I never thought we would end up like this..
Tangled in each other under the sheets
As the morning rays peek out
And spill through our window

I never thought I'd feel so cold without you
So empty

When did I start missing you?
When did the thoughts of you start invading my head?
When did you carve your name into my heart?
When did 'I hate you' turn into.. well, this?

I built my walls so high
I was sure you'd turn and leave
When did you even tear them down?
Love was a fantasy I never believed.

Sitting on our roofs
With the universe in the palm of our hands
Rolling down the windows
And belting out song lyrics to our favorite bands

And even sitting here I'm thinking of you
With a smile plastered on my face.
I never wanted to date again
Let alone be "that couple"...

But I guess that's what we are
This is what we're meant to be
We're cliche
     We're timeless
          And when we're together
                       *We're free

There aren't enough words in the world
Nor enough time
To tell you all my regrets as I tell you goodbye
...
There aren't enough emotions in the world
Nor enough tears
To tell you all my heart feels as I smile and walk away
...
Because how can you leave someone
Who was the only place that felt like home?
...
Yet that's exactly what I did
...
Because houses always stand longer
When there's no poison to ruin it
...

We've been scorched and trialed
Scarred beyond recognition
Bruised beyond repair
But we've shed our skin to become
Masters of our own disguises...

Scars line our bodies
Intertwining like a mysterious vine
Lacing together in jagged harmony
Intricate like a hidden beauty within itself..

Some were received from battle
More received from the battle within
From the depths of the darkness
Haunting the forgotten graves
Lost in the whispering wind..

Our skin's a masterpiece
Covered in red, black, and blue
But is it the color of glory
Or of shame
Of fear
Of the silent shadows still living within us...

Are we truly soldiers
Or simply ones without a cause
Lost in the sounds of chaos
For eternity to endure...

Our scars tell our stories
But are they the ones being heard
Or are our silent screams
Lost in the unforgiving wind
In the depths of time itself?

Then truly,
   Do these scars,
       Our story
         Mean anything
              At all ....

One wall is full of magnificent posters
Of a little girl's future dreams.
The other painted over with vibrant art.
One wall is a diary oozing with words
Of every unwritten song and unsaid thought
The other a painted map of all the adventures
That await her if she follows her heart.
...
Yet these posters cover up gaping holes
The paint covers up the scars
The words cover up the pain
The map her deep flaws
...
The room was never meant to be seen
By anyone else but the girl
Who lived in fear of the demons
Before realizing she
Was the only monster
Living under her own bed.
...
And no matter what she did
To cover up her empty walls,
The suffering
  Would forever
    Be locked
     Within them
...
Her room forever emptier
Than her heart.

I once almost drowned in my own tears
Of sorrow and of guilt
For my hands were stained
From the blood of the innocent girl
Whose life I just took...

Her eyes held the wonder
Of the galaxies she wanted to explore
Her hands held the promise
Of a beautiful world she cared for...

Yet with my bare hands
I strangled her worthless
And threw her into the icy river
That flowed with the lost dreams
Of those who were thrown in before her...

The rainbows turned to dust
The flowers to wilted pain
The love turned to empty alleys
An innocent girl gone insane

I turned her into a void,
A rag doll with no control...
I turned her into me
For it was I who took my own soul...

I don't know how to love
Like the ocean loves its waves
Or the way the sun dips below the horizon
Painting their love across the canvas of clouds
For all the world to stop and admire.

I can only love
In the way only secrets are loved
In between the shadows and the whispers
Of things meant to be kept between the lines.

My love for you would manifest
In brilliant art
But it would be forever locked away
In a deep chest only our eyes could see

My love for you would sing out
In the chords of harmony
Never meant to reach anyone's ears
But our own

My love for you would be
Loyal
   And
      Wondrous

Hidden from the world
Because my whole world would be you
Everything I would do would be for you
....
But you would never want that kind of love
...
You'd rather live for the likes
And the cute couple-y comments
You'd live for the documenting every second
Of every moment of our relationship

You'd rather have a social trophy-love
Than the grandest,
Most truest form of love
You'll never get to see

So I guess that's why
I'd never get to love you...
   *Because I wouldn't know how to...

I have this notion
That humans aren't meant to get close
To other humans
That people aren't meant to love
Other people
That hearts aren't made to bond
With other hearts

We are but floating bodies
Looking for life's purpose
Believing in this ridiculous notion
That love is real

For love is nothing but empty promises
And broken hearts full of sorrow
Love leaves nothing but bruises
And tears hoping for a better tomorrow

So don't apologize for leaving
Apologize you promised to stay
Alas I should've known better
People always leave anyway

And you tell me I'm cynical
You tell me I'm broken
You tell me I'm crazy
You tell me....
But that doesn't matter does it

It doesn't matter what you do
It doesn't matter what you say
Because in the end I'm right
In the end you'd never stay
...

Lost in the illusion
Of this painting they called life,
A small girls sits shivering
In the corner of her bathroom floor
...
Inside of this masterpiece
The girl paints more of just that,
Her tears watercolors on the canvas
Of the tiles lining the bathroom floor
...
These tiles now cold and hard
Eating away like acid on her cool flesh,
The comfort of the childhood memories
All washed away from within the walls
That once gave her peace of mind.
Bubble baths turned to ****** ones
As she brings her art to life
...
The words thrown at her
Outside of the world in her bathroom
Now painted red in bold font
Inside a canvas unseen
By anyone but the bitter ghost
Left to rot in the corners of the stone walls
Under the bubbles of the water
That ate away at her crimson tainted flesh
...
The tears stop falling
While the water still runs
Over her treacherous heartbeat,
Down the curves of her spine
As she desperately attempts
To wash away her sins
Not knowing the paint was permanent
Forever etched into her skin
Burning demons into her own canvas
...
Years later,
After many hidden portraits..

Her fragile body aches
As she paints one more masterpiece
To tie the rest of her canvases together.
And with a final stroke of her brush
A tear slips down her face
Rejoicing in how long her art lived
In secrecy before she ran out of paint
...
  She finally paints her signature
  Onto the tiles of her bathroom floor
  Her legacy or a warning to those stuck like her
  The world won't ever come to know
  All they knew was her heart ran out
  Of words to say and canvases to paint
  As she took her last breath and spelled out
           **Mise en Abyme

What if
I write and I write
Until I have no words to say
(And since these lines are all I have)
I then wither of loneliness
And fade away....

What if*
Even worse off I'll be
If I shout everything
With my bleeding pencils
And those words simply bounce
Off the walls and echo
Never to be heard
But forever trapped
In the silent rooms
Inside my head
Torturing me
For infinity...

As the whispering waves crashed within themselves
Only one thing was certain..
That though nothing lasts forever
There truly is hope
And there truly is love
And tonight we have them both..
So stay with me darling.

Stay with me..
At least until the waves fold into the twinkling lights.
Until the whispering sun dips below the horizon
And it becomes dark enough out to hide our sins
In the midst of the night
Under the audience of the stars.
We can blanket our treacherous desires
Under the curtain of the moonlight.

Let's forget the world..
And I'll take a journey in the universe of your eyes
As you get lost in the pool of my own...

Let the whispering winds crash
As you unravel me tonight...

They're wrong about death
We shouldn't be afraid of it
Nor cry over it..
Especially when
Life is what gives us pain

...

*Death gives us an escape

She has tattoos covering her body
Blanketing miles of skin
Tattoos hidden from the world
Endless swirls of words within
Words anyone ever threw at her
A porcelain doll forever embedded with a cry
A cry for help that will never come
For the tattoos are hidden to the naked eye

No one else can see the stamps of hatred
Inked permanently beneath her skin
She just wants to run and hide them away
Bury them along with her demons of sin

Yet behind the blank stares they still whisper
Ambushing her with more tattoos

Fat
  Loner
      ******
          Ugly
            Worthless
She begs for it to stop before she goes insane
  Clingy
      ******
         ****
            Useless
Yet the words never stop inking her frame
   *****
      Failure
         Burden
           Disappointment
          

So to release some ink
She paints on her skin
With a paintbrush that stains red

Down her wrists
She writes some more
If only you could take back what you *said

My heart
Is not your toy
That you can come and use
At your leisure
Then throw away
When it becomes used and broken

And I'll let you in on a secret...

It may look shiny and new
But its shattered to the core
Broken beyond repair
Simply dressed to impress
So it can stay on the top shelf
For its highest bidder
So that its cycle can continue
Forever

She grew thorns...
Not to lure him in
        with deception
But to keep him out
        who was deception
For as beautiful as she was,
She was dangerous within
Her petals holding secrets
No world could bear...
She grew thorns
All to protect
Her fragile heart
From unleashing
Her sins...

Because sometimes you start to fly
And realize your wings were simply a web of lies
Tell me, when you shake off the illusion
Who's going to save you
When you come crashing to the ground
Who's going to catch you
When your heart catches up with reality
And realizes dreams are just that
That life's nothing but an anchor
Weighing you to the ground
So that only when you shut your eyes
Can you lift your feet off the burden
And grow out real wings to fly