It has come in conclusion
That every day at night

I think of the best things
That inspire me to write

I think of you the most
When the clock hits 3"

A lot to feel and wonder
A sudden burst of energy

Baby clothes
With baby toys
Doctor says
   It's a boy!

Baby clothes
Little shoes
So very happy
Gateful news

Baby drama
Full of love
A baby boy
They dreamed of

It's Bryan ?
That's my name?
But I was born?
what a shame
      
It's a girl

I expect the same love
Received from early age

Betrayed and neglected
Inside my mental cage

Now I live like a ******
From my childhood pain

Getting hurt very young
Really damaged my brain

Forever I will live this way
Feeling sick and confused

To be such a young victim
A child sexually abused

I fallen in love into hells door
I fell too far on Satan's floor

I fallen in love with a lovely face
So unaware to be in such place

I fallen in love way too hard
Now I'm trapped in a hot grave yard

I fallen in love into a dark hole
This devil really seized my soul

I fallen in love in your bed
Forever yours like you said

I fallen in love with a tragic lie
You're nothing but a cheating guy

I fallen in love and you killed me well
I feel my heart has burned in hell

I fallen in love into the deepest level
I fell in love with a handsome devil

Hello my name is Anorexia
I will make you an obsessive freak
You will hate yourself
I will make you hungry and weak

I will turn your meat to bones
You will lose excessive weight
You must be super skinny
Food you must hate

Skinny is perfect
So your diet is strict
You live struggling
Because you are an addict

Do not eat breakfast
The scale numbers matter
Do not eat lunch
Do not get fatter

I promise to make you beautiful
I am your best friend
I will make you so skinny
Even if your life might end

She always ran away from everyone
Her tears were getting harder to hide

No one ever knew the agony she felt
Or the suppressed adrenaline inside

Nervous chills would race her body
Blurry thoughts made her head spin

Her body always trembled with fear
Because anxiety was her life within

Ruler of beauty
Grace as a dove
Thy name Aphrodite
Goddess of love

Power to sway
Thy lustful mind
Ability to lure
Man of every kind

Appealing charm
Equal summers rose
Thou pleasant aroma
Could make all man doze

****** attraction
Alludes all thy wants
Goddess so elegant
Created thy flaunts

One defect slays
Aphrodite soul within
Profound jealousy for
Psyche thy alleged twin

Because of you
I fall in stress

My life turns in
A bipolar mess

I smile in the sun
I drench in the rain

I'm happy a minute
The next i'm insane

You are my sun
You are my rain

In love in a minute
The next i'm in pain

Dreaming of walking model thin
Unaware she's bones and skin

She lives in a damaged brain
Drowned from her vomiting pain

Her insecurity torn up her mind
Left her bulimic and mentally blind

Always hugging her toilet beside
Half dead from purging her soul inside

Crying because her ugly reflection
She won't give up until she's perfection

I was always called a pig
I was always seen so fat
I was always feeling ugly
I was this and I was that

I was always called chubby
I was always seen strange
I was always throwing up
To hope a sudden change

I was always called a loser
I was always so depressed
I was always starving bad
My thoughts so obsessed

I was always called a baby
I was always called a fake
I was an attention seeker
Family help was a mistake

I was always called skinny
I was always seen so thin
I was called beautiful after
Did I lose?. Or did I win?.

An innocent flower
Trapped in cold dirt

Had a troubled life
I watched her get hurt

She was a beautiful rose
Fading to sorrowful blue

Her petals were falling
As she sprouted through

This flower was fragile
Drowning in endless rain

She couldn't blossom
In such suffocating pain

I tried to help her grow
But I watched her fall

Yet she still lives on
If I can utterly recall

This flower still lives
In my heart downcast

For she is my life
From childhood's past

We all love you so much mom
Why did it have to be this way
I thought he treated you right
You left dad for him that day

We all miss you so much mom
We thought you were a blessing
How did you end up leaving dad
Everything turned so depressing

We all love you so much mom
Dad forgives your rotted heart
But you still don't come home
Why do you tear us more apart

We all miss you so much mom
Do you just not care anymore
My little brother and sister cry
You left straight out the door

We all love you so much mom
But do you even love us at all
It seems you no longer exist
You never tried to visit or call

We all miss and love you mom
How did you turn out this way
When did you become so cold
To leave and never come back

I miss you,
I'm taking in this wine
Like drowning in deep
In blood that's all mine

But I promise you I'm fine
I'll mix this glass in tears
My darkness will shine

Wash my pain with nine
One more sip and I'll die
But I promise you dear,
I'm fine

So this the story of
My childhood lane
I remember it clear
Nothing but pain

" You're so fat"
I was always told
I was living misery
Just nine years old

I starved myself
I got underweight
Got used to it all
For I never ate

Everyone noticed
Thought I was fine
I was really sick
And bearly nine

No one ever helped
No one ever knew
All the starvation
And lies I could do

They all assumed
I was naturally thin
Little did they know
What I have been

Continuously ill
To this very day
I can't recover
I'm not okay

God of the dead
Death all he sees
Prince of darkness
Bow down to Hades

The collector of souls
Surrounded by screams
The guardian of hell
It precisely seems

Consumes the bad
Devoured by wrath
Strong vile powers
Don't enter his path

Lives for the pain
Enjoys his crown
Watch out for king
Of the underground

Finally someone
That could be
That could stay
Despite my jealousy
You didn't runaway

So thankful
To be so lucky
To be with you
A man so caring
Someone faithful too

I thought
I would be sad
I would be alone
Wondering clueless
Living life on my own

But suddenly
I was blessed
I was gifted
You entered my life
Then my heart lifted

You are
Everything I want
Everything I need
Without my soul mate
My life would bleed

For once in my life
Something great
Something new
To be happily in love
Together with you

Cold is good

Cold is nice

Cold like winter

Cold like ice

Cold my heart

Cold and blue

Cold my soul

Cold for you

I'm your ice princess

I don't have someone to call my own

I don't have someone close
I'm all alone

I don't have a family like all of you

I don't have friends like normal people do

I don't have anyone important at all you see

I wish someone could be alone with me

I had a dream of you
Remembering the way you held me

 I had a dream of you
I wonder if it was ever meant to be

I had a dream of you
Smiling at the sound of your voice

I had a dream of you
I apparently have no other choice

 I had a dream of you
A past life that is now just history

 I had a nightmare of you
Why must you be such a mystery?

I'm sorry I hurt you.

I just wanted to hurt you before
you hurt me.

Then those birds stood watching
          For she was next prey

They flew around her thoughts
          In a world so grey

They scattered her rotting flesh
          Maggots infested

The vultures began to take feast
           Laying in nested

Taking every sip of sweet blood
           In her head deep

Devouring the dead memories
            Within her sleep

Blue is the deepness of the oceans
Blue is the frailness in emotions

Blue is the touch of winters cold air
Blue are the colors I like to wear

Blue are my secrets locked away
Blue are the melodies of a rainy day

Blue is the color of the mellow skies
Blue is the sadness in my eyes

Blue is the soul of what is dead
Blue are the memories in my head

Blue are the damages left in my heart
Blue are the beauties of what I call art

Blue is the spirit of all my vitality
Blue is the look of my personality

Blue is my life and all that I love
Blue is all I'm made out of

You say you love me

But I know you like her

And you still wonder why

I live so deeply insecure

I need some medicine
Maybe a pill to take

It's night time again
I still remain awake

So many thoughts
Run across my head

Too much thinking
Will I ever go to bed?

I wish to shut my eyes
Will I ever get some rest?

I probably won't sleep
Insomnia is at it's best

It takes so much self hate
To starve as much as me

It takes so much sadness
To use up all your dignity

It takes so much isolation
To have so much to hide

It takes so much strength
To live on half dead inside

It takes so much anxiety
To fear any fat in my skin
                              
It takes so much energy
To constantly be so thin

It takes so much self hate
To ***** as much as me

It takes so much jealousy

At morning I begin to feel
At night I begin to think
My heart starts to drown
My life starts to sink

I get images in my head
Confusion I cannot define
Jealousy ruining my life
Wanting you all mine

At morning I begin to think
At night I begin to feel
Are you really mine?
Is this fake or is this real?

I just don't understand
Why you could love me
A girl so deeply insecure
In a world of  jealousy

Oh what a shame

My mom is a ****
My dad does *******

My brother hates me
I have no friends

Help me, Help me

Scars hidden deep
I want a cigarette

I can't sleep

Words unspoken
Too many secrets

My life is broken

Family of lies
Everything I hate

Oh why, oh why

Trapped at home
With monsters

I'm so alone

Is love even real
Life seems empty

I can't even feel

I'm so lonely
I want to escape

If only, If only
It wasn't my fault

Love is stupid  
 Make me faint

Compulsive liar
  You're no saint

  Love is stupid
  Make me melt

 Empty is everything
  All I ever felt

    Love is stupid
    Make me blush

    See this blood?
     It hurts so much

      Love is stupid
       Take my life
  
     I dare you too
     see that knife?

       Love is stupid
       Hold me forever

      Secretly I wish,..
     Nope nevermind
       Whatever

      Love is stupid

Sweet memories
Hit my hearts crust
Rotting with emotions
To decay in disgust

I miss you to death
My life gone to dust
Left me abandoned
In this lie full of lust

Thought you cared
This pain can't adjust
I gave you my heart
I can no longer trust

Love out of order
My soul has combust
That's why you left
Turn my life into rust

You love me as you smile
And it really seems to shine

When you bruise up my skin
I love knowing your all mine

You love me as you laugh
I can see the joy you wear

When you choke my neck
It shows you really care

You hate me as we love
For the reason I cheated

When all you did was love
Yet I hurt you so repeated

You love me as you hate
With pain in every touch

When you abuse my body
I still love you so much

I look in the mirror
And all I can see
Is a little lost girl
Staring at me

I reach her hand
But she starts to fade
I can't undo all these
Mistakes I have made

I was innocent once
I can still hear her voice
The way she cried stop
But she had no choice

Unable to breath
Unable to scream
Lost and trapped
Lost in a dream?

Murdered by love
Murdered tragic
Killed with agony
Killed like magic

Lying so hopeless
Lying unforeseen
Lost in your love
Lost in a dream?

Sadness infected
Sadness it grew
Murdered by love
Murdered by you

Powerful wisdom created by God
An angel named Lucifer flying abroad

The guardian of earth floating above
Was a welcomed bliss full of love

An angel with beauty like gazing art
Suddenly all perfection fell apart

Lucifer in demand to take the thrown
He desired all power to rightfully own

Jealousy destroyed his twisted soul
His bitter love then fell in a dark hole

God was not pleased with his action
Lucifer resulted in lost foul attraction

Satan was his new spiteful name
A devil that wanted all power to claim

Caged as a prisoner of his own mind
His heart is forever intertwined

My dark angel ****** cold like wine
All your lovely sins are just like mine

Leaves are falling
The wind is blowing

Clouds are creeping
The Moon is glowing

Leaves are changing
The wind is chilling

Clouds are darkening
November is thrilling

He played me piano
       He played me a song
       He played me a note
          Quite a bit wrong

       He played me here
       He played me there
       He played my body
     Like notes everywhere  

     I can't look at a piano
      Without dying inside
       You did things to me
            I have to hide

        He played me piano
        He played me a game
        He played my heart
           Oh what a shame

        He played me here
        He played me there
        He played me good
        Then pulled my hair

       I can't look at a piano
        Without crying inside
         I was falling in love
             I had to hide

        He played me piano
        He played me a song
        We played an affair
          Oh so very wrong  

         He played me here
         He played me there
         We played piano
              Everywhere

Trapped in caged thoughts
I am a little lost dove

A hopeless romantic
Since you're all I think of

How can I fly away?
The pain forever stings

I will never move on
With these broken wings

I love you so much
Don't ever set me free

Let me die in your cage
Your hell is home to me

I will suffer and sing
I am your little dove

Such a happy slave
A prisoner of love

Choked my lungs
Drowned so sick
Nervous sweat
Ran so quick

I tried to breathe
But I failed
Reached for help
But he sailed

I trusted him
He saw prey
Let me drown
That awful day  

I wanted comfort
You saw bate
Tried to run
way too late

This is how
My story goes
I got *****
And he knows

Red is the pain that bleeds
Red is the hatred that feeds

Red is the love that rots
Red is all evil thoughts

Red is desire for power
Red is the devils hour

Red is a killers knife
Red is a burning life

Red is the destructive side
Red is all those wicked sins inside

I know I hurt you well
It may have been wrong

But I have no regrets
I planned it all along

I can hit you harder
Harder than a knife

I always get revenge
Remember me for life

Getting your attention
Is a complicated task
I just want to feel pretty
Is it too much to ask?      

Just tell me I'm beautiful
Bring out the best in me
Maybe you're just shy
Or I guess I'm just ugly

Do you even like me?
You're pushing me away
I hope you don't like me
For I might leave one day

I want your attention
It's a complicated task
You never listen to me
I'll go sit behind a mask    

I'll find someone else
That can compliment me
Because you surely don't
All you give me is insecurity

I'm beautiful to all of them
Why don't you see it too?
I thought you loved me
You're cutting me through

I want your attention
See me like they do?
I guess you never will      
Maybe I don't need you

Innocent animals born to die
Brutally killed for human food

Cows and pigs suffering death
For a perfect banquet stewed

Many natural food that grow
Delicious right out of the dirt

Yet they still eat with gluttony
Oh this world makes me hurt

Chicks and goats all perished
To prepare for the finest dish

Imagine if you were an animal
You surely never want to wish

My outlook is a world of peace
Not lovely creatures to decay

Animals should not live tragic
A vegetarian I will always stay

Secrets locked in me
Secrets like the sea

Secrets deep and blue
Secrets hid from you

Secrets far away
Secrets I can't say

Secrets that swell
Secrets I'll never tell

Secrets you wish you knew
Secrets to not hurt you

Secrets because I can't trust
Secrets because I must

Secrets you don't deserve to know
Secrets that I will never show

Secrets too cold to discuss
Secrets that will hurt both of us

Secrets evil and clever
Secrets sadly forever

He stripped me down naked
Under those passionate eyes

Then my body began to melt
With hot chills on my thighs

My soul was devoured away
Trapped under a lustful spell

So powerless under his gaze
A seduction game played well

Whisper softly
Against my ear
Tell me things
I want to hear

Let's do it again
Day and night
Pull my hair
Make me fight

Touch me more
Add whip cream
Make me moan
In this *** dream

I remember everyday was so much fun

Talking endlessly for hours and hours

Everyone knew us as best friends

I thought we were inseparable

You said it would be forever

I always made you laugh

You made me happy

Things changed

You changed

Suddenly

Drifted

Apart

I'm sorry you want to die
I'm sorry I made you cry

I'm sorry I lie and such
I'm sorry it hurts so much

I'm sorry about yesterday
I'm sorry you feel that way

I'm sorry you don't trust me
I'm sorry but your sadness

Makes me happy

A chain of men
******* my heart

But I'm okay
Just torn apart

I'm not dead
Just need air

Can't breathe
This chain I wear

Hopeless girl
Used for lust

Now you know
Why I can't trust

A minute happy
The next alone

Everyone I love
Turns to stone

He said forever
And he swore

They come back saying
"I don't love you anymore"

Maybe one day
I'll break free

From all the lies
Suffocating me

Things aren't going right

I'm lost in darkness
No, I'm not alright

All I see is black and white
I miss you dearly love

Come back to my life

I want to see the light
I need you more than ever

But you're no where in sight

I can't keep up this fight
I want to sleep for once

Suicide's in my mind tonight

Swimming a dream
Of words you said

Swimming around
Thoughts in my head

Swimming below
Depths of my mind

Swimming in deep
For answers to find

Let us play a game
In this dark place here

The closet game is fun
I promise you my dear

Take off your clothes
I want to see skin

They are the rules
If you want to win

I will touch you here
You touch me there

Oh please do not cry
My little teddy bear

Young little child
You are my little toy

Do not be scared
Just feel the joy

Keep this a secret
My baby dear

I have done a little
Accident in here