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no matter the distance
or all the missed phonecalls
and unread texts
in a way
a small piece of my heart
will always belong
to you
my first love
and first heartbreak.

Esther L. Krenzin
love
is what they name it
through pursed lips
forgetting themselves
and the children exposed
who learn
that it is a disease
and
violent fists
vibrant bruises
and hollow eyes
are the symptoms
and the so the children grow up
unable to distinguish the difference
from being in love
and being in pain.

Esther L. Krenzin
like a flower
straining for the sun
my petals are lifting
towards your warmth
like a shadow
clinging to the sun
restless, i followed you
a star-struck fool
waiting around
for your love.

Esther L. Krenzin
But it never came.
If I was yours
we'd dance under the moonlight
laughing and cracking smiles
as we stumble through the steps
and you twirl me around

If I was yours
you'd be touching me constantly
playing with my hair
an arm around my shoulder
our fingers intertwined

If I was yours
we would gallop across the plains
into the distant horizon
until the distinction between
you, and I, and the horse
blurs

If I was yours
you'd hold me under the stars
until my breathing evened out
to the rough lullaby
of your voice

If I was yours
every moment with you would be
one adventure after another
because life pumps through your veins
more than anyone else
that I've ever met
you are filled with it

If you were mine
I would never let you go
but it is not my heart you seek
to hold close to your own
and so I must do the impossible
and let you go
for you will never
be
mine.
i’m staring at this blank page again
wondering what to write
when the words lock themselves away
and i am left with nothing but myself
how lonely that is
how e m p t y i am
my fingers twitch as if to reach
for something
my feet itch to run towards a better life
but every morning
with the rise of the sun
i don the same garb
walk the same walk
until i am drowning in the repetitiveness of it all
until i wonder why i’m even here
“there must be more to this life“
i think
and watch everyone move on without me
at a speed so great
i am coughing up dust
coughing up the lies i told myself
so that i could remain a shriveled thing
instead of swimming towards the light
but the light hurts
it blinds my eyes
and pulls sobs from little nooks and crannies
i thought were vacant

Esther L. Krenzin
one day
you will realize
that they are never coming back
and that will be the day
you finally grieve

Esther l. Krenzin
they’ve left for good
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