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Aurianna Aug 4
When I am by myself
I just sit there
My eyes unfocused
Completely trapped in my mind
As I feel my chest sink
And my heart breaking
I realize

I am alone
The three words echo
Louder in my head
Than a broken glass
In an empty auditorium
I have waited
For calls that never came
Love,
That was never given back

I believed
I could love other people
So much that I could one day
Eventually
Love me too
But when everyone you love leaves
Apart of you, leaves you
too

Even if they come back
I continue to greet them
with open arms
But never forgetting
And Always reminded, Every time
No matter how hard I love
How much I give
That I am easy to let go

People see me whole
But every time
I look in the mirror
All I see, is everything that’s missing
I fill my holes with lies
And short term happiness

It’s easy to not notice
What’s missing beneath the surface
If all I choose to show
Is my smile
But not the pain behind it
The twinkle in my eye often
Confused for happiness

I avoid superficial conversation
But lack the words
To say what I feel deep inside
I am mute to expressing my pain
Sober,
I drown myself in people
To silence my own mind

Until once again
I find myself alone
Unable to hold back the tears
Of how much
I cannot stand
To be left by myself
With my own thoughts

I don’t have trust issues
I have abandonment issues
For I consistently convince myself
That everyone I love will leave me
Like they have
So many times before

And honestly I understand
To look at myself
From someone else’s shoes
With an insiders perspective
And given the choice
To leave me...
I probably would too
I am empty with nothing left to give because I don’t know how to give to myself
Do you know what hurts? Liking someone you have no chance with. Denying your feelings towards them because it’s stupid to love them. Having your feelings towards them is pointless until all of them come out from hiding when you see them smile and your heart beats so fast you can't even think clearly. That tiny part of you that has hope that only leads you to disappointment. That's what hurts, knowing something has a 99.99% of not working out the way you want it to but having that 00.01% chance it could keeps you dreaming about it and stops you from moving on. That 00.01% keeps you happy because even that 00.01% is everything you want.

See I loved a boy once, and I think I still do. I don’t think I could ever say it to you how much you mean to me. How much I want to be with you. See I’m just the girl from your past and I know you have no future plans that involves me. See for a very long time I thought that I might be over you. For a very long time, I thought that being over someone meant you didn’t love them anymore. But with you, I’m not sure that’s ever going to be true.  

I may not love you the way I used to but I think a part of me will always care for you. I’ll always want you to be happy, even if I’ll be sad in the process. I’ll always smile when someone mentions your name, or I see a picture of you, even if it also makes me crumble. And I’ll always love the memories I have of each other, when we were both crazy for each other, even if those feelings within you are still long gone.

There are days where I don’t miss you. I sigh with relief that the war I was fighting within myself to get through this is over, that I no longer have to cry begging God to help me let go. I smile knowing its not an aching kind of love anymore, but I wish we could’ve worked out. Sometimes I’m grateful you broke my heart because now I’m stronger.

There are days when you are the first thing my mind wonders too. The days I think of scenarios where you’ll come knocking my door to hug me and tell me that you’ll never let me go again. There’re days where I sit with my heart throbbing knowing I’ll never be a part of your family in the way I thought I’d be and building a life with you - by my side.

You will always be my person, but I will move on. It’s a weird anomaly, loving someone with every piece of you but it’s just not enough. It’s a struggle between holding on to what we were and letting go of what we are.

I know I’m not easy to love. I am stubborn and I breakdown constantly wishing I can tell you about my rough past. But I promise to love you. I promise to give you all I possibly can give. I promise to hold and kiss you every chance I get. I promise to show you off to the world because I will truly be the luckiest ******* earth if I have you by my side. I promise to always make sure you are taken care of and I promise to never let you go to bed upset. I promise to give you all of my attention, regardless if I’m out with my friends. I will always put you first and I will always make sure you’re smiling. I promise to give you the world if you promise to stand by my side, no matter how rough things may get. If you love me, I promise to love you unconditionally. Alway.

I haven’t forgotten about you, in fact, when we started talking to each other again I thought it was a sign. I thought maybe God finally answered my prayers. All the begging would be answered. But now I’m not so sure. We are at a good place now but sometimes I wish you were more than just my friend, that you’d be the person I’d spend the rest of my life with. That your eyes that are warm pools of honey bathing in the sunlight will be next to me every day when I wake up. But before I let myself be dragged into that fantasy I pull myself out knowing that I’m just the girl of your past and you will never know how much I’d like to rewrite my wrongs making everything right…
Nikki Jun 12
Love me, hate me
Desire me, despise me
Hold me, leave me
But do not ignore me
See me, as I see you
Do not pass me by
as if I’m not there
Do not show me
you’re happy without me
Let me in,
tell me I belong
Do not shatter me
and crush my hopes
But reach out,
take my hand
and let me in.
Nikki May 12
Zie me
denk ik telkens als je me
nonchalant passeert in de gang

**** me
roep ik stilzwijgend
als ik je stem herken

Voel me
fluister ik als we per ongeluk
tegen elkaar opbotsen

Ken me
zoals alleen jij dat kan

Hou van me
bid ik hoopvol elke nacht

Vergeef me
dat ik je dit niet durf zeggen
liakey Apr 23
give me a number,
the appropriate label,
and compare me to the rest.

set me aside for a rainy day when you’ve exhausted through your list.

lets face it,
i’m just another: nothing more, nothing less.

everything i am to you
is that which you can see.

you simplify me down
to something for your frail mind read.

sometimes I wonder if this feeling is the voice of my own perceived inadequacy?
will someone ever really just love me for me?
you play quite well
hey handsome
that rings a bell
looks like home
i think i fell
can you play some more
i am not sure
if i can carry on
on and on
but with you
i can just try again
again
just to gain
some love
some affection
not sure if you are shy
but just let me know
i can wait
just don't be late
love
Jieun Feb 19
As I watch the kids, being fetched by their parents
I frown and looked away, as I got fetched by my driver
I quietly sat down and had to endure the silence
my misery worsens as i hear kids laughter

I was trained to be an heir
with everything on my plate
I'm grateful and happy for it
but I jus't didn't want this fate

As i ate on the kitchen table..
i only saw a note from my dad
"I'm going out for awhile, tell your mom"
Do i have the right to be mad?

"MOM I HAD ENOUGH!"
tears beginning to escape my eyes
my mom looked at me confused
as to why i started to cry

mom, dad, I don't need fame
mom, dad, I don't want your money
What i want, is something you can't buy...
"I just want you... to love me"

and thats what they have to realize...
that something..money can't buy
Stewie Feb 13
I want too much attention
All of the time
It’s a character flaw, I know
I want to be constantly touched
Words of love to spill off your tongue
I want to feel appreciated
Like you have waited for me your whole life
Why is that a burden?
Appreciation at its finest.
Tiana Jan 19
They both were playing a game.
Just a game of their own.
He was playing hard to get.
While she kept breaking herself
trying to fit news pieces like a puzzle
so that maybe she'll figure out the way to his heart.
In the end They both lost.
He lost the girl
that would have done anything to keep him happy.
And she lost all the pieces of her heart
trying to create a puzzle that didn't exit .....
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