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mia 6d
I hover over fractured water
the porcelain compels me to lean closer

"I am not lovable"
Bony parts bruise faster.
I think to myself.
I look down at my arms. They are tinted yellow from the fading bruises.

Fatty parts bruise harder.
I think to myself.
I look down at my thighs, they have black spots scattered over them.

I sigh and touch my collarbones protruding from my body.
I stack the coins. I can fit 17 on each collarbone.

I look in the mirror and I know I am looking at a hollowed out skeleton, but all I see is me .. just as I've always looked, grey, boring, ordinary...
Kai Schultz Mar 9
packets of crisps
empty
not even crumbs are left
the cookie jar is empty
and that jug of sweet tea
washed it all down
so it could come up easy
so it could come up
into the toilet it goes
along with my fear.
aaron Feb 16
F
i am such a failure
that if ana taught a class
i would rarely pass
i'm a slacker to her
i try to skip her class
but eventually get dragged in
and if mia was a teacher
i would be an old student
rarely attending
her class is no longer one i want
my final grade
for either of them
would not be passing
because i can't even be empty correctly
aaron Feb 16
it starts slow
each and every time
losing sleep
extra focus on school
baggy shirts
a sucker replaces breakfast
quitting fun activities
staying quiet more often
eating only half my lunch
shutting myself in my room
baggy shirts become hoodies
barely looking in mirrors
lying becomes easy again
the truth is harder to spit out that swallow
feeling colder as the days go by
making a game out of periods
"hunger pains or cramps? haha guess i'll never know"
melatonin almost every night
mirrors make me sick
lunch is cut out of the day
making up excuses
nobody questions
cafeteria is pointless now
spending lunch in the hallways
sometimes a classroom
dinner is only half touched
water is the only thing that fills me
school work and exercising takes up all my time

and i'm only at "barely looking in mirrors" now
aaron Feb 16
the numbers are all that matter
i keep track of them
whenever they go up
and every time they

d
r
o
p

d
o
w
n

closer to beauty
closer to perfection
closer to zero
My life, is no longer my life
My skin, is no longer my skin
My mind and body isn't mine either
It is yours Mia
I have surrendered myself to you
I am tired of fighting you
I no longer have the energy
For you have stolen that too
I stand on both my knees
Asking for your forgiveness
Purge me of my guilt
Allow my bone to be sharp as knives
Stomach flat as paper
Let my collerbones allow me to fly
Fly far far away
aaron Jan 16
good enough
two words little words
they grab hold of my thoughts
this body is now on autopilot controlled by them
they knitpick at this casing
"it is unfitting and disgusting"
is what this dictator screams
what once was so painful to hear
is now a symphony to my ears
nodding my head to the beat
the fingers move on their own
they trail up to my mouth and past my teeth
they tickle the back of my throat and grip hard and pull and pull
they rip out every bit of joy from the inside until i am an empty well
next the needle dances along my face
it twirls around my lips and pulls in tight
it's as if this is a romantic waltz
that is until my stomach yells
i realize the true purpose of the pretty ribbons sealing me shut
"this is how to be like them"
it echos for a short moment and i question it until she repeats him
"you weren't good enough"
once the door opens they all poor out
a flood of every whisper and shout
"you'll never be good enough"
"not pretty enough"
"not smart enough"
"not thin enough"
"not enough"
and the battle begins again
to be hallow is to be beautiful
to be beautiful is to be small
to be small is to be fragile
to be fragile is to be empty
to be empty is to be killing yourself
to be killing yourself is to be good enough
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