I was at your funeral
before you had given me a reason
to cry

I was stupid to think
I could put out a fire
with the wave of my hand

You ignited me too
when you told me
my touch burned just a bad

I knew by the lack
of wavering pain
despite the tears I shed

And now I know water
would have done jack ****
against the fire in your head

One day you will see me
The way I see myself
And that’s what scares me the most

overthinking is seeing
rainbows in the dark
you're fast asleep
and I still think you're judging me

I am the sky
You thought of only
As the color blue
Until you pushed
Past the atmosphere
And discovered infinity

You say my emotions are irrelevant
and send them to jail
but you can't just gatekeep
the way that I feel
But I sympathize
with the way you fall apart
so maybe one day we can cry
about who broke your heart

killing a butterfly
is easier from far away
colors meshed into brown
is just another cockroach

Sometimes i fear
that my poems don't make sense
but then again
neither do my thoughts
and then i realize
we are all just trying
to make sense of it all

one day i got tired of swimming
and let the sea devour me
my feet floating
timid
expecting floor below
i realized there was no rock bottom
before the waves turned cold
water entering my lungs
like a kiss not given permission
hands on my body like it was given
to someone who didn't know how to listen
feet being pulled towards a depth that had no meaning
no indication of seaweed
just empty space so full it felt freeing
learning to breathe while suffocating
is something you don't learn until needed
friend once pushed away is greeted
desperation gets you places when you need it
being still will make your mind run away
another cold and empty day
you can no longer feel the waves
until a shark comes along
mind in check
body moves
waves are crashing down on you
and it all feels like a fever dream
or so it seems
until you're onto shore
cough up the water
cause you don't need it anymore
and from that day
you pray that you
will never find your way back
to the ocean

it hurts.
i wish it hurt enough to cry.

Some days I wish
you had never given me
the time of day
just enough to make sure it hurt
when you walked away

you said "I'm sorry"
but were you really?
when I didn't give you
what you wanted to hear
you just left me
with more things
to forgive

your song didn't need lyrics
I heard everything
in your breath
against my neck
cigarettes
your hands insisting
a duet

I ran over your tongue
like silk
or is it
fine wine
You sloshed me in your mouth
tasting the way
I ripened with age
I danced with your taste buds
I thought I did well
but then
you spit me out
and decided you preferred
the 2010

"I feel nothing"
she said
as she lied down
on the cold empty road
not knowing which direction to go

"what's it like"
I asked her
over the phone
while stuck in traffic
just trying to get to work

my eyes were closed
but I could see your face
so clearly

my arms were still
but I could feel your hug
so deeply

it wasn't even real
but I could feel my heart
racing

up to the very moment
I awoke

her voice
bent me
backwards
over the
bedsheets
every
syllable
spinning silk
into sea
as she drew
the breath
from my ears
and a symphony
from my lips
she turned my
twin bed
into titanic
along with me
and as I was
drowning
she was speaking
poetry

take me back
to the renaissance period
body painted
in black and blue
but just because
i was the mona lisa
doesn't mean
i was posing for you

falling in love
or falling to pieces
i cant tell the difference
anymore

They say pain
makes poetry
so I wondered why
I hadn't been writing
then I remembered
pain is not what I'm feeling
it's what I'm yearning
in all this feeling
of numb

I'm so tired
of wanting things
I will never have
gaining things
I will never want
and being left
with nothing

as the thought of you
leaves my head pounding
I tell myself
the pain
it just another headache

no
i will not do you
any favors

my words
will not mold
to your reasoning

thoughts
from one mind
do not adjust
to another

and mine
are built
in concrete

if you don't
understand
then you are simply
not meant to

and that
is the beauty
of poetry

like a warm breath
on a winters day
giving shelter
just to fade away
you were inviting
and something new
and inevitably
too good to be true

You didn't love me
I was a burning building
And you were just looking
For something
To light your cigarette

warm until I wake
I know I am conscious
with a sudden chill
but my eyes stay closed
and my body is stone
I whisper take me back
and I suppose
I shall pretend
until my pillow
answers

sometimes
hearing
that someone else
is broken
heals us
and that's just
sad

two syllables
never left your tongue
you sung it
like a song
stuck in your head

a constant reminder
that I was the one
you were talking to
when you followed
with three more words

it was never the way
you said my name
but the way
you never made me
forget it

you gave me hugs
when you could have
given me kisses
you gave me comfort
when you could have
given me oxygen
now I'm here
gasping your name
while you ponder
on why I can't breathe

I didn't know what her eyes
usually told others
but right then
they were whispering a secret
she leaned in to give it away
and I leaned in to say "I know"

I'm on fire
I'm burning
I'm dying
I'm bleeding
I was careful
I was cautious
and yet
I'm still weeping
I'm tripping
I'm falling
I'm desperate
for something
to catch me
to hold me
to help me
to fix me
I'm gasping
I'm breathing
I'm drowning
I'm fighting
I'm six feet under
and yet
I'm still standing

I was a storm
But you made me want to be a river
the way you kept trying
to hold me
as if I wasn't an ocean
that could slip through your fingers
as if I wasn't a tsunami
that crashed into you
every time you tried to swim
as if I wasn't washing you back to shore
in warning
before you dove back in
you had to keep your head above water
just to hug me
but hugging you back
meant you drowning in my arms
I was a storm
But you made me want to be a river

My broken heart
was in your hands
And yet you said
it came that way
As you stood there
complaining
And wanting
your money back

My heart sits
for the taking
a poem
waiting
just for you

writing is easy
when your heart is in the lead
your mind in the back
of itself
i guess
but as soon
as something happens
worth writing
my brain says
i told you so
crosses the line
my heart left
in the back this time
locked away
bleeding
along with
the pen
as i run
out
of
ink

Tired of crying
tired of eating
but mostly my heart
is tired of beating

Don't go into a book
expecting a sequel;

sometimes the end
is actually the end

They may not call it
rising into love
but with you
it sure felt like floating

and what was most surprising
was when you picked me up
by every piece
and hugged me
just the same

if thieves steal
because they want to be chased
then you are the one
with the heart in your hands
and i'm the one
running

the lightning
that struck
my heart
the hail
that crushed
my soul
darling
you are the most
beautiful storm
i have ever seen

so many poems
have started with you
but all have ended
in him

I suppose I am
a midnight sky
as you keep
finding reasons
to be afraid
of the dark

i keep finding myself
stumbling over things
three feet behind me

It's sad.
I'm sad.
That the society I live in
will shove me in a box
That the people of this world
will look at me
and see not the words of my story
but the art on the cover
i'm sorry
If I'm not what you expected
For my voice leaks from the edges
And I color outside the lines
or
should there have been
no lines
to begin with

If I sit still
I drown
If I move
I drown faster
You could pull me out
If only you weren't
The quicksand

it's up here I can see
just how small we all are
and yet together
we can make for
quite a beautiful view

you shove my face
into a shallow abyss
and tell me to find
the deeper meaning

words drip like honey
from your chin
i lick up the syllables
that make me grin
teasing me with talk
of your favorite sins
and then making new ones
against my skin