To go so far
And turn around

To take a step forward
And take two steps back

Ambition lost

Courage faltering

And you...

You just keep going

Leaving me reaching and falling short

Hey Mom,

I just wanted to tell you about the amazing day I am having. First, I woke up to water dripping on me, as if the leaky roof were trying to improve the lumpy bed by giving it a good soak- when the brochure said I “would feel closer to nature more than ever,” I didn't think it meant so literal. After salvaging some semi-dry clothes, I went outside to realize my car window had been broken into. It was dumb of me for leaving my laptop bag in the car when I got in last night, I was just so exhausted from the drive. Well, you know how I get when I get upset, so I chunked my phone, as if it was the one causing my great morning. It landed in some bushes, and after wrestling with the branches for a bit, I finally saw him. Not even ten feet away from my phone did I see the most beautiful pelican. Something about his simple eyes, looking at me with some mixture of boredom and apathy, made me realize where I was. The cool air filled my lungs, leaving smell of salt in my nose. The sand I was sitting in was warm from the sun, feeling like that cozy quilt grandma made for me years ago.
So yeah, today was an amazing day.

With Love,

Chris

Just because you don't have someone
By your side doesn't mean
you're alone.
Close your eyes.
Turn around.
When you open your eyes,
Tears might fall when you see
All the people who have watched you grow.

You are the moon
Dark and lonely
and looking for a friend
And I am the star
sitting right behind you
Praying for you to turn around

but can it be transformed?
can the piles of bones form waves
and crash into beauteous palettes of marble?
can the deepening cracks in the concrete
be filled from the top and forgotten?
i think they would reappear much sooner.

lately it’s been good to think
and once the mind has wandered off
does it have the courage to stay lost?
because i think it’s funny –
the pain of trying to hard to find a place –
consumes the soul much more, it seems,
than thriving in the uncertainty
of being content while still feeling lost.

can the wires be untangled
if the ends are saudered shut?
can we pull apart the fibers
and recreate landscapes we thought
were places we’d like to visit.

i don’t want to believe the places i’ll find
are perfect mirrors at this point in time
and my arrival will shatter the equilibrium

but if that turns out,
i will hold my breath
and put the pieces back in a mosaic
and color the shards with my tears.

Some roads you shouldn't go down
Maps use to say that's where dragons would be found
Now they don't, but that doesn't mean
The dragons aren't still there, just unseen
So on some roads you shouldn't go down  
On some roads you should just turn around

Some roads you shouldn't go down
Maps use to say that's where dragons would be found
Now they don't, but that doesn't mean
The dragons aren't still there, just unseen
So on some roads you should just turn around

Me who wears leggings in the heat
Me whose boyfriend has a smile that can't be beat
Me who hides scars embedded deep in my wrists
Me who wants so badly to be missed
Me who goes on isolated walks
Me who never talks
Me who loves to be kissed
Me who has wished
Me who doesn't belong
Me who is wrong
Me who is cared for
Me who they adore
Me who is needed
Me who was pleaded
Me who was kissed
Me who will be missed
Me