life
a careless child
messy room
scattered toys around

too young for chess
abusing pawns
and queens alike
some lost at best,
others lying broken
on the ground

and me
I am a cube
at the hands of curiosity,
fingers tightly clenched;
is it persistence now
or is it animosity
beating sides and edges
against the circle slot;
it doesn't take a sage
to see
there never was a plot

Dipped for years in sensory deprivation, my heartstrings had atrophied to the point of numbness. Self-harm was my only tool of getting feelings into my system… My voice was screams confined in vacuum. My smile came up only as burns and blisters blissfully stretching on each side of my surface.
Where am I now? I'm out. Prison break successful. My thoughts were the bars; my self-loathing, my walls; my heart was the lock… Did I carve out the key out of my guts? Was it a re-purposed rib? I can't recall. But I'm out now. And I'm real. I gave myself shape and soul. A second chance.
I have two wings; one black, one white… And I… forgave the past. And my veins carry freedom towards my brain, feeding every synapse. Thank you everyone, who loved me when I was the least deserving. May You be blessed!

archangels banish the devil
in the depths of your heaven
like a non-violent exorcism
the likes of which I haven't witnessed
sentimental plague covers our
binary consciousnesses
until the veil burns off
and the ashes feed the land
till it softens
wiping clean the mourning
desiccating grief
from the haunting
worshipped debris
embedded rootless
to the thick of the longing
to the excised fat
of past-time reveries
yet the ivory towers
still stand bared
amidst newborn flowers
sparing no sand
from the hourglass
for an epitaph
for only tomorrows
carry redemption
promising blossoming

Winter swallowed the Sun
like a pill refusing to go down

My system needs the coolant
of putting distance between myself
and the global glow-ball
To avoid the catastrophic kind of melting

cold drops falling
soft leaves slowly
sliding crystals
the soil again
becoming rich
color taking fill
lungs come whole again
one with the rest
connecting the opposites
into the loop ever stirring
the wheel slowing down
never stops turning

Behind the floating point
we, the other digits,
mere fading ripples,
undulate until
we drown into oblivion

don’t let all those flowers deceive you
clouding judgment with flower dust
and the charm of colorful aroma
they have agendas of their own
and you are but a step in their ladder

my lungs dive deep
into the marrow
of your embrace

beneath the waves
they find
your heart

please don't
worship me
into ascension

I wouldn't bare
to be your
Aztec sun god

Caught a wave,
snatched the chance
to ride the tide;
took me straight
through the goosebumps,
the antennae
of the skin
protracted and receiving

...and the ripples multiplied

I always thought
the depths were cold,
not warm
but melody knows best
and I can't wait
to be surprized
holding breath
in the uneasy calm
before the storm

Wonder how they came up ahead of me… she’d been leaking information to the enemy. A double agent. She loves me but it can’t be helped. It is her nature. Well don’t you know, my seductive charming spy mistress, that the fuse is lit. Your behavior, a recipe for calamity. We might be the epicenter, ground zero, but no one shall be spared. Everyone involved will be affected. A 360 degree firestorm of shrapnel. Just because. You needed more… to feel more beautiful, more wanted, more seductive, by more parties. Never enough. More.
Love lies spilling guts, from the mess up still partially beautiful. Face almost calm, not contorted. Pain is numbed as she disintegrates like vapour. But we’ve become a desert and it will not rain back for centuries.

Sadists, aren’t we all… abusing that for which we fall…
The way that I’m obsessed… with the fabric of your dress
Although it doesn’t feel as good… as tender skin beneath it would
So it deserves the claws… and lacerated ribbons’ flow…
Of all the fingers, it’s the thumb… that sees the broadest, like the sun
Runs in circles on those knees… the sweet of you I love to read
Yet passion thrives on sacrifice… with aftermaths of melting ice
To treat the paintings on your skin… which lust, in trance, would blindly leave
Like every coin, there are two sides… and truth is tasting both in life…
The things that we adore… our hunger paints in gore
And now you’re in the palms… their lips brush off the calm…
The sinking of the teeth… the flavor underneath...

I found out that I’ve known
The language of the autumn
All along
But she couldn’t handle
Her own
Transitive verbs
And the silent consonants,
The stressed vowels
That brought her sorrow
I was pure torture when
I spoke to her
With a passion that
Shed her chills
In cold tears
Stabbing shards
Crashing in my ribs
I was our undoing
Inevitable as winter

her lips,
of blooming poppy,
hold promises of *****,
slipping past the choices,
knowing they'd be caught
too late, and not before
they've met desires
secretly
in shadows underneath
the moonlit balconies

“save the trees”, it says
on the sheets of paper
made out of their death

My skin can hear your colors
From the other end
Of happiness

But the line is folding in a loop
Closing in a circle
And the end is the beginning

Time is tesselating
Unto itself
But we have not the senses

There is no loss
Just continuation
Into the unknown

Relativity delays
The arrival of awareness
Consciousness is slow to form

The cooling of the mold
Takes a great deal more
Hence, the procrastination

Inert and habitual;
Words taking root
In everything

My end and your beginning
Collided into a freshly manifesting
Iteration of existence

The bud becomes
The fruit
A new cycle

me and her we barely talk
like spies for different governments
I've tried extracting information
but I'm cut off, passing out
and I wake up every time
17, heart-broken with silence

blank stares scan my every evening
somehow I am still invisible
turning this into a cold green light
to explore the dark corridors of my heart
my thoughts turn to microfilms
and battle plans and secret blueprints
my cover's hanging by a thread

I'm now a fugitive with everything to lose
a secret agent in love with their handler,
the disembodied string of signs on glowing screen
how much emptier than this is it possible to get

because there is no home
and you can't just go back to the agency
one wrong step and charges vary
from espionage to treason
and there've never been any right moves
at all

so now it's back to basics

scars of lessons past
crawl like cracks
on tomorrow’s skin
you stitch and patch
but
it’s a race you cannot win

The light tail of the tail light leaves me blue in the dark hues
… when it carries away what I belong to…
Unfolding the tar-black sky of asphalt, the longest arm of missing you…
My body is now the distance between us, big and empty,
The bigger, the emptier, thinner than air…
As time piles up, my ladders turn into pointless meters
Measuring the ratio of nothing in everything

clutching the handle of a
long long long knife
unwavering hands
pull away
I’m in daze
not sure of the direction of the blade

and with their hands of words
they reach towards
my thoughts to slice them
to widen the cut
and tear open
my intricacies
digging for spice and mud

as you unsheathe analysis
I devour all the violence
of voyeuristic
snaking
searing intentions

I will not allow
this foul transparency
to be my autopsy

The ghost of spread lips
will haunt the house
inside your skull
because
there's nothing wrong
with being who I was

Autumn leaves
But not her leaves
Where she lies
Perennial

Beneath the ribs
She roots her trees
Deeper than the skies
And deeper yet
And deeper still
Than the living chains
Of freedom

Perched upon the windowsill
Her eyes tow wings
Whose whispers sing
The name of her reverie

every grain of sand
is secretly
a polyhedron
that despises science
like every grain of joy
has at least one side
that hurts

She is light weeping shadows
depth you cannot follow
velvet rain on summer nights
lips exhaling sweetest flight

‘Neath the solid waves of ribs
She is storm my inkwell stirring
Mere whirl of finger tips
Erupting in a dance of fury

As we move as one
Fears fade behind
shed like skin of old
in gold and ruby fall

   * * *

Диханието на Октомврия

Тя е светлина плачеща сенки
Дълбина недостижима
Дъжд от кадифе във летни нощи
Устни с дъх на сладък полет

На ребрата изпод твърдите вълни
Буря Тя е в моята мастилница
Щом леко само пръсти потопи
Ще изригне танц най-див

Движим се ведно
А страховете вяхнат
Като стара кожа падат
В есен от рубин и злато

Friendly pokes
***** jokes
Someone has misheard:

-Are you some kinda perv?
-I struck some kinda nerve?

Awkward looks
into boots.

Who will be the first
to change the topic,
pitch of talking?
Can this be reversed?

It was just an impulse.
Yes, it is that simple
when it's not rehearsed.
Who's that good with words?

Smile and let's move on.
Let us not be dull.
Moods will come and go
so on the go we learn.

I don't wear smiles
like clothes,
like you wear makeup

I don't choose in aisles,
in stores,
just for the occasion

You can try
and you'd fit right in my shoes
but I'd never fit in yours

I don't wear jewels
but I'd love
to wear your denial
mmm,
your scent for awhile...

she said
"my clothes are beings of their own
they come and go
as they please
but in your eyes
they melt from me
like wax from а candle"

I stopped time
on the brink of your lips

{and mine kissed eternity)

* *

Heels harder than steel
Sharper still
In his heart
Smooth arks
Curves looping
Strong desires
Cutting loose
Weak restraints
Through frail defenses
His achilles heel
A separate entity
Embodied in the shape
Of a fallen angel
Insatiably inviting
The arrows of Apollo
Choosing carefully
Her Paris-es

I hadn’t spoken for so long
a tiny spider had moved in
at the corner of my mouth
eating my words

my tongue laying limp like a
slain dragon at the bottom of the cave
like a king who passed away right there
on his throne having given the last order

my arms almost as still as uncontested borders
only palms carry out maneuvers
and fingers patrol the manifestation of expressions
commanded by thought fibers
like puppet soldiers

and the lines in the sand are words
born of themselves
telltale heartstrings stalking now the realm
just outside the eye orbit

My eyes turn bulimic
Having devoured the world
They keep nothing
Except for the cure that is You

And the breath she took
Didn’t cool her down
The heat was spilling out
Thirst began
To scale her tongue
Lips and legs ajar
The fire spread within the dark
Until it rained
And clouds embraced
Sighs escaping smiles

they say there is no other life
but here inside this body
here within this skull
measured by the goodbyes
of countless nows
but to me there is
yes, outside this box
on the blank sheet
seemingly flat
endlessly deep
in infinite dimensions

slowly going crazy
twisted and burnt
two different faces
one charcoal soul

sizzling and blazing
crackling in the mud
I've been tainting lately
all I touch and learn

falling out of grace
beyond forgiveness
I return
into the ashes of my days
my heart is now the urn

my deepest smiles are cuts
into the flesh of joy
I need to learn the art of healing
before it's all destroyed

I’m genuinely open-palmed to rain… and that skin of yours falling unto... my whole topography… gently sifting… summer showers from… salacious cumulus seduction… I wonder why there’s no escaping bliss… that indescribably sweet torture of… how good it feels to pull apart those ribs… and rip the last remaining strands of victimization... under the influence of sentient ambrosia… and the rivers break out galloping… splashing pirouettes on river banks… caressing, kissing, caressing, kissing… tenderness and passion… drowning hands tightly clenched, screaming madly… “I want you”…

I no longer
wear hats
or drink from cups

the eyes of cats
are searchlights
and curiosity
is killing us

She keeps hijacking the most pure
Of my metaphors
I wonder if she
Sells them in slavery
To him;
Forced into prostitution
To the ****;

Who sells their own children
To their lover/business partner?
My only weapon is now
Saying the truth out loud

She offers him stolen
****** expressions
as sacrifice
but they were mine
I grew and nurtured them
I fostered and guarded them
And she took them away

They were merely thoughts
in my garden with osseous walls
I showed them to her,
gave them her tears
and her smiles,
gave them her names;
She picked them and ran,
claimed them not even
all for herself…
but for him…
the foreign body

This is merely one
in a line of treacheries
and I will no longer
allow her to fall
any further
into this monstrous
scar of transgression.

staring contest in public transport
and the stranger’s eyes
were her passport
passed the check at customs
crossed the borders of an impulse
I was hers and she was mine
until the station

my coffee daydreams
mad with jealousy
because reality was
standing true in front of me

lead rain
the prison bars of gray days

spinning the umbrella propeller
mercury people blend in

but it’s not what we’re all made of

I’m not broken
I’m a puzzle not to be solved
I’m a bird of…
Preying on rain…
But the clouds elude my webs
I’m the underside of an antisocial umbrella
What with the moisture-averse lovers nowadays
I shoo them off and twist my spokes
And finally I’m no longer pretending completeness for the sake of my surroundings
Because She comes clad timeless
Comes with the thunder
And She tastes like all or nothing

If truth is omnipresent
then it equals death.
So what am I?
A lie.
Alive.
As long as I'm not gone
nothing's set in stone.
There is time to thrive.

I'm the cracks that crawl
along the cold etched words
I'll be back into the mold
that shelters all of us
but not today.
Before it is all lost,
it all must be gained.

sometimes you enter the maw of the beast;
severed heads lie around still watching,
and you march forth into the bowels of hell
fighting off fears, horrors and demons
own and foreign
for the ultimate prize
taking home the devil

do not even blink;
once it's out
there's no holding back
what follows;
lids and eyelashes
keeping in check
all of this
salty bitterness,
a levy or a dam,
and I'd never rhyme your tears
with anything

You, silhouetted against the skyline
******* slumber, slowly putting on
The night

Slipping into moonlight silk
Sliding into ambience
Of darkness laced with streetlights,
A veil of fireflies
Spilt,
Soft curves flowing side to side,
Voluptuous
Waves swaying delight,
My nocturnal albi

your expressing sunshine
like unforgiving aspects
raising ******
camouflaging silver
meshing razor teeth
because back it up honey
lunacy is saccharine sweetness
  
your suppressing moonshine
chains of bitter freedom
rays are often hidden
beneath a skin of ashes
there is taste to savour
of warmth and promise
where madnesses collide

War by proxy,
the future of conflict
super powers clashing
on foreign soil
in battles fought by locals
divided into camps
pitted against their own
for differing convictions
not for the lack of reasons;
fuel to the fire added
by their recruiters
propaganda,
subterfuge,
subversion;
no need to worry about ordnance
and military hardware,
ammo and suplies
they will be provided
duly
by the sponsors;
the agenda is
to drown a patch of land in blood,
with an island built from bones
lonely in the middle,
just big enough for a g-man
to set foot upon,
tie the laces of his boot;
an then move on.
But what of all the residue?
Nothing goes to waste
all will be reused
blood to fuel
bones to amunition
surviving souls to generations of hate slaves

If you're elsewhere building an oasis
somewhere peaceful, someplace quiet,
watch your back and keep an eye
on the silent sky
there are birds of steel and wires
with their artificial brains
roaming, cruising, watching,
their senses and their talons
lent to their
puppeteers, mere employees
looking for a chance,
at that multikill promotion
fingers itching at the joystick...
but outside and back at home,
a prison cell of boredom
waits to chew them in slow motion
to the bombed and the bombing,
to the greedy and the mourning,
we don't call this life
hell is real
we're both prey and hunter
madness is contagious and haunting

You’re a blunt trauma from a sharp weapon
You’re the highest of the low-hanging fruit
You’re a dark day to a vampire waiting for the sun
You’re this year’s May that I might as well not...
You’re such a hidden button during ironing “I can’t even…”
You’re the diagonal towards the end of an up-down-down-forward-back-back combo
You’re the most unexpected choke one gets by their own saliva
You’re a Ferrari keeping quiet about a handling defect until it’s too late
And me… I’m just as perfect as you are…
Only not as articulately pronounced…

*

Ти си натъртване от остър предмет
Ти си най-високия от ниските плодове
Ти си мрачен ден за вампир, който чака слънцето
Ти си тазгодишния Май, в който май не бих…
Ти си така скрито копче по време на гладене, че даже не мога…
Ти си диагонал към края на комбинация от горе-долу-долу-напред-назад-назад
Ти си най-неочакваното задавяне причинено от собствената слюнка
Ти си Ферари с премълчан дефект при завиването докато не стане твърде късно
А аз… съм точно толкова съвършен, колкото и Ти
Но по-неотчетливо изказан...

Deep…
I’m sinking in the dark
The world is upside down
Just the way it should be
I’m taken in by warm skies
And the clouds are tangible

The steep curves of slopes
I climbed crawling
Your breath, the gust
That turned my world over

To reach the rain
I danced on skin
Trenching spells
Caressed soft soil
To split for me a sea of thighs
So I could go the distance
Where We end up as God

what, already
that aroma;
not a single spoon
of sugar:
the better
the awakening;
my coffee grinning,
shaking me

there's no way
to backtrack;
I'm sipping from b-cups,
kicking into gear...

flash forward;
(flesh in the background)
absentmindedly
chasing destination
instead of destiny,
always in a hurry

coffee drops
now drying up
disheveled,
the only ones
still keeping
memory of lips
retreating
like the waves
caressing shores
goodbye

long gone is
the reflection
undulating eyes

thoughts are perched
on mornings:
the old ones,
the upcoming...