the room
i light up inside.
i wish i could walk up to you and just talk to you the way i've done so in my head.
but i can't.
i'm terrified of being disappointed.
what if i don't like you? what if you don't like me?
so for now i'll just be in the corner wondering what you think of,
and hoping that it's me.

{d.f. | 05/08/16}

You've cut my wings, but they've grown back.
They're stronger and fuller than ever.

You told me I was broken, but now my features are sharper.

You told me I'd never fly, but now I'm soaring through the sky.

(-DF-03/07/17-)

I'm surrounded by strangers.
Walking is so hard, everything is so slow.
When did time stop?
The chains are so
heavy...
My heart is aching,
my soul is shaking,
and my mind is breaking.
When did dreaming become a job?
I'm bounded by the unknown...
The question always lingering, like a bee hive that never sleeps.
There are silent tears that escape my soul.
When will this nightmare end?
And then morning comes,
and as I open my eyes, I become aware
that the nightmare
has only begun...

(-DF-06/21/16-)

thank you to the souls
that have an understanding
attitude.
you may not understand
my situation, my hurt, or my tears,
but that doesn’t mean you don’t try.

thank you for comforting
me with a look, a nod,
or simply a gentle silent moment.

i pray, oh how i pray, that you’ll
never know what it’s like
to hate what you see in the mirror,
to be alive but not live,
to be so tired you can’t even sleep,
to be a dying ember in a fire no one wants
to stoke,
to lose hope…

thank you to the souls that care,
for how i long to meet you.

{d.f. | 01/12/18}

i sit here contemplating what words to use, to say:
how much i don't think about you.
how much i don't care.
how much i don't miss you anymore.

but the fact that i sat down to write about you,
that i seem to never stop,
are words enough.

{d.f. | 04/08/18}

I’m sitting across from you and you’re looking everywhere but at me.

You’re apologizing for putting our love on pause while you loved​ someone else.

Your eyes are full of tears, and your mouth is full of lies.

You’re asking me to let it go… because you love me...

But if you loved me with a genuine heart…

How could you?

So yes, I’m letting it go, just like I’m letting you go too.

(-DF-03/13/17-)

I’m still here…

Standing under the stars.

Waiting for the clouds to drift away, so that

you can see me in the clearest skies you’ll

ever know.

(-DF-06/30/17-)

don’t be cruel, my love.
this world is painting
you gray
where the colors once shone
the brightest.

let’s not let this wicked
system overtake your kind soul.

you painted me when i was black and white,
so take my hand
while i restore your
lilacs, blues, and reds.

my dear, let the light
shine through.

{d.f. | 09/28/17}

i stand with arms wide open, ready to welcome you home.

and there you are
running, running, running,

to the one that has no arms for you.

why'd you go through all the trouble of stealing my heart,
if you were just going to add it to your pile of forgotten treasures?

{d.f.|04/24/18}

you’re slipping from my grasp.
i can no longer hear the sound of your voice.
your image used to be the clearest on my mind, but now it’s fading.
my thoughts were constantly spent on you, but now they drift away.

how is it possible that i’m forgetting?
forgetting
your diamond blue eyes,
your red rose lips,
your gentle steps,
your honey dipped words,
your sculpted soul?

how can i forget the connection i felt to you?
please, i don’t want to forget the one i used to dream of.

{d.f. | 08/22/17}

i fell in love with
the way you
so passionately
rejected me.

{d.f.|05/01/18}

when the dark skies were here
the words wrote themselves
from the blood pouring from my veins.

now the blue skies are here,
the hot days are now,
as a result the blood has dried up.
the words have gone with the clouds

maybe this is the time to focus on the blue skies
and not the gray skies that once were.

You're all I can ever think about.
Some how you made your way into my soul.
You planted in me a seed of hope.

Hope that you'd stay around.
That you would see me the way I see you.
You made me believe that happiness wan't just a myth.
That love was real.

I thought you'd never go away.
In my heart I knew you would never forget me.
In my mind I knew you would never look back.

(-DF-04/25/16-)

i tear myself down,
day in and day out.
i am my own personal demolition team.

and i’m so tired.
i just want to stop.
so i’m going to teach myself a new art.

today i won’t break.
today i will build.

{d.f. | 03/03/18}

i'm sorry i broke your heart
before you could b r e a k mine.

By the time we got back to the house we were soaked…
Drenched from head to toe and laughing as we shivered from the cold.
Our heaving breaths were a beautiful rhythm.
in and out.
      in and out.
             in and out.
Your smile matched my own.
And then you leaned in and whispered:

"I can't believe we managed to find each other in all the chaos. You and I? We're best friends till the end."

That's when I knew I would never let you go.
Because where it concerns us nothing will ever compare.
When souls like ours are connected, not even death could tear us apart.

{df - 07/25/17 -}

i don’t care to find love.
not in this world.
not where promises are b o r n to die.

i don’t think the sadness ever goes away.
at least in my case, not for long.

right before a genuine smile
my sadness reappears with a camera
that blinds me with a flash.
“say cheese” it taunts me,
“yes, just like that.”
fake. a portrait.

and just like that once more i am engulfed
in a ravaged state of despair.

when i sit with my mother to spend a moment together
inside i die knowing that i her little girl
doesn’t want to be anymore.
but i just can’t do that to her.
despite the sadness and madness i don’t ever want to imagine her hurting because of me.

so you see this sadness that never goes away... is tearing me both ways...

so tell me where do i go from here?

how dare the universe take away my will to live.

These last few days
have been hard.
I've come to realize
that I'm not awake.
I'm living my life half asleep.
I just let the days pass
me by, and there's nothing I can do.

I'm just sitting here looking up at the
world through a haze.
As if everyday has a forecast of high fog.
Almost as if I'm watching myself through glass.
I'm on the other side just seeing myself drift.

Everyone's dancing and laughing, and breathing.
And I'm floating.
I'm suspended in time.
I no longer feel alive.
I'm floating and yet I touch the ground every miserable day.

(-DF-05/08/16-)

i still remember how stupid i was when i was with you.

frozen in place, i
watched you sharpen the knife
that you used to tear me apart.
nothing could have made me move.

i thought that was love.
giving up pieces of yourself.

inexplicable sadness is addicting.
i crave to feel everything all at once,
and then nothing.

d.f.

not one soul
can t o u c h me the way you do.
no arms, no legs, no bodies.
just your b a b y b l u e s on me,
and i drown.

You were
the brightest
of them all,

but you left me
darker than the
rest.

(-DF-07/31/16-)

with you,
i was constantly looking over my shoulder,
waiting for you
to catch up on our love.

Do you want to know what hurts?
It hurts that you're doing well without me,
While I'm paralyzed by your absence.

You've always been the strong one.
The one that lifted me up when I tumbled.
You were the one that helped me...

Yet it seems I was the one that held you back.
I was the one that slowed you down.

And trust me, I'm sorry, but
I'm also forever grateful for your time and patience with me.

I never meant to let you down.
I guess it's time I became the strong one.

(-DF-08/08/16-)

let me rest my head upon your shoulder while you run your fingers through my hair.
then whisper to me how i can get through this.
tell me i can fight it one more time.
tell me.
for i fear this time i won’t win.

in case i didn’t make it clear enough when i died for you.

i love you.

and that right there.
your ignorance,
nailed my c o f f i n.

when i said, “leave me breathless”
i didn’t mean for you to unplug my oxygen.