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Deep Jan 15
Mind is roaming like a pariah dog
in some dusty lanes and lonely paths,
Sleeping on debris, regaling in waste and dirt.
I was its master once
But has lost the control now,
Time ahead looks bleak with
the equation reversing slowly
When I see me trembling before his bark.
june ivy May 2020
It only took a few days for you to seep into my mind and reside in the darkest parts.
But once I knew you were there, I didn't try to rid of you.
No, you gave yourself to me and I accepted you with open arms and an empty stomach.

Like a parasite you ****** the life out of me.
You wore me down to where I napped three times a day.
My stomach never satisfied; either empty or stuffed.
My period stopped for five months.
Stomach pains worse than any pain I’ve experienced before.
Living in a constant fear that my stomach acid would burn a hole through my esophagus.

But you didn’t let any of these ailments stop us.
You taught me to embrace them, they needed to happen.
You convinced me to enjoy the pain I inflicted to myself.
Just collateral damage to the ultimate goal of thinness.
You pushed me so far deep inside my head, I was separated from the shell of my body.
I couldn't recognize myself, I deserved to be nobody.
But I didn’t know that then, you told me that was exactly who I was supposed to be, the real me.

And I believed you.
june ivy May 2020
I try to tell myself everything I do is not for you
My life it revolves
The sun the stars the moon
I stand before the mirror trying to see myself clearer
Tears morph my body’s shape
Blurred like spilled paint
I whisper, “I hate you” as I stare at my face
I can’t breathe, so faster I try
Lightheaded vision, gagging, wanting to die
But the most I do is cry.

I drift lonely, lonely for you
You’re my depression, you’re my muse
Self hatred claims my compass,
So I follow it into the forest
And loathe your loving,
It infects me like fungus
Now I’m lost and scared
Inside my brain, you inject your lethal stain
I follow you on your path of wonder till I collapse
Exhaustion, pain, death, relapse

I idolize you and your flaws
How you seem so free
While around me forms a mist of misery
A clouded conscious with what I made you my life
Now I hate everything that I am,
And nothing’s right
Unmotivated, unsure
I allow you to engulf me; careless for a cure
I know what I’m doing but I don’t know who I am
Still on my knees I pray to you,
The blood slain of my own lamb.
My addiction to your presence has forced me to beg for more
I don’t know why I can’t end this war.
I find it hard to sleep at night
As the emptiness settles in
How can I trust the silence?
So I let the night shift begin

Another round of the dark hours
Another night where I cannot sleep
Until another day has begun
Only then I can rest in peace

I move about to ease my mind
Like treading in deep waters
For if I lie still in my bed
It's like a prey waiting to be slaughtered

The quietness and the nighttime noises
Makes it easier to breed
Offsprings of fears and faint concerns
Raising more inner demons to feed

My thoughts frantically run in circles
To fulfill the need to escape
Like an untamed pet in denial
It tries anything just to feel safe

I breathe deeply to calm my nerves
But it turns into gasps for air
Like being thrown into a relentless sea
My lungs fight back unprepared

As the sun rays peek into my room
And the birds chirp amidst their wake
Loosening my once tensed limbs
My fighting stance begins to break

My racing thoughts that run
On the nightly adrenaline
Slows down with the relief
That it is finally morning again

I no longer drown in my thoughts
From the high nocturnal waves
Of every repressed emotion
That resides in my internal caves
Blackened heart beats
Rhythmic pulse of war

Cold - the sun burnt out
Find the light, where ---

Drums, drums, drums

Vision fails the fool
Need not a torch

War plagues the air
Fight the evil within

Drums, drums, drums

Darkness absorbs light
Friendly fire - retreat

Evil tastes good - no
Enthralled by illusion

Drums, drums, drums

Combat looms the frontal
Alarmed of a blitz, where ---

Swords of many clashing
No battle in sight - rage

Drums, drums, drums

Breath in - breathe deep
Be calm - release

With eyes closed,
Close the eyes

Drums, drums, drums

Let phosphenes hypnotize
Drift to sleep - have peace

Drums --- drums --- drums ---
My mind works against itself making daily living a challenge. It's a constant battle with my own thoughts, as though there are demons occupying space in my head.
Nolan Patterson Jan 2020
Tick Tock
The time is flying
Tick Tock
It's not stopping
Tick Tock
It keeps moving
Tick Tock
Why are you fighting

Tick Tock Tick Tock
What are you holding onto
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Why aren't you letting go
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Come on and just give in
Tick Tock Tick Tock
Time is gonna catch up

Tick Tock Tick
Is it really worth it
Tick Tock tick
You can't be loved
Tick Tock Tick
It won't hurt them
Tick Tock Tick
JUST GIVE UP

TICK

TOCK

TICK

TOCK

tick

tock

tick

tock
--------------­-
Whenever I start spiraling in my head i listen to a watch i have and the sound calms me down.
Keiri Oct 2019
Who stands by me now I face the demon?
Who will be beside me now I cannot see the sun?

Now my strength is dropping, my courage is stopping, who's here to pass me the gun?

I do not remember climbing this mountain on my own.
Everyone I had are now suddenly gone.

Who will aid me slaughtering this giant demon?
Who will drag my limbs back to the sun?
Who stands by me, now this fight has begun?

Where are you! Yes you! Who knows my pleads too well.
Where were you at the ringing of the drums and the bell.

Why leave me on the top of the mountain, why leave me ready to die.
Where are you now I'm standing this high.
Why did you leave without saying goodbye.
Ready to see my dead body even try.

Where are you now I'm about to give in.
Who will stop me to surrender?
Who will see me step in,
the demon's fury, so hot and tender.
no comment
Pure of Stars Feb 2019
it’s that voice in my head that gets me every time
right when i think everything is okay
it reminds me otherwise
it tells me all the things i try to hide away
it pushes its fingers down my throat
and grabs the razor on my sink
and right before i fall asleep
it lets me know all of the terrible things i am
It’s something else inside of me. it isn’t always what people say. or what i feel. it’s like a part of me doesn’t want me to get better. this dark demon. this voice that whispers nasty things to me.
Jaxey Feb 2019
She was scared of the monsters
Hiding under her bed
But the scariest of them all
Were the ones in her head
Can you get rid of these monsters
Kore Jan 2019
there we stay
twisting, snapping, following
each other
round and round and round
locked
in battle unwinnable

teeth sunk into
my thigh
hands at your furred neck
grasping, growling struggle
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