i thought i was getting better
but the happiness that i once had
it's slowly withering away
i cry when nobody's watching
silent tears slip down my cheeks
no one stops to ask if i'm fine
when sadness fills my eyes
to answer the unasked question
yes i'm fine
i've been crying a lot lately... i guess i'm just missing people
I ask you if you are okay
I can see the pain
You hide in your eyes
But all you say is "I'm fine"
But the truth is
I know you are not fine
Why can't you tell me
What is wrong
I can't stand watching you hurt
And feeling helpless because
I can't ******* help you
And stop trying to push me away
I want to be able to help you
But if you keep lying
Then I can't help you
So let's try this again
Are you okay?
It's okay to cry alone
For some reasons why
It's okay to smile
You don't need to tell why
It's okay to miss someone
Because to miss someone
Doesn't happen once
It happens over and over
It's okay if it happens again.
What it really means is
Feeling I'm Nothing to Everyone
It means that I need someone,
anyone to help get me out of my own mind.
I want to draw a ****** smiley face because it hurts
I want to slam my head against a wall 'til my brain works
You all are speaking through me
It undoes me with no care
It's too late to be saved
I must behave
n o d i s e a s e h e r e
I'm sorry, what did you say? I wasn't paying attention
I'm on the verge of psychosis, did I mention?
Depression hides itself in blankets
It hides in cups of coffee that are seen as “pick me ups”
It hides in between our sweatpants and in between our clothing that gives us a kick of confidence
It hides in our cigarettes that we deem a social act
It hides in between our smiles and our happy voices over the phone.
Or a big enthusiastic wave to someone you haven’t spoken to in while but you can’t chat too long, you’re late for class
It hides in the “how are you”
It hides in our Instagram stories
It hides when they ask “really how are you” and all you can think of telling them is that you’ve progressed and grown and you’re in a much better place because it looks and seems like it and surely you couldn’t be going through the same thing for so long because its been years or months or weeks or days.
It hides when you tell them you’re finally happy, you finally know yourself
Depression comes out in early hours of the morning.
When you’ve gone through every app on your phone and realized you’ve seen it all already
It comes out when you are trying to fall asleep
It comes out when you have thoughts you feel you shouldn’t have
It comes out when you miss them
It comes out when you don’t know why you’re sitting on your bed and you would actually prefer silence and not to move. But that confirms it.
It comes out when there is no one left to call.
When I say it hides, it really hides away from us and its euphoric and feels like growth when it hides.
But when it finds you it finds the softest and most vulnerable parts and it steals you back. Till it puts itself back on the shelf. For another late night, for another early morning, where no one can say, catch you when I can.
I hope someone resonates :) its weird for me to share this one but its nice to get it out of my black mirror
I am alone
And I refuse to believe that
People are my friends
It’s true that
They all just pity me
I’ll never accept the fact that
They like me for me
I can see that
They barely put up with me
I’m tired of hearing
It’ll all work out fine
I know that
I’m a loner
And I’m tired of thinking
I’m fine by myself
I’ll never say again that
I need people
And I won’t believe that
These are the lies I believed for so long, until I flipped the script.
Read it bottom to top to see the truth.
Check out my Instagram account @words_ofgrace to see a video of me reading this.
"why are you quiet?"
because I want you to notice me
"are you okay?"
"yeah, I'm fine :)"