You reeled me in
from the depths of where I hid
coaxing honey and venom
from split lips
like poetry.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

I feel it all so deeply
that it hangs from my neck
like an unmarked tombstone
I've tried to bury it in
one too many drinks
instead
they quenched the embers
sparking in my gut
so I get drunk on gasoline
hoping to match fire, with fire
fumbling hands shoving matches
down my throat
swallowing them whole
consuming that which burns so bright
within me
and even after I catch ablaze
I still feel it all too deeply.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

"Even the stars
can't outshine us."

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

"Love is kind
love is gentle
love is cruel."
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

Don't go looking
for bread from an
starving man
when he cant even feed himself.

Esther L. Krenzin

Explaining myself
is an privilege
and I do not owe it to anyone
not even the ravaged girl
born of glass and mirrors
whose cutting stare picks me apart
even from the realm
of reflections and lies.
Esther L. Krenzin

I am becoming
awakening
stirring the flames that I subdued for you
cultivating the embers
that ate away at my innards

When did I allow
my fangs to produce honey
when venom was what I needed
to stand up for myself?

Too long I’ve tarried
in the shadows
shedding one skin only to don another
caught between a disguise of who I am
and who they want me to be

Esther L. Krenzin

Placed in earth
corroded with poison
they expect me to bloom
as the other flowers do.
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

I'll crumble to dust
if you lean on me
any longer
I am but an sapling
that was forced to grow
before its time
a flower that bloomed
out of season
and withered before it
could blossom.
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

Cave in
my heart
in the end that's all you are good for
come loose at the seams
fray and splinter
fall through my fingers
that failed to hold on
failed to protect you
when it was needed most.

Esther L. Krenzin
RogueSong

Hold me up
I can't stand on my own
don't let me down
when I need you now.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

I fear I am an wallflower
ethereal
pianissimo to your fortissimo
head bowed
malleable as clay
molding
stretching
shaping my tongue to be silent

You took the beast within and
removed it's claws
it's fangs
any defense it had
I smiled all the while
baring the pink of my gums
the shade of welts
and a soft flowers bloom

To you, I am the wrong note
in a roaring crescendo of a
symphony
nevertheless, stirring embers come to rest
in the corners of my mouth
and I like them.

Such an fierce yet kind-hearted soul
you grew your own little world
one made of flowers and ferns
that responded like the unfurling wings
of a butterfly
straining for sunlight and warmth

You've touched so many hearts
held so many hands
mother
daughter
sister
friend
you've claimed your spot in our lives

Even as I stare ar your face--
so worn from burdens
so lined with laughter--
a glimmer of the woman you were
peeks through the cracks of your eyes

Squeezing
clenching
gently grasping your hand that so lovingly
tended to your own
an mere murmur of your former glory
remains

Loved ones flock
shaking under the weight of your death
distant beeping of machinery
mocking our attempts to hold on to you
if only for a little longer

"Don't leave," I inwardly beg
your lashes flutter
as if in response to my plea
I clench my fists but it's no use
you choke but never falter
my mother singing while you gasp

Red lights
whirring machines
as you
breathe
your last
I taste salt
it lingers in the air
and I think
it always will.

Esther Krenzin
Roguesong

I don't think I'll ever get accustomed  
to seeing your lifeless corpse
every nerve screams for me
to shake that frail frame

For a moment
I let myself
envision your eyes opening
and smiling up at me
but they remain closed
and all I can do is watch
myself fall to pieces.
Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

I saw the birds this morning
and couldn't help
but feel your presence
and I don't think I was alone
shoulders curving inward
our starving gazes devoured
all the fragments you
left behind.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

I wasn't lesser
no
that was never how you said it
there was just nothing more to me
then what met the eye

You singed bridges
cut ties
left me alone with nowhere to run
when I left myself bare to you
naked
wholly exposed
and you took my brokenness
and threw it at my feet

Yet,
I blame myself for your absence
"If I had just..."
I whisper
"Than we wouldn't be right here."
"We would be happy."
But happy, is not a word I understand
and sometimes
I think I never will.

Crimson skies
ducks wing their way
wading through the hues of
chiffon
lavender
marigold
the croaking of frogs sink
into my bones
a sea of tangled brush
and marsh
stretches to encompass a little
kingdom in its own right
through it all
I think if you.

Esther L. Krenzin
Roguesong

Vertigo
beneath the moons shadow
rough rope gripped
between trembling fingers
spinning stars
silence
a solitary wind teased my face
toes brushed dew-gilded ground

I leaned backwards
as if folding into the silky embrace
of darkness
eyes closed
the nearest my wingless form
could get to soaring

Slipping back to earth
I took a flying leap
throwing myself onto the
mere slip of a swing
breathless
weightless
the world tilted like an axis off kilter

There, in the stillness of the moment
I feasted my gaze on the way
the trees reached upward
as if they too, were searching
for something

Reality, right then, felt fragile
I dared not blink
for fear of breaking the spell
nothing existed outside
blinking fireflies
the wind as it enfolded around me
and I
gorging to gain the weight
my soul had lost.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

I hiss and withdraw
lacerated
to the core
retreating behind my thicket
of thorns
fangs bared against
beleaguered attempts
to shred the serendipity
I've fought relentlessly
to nurture.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Plants, like us
require sunlight and dew
in the midst of droughts
when the sun is barely a glimmer
they shrivel
diminish
but hope hope is around
the corner
for those who seek with hands
that fumble and quiver
for what is beyond them
and after every storm
when the sky has caught its breath
there will be hope
if only in the form
of a rainbow.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong/

I don't know how to say no
I never have
no to me is unacceptable
so even at the price of my wellbeing
I'll push myself
striving to be strong
when all I want is to bury my head
in my pillow
I don't know how to admit
that I'm not invincible
so I keep going
unable to stop at the red lights
even as my limbs tremble
turn to lead
and quake
Because in the end
I'll put others needs before mine
in the end, I convince myself
I'm not worth it
that I never was
and never will be.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

We are all dreamers
in a world of slumber.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

What is this heaviness that lingers
in my bones
take it away, God,
if you're even there
grant me reprieve
or at least
a chance to breathe again
I called out to you
in the depths of my despair
but was sequestered
in the blues and grays
For just as the trees respond
to an exhale of wind
I expected a answer
from you
forgetting for an instant
to don my leather regalia
and so I payed
the price in full.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

It is not weak to yield
nor is it courageous
to rely on subterfuge
Speaking your inner truth
comes from daring to brave
eye rolls
shaking of heads
and mouths that smile yet
form cruel sentences all the same
You'll bleed
dripping perspiration
oozing all the love
you cannot find
Just when it seems as if
the sun is obscured by clouds
you get to your feet
tense muscles unclenching
utterly at the mercy
of all the light
you are just now starting to see.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Brick by brick
stone by stone
I have built myself up
denying the inevitable
that all things
great
and small
fall
when it is their time
that mortality is the flutter
of a moth
so brief and sudden
fleeting even
an elusive thief we avoid
until it robs our home
and there are no riches that can
buy the hand of death
it strikes as it pleases
reaps those who sow
and sows those who reap.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

There are times
when I wish
I was blind
so I would not have to watch
loved ones
fall
and
break
and
stumble
so I would not have to watch
the world crumble
around us
like the howling before the storm.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Don't discard me
like a seashell
with a blemish
yes
I'm cracking
of course
I'm crumbling
no amount of polishing
will sand away the bits
of me
you'd rather not deal with

Again
and
again
I am picked up
examined
and thrown away
always falling short
never the right shade
or shape

Forlorn
in the sand I await
unable to unsee
everyone
but
me
being chosen

One day
as the sun sets
I let myself release the childish
dream
that I was enough for
them
that they were enough
for
me.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

With just a few words
you crush me to smithereens
taking and taking without giving
anything in return
Even as something in my chest
collapses
Even as I feel my walls crumble
nothing can halt the sting of hurt
that follows you
You handle words like a double-edged
blade
a prodigy in the art of inflicting
pain
Spitting acid into the air between
it collects beneath my flesh and
eats away at me from within
So I summon shields of wintery smiles
and icy eyes
in the futile hope it will ensconce
bandaged bruises
I make myself stand tall before you
unflinching
unrelenting
and unexpecting.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

I am what I fear
I am my own demise
the very force that splits marrow
and thins blood
I am the choking that comes
with the clash of sorrow
and brine

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Some people wear their hearts
on a string around their neck
while others cut that string
and shove it into their pockets
to pull out
and put away
as they please.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Light my fuse
I won't refuse
when drowning in hues of blue
Don't accuse
this ain't a ruse
just diffuse this abuse
I will unloose
from this slipnoose
get rid of your flimsy excuse

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

My friends call me a *******
laughing all the while
they think it is amusing
because they do not know it
to be true

So I laugh along with them
"How did you know?"
inwardly hoping for them
to look closer
see clearer
past the veil of my own design

But
they
don't
so we carry on with this ruse
and even if the words were dusted
in sugar
it would still sting

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Who cares for you Mom, when you
cry alone?
You give and you give
so much
to your children
and to all who are fortunate enough
to cross your path

But what about you, Mom?
Who holds your hand when your shoulders shake
from the strain
of getting up
and moving on
even when all you want to do is curl up
and have one more minute
before facing the day

Its okay Mom, sit down for a bit
take that breath you needed
you don't have to be strong all the time
why should you, when your in
the deep end
flailing for peace
clawing for acceptance
and fighting to find the meaning
behind
every
blow
that's dealt

Your dreams, something to cherish in
quiet moments
have been shoved to the bottom of your
starving soul
for so long
you cannot hear their screams anymore

What I would give to heal your wounds
and take away the heartbreak
for you deserve to sing until
like a balm
it soothes away internal festering

"Chin up," they say, "You are brave."
Well I say, "Head down, dear one."
"There is bravery in the strength it takes
to show that you are hurting."

So Mom, when you are struggling
to deal with a unending sea
of pain
close your eyes
breath in
and out
wade into the dark waters
and let
the healing
begin.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Sometimes I think you look at me
and see an empty cup
lacking in every quality
you desire to see
So you pour from your own
trying to fill mine to the brim
what you don't realize is that
I'll never
be full in your eyes
there will always be a drop
or three missing
so don't waste your precious water on
me
I'll never
be enough
to satisfy
you.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

I have been unmade and made anew
bolts loose, screws askew
metal stitches holding jagged words abrew
Light a match, no make it two
don't smile at me
I know its true
don't construe my issue
with you
respects not owed and its not due
don't feed me lies
my trust you blew
spooned shards of glass
masked subterfuge.

Don't cast me out
don't look away
I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway
what makes you think I will obey?
I know the face that I portray
like I'm asking to be betrayed
but cut some slack, bits of leeway
I'll scrounge for scraps
don't make me pay
you cut my tongue, I won't soothsay
the odds for me will soon outweigh
just watch I'll drop this masquerade
and I'll cutaway
to counterweigh
this disarray
replay
this wordplay
display of
swordplay
'cause I'm a stowaway
renegade
castaway

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Some strength comes from pushing
your own head
to the surface of the raging current
Without a helping hand
to pull you out
Some strength is in the form of fists
clenched and brimming eyes
unflinching
And some strength is in the
heavy silence
That returns at every crack breaking
across the surface of your heart.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

Armor can
stop knives
but some things
cut deeper
than they ever could.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-

I don't need much
to be content
And sometimes when my
heart is fraying
A simple glimpse at
the stars
Smooths away the
rough edges
Stills lips that tremble
and quake
From holding back brimming
storms.

-Esther L. Krenzin-
-Roguesong-