it is 11:59 PM
and i love you

and i don't know about you
but in one minute
when a new day begins
when wifes are questioning
where their husbands are
when the city awakens
for their nightly mistakes
and late night distractions spiral
in minds of regret
i will be thinking of you

and if it's possible
i think i will love you even more
than i did one whole minute before

I never knew
If you gave me butterflies
Or just made my stomach hurt

I hate you for making it impossible to hate you
- j

P.S. Why am writing this again?

Lonely

but no longer
alone
I am
trying
and yet I'm not
happy
the sad in me is now
growing
my hope is slowly
diminishing into nothing
my new beginning
was suppose to be taking over
my sadness
lingering
no longer
happy
I am
lonely
but no longer

Alone

the fear of losing more than your mind

You are the moon
Dark and lonely
and looking for a friend
And I am the star
sitting right behind you
Praying for you to turn around

I wish everyday for the breeze of an Autumn morning
The light chill that kisses goosebumps along my legs and arms
I wish for a golden leaf to fall into my hair as I walk along the pavement
For the sun to shine through the shy, soft clouds
I wish for a warm cup of cocoa on a November sunset
And the soft fuzz of my cat’s tail brushing against my leg as she purrs onto my hot skin
I wish to curl up beside the fireplace with a good book
And dream into the nothingness of tomorrow
I wish to blast the smell of lavender around me with the click of a lighter
And fall into the wonderful scents of the future
I will gaze out the window as I watch the leaves fall
As the smell of warm heat surrounds me
A book in my lap, my cat by my side
I will fall into a frenzy of chapped lips and soft blankets
Some people wish for a lover or a laptop
But all I want is the breeze of an Autumn morning

"Isn't it beautiful"
She smiled
Gazing up
At the stars

"Yes, beautiful"
He whispered
Staring up
At her

you always know
when to point out
the beautiful things
you just always seem
to forget about yourself

her voice
bent me
backwards
over the
bedsheets
every
syllable
spinning silk
into sea
as she drew
the breath
from my ears
and a symphony
from my lips
she turned my
twin bed
into titanic
along with me
and as I was
drowning
she was speaking
poetry

Roses are red
Violets are blue
But now so am I
And it's all cause of you
Now instead of the roses
My writs are blood red
And the violets have stained
The side of my head
You hug me and cry
And I say it's okay
But you always come back
With your violent bouquet

he always took
her breath away
and he still does
just now
it involves his fingers
around her throat

i am sorry
that when you broke
i didn't help you back together
but started checking your pieces
to see if any of them could serve
to fill my missing ones

You tell me
To follow
My heart
I ask you
Which piece

I always believed
That you had destroyed me
But then I realized
The only person
Who had the power
To destroy me
Was myself

You watch helpless
as i burn
and demand to know
who did it
but how can I say

It was you
who lit the match

I was stupid to think
I could put out a fire
with the wave of my hand

You ignited me too
when you told me
my touch burned just a bad

I knew by the lack
of wavering pain
despite the tears I shed

And now I know water
would have done jack ****
against the fire in your head

You didn't love me
I was a burning building
And you were just looking
For something
To light your cigarette

You held the paper
between you lips
and inhaled

I've never
Been so jealous
Of a cigarette

killing a butterfly
is easier from far away
colors meshed into brown
is just another cockroach

no
i will not do you
any favors

my words
will not mold
to your reasoning

thoughts
from one mind
do not adjust
to another

and mine
are built
in concrete

if you don't
understand
then you are simply
not meant to

and that
is the beauty
of poetry

If love is a two way street
I'm the person on the sidewalk

I never expected you
To live up to your name

My broken heart
was in your hands
And yet you said
it came that way
As you stood there
complaining
And wanting
your money back

I suppose I am
a midnight sky
as you keep
finding reasons
to be afraid
of the dark

You warned me about your demons
I said I didn't mind
And I didn't
Until they dragged me down
To hell with you

don't tell me
that long distance relationships don't work
when even stuck a million miles apart
the sun still finds a way
to make the moon shine

you words leave me with wounds
deeper than bargained for
and i seem to be out
of band aids

I showed you my art
expecting an "ew"
But then you rolled up your sleeve
and said "I draw too"

my eyes were closed
but I could see your face
so clearly

my arms were still
but I could feel your hug
so deeply

it wasn't even real
but I could feel my heart
racing

up to the very moment
I awoke

Loving you
Is like drowning
Reaching for the brim
Waiting for you to help me
Instead of learning how to swim

your song didn't need lyrics
I heard everything
in your breath
against my neck
cigarettes
your hands insisting
a duet

Hot coco tastes like chocolate
Popcorn tastes like salt
Cats feel too soft
Dogs bark too loud
I'm hungry so I will eat
I'm thirsty so I will drink
I'm tired so I will sleep
I’m alive so I will be
My brain is working
My heart is pumping
I am alive
But I am not living

That's the difference
between myself and autumn
I can't let you go

don't beg for help
on how to get back up
from the feet
that stood on your legs
and convinced you
you couldn't walk
in the first place

Loving you
Is like a moving train
I could jump off
But it would be painful
And I just
Don't
Want
To

They may not call it
rising into love
but with you
it sure felt like floating

I was stupid enough
To think I was where
You wanted to be
Until you admitted
That you were lost

you said "I'm sorry"
but were you really?
when I didn't give you
what you wanted to hear
you just left me
with more things
to forgive

I was at your funeral
before you had given me a reason
to cry

You say my emotions are irrelevant
and send them to jail
but you can't just gatekeep
the way that I feel
But I sympathize
with the way you fall apart
so maybe one day we can cry
about who broke your heart

the last thing I tasted
was chocolate chip cookies
as you pulled away
giggling
and leaving my lips
tingling

as the thought of you
leaves my head pounding
I tell myself
the pain
it just another headache

I don't think it's possible to un-love someone
But I do believe that a broken heart
Is sometimes necessary
To learn how to re-love yourself

You were a face of November
A face that burned through my mind
As I griped my phone with a shaky hand
And heavy defeat
I read our conversation
Splattered with the words
Of my most recent confession
And wondered
What I had said
To leave me
With wet hands
And another reminder
That I will never be good enough

words drip like honey
from your chin
i lick up the syllables
that make me grin
teasing me with talk
of your favorite sins
and then making new ones
against my skin

and what was most surprising
was when you picked me up
by every piece
and hugged me
just the same

I'm torn between
The comfort
Of your waist
And the warmth
Of your cheek

Now I know
How betrayal feels
To be burned
By your very source of light